From Dark To Light & Back Again

Good luck! <3

good luck

Thanks The pain was very minimal. Nothing anyone couldn't handle. I didn't even flinch. Obviously now I'm realizing that the guy who did the first one went wayyyyy too deep because I was cursing and stomping my foot once in a while.
I forgot to post the pics of the tatts so here they are. They are different due to my first one having to be repaired. I didn't want them to both look like the perfectly imperfect one so because they are different I'm going to add different pictures to them to make them stand apart even more.

Here is the new one. It says "Beautiful Strange". Beautiful



Here's the old one. "Perfectly Imperfect". All fixed. Not much different but if you could see it before it was really faded and blotchy. It looks soooo much better now.

Life is so up and down and high and low and everything in between. But I'm feeling much, much better lately. I'm finally getting all my weird emotional things and little health issues dealt with. Hopefully the solution IS a solution and I don't have to go and try a ton of different things before I find something that is consistent.
I've learned that attitude goes a LONG way.
As soon as I went to the doctor it was like this huge weight lifted from me and now before anything I was given to help even had a chance to take effect I feel at least 60% better. I guess a big part of it was stress that I didn't know what was wrong and by obsessing I made it much worse then it was. It's easy enough to do.
My main issue now is just hoping my skin will clear up. It may sound a bit foolish to be so deeply affected by acne but if you've ever had a big problem with it you get it.
Thing is my whole life until now I've never had a problem and all of a sudden around when I turned 25, BAM, really bad. & Nothing I tried was working. Turns out it's just all hormonal changes and is supposedly easy to fix. *Sigh of relief*
It's funny I'm always thinking; shit, look how far I've come, and then it just keeps getting better. My temper is much better, my mood swings are almost gone. My confidence is higher then it's ever been and I feel like I'm myself even more every day. It's amazing what consistent exercise and a *very* healthy and balanced diet can do!
Loving life lately

I haven't been on here in forever. I've been pretty busy these days. Volunteering as much as possible and trying to get out as much as possible. I am at my best when I'm busy and distracted.
Everything has been so great. I've been doing amazing. Everything has been fixed and I've been going nowhere but up. But right now I feel so very, very low.

A few months ago I had a miscarriage. It was an early one. So it's not like there was any 'bonding time' or anything. But it still upset me all the same. & I think maybe my hormones might be a bit out of whack as well.
I'm fine most of the time but then I get times like right now when all I can do is cry and take everything everyone says and does right to heart.
I honestly feel like no one cares at all. Seems like it's always about everyone else's problems and everyone else's plans and no matter how happy and loving and how much I try to care about people and put out love and good vibes, no one around me asks me how I'm feeling, or says much in the way of letting me know I'm appreciated. They just bitch and complain to me about them, them, them but never think that maybe I might be in pain and maybe that what happened might have affected me. That I have ideas too and maybe we should do something I want to do for once. I just feel used by almost everyone and forgotten. They must think I'm like ice. Maybe they think I don't want to talk about any of it. I don't know. You know how when your upset everything and everyone seems so much worse then what it actually is.
No one cares until your dead it seems. Don't take that the wrong way. I'm not gonna do anything stupid. There are times I wish I didn't have to bother with any of it anymore but I can't do anything like that.
I just observe people dying around here from time to time who were in bad shape and it honestly seems no one gives a rats ass until your dead. Then they start with the "I should've said this, done that" "They were so wonderful and blah blah blah".
I don't call people much. I usually wait for them to call me. I just fell out of doing it over the years and it just feels awkward for me to call people. Like I feel like I'm bothering them. So I guess not many call me on the phone because I don't.
But when I try and do things, I try and make plans, I try and contact people it's like...can't because of this or that. So why do I bother? I don't know what to do.
& Trying to talk about something bad that happened like that miscarriage and it's like they don't say anything...they just go on about themselves again.
So why do I bother? What is the point of dealing with people at all? I'm here going through something and I have to go through it all by myself. I told the father because I figured he had a right to know and I made it out to be totally cool and no big deal because I don't want to bother him with this heavy emotional burden so early in the relationship. Just when were really getting to know each other and starting to really bond. I don't want to push him away. I think by making no big deal out of it in front of him it might have brought him closer. I guess he thinks I'm strong. & I am. If I wasn't I wouldn't be here today. But there's only so much you can deal with by yourself inside your head before it breaks out and turns everything around you into black.

It hurts to be alone. It hurts to hurt alone. I just wish it could be about me for once...

oh my god, honey i am so sorry you had to experience something like that.

i am lost for words..
All I can say is that you've been really down before.. And you got through it. There's no doubt you won't this time. <3 <3

I wouldn't really know what to say either, but what you have said is all I need to hear. Thank you. I appreciate it.
I know I'll get through it, it'd just be nice to have the people closest to me show the same support. Oh well...screw em...I don't need it.

I'm so sorry that you're going through that it sounds like this experience has been tougher on you than anyone realizes. You really are strong, though. You matter very much to the world and I'm glad that you realize that, even if your friends aren't really showing it right now =/

Thanks That's really sweet.
I imagine that's it. That they just don't realize because I find it hard to talk about stuff like that and I'm really internal about a lot of things.
I've had some calls and texts asking me what's wrong since and it makes me feel a little better. I didn't go into any details I just said my head was a little messed.
I guess I just needed confirmation that they were giving me any thought. Still not the way I want things to be but I'm still healing and things take time I suppose.