Natt sends you love<3

Night...sweet dreams

good night

Thank for it <3

Night was so hard....my heart is like a rebel....but when was summer-autumn was worse.... the most important is is that I want to life...

Now in my city is +25'C (77 Fahrenheita) so hot, I love it!!!

but I'm so sad....................................
I think to much,,,.,

That is awesome Natt! Go out and enjoy the weather! It is nice here too, +10, but they say it gets cold again in a week, about only 1C.
Do not be sad. You are a very brave soul and very strong.

Kerttu, if I can write your real name or you prefer your nickname?
Yeah, it was a nice weather but tommorow will rain and it will be 2 weeks and only 10-15'C
I know that in Estonia is so cold.. if it is hard for you???
Thank you, honey.
My heart is stupid and rebel.
I love you <3

How I wrote earlier , now I’m on first semester tourism. This is very nice course. When was January I resigned from administration. I was on third semester. I had a problem with professor. Saturday and Sunday was so crazy and hard for me. Project wasn’t good. I must do new. In weekend I must to go on Tourism Market and I will must make new project from it. Now I must do 2 projects.

Geography on Sunday was so hard. Professor was so hard. I feel that she thinks that I’m stupid because I don’t know too much about geography in my country. In Poland are 63 spa towns- one 5 minutes a car from my home. And I know names 12 spa towns in whole country, I first time in my life I heard names spa towns…and this is my mistake. Also horrible is it that I don’t go to Church… also that I wasn’t in Krakow's Sanctuary of Divine Mercy in Lagiewniki… here is in every year 1 700 000 people.

Maybe this is my blame that I’m atheist.. people don’t like me by it. I’m worse because I don’t believe in God……

Also she asked people why we are in this course. I said that very interesting me Mexico and Brazil.

She asked me about monuments in Brazil. I know place which I want to visit but name monument not… And I said that I want to see Amazon Basin…. She laughed for me… if this is bad that I love nature, animals?????
Often I think about abuse… this is unfair that so strong people destroy weak person.

For me, we are all time like first, primitive people.
We kill people, animals. We are too brutal.
Rich people in school always destroy poor.
Suicides in school this is a nom.
I know what feel persons when want to die but e.g. in school.. teachers should see that is something bad with pupil. They are too blind.
I think that every person saw in life like people can be awful for weak people.

When people hurt me in school it was a massacre.
I had a scar by it on my face.
But more hurt me my scares in heart.
Always when I see people I feel fear that they hurt me.
They destroyed me and my dreams….

This is sick but today I said first time that I have a talent!!!! Yeah, this is too egoistical.

I know that I lost so much in my life. I want to create more but my mind is like rebel.

At soon I put second part of it…

wow,Hope that things get better.

hmmmm....bye

u ok?

not

sorry too here that..hope u get better...

<3


breathe me, please.....
i feel unwanted in this world

I do sometimes myself...like i just don't belong any place.

The feeling is mutual. Ever since I can remember.

thanks <3

my internet didn't worked and almost i didn't write project...

i feel so much like a trash...
i'm nobody
i so much hate my life

everything will be ok.....sometimes the net doesn't wanna work.

Now, now. You know better than that. Your not trash and you most definitely are somebody. XO

Krissy and Tara now is better..... awwww only I create stupid project...and i can't be like a normal on TOL.....I'm so sorry that I don't read urs blogs....

you are beautiful, Natt. you are not trash. I love you.

your fine natt..Everything will be ok...

Liisu thank you for you love, and remember that I love you more <3

Krissy, thanks <3

My school is so crazy.....
I gave to my proffesor project- you know you so much helped me, it mean for me so much.
Now I make second - the essay... but this is easy I think lol
But I must write also 4 the essays to the 14th May
One is on English- it is so terrible for me lol
And the 14th May I will have first exam -geography of Poland
The worst is ir that that my group be in second semester it on group must be more than 7 persons. Now is 18 persons but it exam can go only me and two other persons... when I will pass exam I will must find new school.... this is sick because my dreams are like a shit too often for me...

This is strange but recently I want so much that someone hug me.... I'm so crazy girl...

Today I will try write something new about me....

Aww Natt, I would hug you but I am on the other side of the world.
I'll be sending you some strength :] and a mental hug.

sends you lots of love & hugs!!

Good luck. i'm sure that you will do just fine.

**sends virtual hug** we love you, natt

*HUGS*

Thank you for all hugs... you are the best people!!!

I don;t know if you remember how much was for me that Kerli follow me on Twitter... it was my dream...yeah one dreams from million my dreams which are illusion... but it was so much important......

I don't know if you remember that you gave me strenght that she will follow me, only I must wait for it......

Yesterday was last day when I asked her.....

I feel that I'm pathetic... I asked her from the 9th March and I think that she saw me.... she followed other fans, but to so good that other people can be so happy.....

When I find news about her for TOL and KerliPoland on twitter it I saw it:



Yeah, Kerli replyed to him and this is reason why I think that she saw it and followed someone... in every day when someone following me- i see new person- i think that this is kerli... but this isn't she........

And the same situation was 2 times....i see it only because i find news....

From end of 2009 this is only my dream...... but you know my all dreams are like shit......

She gave me new life.... she gave me life
only cry now....

I know that this is stupid and bad that I write it but I don't want hurt myself more.... writing help me....

I think that I must be really pathetic... because all people which I met hurt met, I don't have friends in Poland, my all dreams in my stupid life are only fiction... I know that I;m worse person than you and I don't deserve to be here.................... .....


EDIT:

P.S. I wrote it because my horrible emotions building me cry...
It must sound for you so pathetic but really all my life is too hard for me
I wrote only what i feel, i shouldn't probably

It's not stupid, Natt. It's the smallest things that can completely turn someone's mood around. Perhaps Twitter isn't working very well? I don't really understand the website myself, but I'm still sure that Kerli wouldn't purposefully ignore a beautiful moonchild such as yourself Kia kaha!

PS: Never give up hope! I still haven't given up hope that I will receive a letter from Hogwarts one day I think the post is just going a bit slow...

Honey, Twitter work good all time.... I'm on Twitter from 2009....
Maybe this is smallest...but always my dreams are fiction....always... and it dream also... i shouldn't have dreams... I don't deserve for it because always something destroy it and I hurt so much. And I'm not beautiful moonchild I feel more and more that I'm nobody......
Yesterday I lost my all dreams..............

Caroline good luck

don't get upset natt..Maybe twitter will work latter.Yeah i know what you mean i can get upset over small stuff too.

Honey twitter work



Now I feel worse.... even I don'y have strenght to building KerliPoland.. when I lost my dreams I lost so much in myself.
I see too often that I'm worse than you................

you haven't lost your dreams, you just think you have...at the moment. keep dreaming, honey, it will all be good soon. I believe in you.

keep fighting for what u bevile in

Liisu thank you but my mind has two parts which see it so sadness....
but today is a little better. Thank you for all <3

Krissy for sure

keep trying

yeah, she followed me it was so beautiful....

but at home isn't too good

why?

I hope things are better

Catloaf thank you,,,


Now I feel that I bleed so much....
This week was so hard
And tommorow day will not be too good

At the last Friday almost I lost consciousness at the morning.
It was so terrible.....
I lying.... (Awww random thing... always when I wrote lying it I wrote "lied" because I thought that this is past time lol I'm so stupid. )

I didn't know where I am... I didn't see anything almost all time... it was almost 20 minutes.... so much horrible...

Often I don't feel too good.... maybe I'm nobody and this is only things which I can have...

and also weather.... at last time was +25'C but in next day -7,1'C and snow...

Weather in Poland is too crazy... For me is too cold...

All time I want to cry.....
People don't know how much I want that someone hug me
This is so crazy
But only I'm unhappy

And I feel like trash because I write on TOL a little...

now for me is so hard time....

honey,
stop saying sorry for not being on ToL much! have you noticed that is been quiet here anyway? everybody's taking a break i haven't been online much because i needed time to find myself again.

take your time - we are NOT going anywhere and we all LOVE you.

Babe have you ever considered taking up yoga or some kind of exercise to lift your spirits? You can look up yoga poses on google for free and do it in your own home. That and other exercise like walking briskly, jogging or jumping rope, or jumping jacks. Simple things. Exercise isn't just for people trying to lose weight, it helps your mind a great deal. Since I started exercising my mood has improved like 50%. It makes your body release endorphins that make you feel good. You should give it a shot. You seem so sad all the time I think it would do your heart and mind good. If you do decide to try it, don't get upset if you aren't amazing at it right away. You need to slowly build it up and keep trying.
Now I need sleep. Night, night. *Hugs*

Mimi, Only I was so scared that you are angry at me but I’m not so strong how earler, almost one year ago. But I go to light but last time I taught that I shouldn’t and she is the best for me but I start think that not. And fight all time makes me weak. I feel so much fragile and small.

I love you more <3

Tara, I tried with yoga in high school… we had it and I’m sorry but I don’t like yoga… and exercise… honey, really I can’t. Even my job this is too much walking for my body, work on farm(I shouldn’t do it). Really when I will start exercise it pro ana will so big came back to my mind… exercise=counting kcal etc Earlier I did exercise but it did bad effect..that I lost weight, my all body hurts me etc

I hope that your night was a good

Today I relaxed because I was so much tired.
And today was first day when I didn’t cried.
Only I feel that I need contact with people.
When I was so quiet I had many stupid thoughts but now is ok.
At home was so horrible.

edit:

edit:

It wasn't first day when I didn't cry;;;;

Submit a well lit photo of your piece by the deadline specified.

it's a new competition Kerli......

well. i know all time that i'm worse person and i think good

Good Luck for everyone


I'm sorry but now I lost strenght to TOL, I tremble etc
I'm sorry

I'm really sorry you been sad. *hugs* don't worry about not being on here much.I have even been posting less on here.Sometimes we just need a break from things.

I find keeping busy sometimes helps.

Krissy I;m sorry but now it that I can't be like always be part of competition makes me too sad......... I feel that I will not be sleep... horrible emotions////
i don't know when i try do better it always something emotion destroyes me

I know,Sometimes i feel a tiny sad i can't.Cuz iam not american so i can't join them.maybe when she makes them for everyone u can join

Krissy but there don't have any text that this is only for ppl in US

And I don't believe that one day I will can....

Never say never.it sucks all of its for usa