Iridescent_Revival_<3 (rants-a-lot)

okieeee ^^

wow your school camp was so fantastic <3

ohmigosh i KNOW right!?!? xD

I'm glad you and your friends had a good time I'm so proud of you, you achieved so much and you were so brave! I've missed you too. You can really tell when someone is missing from ToL, can't you xD It really feels like something isn't there. In yours and Hollie's case, it was your bubbliness and awesome creative talent. And, of course, your inner iridescence, Caroline Glad to have you back <3

^ hmmm after reading "bubbliness" i suddenly felt the urge to find some bubble mix and blow some bubbles.... lol if only it wasn't dark outside!!!

Entry #14 (yeah that's right. ANOTHER entry within 24 hours!)

There was an awesome place in the garden where I was gonna build my fairy shrine. It was perfect. There was even a mini fountain made up of 3 big stones sitting on top of eachother. I was just waiting for summer so that I could build it and not have to worry about another storm coming. However I have recently discovered that dad pulled apart the fountain I don't even know why. It's just sitting there in pieces. Hmmm I'd better find somewhere else then...

Oh and I think I'm going through another baby names phase. The first time I went through this phase, I sat in front of a baby names website for six hours straight (no toilet/food breaks!!!!) and decided that I want three girls called:

(first name:) Avery (middle name:) Cadence
(first name:) Aydan (middle name:) Harmony
(first name:) Jasmyn (middle name:) Euphenia

I wanted all of their middle names to be related to music so of course they were Cadence, Harmony, and Euphenia (which means 'sweet voiced'). I like Aydan because it's Gaelic for 'little fire' and I just think it would be cute to have a little redhead with a name that means 'little fire'... yeah... I've always liked the name Jasmyn and Avery sounded really pretty so yah.

But now I also like Kera Simone. Kera means 'dark' and Simone as in named after Simone from Epica so I think that should count as musical lol.

Dude I'm 16 I should not be thinking about baby names lol xD I'm screwed if I ever have a son because I have no idea what I'd call them... maybe Dimitri or Seth... hmmm...

Actually, ever since I was little, I've always wanted to have a big family when I grow up because I didn't like just having one brother to rely on. Most kids at my school were related to at least 5 other people at school so they always had someone to go to which made me really jealous :/

Anyhooo I hope I get better by tomorrow because I really really really REALLY need to get to school because I have a few assessments and need to hand in my subject choices for next year. Gawd, this medicine is horrible...

<3

Another blog within 24 hours.. I should maybe write my blog soon, you're making me feel lazy!! Haha, jokes. But I probably should.. tomorrow.. (:
Glad to hear you actually have cough medicine now!!

IT'S DISGUSTING!!!!!!!! I think the pharmacist gave us the yuckiest one in spite of me lol

I send you my love, power and positive vibes

Entry #15

Lol I just remembered something:

Hmmm so I'm supposedly converting Hollie into a MoonChild... and yet she was the one who showed me the Walking On Air music video (oh yes you did, hollie) in the first place!!! I remember she sent me the link on MSN and said "Check out this music video. She has a pretty cool, unique voice. But the end of it is kind of scary"

Haha AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER!!! To think that I got obsessed with Kerli's music because of her, and now I'm trying to return the favour. It was only like 2 years ago, hollie!

Oh and before you look at the time this was posted and tell me off for having another all-nighter, I SLEPT ALL DAY YESTERDAY! I COULDN'T HELP IT!!! And I plan on holding in any coughs to show my parents that I have gotten better so that I can see everyone at the birthdays!

Guts if you don't even read this, hollie. That would mean I'm making a complete idiot of myself. Please don't make me make an idiot of myself, hollie. Please read this!!

<3

You made an idiot of yourself.
JOKES!! I just read this!! Haha, last night I read something somewhere that you said about a friend showing you the "Walking On Air" music video, and I thought, "wait, that was ME!!" ..And then laughed for ages. Sorry.
But it's true!! In terms of media studies, it's a pretty epic music video. But it's scary!!
Oh, and you better be at the birthdays!! Did you get the email? I'll forward you the email..

Entry #16

SORRY BUT this is gonna be a looooooong entry xD *shockerrrr* It's basically just to let it aaaaaaaaaall out so I might take it off seeing as part is quite personal... I should get a diary lol

Soooo I stayed at hollie's house from Wednesday night until Sunday. IT. WAS. AWESOME. But only because she has good food... JOKES! It was freakin' awesome seeing my friends after not seeing them since camp a few weeks ago. We went to town for a friend's birthday on Thursday and then on Friday we went around a shopping centre, asking strangers if we can video them hugging each other for a "music video" . Yeahhh that was awkward lol. I mean it was awesome having someone continuously try to frighten me by saying "woof" because that German Shepherd wasn't around to scare me anymore Oh and then on Saturday we pulled weeds out of the courtyard (?) and it seemed like I found every ant hole in existence!!! Still, those few awesome days gave me such a buzz

I would say that I'm looking forward to school, but... I'm really not looking forward to realising how behind I am. I have a lot of study coming up!!

One thing that sucked was on Saturday night, my ex was sat at my house threatening to break in so that he could get his jacket because no one was home to give it to him. I was completely freaking out, trying to contact people in my hometown, trying to call my parents (their phones were off), trying to think of someone who'd be able to go over and check on the house. Someone managed to talk him into going home and he came back yesterday to get the jacket. He scared me again by putting his foot in the door and refusing to move it until I tell him why I want him out of my life. He finally left, cursing as he went, but then last night my mum asked when he was picking up his jacket. I told her that I'd already given it back to him. She told me she found it on the front door step so I texted him asking why he didn't just take it. He said that he didn't want it because it would remind him of me. I WENT THROUGH ALL THAT STRESS AND DRAMA FOR NOTHING!!! He makes me soooo angry! I don't really know what to do with the jacket. Might donate it or something :/

I've got a bit of a writer's block so I haven't written any songs, poems or stories in ages. I'm sure it'll come back someday. Maybe when I'm supposed to be studying. That's what usually happens: inspiration comes when I don't have time for it

Anyhooo, I know this entry seems pretty negative, but trust me, things are awesome. Sure, there's a lot to be done, but I know that it's not the end of the world if I fail. I can pick myself up and try again. I've seen that a lot of people here have been feeling down and experiencing a lot of random pain and hurt. I'm one of those people who gets awkward when someone I love is crying because I never know what to do. So this is my awkward way of trying to shed some light on the pain: PLEASE try to remember that the pain isn't going to last. The main mood changes I've noticed are those of Elisabeth (can I call you Lizzie? Or would that piss you off? lol) and Claudia (you're like my little sister; the thought of you crying is heartbreaking). However, I'm glad that you two are able to find comfort and cheer up without any lasting scars.

BUT Natt, sweety, you have felt soooo much pain! You're having a lot of trouble seeing the light at the end of this dark, cold tunnel. You are an awesome person with a beautiful heart. I know there is strength hidden deep within you. You have such a pure soul, let it show! Please take care of yourself and allow those who love you to love you!!!! It may seem hard to believe, but there are so many people in this world who love you. Like it says in "Winter" by Tori Amos:

When you gonna love you as much as I do?

Kia kaha, girl. We're here for you.

I love all of you guys <3

Random thought: This may just be me but I've always wanted a cute guy to pull my hair back while I vomit so that the spew doesn't get in my hair. I don't know why, but I think that would be really sweet... I'm easily impressed/wooed

Iridescent_Revival_<3 wrote:Soooo I stayed at hollie's house from Wednesday night until Sunday. IT. WAS. AWESOME. But only because she has good food... JOKES! It was freakin' awesome seeing my friends after not seeing them since camp a few weeks ago. We went to town for a friend's birthday on Thursday and then on Friday we went around a shopping centre, asking strangers if we can video them hugging each other for a "music video" ;) . Yeahhh that was awkward lol. I mean it was awesome having someone continuously try to frighten me by saying "woof" because that German Shepherd wasn't around to scare me anymore :| Oh and then on Saturday we pulled weeds out of the courtyard (?) and it seemed like I found every ant hole in existence!!! Still, those few awesome days gave me such a buzz :P

AWESOME. awesome. awesome. awesome. :D
sounds like u had fun. x]]

Iridescent_Revival_<3 wrote:One thing that sucked was on Saturday night, my ex was sat at my house threatening to break in so that he could get his jacket because no one was home to give it to him. I was completely freaking out, trying to contact people in my hometown, trying to call my parents (their phones were off), trying to think of someone who'd be able to go over and check on the house. Someone managed to talk him into going home and he came back yesterday to get the jacket. He scared me again by putting his foot in the door and refusing to move it until I tell him why I want him out of my life. He finally left, cursing as he went, but then last night my mum asked when he was picking up his jacket. I told her that I'd already given it back to him. She told me she found it on the front door step so I texted him asking why he didn't just take it. He said that he didn't want it because it would remind him of me. I WENT THROUGH ALL THAT STRESS AND DRAMA FOR NOTHING!!! He makes me soooo angry! I don't really know what to do with the jacket. Might donate it or something :/

WHOAA. wait. he threatened to break into your house just to get his jacket, and then when u gave it to him he left it on the porch cuz he didt want it!! creppy much? x]]

Iridescent_Revival_<3 wrote:I've got a bit of a writer's block so I haven't written any songs, poems or stories in ages. I'm sure it'll come back someday. Maybe when I'm supposed to be studying. That's what usually happens: inspiration comes when I don't have time for it :roll:

DUDE this SAME thing happened to me. i didnt write a poem for a really long time and then when i was at school i FINALLY got some inspiration and i had to scribble down on a piece of paper during history.

Iridescent_Revival_<3 wrote:I'm one of those people who gets awkward when someone I love is crying because I never know what to do.

im like that too. x]]] it is really awkward to have one of your loved ones there crying and feeling a lot of pain and you dont know what do so u end up just sitting there feeling like and idiot........ :/

Iridescent_Revival_<3 wrote:Random thought: This may just be me but I've always wanted a cute guy to pull my hair back while I vomit so that the spew doesn't get in my hair. I don't know why, but I think that would be really sweet... I'm easily impressed/wooed :lol:

well, you know what they say, its the little things that make us happy :D
xDD

Me crying was heartbreaking? Awwww you people on ToL care a lot about foolish things.

Glad you had a great time :]

Yeah, Caroline, you can call me Lizzie. Usually I don't like it, because all the people who betrayed me or bullied me at school called me Lizzie. But it's fine if you want to call me that. I trust all Moon Children with everything ^^

I'm glad you're having an AWESOME time, despite your ex giving you grief. Sounds like he used the jacket just as an excuse to get to you and threaten you but, obviously, it didn't work. Donating it sounds like a great idea to me. I respect you for not letting it get to you. I should probably take a leaf out of your book

Thanks for caring and cheering me up. I feel lots better now I've got back into my uni routine again. Which reminds me, I should blog again today

@pixiedust19 OMG you responded to everything? that deserves a high-five

@Claudia simply I.L.U.

@TheLastSongbird lol i'll call you whatever you prefer just wondering because it feels sooooo awkwardly formal whenever i say Elisabeth

Entry #17

Haha I know this is really soon to post another... post, BUT... I have no excuse. Sowie

Right now, there is a DUCKIE on our front lawn We never see ducks around. It's sooo adorable!! Why is it that whenever I need the camera, I can't find it!?

As soon as dad came back from work, he asked what I was cooking because it smelt like something was burning (no offence to my cooking skills or anything hehe). We decided it was just something from where the builders have been renovating the bathroom. However, when I got to my room, the burning smell was so strong! I called my dad downstairs and we searched around for the source of the smell. I finally found that my bedside lamp had fallen on my sleeping bag (which just happens to be my father's sleeping bag.. oops..) and was melting a giant hole in it. I think it's safe to say he isn't too happy with me

YAY I finally finished reading Blood Promise so I have now started Spirit Bound. Not like I have a week of schoolwork to catch up on or anything...

OOH I had an awesome (oops hehe) dream. I actually owned a MoonChild centre/temple!! It didn't really have anything to do with Kerli herself, but it said Integrity. Love. Unity. on the sign above the door and at the front of the main room. It was so beautiful. I'd renovated (omg scary thought... me... renovating...) an old church on a hill. It was the type of building/landscape you'd expect to see in a fairytale. It was a place where anyone from any belief could come and worship freely in an environment of tolerance and love. Even those who don't really believe in anything were able to come and discuss different things. It was like a sanctuary where you could express your own culture and learn about others without feeling the pressures of judgment. I didn't want to wake up!! Man, I wish there really was a place like that...

Oops.. yet another long post!! hehe Aroha Mai (sorry)!!

I.L.U. <3

That sounds like an amazing dream Seeing as we're all so in sync at the moment, maybe I'll have a dream like that too. I would like to ^^ There needs to be a place like that in the world. Maybe sometime in the near future, an architect Moon Child will build such a place. Either way, temple or no temple, we can create that together. We are doing right now, here, on the Table of Love ••

You can call me Lizzie, or Beth if you like. I don't mind either way I'm not keen on being called Elisabeth by people I know, it sounds stuffy and formal to me too xD

Iridescent_Revival_<3 wrote:@pixiedust19 OMG you responded to everything? that deserves a high-five :cheers:

ahahaaha :D
yup. ^_^
**high fives**
xD

Iridescent_Revival_<3 wrote:Haha I know this is really soon to post another... post, BUT... I have no excuse. Sowie :alien:

not meaning to be rude.... ^_^ but, has anyone ever told u that u talk too much?? xD

Iridescent_Revival_<3 wrote:Right now, there is a DUCKIE on our front lawn :P We never see ducks around. It's sooo adorable!! Why is it that whenever I need the camera, I can't find it!?

AWWWWW!! >_< DUCKIE!!!
dude i HATE that. whenever i need a camera to capture the most perfect moment THERE IS NO CAMERA. xD

Iridescent_Revival_<3 wrote:As soon as dad came back from work, he asked what I was cooking because it smelt like something was burning (no offence to my cooking skills or anything hehe). We decided it was just something from where the builders have been renovating the bathroom. However, when I got to my room, the burning smell was so strong! I called my dad downstairs and we searched around for the source of the smell. I finally found that my bedside lamp had fallen on my sleeping bag (which just happens to be my father's sleeping bag.. oops..) and was melting a giant hole in it. I think it's safe to say he isn't too happy with me :|

oops. X_X thats not good. :/

Iridescent_Revival_<3 wrote:OOH I had an awesome (oops hehe) dream. I actually owned a MoonChild centre/temple!! It didn't really have anything to do with Kerli herself, but it said Integrity. Love. Unity. on the sign above the door and at the front of the main room. It was so beautiful. I'd renovated (omg scary thought... me... renovating...) an old church on a hill. It was the type of building/landscape you'd expect to see in a fairytale. It was a place where anyone from any belief could come and worship freely in an environment of tolerance and love. Even those who don't really believe in anything were able to come and discuss different things. It was like a sanctuary where you could express your own culture and learn about others without feeling the pressures of judgment. I didn't want to wake up!! Man, I wish there really was a place like that...

that sounds amazing!!! super raddd. :o)
im so happy to be able to be in a place similar to that, here at ToL. ^_^
hehe.

Entry #18

omg omg omg I knowwwww this is the third day in a row I've posted something, but yeah, I do talk a lot *gasp*

Welllll tomorrow night I'm going to a Paramore concert in Auckland which I should be looking forward to, buuuuuuut I'm not. The reason I don't want to go is because I know a lot of people from my hometown are going as well. Not joking: I hide from my entire town. I stay in my house the entire time I'm home and when we have visitors I hide out in my room. I'm too embarrassed for them to see me. I mean I left to go to a different school in order to become better at my school work and to grow as a person. But I kinda failed at that. Meanwhile, everyone here has grown and become so beautiful. I'm too embarrassed of who I am to face them. I doubt anyone actually remembers me in the first place but it's still really scary to me. I just wish I could get a "makeover", become really really good at something and move to a different country so that I can have a fresh start as the person I want to be (Iridescence). It just feels too soon for me to see anyone.

Also, I love Paramore's music but it reminds me so much of someone who's always been really special to me, but I'm like at the bottom of her list of friends (if that makes sense?). So whenever I hear their music, I instantly think of her, and become an emotional mess full of grief over a single person. Everytime "The Only Exception" comes on, I have to stop myself from crying or something because I wish things with this person were completely different.

It just sounds like too much pain and anxiety for one night.

I just started writing another "rant" but realised it was getting waaay too long so maybe I'll post it another time

Love you guys

HEY
U ARE BEAUTIFUL.

there is nothing more beautiful than a girl who is confident. u might not be that but u can FAKE it. (got knows i do)
go there, head up high and enjoy the concert. forget about everything else, because in the end of the day - u all have paid to go to the concert.. its not like the 'beautiful' people got there for nothing. u're all the same.

so stop saying that you haven't turned into a beautiful young woman and start thinking that 'yeah im gonna go and rock to the music'

ps im really hoping the package comes tmrw so u can wear the funky jewellery

mimi, you have seriously made my day.. and it's only 2 in the morning. THE DAY IS ALREADY AWESOME!! (i really need a new word to use instead of awesome)

you're right. i deserve to go to this concert and have a damn good time!!

ps *fingers crossed!*

^^ Oh oh! Use Nova instead
I just think it's a lot more appropriate to say that things are nova instead of 'cool' because Nova is stars that blow up into colors :]

oosh nova

Yeah, ain't it Nova?

Entry #19

OKAY!! To start off, Paramore was superNOVA Hayley Williams is such a beautiful person. She even covered a country song lol and of course pulled it off effortlessly. And I didn't even see anyone I know!!! I guess it shouldn't be surprising when there's so many people there. Well, actually I saw the person I was talking about when I said:

Also, I love Paramore's music but it reminds me so much of someone who's always been really special to me, but I'm like at the bottom of her list of friends (if that makes sense?). So whenever I hear their music, I instantly think of her, and become an emotional mess full of grief over a single person.

She was two rows in front of me. Out of the entire stadium she just had to be sitting two rows in front of me. We texted a bit and agreed to meet up out front after the concert but I had to leave straight after because my mother had been waiting out front and wanted to leave asap. I did the math and realised that we haven't seen eachother since this same time of year last year. God, I miss her

Today, on the way home, mum and I stopped at Farmers to buy some better eyeliner and mascara. We left with these + 10 items of clothing + shoes + hair clips. I usually hate shopping for clothes, but today I was grabbing things of the rack, mixing and matching like a pro hahaha I even bought 2 dresses and 2 skirts whereas I usually just wear a hoodie and jeans. I'm so proud of myself! hehe

On the way up, we listened to our Glee CDs for 3 hours and on the way back we kept repeating Sinead O'Connor's CD "Universal Mother". Such a beautiful album that always seems to bring us closer as mother and daughter

Oh and to make life that much better, I came home to find a parcel from the UK on my bed Needless to say, I tore into it and ran around the house showing my parents the poster, autograph and jewellery ^^ And now I'm going to go have some chicken fried rice for dinner as a treat before I go back to school tomorrow night. Oops, I'd better pack!!!

Life. Is. Beautiful.
I.L.U.

Oh oh! Take a picture of the prize!!!

You had a lovely time :] I myself had gotten a new book and my mum baked chocolate crackles and muffins.

So your not the only one happy :]

Entry # 20

HELLO GORGEOUS MOONCHILDREN!!!!!!!
I missed you, I missed you, I missed you, I missed you, I missed you, I missed you, I missed you, I missed you....

SO, the first thing I wanted to do as soon as I arrived at school was put up the Kerli poster mimi sent... but someone stole all my pins so I’m gonna get some blu-tak this weekend and put it up when I get back to school. I have been absolutely busting to put it on display so that people ask me who is on my wall and I can go into a frenzy and try to put all of Kerli’s nova-ness into verbal words!! My roommate’s notice board is covered in photos of her family so I kinda want to do something ToL-ish for mine (you can’t get much closer to a true family than our whanau of moonchildren), but not sure what I could do yet. I’ll need to think of something soon because I only have that room for a couple of months.

I am yet to gain access to a camera so that I can take a picture of the prizes (sorry for the annoying wait!!!!). Slightly nervous about asking to borrow someone’s though, because technology tends to die whenever I touch it. Thank goodness my Rorohiko (Maori for “computer”/my pet name for my laptop) is so amazingly wonderful that it is willing to co-operate *hint hint*

The screensaver on my Rorohiko is a slideshow of all of the Kerli pictures I have but the other day, my roommate’s friend was visiting, saw it, and said “Why do you have all those photos of this one girl? She looks like a try-hard porn star” to which I calmly replied with “Umm, well, that’s Kerli Koiv, one of the most talented and creative people to walk this Earth. Plus she’s a big role model for me, so... fuck your face” (I didn't know whether to say fuck you or shut your face so i just put them together lol).

GAHH I’ve dreamt about the same person every night for the past two weeks. I never remember what actually happens in these dreams, I just remember her being there because her presence to is like the chord of E minor: beyond words. Still, it’s driving me crazy. I mean it would be nice to be thinking about something else for a change.... I miss her too :/

There’s been a lot of drama lately. I shan’t go into detail. But you should know... it’s worthy of forty potential years in therapy. Okay, it’s not that bad, but still extremely... gahh!!!

OOH and the writing block has gone like *WOOSH* soooo I’m posting seven songs that I’ve written within five days... and I’ve been working on another with Hollie called “Panda Eyes” which is pretty relevant to the drama. It was quite funny, actually. She texted me saying something like “since you’re on a roll and I’m not, could you please write me a song called panda eyes?” aaaand seven minutes later (oh yeah, I timed myself, cos I’m just that cool), I sent her the chorus. I didn’t realise until halfway through that I was actually writing about the current dramas so I tried to apologise to Hollie because it seemed a bit too soon to write things that personal and recent into a song... but it turned out that that’s what she’d wanted in the first place. So now we’re engaged because the connection was too obvious to deny xD.

Almost forgot: I got an E for my Creative Writing!!! In New Zealand, our marking system (in order) is Not Achieved (fail), Achieved, Merit, and Excellence.... I GOT EXCELLENCE!!!!!!!! I mean I personally didn’t like the story myself, but it was the only thing I could think of at the time so yeah... YAYNESS!!

I shall stop writing now... will probably write something within 24 hours...

OMG BROOKE FRASER!!!!

<3

Edit: No longer engaged. Had the wedding today. Our wedding song was "I almost told you that I loved you" by Papa Roach. I personally would have preferred "Goin' Down" by The Pretty Reckless, but it's all about the bride, right?

NO WAY was I going to let you choose "Goin' Down" as our wedding song!! Nupe nupe nupe!!

Oi dude, post "Panda Eyes"!! ..And your other songs. But also "Panda Eyes"!! Or I will..

Sorry sorry sorry sorry about drama, dude. 40 years of therapy?! If this doesn't kill you, that will..

hahahaha dude I'm working on posting the songs. it's just taking a while to write the explanations for them. plus, i don't have any copies of panda eyes, remember?? you post!?

Done and dusted.
..Or 'posted', actually (:

its so nice to have u back!
im happy about ur E!!! what was the story about?

Well, we had to write a story where the main character remembered a significant event because of a "trigger". My trigger was a recovering alcohol being offered a beer at his local pub and the event he remembered was getting into a bar fight lol nothing special. i really didn't like it myself but oh well i'm stoked nonetheless!!!

well because we are usually super critical of our own work, we dont notice the brilliance in something

lol i guess so. i just don't feel like i'd put my heart into it. there was no inspiration. just shreds of ideas in my head.

Congrats on the E Caroline!

HEYYYY welcome <3 you were much missed

oooooooh E cool, congrats!

I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH! (Capitals were very much needed there xD)

Congratulations on your E, you deserve nothing else for the wonderful things you write. I've really enjoyed reading all your poetry from the past 5 days, you're truly back on form

Tut tut, what was that friend thinking? At least if Kerli wanted to be a porn star, she could totally pull it off. She wouldn't need to try very hard xD Haha, "fuck your face", I hope you don't mind if I use that

Looking forward to seeing your prizes, and I hope we'll get to see this ToL notice board when it's finished Aww, I really have missed you, a huge amount! Welcome back, Moon Child Caroline ^^

:O YAY! YOUR BACK!!!! haiii(:
congrats on your E

hahaha thank you so much guys gawsh i've missed you all!! i don't wanna go baaaaaaaack xD well at least it's a long weekend so i have an extra day here WOOP WOOP

Entry #21

I'm supposed to be studying for the next 2 weeks, so if you see me online, tell me off and tell me to go read Macbeth or a Maori dictionary or the Odyssey or... well, you get the idea.

I came home from school last night (Tuesday) even though I'd originally planned to come back on Friday. Basically because yesterday was a shit day. It was a half day at school for year 11-13 because we just had the "smaller" prizegiving (basically for runner-ups) and then we left for study leave to study for exams. I knew I was getting a "prize" but I didn't know what for. I told my friends that if it's for Maori, I'm going to cry. Simply because there are only 3 people in my class including me, which means I'd be getting that prize by default (there are 3 prizes per class: top of class, academic excellence, academic endeavour). Last year, there were no prizes for our Maori class at all so I was hoping it would be the same. A Maori prize would only mean something if I got top of class because only two of us actually do the work. However, I've gotten top marks for everything EXCEPT speeches (even though I wrote the entire thing myself and practised it non-stop for 10 hours on the bus the day before... the girl who got top marks for THAT... well, the teacher wrote half of her speech while she went to sleep on the floor).

At the start of the year, getting top of Maori was my big goal because it seemed like the only achieveable thing. But, when they called my name out and said that I got Academic Excellence, I had to bite my lip to stop myself from crying. I didn't feel like I deserved that award. In fact, I found it kind of insulting. But, the teacher handing out the certificates was one of the nicest teachers I've ever had and it wasn't her fault so I tried my best to smile politely. Apparently, according to my friends, I failed miserably and had a bit of a disappointed scowl on my face the entire time I was up the front of the chapel.

Afterwards, when we went outside, some of my friends came and hugged me which really helped and I cheered up for a bit.

HOWEVER, my Maori teacher had told us to go to her class after the prizegiving to pick up our notes to study from. I turned up and she wasn't there. Feeling a little let down, I realised it was lunchtime and went to the dining room. All Year 12 boarders take up one side of the dining room. After the prizegiving, everyone else had piled into their cars and had gone to the mall for the afternoon (without permission from the matrons) so I was the only person sitting on that side of the dining room. To make it worse, two day girls who occassionally mock me in History Class saw me eating by myself and started laughing at me. Again, trying not to cry, I walked all the way back to the Boarding House, and went to my room.

I had planned with a friend to share the birthday cake another friend had made for me on Monday (a TINKY WINKY cake nonetheless :3 although he looked like a purple monkey, that cake was the highlight for my short week at school. whatever happens, my friends are still the most beautiful people i could know) but since no one else was at the Boarding House, I had no one to share the cake with. I eventually got into bed and tried to text/call my parents. I couldn't get hold of anyone and none of my friends were available to answer my texts so I just lay there crying, feeling more alone than ever. As soon as my mum saw that I'd tried to call her, she called me back and I told her everything, still crying. She told me to go have a long, hot shower and then to call her back and she might pick me up and take me home if I'm still feeling shit.

I followed her advice. Still felt like shit. Seeing as she wouldn't be able to pick me up for a few hours, I emailed the Maori teacher asking if I could pick up the study notes after school hours (juniors were still in school) because I'd be going home that night. I checked to see if she'd replied around 3.15 (school finishes at 3.20), but she hadn't. I decided to walk over anyway and see if I could catch her but the place was deserted. I looked all over school. Nothing. My Maori Exam is next Thursday but I'll be home for a while so I won't be able to pick those notes up until Monday, which will be too late because I have other exams to study for.

The Maori teacher called my cell phone this morning saying she'd gone home early and had left the study notes on her desk for us to collect but another teacher had taken them so she will send them down. But how long will that take!? I probably won't get them in the end.

When I got home, dad had also heard about my shit day and had bought all my favourite foods and said "you have every right to indulge as much as you want right now. you can start studying tomorrow once you feel better". I freaking love my family. This is the most understanding I've ever seen them, and I'm definitely making the most of that But seriously, my friends and family are so amazing. I don't know what I'd do without them!

Soooo... yeah. Here's hoping today is much better! I'm getting a bit annoyed because I STILL haven't gotten hold of a camera to take a picture of the prizes (I know, it's ridiculous) but I swear even if it takes me years, I'll get that photo!!!!!

Sorry for the blog full of nothing but complaints. Just really needed to vent some more.

ILU,
Caroline <3

PS: love you guys this much (___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________) x10000000

ohh sweetie!! ):

Aww, Caroline, that's terrible. It's awful to feel alone like that, I know, I had the same problem throughout most of my years at school. But, sweetheart, you don't need a certificate to prove your worth. You are a Moon Child, you have a beautiful soul, you are kind and intelligent. Some people may be able to be top of the class but won't be able to cheer their friends up when they're sad, or create art as beautiful as your songs. It's people like you who truly succeed in life. Those who study their life away and get top grades all the time may well seem like they are successful, but they might feel empty inside. Life isn't about being the best, it's about doing what makes you happy and what is really best for you while you have the chance.

I hope you're feeling better. You should feel so proud of who you are. Don't let anyone else make you think any differently. I'm wishing you the best and sending you Love and Light.

Entry #22

WHY HELLO THERE!!!

Sooo I'm not really in a talkative mood. Quick update: I had three exams this week (English, Maths and Maori). I have my History exam next Thursday and Classics exam the Monday after that. No biggie, though.

My brother is home which means it is a matter of time before he runs our internet into the ground so sorry but I won't be able to be very active for the next few months (also because i'll be out on holiday a lot). However, I will try to keep writing a "blog" into word documents and post them whenever I can.

I have also started a really long poem/story which is taking me forever to write. I don't even know what's going to happen next. Whatever my mind tells, me I guess

I have decided that if I ever write novels, then I'll either write a trilogy named after the 3 moonmarks or a series after the Moon Child commandments... or maybe both xD. They'd follow the main character, my alter ego Iridescence, as she faces events that challenge her values as a MoonChild. If I could, I'd also write some of Kerli's lyrics at the start of each chapter that reflect what's the chapter is going to be about. However, I'd try to aim them at teenagers in general, with a small hint here and there especially for Moon Children to understand. I get the feeling that that's what Kerli tries to do with her songs: create them so that anyone can enjoy them but still keep that element of mysticism especially for MoonChildren.

Gahh, I can even see the book covers in my head now with moonmarks everywhere but I'm not sure if that would happen. I'm not very good with stories and don't have the eloquence to gather "fans". Oh well, I can dream

I miss you, marshmallows
ILU,
Caroline.

That sounds brilliant!

I'll be your first reader :]

haha YAAAY

i've been thinking of studying philosophy and ethics and latin and metaphysics after high school but i also wanna take classes to help with my writing skills... gahh what to do what to do?

Do what you perfectly want to do, your writing skills are soo nova.

Seriously, I was reading this book and just randomly shouted out that Caroline can write better.

so many confused people........

AWWWWWWWW that's so sweet!!! *sniff* lol but there's always room for improvement. i feel like i can be better. and i wanna be the best that i can be if/when i write books

Improvement is always good, not everyone is perfect. This is why there are editors.

hahaha very true!!!

Yup :]

With great determination you could do it, a girl who lives in South Australia. Got a book published when she was 16. She started planning when she was 13.

wow lol hmmm i'm a bit behind then!! ^^