Re: Today my life begins. ♥

by mimi Mon Jun 20, 2011 1:29 am

u know a lie detector test is not the answer to your problems. it can say 'yes' or 'no' but it doesn't fix the underlying issue. and in the end of it what do you get out of it? if its a 'yes he did cheat' then you'll still feel hurt and you've wasted all that money and energy and TIME for that test, and if it comes back 'no he didnt cheat' - you STILL got an STD from him & he'll be rubbing your nose in it for the rest of your time together that you didn't believe him and he was telling the truth etc.

by Krissy Mon Jun 20, 2011 6:52 am

wow.Your better off with out him.

by MaryCourage Mon Jun 20, 2011 9:09 am

mimi wrote:u know a lie detector test is not the answer to your problems. it can say 'yes' or 'no' but it doesn't fix the underlying issue. and in the end of it what do you get out of it? if its a 'yes he did cheat' then you'll still feel hurt and you've wasted all that money and energy and TIME for that test, and if it comes back 'no he didnt cheat' - you STILL got an STD from him & he'll be rubbing your nose in it for the rest of your time together that you didn't believe him and he was telling the truth etc.

I agree to this!
and plus lie detectors are only 90-something % sure. :/

I know it's so easy to say "Just leave him" and it must be a hell of a lot harder to leave someone you love. But I think you'd be way happier with someone else, someone who treats you right.

by Essence Tue Jun 21, 2011 8:13 pm

mimi wrote:u know a lie detector test is not the answer to your problems. it can say 'yes' or 'no' but it doesn't fix the underlying issue. and in the end of it what do you get out of it? if its a 'yes he did cheat' then you'll still feel hurt and you've wasted all that money and energy and TIME for that test, and if it comes back 'no he didnt cheat' - you STILL got an STD from him & he'll be rubbing your nose in it for the rest of your time together that you didn't believe him and he was telling the truth etc.

I know that, but im the kind of person who needs that information or else it would bug me forever. And hes not that kind of guy..thank god for that..

butterflycry2010 wrote:wow.Your better off with out him.

No matter if im with him or without him my life will still be the same. Ive never had a guy treat me right and compared to everyone else ive dated hes a god. I love him..so i cant leave. Id rather be unhappy and with him then unhappy and alone..

MaryCourage wrote:
mimi wrote:u know a lie detector test is not the answer to your problems. it can say 'yes' or 'no' but it doesn't fix the underlying issue. and in the end of it what do you get out of it? if its a 'yes he did cheat' then you'll still feel hurt and you've wasted all that money and energy and TIME for that test, and if it comes back 'no he didnt cheat' - you STILL got an STD from him & he'll be rubbing your nose in it for the rest of your time together that you didn't believe him and he was telling the truth etc.

I agree to this!
and plus lie detectors are only 90-something % sure. :/

I know it's so easy to say "Just leave him" and it must be a hell of a lot harder to leave someone you love. But I think you'd be way happier with someone else, someone who treats you right.

Its way easier said than done..and finding someone who treats girls right is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Their like 98% sure.

Everyone here is right..but everything is so much easier said then done..everything hurts no matter what choice i make. So its all just a huge pile of hurt and bullshit.
(were allowed to cuss on here right? cause ive been doing it a lot lately.. =/)

by mimi Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:30 am

you'd rather be unhappy and with him than unhappy and alone?

we're in 2011.. its not middle ages anymore when women were dependent on men. why can't you be happy ALONE? and u say that 98% of men don't know how to treat women.. BULLSHIT. men who treat women like crap make us believe so. chivalry is not dead and u should just take the risk and find someone who can prove this right.

you're so young and to compromise your own happiness over some lie detector crap is just wrong.

by Essence Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:57 pm

Im 18 and ive had about 20 boyfriends. Ive been raped twice and molested 3 times. I dont like men. And im sick of dating men who seem nice but hurt me in the end. I love him..and he hasnt done anything horribly bad to me to the point where it cant be fixed (which this can be) so im gonna stay for now..ive given him a year though..and if nothing changed or if he doesnt do what hes said he would then im gone for good. And he knows that. The entire thing is just fucking bleh..

by Essence Thu Jun 23, 2011 3:18 pm

So im officially broken beyond repair. I got into the fake facebook last night and yeah i was expecting him to be flirting with girls as the other guy but..yeah...the girls he was flirting with knew who he really was. And one of them he cheated on his ex with and i told him i didnt want him talking to her. And the other i caught him flirting with awhile back and i asked him to stop talking to her too cause she would go into detail about what she wanted to do during sex and the only thing he said was "I can't. My aunt is home D:" And others were hes past crushes and shit. Am i seriously not good enough for him? Ive been in zombie mode for the past two days. I dont know what to do..

by javieljones Thu Jun 23, 2011 3:39 pm

I haven't read all of this but I've skimmed the last page or so and all I have to say is drop him.

My ex cheated on me in January and I broke up with him and haven't looked back. In my opinion, once a cheater...always a cheater.

As far as the 'Am I not good enough for him?'

It's the opposite. You're TOO good for him. If he's going around cheating behind your back and flirting with all these other girls, he's scum and not worth any more of your time or tears. Pardon me being harsh but tis just how I see it.

Break it off with him and breathe a little. A good guy will come around eventually. They do exist. You might just have to look a bit harder and have patience.

by MaryCourage Fri Jun 24, 2011 1:09 am

^That
and my advice to you.
Be alone for awhile. It seems like you'd need it. You don't have to have a boyfriend, you're only 18, and you'll find a decent guy sometime, trust me!
Don't rush it

by Forace Fri Jun 24, 2011 8:38 am

You have gone through a lot, so you are a strong girl. Even though what he is doing now doesn't seem that bad to you, it's not really helping, right? You feel bad because he flirts with others. It really makes me wonder: does he care about you as much as you care about him? A guy who loves his girl shouldn't act like that.

It's so sweet you call him 'my man', I get the feeling you really do love him, and that you're proud to be with him.
Maybe too proud? "I conquered this man, he's mine". I hope you're not clinging to him because of that.

But if it were someone else? I mean, if a friend of yours came to you, telling how her fiancé cheats on her and flirts with other girls, what advice would you give her?
Thinking this way, you take some distance to the situation, think from the outside, so you can have some thoughts of reason rather than emotion.

You are young and already you've had many boyfriends, so you've never really been alone? It can be scary, but you need it... Learn to love yourself, and know that you are a great girl, who deserves a great guy.

So stop dreaming how everything will be fine when he quits this and that... It'll probably never happen. There will always be excuses with a cheater. Especially if he's young like you, young guys tend to be morons with girls and are always looking at others :/

And don't feel pressure because of the engagement. It can be broken, it's not official yet. It's really mind-boggling, these kinds of guys who propose and still continue "searching".

Have you thought of having kids with him? What kind of a father would he be? The example he'd be?

You've given him one year. See how that year goes and if nothing changes, it never will. After that, no more excuses and leave him. No one should stay in a relationship that makes them feel horrible and insulted, no matter how greatly they love each other. Sometimes it's for the best to let go.

Unless you really want to be with him, and you can handle the fact that you'll never be the only one for him. Maybe even have this "open relationship", where you are together but still see other people. Agree on what is appropriate and what is not.
That wouldn't work for me, because I'm such a jealous person when it comes to my fiancé :D And I don't tolerate cheating at all, so if I found out my fiancé was cheating on me at any point during these 5 years... Bye bye, asshole :<

And btw, about the STD... Is it possible at all that you could've gotten it some other way? Like a cut or from a needle... I dunno :D

by Krissy Fri Jun 24, 2011 8:53 am

Well,It's your life & your choice. Just make sure you think long and hard about what your doing. If he hurt's you and you don't feel happy.Why waste time with the guy? Why not look for a guy who treats you like a princess/queen?. I still think you should lose the guy.You can DO better with out.You don't need guy to make you happy. Very Happy

by Essence Sat Jun 25, 2011 8:05 pm

You guys are all right..Forace your message is the one that stuck with me the most so thank you so much for that. If our vacation for the next two weeks don't work I'm crashing with a friend for a week or so just at least until the fighting stops. I ended up cutting again and the next morning when i woke up i was like WTF am i doing this for? Yes the pain felt good cause i caused it myself instead of being hurt by someone else, but he doesnt deserve to see that hes getting to me. Ive stayed so strong through all of this..I've only cried i think 3 times in the past week so im pretty proud of myself. I started talking to one of my exs who was actually the one good one to me (we broke up because i was getting bad into drugs and i didnt want to bring him into it too) and hes still the same good kid he used to be two years ago. And it just kinda makes me miss how things were with him..my man used to be the nicest guy ever. Hed treat me like i was the queen of the damn world and now its like my castle is being torn apart. Theres also this brittish kid that i have been talking to. Hes my exbestfriends exboyfriend and hes actually been helping me a LOT through all of this. (i have a problem that every guy friend i have falls in love with me >.<). And he got hella pissed when he found out about all of this and said that even he would treat me better even from a whole nother country away. It just sucks cause i have all these nice guys who are willing to be with me..but i just dont want to leave my man for some reason..i want to..but im scared to because i dont want to regret it. Ive been burying my face is video games and netflix the past couple days because if i think too much i hurt all over again. It sucks. I just wanna stab all the girls he flirts with but i found out that its not even their fault. I faked that I was him on his fake profile and found out that HE was the one who asked them to do all the shit that they did. I want to do what hes done to me to get back at him..but i cant because by hurting him i hurt myself. When i even bring up the things i find out to confront him about it i automatically feel bad and hurt because i know hes upset. UGH. I kinda hate myself right now...and i really fuckin hate love.

Also, Forace, the std you can only get from skin on skin contact. If its off the skin it dies in .03 seconds. =/ And the kind that i have he HAD to have sex with someone because its not on the outside of my vaginal area like it would be if i were laying with him naked in bed against him or something. Its on the inside so it had to be from sexual contact..

by Essence Sat Jun 25, 2011 8:23 pm

UPDATE.

I just found out that my mans ex cheated on him...
He and I both when something bad happens try to push it out of our heads and forget it. Thats why i cant remember the first time i was raped nor can he remember half of his relationship with his ex or most of the stuff from when he was in foster care as a kid.

I just found out from his sister who was like BEST FRIENDS with his ex that nicole cheated on him every time she was pissed at him and when i asked him if it was true he said he didnt know and so i asked more people and they said yes..so he just didnt know cause he didnt want to remember all that shit...damn..

by mimi Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:13 am

i didnt mean to offend you or anything. i was just saying what i thought was right and what i would do.

the point is - there is nothing wrong with thinking that you deserve the best. dont just accept with second best if you think you can have it better!

by Forace Thu Jun 30, 2011 1:24 am

You're welcome :) Those were the thoughts that came to my mind. I try to bring out many points of views.

Now it seems to me that you have this certain group of... "friends" or more like acquaintances, who knows everyone and they all just fuck around and everybody cheats on everybody and everyone is someone's ex. Kinda like what my fiancé has; he has his circle of friends, who pair up with someone, break up, and pair up with someone else from the group :/ He had said, that he'll never want a girlfriend from this town. He has had a couple of girlfriends before me (from this group, of course), and they didn't work out. Lucky for him I moved here to study :B

This is another point that came to my mind. It could be the best for you to just break all (bad) relationships you may have there, and spend some time alone. After that you could search for a nicer guy from some other town/city. Break away from the drugs, the back-stabbing people, the cheating boyfriend... Go study in another town? Make a new circle of friends from people who actually have more braincells than a worm.

... Great, I just compared you acquaintances to a worm xD
Sorry, I'm sure not everyone is like that :)

Do worms have brains? O_o

Of course my fiancé was sad when he broke up with his previous girlfriends, but it was for the best. He was depressed himself, so he didn't have the energy to be with someone. Plus, the girls were... weird. I'm weird, too, but in a good way. In a way, that we are similar. We have similar sense of humor. We have pretty much the same interests. I still can't believe he is my first boyfriend ever, and everything is working out so well. My first and only one ^^

So, don't be afraid to let go. He is not being that good to you. You may or may not regret it, but that's life. I'm sure you have tons of things you regret. But most of all you'll regret wasting your life with someone who doesn't care about you and who hurts you. You should be enjoying life :)

by Essence Fri Jul 01, 2011 1:38 am

I cant just move towns, its expensive and i have no place to go. And apparently he didnt cheat, she cheated on him which i now heard from more than 5 people after i asked around a bit.
The vacations were on is helping a LOT. And now that i know shes a dirty skank i believe him more. Though im not 100% positive but he said he will still take the test for me and whatever else that he needs to do no matter how much the cost. So i dont know...things are working out..at least as far as i know

by Essence Fri Jul 22, 2011 12:18 am

So...im in the process of moving and ect. But my nightmares have come up again. All my life ive had them and ive gone to therapy because the cause of them are because of my childhood. But the main question is is how do i get rid of them? Im so sick of them all the time =/

by Forace Fri Jul 22, 2011 5:06 pm

Moving is (almost) always nice! I like to think so. You get a new place, and you get to change the order of furniture. Maybe even get new furniture! And something nice for decorating the place etc... Heh, I'm always thinking about new houses and decorations :)
Are you moving far from where you are now?

And maybe you could share the nightmares you have? Dreams have a lot of symbolism. Maybe someone can think of something new for you? I could even ask my mom about the meaning of the dreams, because she's very good at explaining them!

Have you tried controlling your dreams? I guess it's possible, if you realize in the dream that you are dreaming. A friend of mine told me he has managed to do that :)

But I guess you can't get rid of them until you have resolved everything that is bothering you... I do believe they won't last forever! My dreams changed when I grew older, and started to accept that this is who/what I am, and I'm just fine this way :)

by Essence Fri Jul 22, 2011 7:43 pm

Yeah were about 400 miles away Smile

Were staying at family members houses till we get enough saved up for our own place. Were surfing craigslist to search for cheap stuff XD

And the one i keep having is the government tried killing me with nuclear radiation and i ran away and they kept tracking me down and finally i ended up dying from the poisoning because i was close to the reactor the purposely blew up to try to kill me and everyone else.

by Essence Mon Sep 05, 2011 8:06 pm

Update on my life. He dumped me when i came down to finish moving my stuff upstate. And ive been too scared to go up again. He broke me. He dumped me out of nowhere. Because he couldnt handle the trust issues. Ive been down here for three weeks. On the bright side i realized i lost myself while everything was happening with me and him. And ive been lost for about a year. But im working on finding myself again and im doing a pretty damn good job. His best friend is helping me through everything. Hes constantly hanging out with me and talking with me and it really helps. I dont know if i should risk going back up there with him because he refuses to come down here with me or to just break things off. I love him so much =/ ALSO! I wrote again. I know i have that one thing as my first post. But that was a school essay. I have therapy homework to where i need to write again because by writing i find who i am again. Today is the first time ive done that in over a year. I suck. But here it is. It was the sunset that made me be able to do it >.<

the sky turns orange while the clouds turn a fiery pink,
an end to yet another day.
did you risk something?
did you fall in love?
did you risk everything?
or did you sit and wait.
wait for someone to make a move for you.
wait for someone to take your jump.
to take your chance.
wasting your life away.
take a breath, take a leap of faith,
hit or miss you wil drown,
drown in your own chances and dreams.
life is a risk,
so why live it risk free?
find where you belong,
jump into the pool of chaos,
and breath in who you really and truely are.

by Forace Fri Sep 09, 2011 5:51 pm

I'm sorry it didn't work out :< But I'm sure it's better like this. He's not worth your time. There's too much distrust and shit for you two... Though I had kinda hoped you'd be the one doing the dumping :D Anyways, now you're free to do whatever you want. I'd suggest you keep going with the self-searching and getting better all around. It's nice you have someone to talk to! Be careful though, if he has a thing for you... Hihi. It wouldn't be wise to jump from a relationship into another so quickly. Be on your own for a while, like I said before ^^
It's very good you're writing again. I like this new text, it made me think, which is the point of writing... Very lovely :)

by Essence Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:14 pm

We got back together..but its not going too great. He said he should get all the trust handed back to him again because thats what his mom does to his stepdad. And i told him im not his mom. I told him he needed to fix things for us to last. And if he doesnt im going to have to leave him because i cant handle the hurting anymore. And he doesnt have a thing for me. Seeing how hes kiraushs best friend even if he did like me im off limits. And im not going to get with guys anymore..im done with them all. Im tired of being hurt.

by Krissy Wed Sep 14, 2011 6:06 am

Well,i wouldn't give up on guy's all together girl. you just gotta find the right one. I'm sure there is the right one out there.

i agree if he won't take the time to fix your guy's problems he's not worth keeping.

by Miss Lucy Wed Sep 14, 2011 6:34 am

I have a bad habit of writing novels. Razz

I'm sorry! Embarassed

Spoiler:

by Essence Tue Nov 08, 2011 2:44 am

Everything in my life is falling apart..
I try my best to be optimistic..but its so hard..

by Krissy Tue Nov 08, 2011 9:06 am

I'am so sorry. I love you

*hugs*

by Essence Mon Dec 26, 2011 2:21 am

Well, Its been a long time since I've blogged or written anything at all. Ill pop in tomorrow morning before I head out to work. Theres been a bit of things I need to update

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