Natt sends you love<3

I really heart animals and it's hard to see them in such situation

I love your flower as well, Natt! <3

Natt, I love Amarylis flowers too It's so rewarding to see them growing, especially because they need lots of tender care from people like you.

MoonChildren, all of you are amazing. Whatever you might be going through, know that I love you <3

Liisu, you're right. For me animals are part of my family.
And thanks about flower.
I love you <3

Liz, I send to you many hugs. You know that you are so lovely and fantastic. Wonderful sister <3

Really Amarylis giving so many happines. I'm happy that you love too. In Saturday I'll took my another flower. The best. I talk to her and I love her the best <3

This is true honey <3

MoonChildren, all of you are amazing. Whatever you might be going through, know that I love you <3

The Poles make a terrific nation, and a terrible society

-Cyprian Norwid (Romantic poet, novelist, playwright, sculptor, painter, and draughtsman. Born 1821 died in Paris in 1883).

We love this quote:

Poland: and we find ourselves in an absurd world. A country, in which 20 per cent of the population lost their lives during the Second World War, one-fifth of which lives outside of the country’s borders, and one-third of which is under the age of twenty. A country with twice as many students as France, but an engineer here makes less than a common labourer. A country in which a people spend twice as much as they make, where an average salary is less than the cost of three good pairs of shoes, but at the same time true poverty does not exist, while foreign capital crowds in from all sides. A country in which the price of a car is equal to three times the average yearly income, despite which it’s always difficult to find a parking space. A country governed by former socialists, and people get a day off from work for church holidays (!). A foreigner must resign from any attempt at applying logic if he wants to remain on solid ground. A strange country, in which you can converse with waiter in English, a chef in French, an shop assistant in German, but in which you need an interpreter to be able to understand any member of the civil service. Polish people: how do you do it?

-A fragment from a popular French newspaper

Sometimes it seems to me that this country is mentally ill

- Wisława Szymborska (Nobel Prize-winning poetess, born 1923).

unfortunately she died yesterday :'(

Your new picture is beautiful, Natt

awww thank you so much

new post:

Last time I feel weird. I don't know why. Problems with Internet was so hard for me. Even I couldn;t go to school in weekend because laptop was repaired in my home and I must to be. It was first week of the new semester, I sent e-mail but I didn't receive reply about essays, exams etc... wonderful

My sister and her a little kid will move to my home because husband my sis go to work in different country (6-12 months)

about Kerli, like you know soon will release "Zero Gravity". I think about promo in Poland.

And I worked last two days and I saved KerliPoland on wordpress. And I was in shock because KP on wordpress has 604 followers.... I thought that only one... well, again I'll back from blogspot to wordpress. I see that even people like more wordpress.

This is new layout:

http://kerlipoland.wordpress.com/

I love photo on the down this blog.. so creepy homes and the Moon

and KP on wordpress isn't active because I added stuffs on blogspot

and i'm in big shock because KerliPoland aka KerliLand together (twitter, facebook, wordpress, formspring, tumblr) has almost 2,000 followers ... wow

and soon will be back polish forum- old...work again

but is it positive for you that your sis is moving in with you guys?or is it not...

stay strong, my little miss sunshine! <3

Liisu not good :/
she is older 10 years and she sees different world than I
many critism

be strong honey <3

today is better but i writing song about eating disorders so crazy..

I guess when your older you see things in a different light. hope you to will be able to get along good and injoy your time together.

Krissy, I don;t know.. later I'll write new post about me

okay

"She has so thin tummy. I want to have the same. This photo take on my thoughts about be thin, and more thin. Maybe I should to lose some weight… I don’t know…"
NO.
That's exactly the thing you should not do. Do not get more thin. I'm sure you agree with me that people who are too thin, skeletons almost, are not a pretty sight... Yet you are going for that. I'm having hard time understanding that, as I'm sure you understand... I'm supposedly a "normal" person. But so are you, but you just have a really hard time. For too long...

Can I ask you these? You don't have to if it's too hard, of course.
Who are you trying to please with being more and more thin? Yourself, or other people? Do you want to disappear? I guess that's possible, but no one besides you wants that to happen. We all want you to be with us, and we all want to be with you. Any negative comments you hear are not valid.
Why are you doing bad things to yourself, when you don't want other people to do the same to themselves? It's like you're punishing yourself for doing something wrong. But all those wrongdoings are in your head, you're hurting yourself for no reason :( You love everyone else, but you're just as valuable as anyone else. Even though you can't see it yourself. Just like no one can see their own potential, but an outsider can. That's why you should believe what we say, not what you hear in your head.
Are you afraid of food? This I've been wondering for a while... Some people are afraid to taste new things. But I think it's just a matter of getting used to certain flavors, and that takes about 10-20 tries before you can see how some food can taste good... Some people are so used to chili, for example, that they can't taste it unless it's the hottest brand available. Myself, I don't like chili, I like more salty food xD
And, if you eat something, you DO NOT instantly gain tons of weight. It's not physically possible. Weight gaining, as well as losing it, takes a long time. You should relax about food, and eat when you are hungry, and eat whatever you want. You can never be fat, you move and work so much.

"I’m so sad that I can’t create a normal right now KerliPoland aka KerliLand by slowly Internet… almost every web site doesn’t work me… I’m so awful person."
Again, you're feeling bad for a thing you can't affect. It's the Internet's fault for not working, not your personal fault. Don't take it too hard on yourself :)

"Hmm… I can’t write but I wanna so much write articles….."
You should write if it makes you happy! Just make them available so people who are interested can read, but again, don't stress too much... No one becomes a sensation overnight! Sometimes those things take a few years to really come through to people.
I guess it's like how I do my art. No one's really interested in my art, but I occasionally manage to make something really good, that even I'm proud of, and that's all that matters. A good picture might get some fans, but then it's forgotten. But as long as I like it, it's fine :)

Honey, I'm so proud of you for getting good grades! That's something I don't have..

you are really cute...i hope things will work for you...stop being stupid..anorexia SUCKS..i'm fatty....and I DON'T CARE..i'm on a diet (normal diet) just to fit in my bikini..i got curves (more than i should) but i love myself..so i'll lose weight when, and IF i want to..for me...and that means to get on my average weight...i'm 1.65..i can't be under 55 kilos...(or 110 pounds)...so stop acting silly, get your pretty self together and start living NOW..it's gonna be a really shame if a girl like you will be a waste..don't waste yourself..someone special is waiting for you, and you should open your eyes, and heart, to see yourself as really is, and love Natt...and things will be better then.. <3

mile86 wrote:...stop being stupid..

excuse me............................

oh natt...i didn't mean it this way...you get us wrong all the time..and stop apologizing...you are not the one to blame for all the troubles in the world!!!!! stop being so hard to yourself..!

Natt like everyone said don't be thinner is bad I'm already thin enough(nothing to do with eating disorder here) being thin gets you a lot of dieseae. Natt you are for you are and we love you. Don't put yourself down on something very minor you should just be happy and strong. If writing makes you happy go for it of others don't want to see it do it for yourself . Your getting good grades aren't you supposed to be happy all time. Please natt stay positive.

Natt wrote:

mile86 wrote:...stop being stupid..

excuse me............................

Ah, that didn't come out right...
Natt, don't pick out the negative-sounding comments and think that it means something personal. I know it's hard to tell from writing what the other person meant, but in this case, it is not what you may think... Lena is not calling you stupid, you're far from it! Just the fact that you're hurting yourself on purpose is stupid, that the act of doing so is stupid. I'm sure you agree? I'm sure that if you think it this way: you see your friend getting thinner and thinner, she's tired all the time, and you see she's cutting herself... Wouldn't you tell her that what she's doing is stupid and pointless, and that you want her to get better? That you want her to be happy?

Of course we think that hurting yourself on purpose is stupid, because we don't have the need to do that, so it's a little hard for us to understand and we may say things that don't really help... But I know you understand we want nothing but happiness for you. When we see someone we love is hurting herself, we want her to stop doing that.

You know who is really stupid? The pro-ana girls, who don't want to be healthy and strong. They may think that getting yet again more thin is something to celebrate about, but it's not. They are just torturing themselves, and I can't even see how they can move without any muscles or anything... And the brain, it suffers and withers away, too. The worst state to be in; to be really thin, and have no brain activity... It's like being dead but alive... I know it may sound like the perfect state to be in, but it's the sadness and loneliness in you saying so. They're lying. There are other emotions besides them. When you feel happy, you want to live forever...

The real goals in life should be things like: good grades, doing the things you love to do, enjoying beauty, loving people and animals... You know, you are capable of enjoying all those, but something is holding you down emotionally... I wish it could go away, so you can see how much love and beauty there is for you. How much love and beauty there is IN YOU.

I'm sorry if I sounded too harsh or something, but I can't help myself. This is too serious to be taken lightly, and to just say "d'aww, don't worry, everything's gonna be OK". Because things won't be OK if you don't want them to be OK. You have to make the changes yourself, in your thoughts and habits. Little by little, day by day.

oh honey we are ALL supporting you, there has to be SOME sense in that right? one day you will see the light. just dont keep yourself in the dark.
-inspirational picture time- *o*


http://murderouslynocturnal.deviantart.com/gallery/?q=light#/d28hi8h

a girl in a dark place, finds a flower, it starts to glow and shes overcome with warmth and comfort, the light symbolizing everything she has.
please dont give up, love yourself and everything will be much easier.
you will find that flower Natt <3

thank you for ur posts, i'll read tomorrow... excuse me but ihad hard day :'(

i feel so awful really that i can;t now... i wanna read it and understand... i need time to eat.. for sure tomorrow i read .........

now i go to sleep

I LOVE U GUYS,

p.s. I'll send msg to Caroline because I'm so worried about her... because she started write to us and stopped... I'm really so much worried..

Good night natt

Natt wrote:
Mile:

I’m not cute, I don’t know why people called me still so. And please don’t call me by it stupid. This isn’t really nice. You aren’t fat. You are so beautiful. I want to be like you. “someone special is waiting for you”, please don’t say it. I don’t like hear when people say it or that I need to boyfriend. Really it drives me crazy.. I said a million times that I want to be a single, but nobody want to accept it. I don’t want any relationship in my life.

first of all, i'm not calling you stupid, the way you mean it..i mean it's stupid to think you are a nothing...you are a person, a wonderful person and it's a shame not to see that...we say you are cute BECAUSE YOU ARE..like it or not, only you say the opposite..last, i didn't mean a boyfriend...someone special might be a friend, or someone who will be there for you, and can support you in any way...(between you and me, better of alone, you can be there for yourself not worrying about anyone else.)..hang on, and try to be happy...we love you..and stop getting us wrong!

p.s i'm fatty and i know it! and i kinda like it...i got curves and that's natural...i hope one day you can look in the mirror and recognize the beautiful girl you are...

Well all only want the best for you!!!

Lena, now I understand but earlier it was my emotions, living in my skin isn;t easy, at the first in question of emotions.

Thank u so much for everything!!! I love u so much!!!

Thanks , Krissy <3

"everyone is beautiful… thin people are pretty too."
I agree, they're not exactly ugly or anything, I meant that they don't look normal or healthy if they're TOO thin. I guess there are people who find bones attractive, but for the most people, that is not the case... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say. Everyone are beautiful in someone's opinion. You are beautiful in our eyes, even though you can't see it yourself. I know, I don't think of myself as beautiful either, I can't even take proper pictures of myself without looking like a dork :D But if I think about it, only once I've been called UGLY in my life... But it was a comment from a 7-year-old girl, so it's not that serious :D

"Your questions are really hard. I don’t know really. I don’t want to disappear, I wanna life, really."
They are hard, but I think you'll have to think about these kinds of these at some point... To realize what you're doing to yourself, what's causing your behavior and such. You'll get to know yourself better, and you'll be able to make those changes needed to change your life for the better.
I'm so happy you want to live :') That's the basis for your actions, the will to live and the will to make something happen in your life and in the society.

"I have reasons to hurting myself… but I can’t say…they are only for me."
You don't have to tell your reasons if you don't want to, of course. But I can't think of any reason why someone would hurt themselves on purpose. None whatsoever. But I'm thinking with my brain, not with my emotions... I don't really know what it's like to feel so terrible, that you'd want to hurt yourself. I have felt extremely terrible, but I never wanted to hurt myself. I guess even in my deep grief, I knew that cutting would do no good at all. And probably because of my lazy nature I never even bothered to try :/
So all I can say is the same I've told you a year ago; get rid of all sharp objects in your reach, and try to overcome the feelings of sadness without hurting yourself. Hold your teddy bears, and wait until you have calmed down enough. You can even write to me if telling will help. I check my mail at least twice a day if I can, so I'll be able to read as soon as possible.

"Yes, I’m afraid food but for me these doesn’t have any flavors…zero… I’m not hungry. But I promise that I’ll try to eat more for sure… even I gaining again… I hope that this isn’t bad.. do you think? But thank you for understand me."
I guess they have no flavor, because you aren't used to them. And I just Googled if anorexia affects taste, and found out that it does. Well, mostly sense of smelling, due to "limbic system malfunctioning". You can read here if you want: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limbic_system
But in a nutshell, the limbic system "supports a variety of functions including emotion, behavior, long term memory, and olfaction" (olfaction means the sense of smell). And now I understand how anorexia affects the brain...
But I read that the sense of smell can come back. The sense of smell and the sense of taste are closely connected; food doesn't taste as good if you pinch your nose closed. It seems to me that you would get LOADS healthier if you beat anorexia :3
So yes, try to eat more, try out new foods, do it little by little (forcing someone to eat does NOT help, I've noticed this with my little sister), and don't stress too much :)

"About KerliPoland you know how much important this is for me, I feel always so awful by it if something happened with it. I’m so awful and horrible owner."
I'm sure that if you posted a message saying that your Internet isn't working properly, people would understand. Everyone has had trouble with their connections, so they know that there's really nothing you can personally do about it. Just do what you can, people will understand.

"Yes, write makes me so much happy but I don’t know really. I stress about it because this is so valid for me, this is only my future. Only it can help me in my life."
I think it's normal human behavior to stress about the things that are considered important. You love writing, it makes you happy, and you don't feel good if you don't write... So I see no reason to stop. Continue writing, it's your passion!

"Krissy: "Please honey, I know the best what I want to for myself. I want to be thin.. please I know myself the best. This is healthy."
Ah, I hope you're not mistaking the feeling of getting thin with being healthy! Try to let go of the pro-ana ideology, it's just messing things up... What I think is healthy: you're not tired all the time, you don't feel weak, you don't feel cold all the time, you don't shake, you feel hunger and thirst, you get sleepy at night and can sleep for 6-8 hours deeply... Anorexia destroys all those things that are normal for the human body, and the mind twists it into being OK. Which it isn't...

"I think that always bad comments are personal. This is me."
That is everyone. The human mind always works so that it registers negative comments more easily, and often discards the nice things. I don't know why, but everyone seems to concentrate on flaws and imperfections, instead of accepting them and just being happy. Concentrating on negative thoughts causes so much sadness, and it even deepens and makes people depressed, when they start repeating those things in their heads. So, to fix this, you have to start discarding the negative, and start repeating the nice things in your head. It's very very hard, I know. So next time someone says to you "you're so cute!", instead of saying no, say "thank you". Just thank them for the nice comment, don't bash it down right away :)

"I don’t know if I can to agree, I couldn’t call my friend stupid and stuffs which she doing… I know some person which a have similar to me life, they hurts themselves but I couldn’t call it stupid."
I already explained that hurting yourself on purpose isn't something people normally do. It seems it requires immense sadness, and the right kind of nature for a person to start doing it. I say hurting yourself on purpose is stupid, because it's not helping at all. The sadness won't come out from a wound on your skin. The sadness stays inside you, and it won't go away until you deal with it with clear reasoning, with forgiving the people who have done wrong to you, with forgetting and moving on to what makes you happy. The sadness still won't go away completely, especially if it's something extremely serious, but it would become easier to live with.

"The pro ana girls are really nice. They have some reasons to be skinny."
I'm sure they are nice people, and I understand if they feel happy about their bodies and lives. I just don't want them to take it too far, where they are too weak and start having serious problems. That's when it becomes an illness, and they have to fight for their lives. I don't want that condition for anyone. No matter what reasons they have come up with to make them torture themselves... No matter what has happened to them, they have no reason to do it... They are looking for happiness in the wrong place.

"But keeping good grades will not can to be my goal.. like I wrote I’ll must to lose one semester."
Yeah, that's unfortunate, but sometimes these things happen. Difficult choices. Is there a way you could do that semester somehow? I don't know what kind of people the teachers are there, but I guess there's no harm in asking if it would be possible...

"How are you doing? How your fiancé???"
Right now I'm nervous, I'll be traveling by train in a few days. Alone. I'm worried that I'll have a panic attack without my fiancé :D But I guess there's nothing I can do about it then, I'll just have to concentrate on something else... Like, I'll probably be gone for one night, so it's not that long...
And my fiancé is doing OK, I guess. He still has no job, and he's not really interested in studying anything, so now they're trying to find out if he's depressed and unable to work... But I feel he just hasn't found that thing that would interest him enough :) We'll be OK, though, thank you for asking <3

Silja comments are the best..i agree with her 100%... besides we are you too older sisters...hahaha...so please my sweet natt, try to feed right, and gain a bit of weight..and please oh please, more important than food, start doing things you love, in order to feel better... i don't care if you are too thin, or too fat, or normal, i just want you to be healthy and happy.. i want you to do things that make you smile and laugh <3 love you <3

I agree too. I'Ve once before tired hurting my self when i was your age.I was in a really depressed mood.It was a very BAD things i did.It doesn't help you feel better or take away your pain.It only gains you much more pain.I've learned my lesson from it.When I'm up set now i wright my friend online.Or if it's nice i go for a walk.Listen to much.i've found other way's to deal with pain.So pease DON'T hurt your self.I've watched an esp of 90210 and a girl donna was working with had a cutting problem and she had all theses marks on her arm.That opened up my eyes and made me glad i stoped and it showed just how seriouse cutting is.


I'm sure they are nice too.pro-ana girls.But really they are not good role models for you. They are teaching you wrong message about what beautiful is. You shouldn't make goals to be thiner.It REALLY is NOT good. You don't wanna end up being skin and bones.That's NOT HEALTHY AT ALL.So please keep trying to eat and gain a little weight.You are perfuct the way you are natt.You are beautiful.I hope one day you can see that and even believe that.

We all want you be healthy and happy. We say this cause we care.

excuse me but i'll read today... i had crazy day.. i need go to relax///

job+ cleaning room+nephew+ learning+ essays= im too tired...

Silja, Lena and Krissy for sure I'll answer in weekend. thank u for ur support. girls i love u so much....

i can;t answer i;m too tired.... too hard time :'(

okay.good night

I’m sorry that I answer now but I had crazy time. Hope that you understand me.

Forace; I understand you but part of people bones are amazing, e.g. on face. But the beautiful is only soul. I think that every person has reasons to be sad or hurt herself. These problems are a little or big.

You know we aren’t the same people. For X some problem is so big, but for Y is easy. This is world. Thank you <3

Thanks for link to Wikipedia but I know about it. I didn’t want say about it because I was scared that you will angry at me. Honey everything must be better with time.

Yes, I posted on KerliPoland that I can’t be online. When I looked on statistic it now daily is 4-10 views, earlier was 150-300 :/

Yes I’ll write. I must to do something for myself.

Honey still I hear bad comments and really it hurts me. Always I thanks for nice words, but I don’t deserve for their.

Yes, pro ana girls, mans are nice. Even on TOL are for sure. For their starving is goal to perfection.

Please don’t be nervous. Everything will be good for you. You will not have panic attack. I believe in you!!!! You can read book that don’t think about travel. I’m so sorry about your fiancé. Hope that will be better for him. I send to him hugs.

Lena, everyone gave to me so good advice. Yes you are my so lovely older sisters.
Ok, I’ll try for you <3 Love you too <3

Krissy, I understand you so good. I’m so happy that you feel better. This is so much important. Many love and light to you and everyone. Thanks for your love <3

Your welcome natt.

<3

I started new project in my life....
I writing stuffs to some contests.. also I created my buzznet where I'll show to world what I think and what I feel http://neoweltschmerz.buzznet.com/user/

I love your buzznet page! Really positive and inspiring.

out of the hollow wrote:I love your buzznet page! Really positive and inspiring.

thank you so much...

this is my new post: http://neoweltschmerz.buzznet.com/user/journal/17245307/today-rainy-day-city/

TODAY IS SO RAINY DAY IN MY CITY

The sky is so sad and an angels crying.
But I don’t know why.
Sometimes I think that I did something bad.
Or maybe I see too much.
I have so crazy poetic soul.
I want to described on paper everything what I see.
Every secret smile, sad face or scream on the street.
For me it has so big sense.
This is my life.

People don’t understand vision of my world.
Every element is something more than last day.
But often I back to my memories.
I know that this is wrong but for sure one day I’ll not must to do it.

Dreams…
I love think about their.
But I know that I don’t have chance to come true my secret dreams.
World isn’t fair and we must to know where is ours place.

I don’t have any place.
But I want to have my Wonderland.
Maybe I should fly to future.

I don’t fix to this era.
My world it: love, light and again love.
Can I want to have more?? No!!!
These are the best stuffs which we can to have.

I hate money!!! So much
They control this world
We can’t to have a normal life by this stupid thing
So many people doesn’t have chance to a normal life, so many can’t eat or go to school.
It makes me so sad.
I want to help so much but I can’t.
It makes me so sad.

I hope that in future I’ll have chance to released my stuffs.
When I’ll can to do it, I’ll add create foundation.
I’ll want to do something for girls which are talented but doesn’t have any chance to come true their dreams.

Maybe I must to try for these kids???



Many love and light,
Forbidden

this is my new post on my blog http://neoweltschmerz.buzznet.com/user/journal/17245307/today-rainy-day-city/

so sad

why sad??? they are only my feelings...

I meant the pome is sad.Yes,I know that.

beautiful natt... we love you <3

Krissy excuse me but poem is sad... poem is so much positive and happy.

Lena thank you, I love u more

Okay sorry. Yeah It's Nice & Pretty.

don't worry