TheLastSongbird's Blog

OOH now I just HAVE to share photos from my uncle's wedding. Typical how he had to wear an untucked dress shirt with jeans while his bride wore a gorgeous traditional dress *eye roll*

I also just wanna show off my two little cousins I forgot to tell you guys: I got really really excited because Willow and Brooklyn (cousins) had dimentis glued into their hair... MOONMARKS!!! Although you can't see them in these photos, they just made my day lol. I even gave Brooklyn the Army of Love MP3 off my phone when we were swapping music through Bluetooth in the hope that maybe one day she'll look into Kerli ahh I'm soo shneaky!!








Anyhoo... sorry for ranting on YOUR blog hehehe

^ Sooo pretty! You've gotta love weddings. I went to the wedding of an uncle on my dad's side, they had a Gothic wedding, and the bride wore the most amazing black PVC dress, that she had made herself!

I wasn't sure, but now I think I want to wear white if I do get married. White and spring green ^^ Like on this dress <<< I have fallen in love with it! <3

ohmigosh that's GORGEOUS!!!! I really really wanna go to a "themed" or alternative wedding. Just to see what it's like.

I've been feeling, like, not myself lately. I've been getting at myself a lot for being selfish, jealous, stupid, unworthy, when I've not done or thought anything that bad. I've been getting worked up over things that wouldn't usually upset me that much. Today I've felt really tired too. I had a long nap earlier, I don't usually sleep in the middle of the day, and when I woke up I just wanted to sleep again.

I've felt like this since Saturday night, when my boyfriend's best female friend came to Derby for a night out. He rarely gets to see her, so of course he was very happy to see her and they had a lot of catching up to do. But I couldn't help but feel left out. There was a flat party before we headed out, and he kept talking to her, putting his arm around her, and at one point when I said something to him, he didn't hear, so I said it again and he was just like "Oh, right," and went back to talking to her again. It shouldn't have bugged me as much as it did, how close they are, and how happy he was with her...They're only friends, nothing more.

But even before they picked me up from my flat I was feeling a bit down. The last time I'd seen my boyfriend, he'd said I could sleep over that night, then he sent me a text on the day saying his friend would be staying over instead, so he'd be walking me home at the end of the night. I felt bad for replying saying that it didn't seem fair, because he'd made plans with me first, but that's just how I felt. Then the fear came over me that while I wasn't there, things would happen between them, especially because they'd be drunk. I got all dressed up hoping to keep a bit of his attention, but it didn't seem to work, so that got me down too...

We ended up having a great night together though. I really like his friend, I'm sure I can trust her. It's just that, with them being so close, my instincts were always on edge. I was reassured by both of them, and another friend of ours, that my boyfriend loves me and wouldn't try anything with her. But still, when he brought me home, the feeling of being abandoned for another girl (even though I know it wasn't like that at all) came back.

I must be a bit too possessive. I should learn from him. On Saturday, he was saying how he'd like to live somewhere in a big city, where he could live in an apartment and look down on the bright lights at night from a balcony. When I asked if he'd take me with him, he just said "Probably," and I didn't know how to take it. When I talked to him about it on Monday, he said "I wouldn't take you with me. I'd let you make your own decisions about whether to come with me or not. You don't belong to me."

When he said that, it made me realise a lot. It made me remember how much I respect him for how grounded he is where it matters. It made me wonder if he respects me for anything...but I think he must do. I think respect has to be wherever real love is. I felt really happy that night, and the night before, when I slept over. I hope I can feel happy again soon. Everything seems to be up and down for me at the moment, but that means an up should be on its way.

Oh!.*hugs* I hope that you feel better soon. i know how you feel.i'am the same way i can really get worked up over stuff like that too..I hate it how sometimes the why are minds can make us feel so crazy.

am sure you are just over thinking everything. Everything will be ok. everything will work out. I think it's normal to feel jelouse sometimes.(has long has you don't act on i)

Aw. Maybe your just feeling a little sick is all. Maybe you have just gotten a little over-stressed and this will all blow over soon. Sometimes the littlest things can send us 'round the bend.

You're probably just a little sick and stressed. Everything will get better...



[haha I just realized that this is a lot like a modified version of your's, butterflycry2010. hehe sorry. ]

but ur right the small things can really set people off.

Oh i feel jealous even over my friends sometimes so it should be totally okay haha. But he loves you so certainly he wouldn't do that much to hurt you? I do hope you feel better soon, your one of the people that deserves nothing else than happiness <3

*Hugs sis*

Thankyou, all of you ^^

Ene, I know there's nothing I should worry about. He's never done anything to hurt me, and I trust him. I just get over protective and jealous sometimes xD I'm lucky that he understands and doesn't find it annoying. Or, if he does, he doesn't get mad with me about it.

I am feeling better now

glad ur feeling better

I'm glad you're feeling better!!

I hope things will get better in the world soon...right now, Everybody Hurts by Avril Lavigne reminds me of the people that have suffered recently due to natural disasters, and Mother Earth, who I feel is hurting too.


I'm trying to focus on the good, because as soon as I start thinking of all that, I just get sad and feel hopeless, not knowing what to do. Like, right now, I'm just about ready for the play I'll be performing in on Friday and Saturday. After the Saturday performance I'll be seeing my sister, my mum and her best friend, who is a good friend of the family, because they'll be coming to see the play. Tomorrow, I'm seeing my boyfriend, who I haven't seen since Saturday morning (which is quite a long time for us)...plenty is right at the moment.

I'm doing as much as I feel I can to help those who must be feeling so lost without homes or loved ones. They are in my thoughts, and my prayers. But it isn't selfish just to carry on with your own life, whatever is happening, in my opinion. As much as it hurts, death is as much a part of life as anything else. And life goes on.

I'm crying for the first time for the people who are going through so much pain right now. I've been trying not to, because what they need is happiness and love, not more sadness and hurt. I hope that, in some way, the love of everyone who is feeling for the ones affected can reach them, and warm their hearts just a little bit.

Ugh, I'm so tired. Not sleepy tired though, just drained, which makes it more annoying. But I'm sure I'll have plenty of energy tomorrow, because it's the first performance of the play I'm in Two more days of focusing on that, then no more worrying over lines and stuff for a while.

I'm looking forward to seeing my Mum on Saturday. It feels like ages since last weekend, and I didn't get to see her for long then because she was busy. I'm hoping she can meet the people I'm in Theatre Society with. It would do her good to know I have so many people around me who really care for me. Then she'll definitely catch them in a good mood too...everyone's way too stressed at the moment, getting angry with each other and stuff. I can't stand to see any people I know falling out. It makes it worse that I care about everyone in the society, and that everyone gets along well usually.

There was a falling out today between two older members of the society who have been running things behind the scenes. One of them stormed off and didn't come back for the whole dress rehearsal. Honestly, it made me want to cry. Part of me just wants the play to be over, so we can all get back to normal again. While I'm on stage I'm going to give my all and enjoy it, but I'm sure everyone will breathe a sigh of relief after Saturday's performance.

Overall though, I'm happy to know everyone in Theatre Society. There has never been a group of people I've ever known who have made me feel welcome and looked after me like they have. I can't remember ever feeling awkward with them. Maybe I was for the first couple of minutes, but they were so friendly and willing to make any new members feel comfortable that I forgot all about it. They mean a lot to me, and I'm not sure what to do to show that. I want to tell them all how much they've done for me...I'm so happy and confident with them, they've really brought me out of my shell, on and off stage. They're like another family to me. All I really need is to be loved, because I have so much to give in return, and I do feel so protected and cared for with them.

Hehe, I feel like I'll most probably give some sort of tearful speech at the end of the year. I feel so happy just thinking about how they've helped me that I'm welling up right now. And I'll be with them for another two years after this one. It's amazing to finally have so many real friends. Not just in the society, everyone I've got to know since moving to Derby. Everything came along all at once, and I still feel overwhelmed thinking about it. Even though I only left school just under a year ago, all that feels so far away now, and that's just what I wanted - to be free from everything bad that's happened in the past, and to forget all about it. Even when I do remember it now, it doesn't make me sad any more. Those years feel completely separate from my life now. When I really think about it, I realise I couldn't be happier.

I hope they work out there falling out..It's like the start of the year every one has had some problems with friends/bf/gfs....

I wish you good luck with the play..Am sure u will do just fine!

^ I'm sure they'll make up, it's just that everyone's worked up over the play at the moment. Everything will be fine after the performance tomorrow

GoodLuck!! break a leg!

Aw stuff like that is stressful so no wonder people are flipping. I'm sure it'll turn better after the play is done
So good to hear your happy <3 Your school sounds awesome, always great to belong to somewhere. I had bit of an break year last year, it was for raising grades and we had the best class ever, everybody supporting everybody and such good energy. I did cry when i had to say goodbye to most of them :/

Well, tonight's performance went great. I managed not to forget any lines xD Everyone was in such a good mood after it, so it'll be even better tomorrow. Someone who's going to write a review of the play for Dusted, the university magazine, was in the audience and she was very impressed So the Theatre Society will get some good publicity. There will be a bigger audience tomorrow too, because most of us have family and friends coming to see us.

At least I know I can get through tomorrow's performance without stumbling over lines or anything after tonight And I'm sure afterwards everyone will be congratulating each other and getting on just fine ^^

glad it went fine

I got so much positivity from the angel card reading Kerli did in her chat tonight, the one about having success with working on a project if you stay positive was really relative to me. Actually, a faery card I pulled not long ago said a similar thing. And the Omega card was definitely for all MoonChildren ^^

My faery cards started calling to me during the angel card reading, and I was drawn to two. One told me that I'm feeling stuck and not allowing the new into my life. The other told me I'm focusing too much on servicing other people and being there for them, and that I have to let go of someone dear that's causing a burden.

It really seems like the angels and faeries joined together to let me know how I can move forward and allow positive change to take place. It's going to be hard in some ways...I've been having thoughts about whether my best friend is giving me any happiness any more. She's all about her boyfriend nowadays, but still keeps in touch like she's saying "Wait up for me, I don't know when I'll get round to seeing you, but keep waiting." She means so much to me, but she's making me hurt. I'm crying right now just thinking about her. I know now that I need to let go and focus on me, my future and what makes me happy. I can always trust the faeries for the right guidance. But it's going to be painful to take their advice...

Does anyone remember Kerli's "I feel like I'm being born" blog? Because I totally understand it now. Right now, that's how I feel. I need to head towards the light, but in the way there's only one possible route, through struggle and pain. I have to reach away from what's safe and reliable to me, to get to where I need to be in order to continue to the next stage of my life. Through it, I will be reborn.

It's times like this I'm so thankful to have you, MoonChildren. I know you'll always be there. I love you so much. Please just take a second to send some of your love to me. I could do with it right now. ●♥●

Don't let go of your friend completely! You say she's with her boyfriend all the time? She's seeing him through rose red glasses, and wants to be with him as much as possible. I'm still like that with my fiancé, even after many years xD
BUT I can let go of him for a while if I want to see my friends, or if he wants to go see his friends. It wasn't like that in the beginning, I got all panicky when he left me alone :D I believe your friend will become like that as well.
So now you just need to stop thinking about her all the time, and be with yourself and your own boyfriend :) Not to stress about this friendship, everything will be fine. She has told you herself, "wait for me".

And what if she breaks up with this boy she's seeing? She'll come running to you, of course.

So you just calm down, she'll come to you when she's ready.

Hmm, yeah, maybe this is only a temporary period where I have to stop worrying so much. I hope so anyway. I don't want to let go of her if I don't have to, and she still wants me around. She posted on Tumblr the other day saying she wishes she had a friend who wasn't busy with college or away at uni who understands.

What I am going to do though, is give her a chance to get round to seeing me without reminding her all the time. I think she will when she can. She's just busy right now. I'm hoping the Summer holidays will give her time to see her boyfriend and me.

Heh, it hardly feels right to say "boy"-friend. He's 21 or 22. Even though it's not a massive age difference (she's 18) he is a fully grown man with a steady job and he can afford to spoil her a bit. He buys her tickets for any concert she wants to go to, and they're planning a holiday this Summer. I can't help but think that proves to be a bit of a distraction for her. I mean, what girl doesn't want to be spoiled? xD I'm not saying that has anything to do with why she's with him...but as soon as he bought both their tickets to a Paramore concert I also wanted to go to, it seemed like I was forgotten. She didn't even ask if I wanted to go. It started to make me have doubts about whether she thought much about me any more.

I really hope this is something that will settle down with her. She isn't the type to deliberately sideline people close to her, so there's definitely hope yet. Last night I did my usual thing of not stopping to really think my decision through because I was upset But, as usual, this morning it wasn't as heavy on my mind. Calm me is back

A new blog post is long overdue, so here I am! xD

I have my prize from Kerli for being the first to answer a Kerli Trivia question during her Twitterview with cambioconnect! I got an Army of Love medallion, a badge (which I'm wearing), two stickers, and a signed note saying "Thank you for helping me build my Army of Love." So happy! When I can get to my camera (I'm at home right now and my camera's at my flat) I'll take a photo of them to show you all.

My mum is the best! We're going to the Download festival in a week, and she's bought us the most amazing tent! She told me that when she saw it, she immediately thought "That's so BubbleGoth" and knew I'd love it :') She's awesome. It is TOTALLY BubbleGoth! I'll take pics of it during the festival, because it'd be a pain to fold it all out just for that xD I think I'll borrow mum's camera and get a picture of the logo on its carry case though, just to give you a bit of an idea of what it looks like.

This month is already treating me well, and it's about to get better

i am SO happy for you u see there is a mountain after a meadow. <3

I love it when your positivity shines through like this it's so inspirational I.L.U.

*hugs Mimi and Caroline* Love you guys! Life's just been great for me since I got all my coursework handed in. Those 3 weeks of hard work before the deadline were so worth it, considering how I'm feeling now. I'm really proud of myself for working so hard, and I'm sure I'll at least pass, although I'm hoping to do better than that

This is the logo on the BubbleGoth tent's carry case. It's by Pink Cookie design. How cute is this?!



And you can see what the tent looks like here!

Congratulations and have a fantastic time <3

haha that's wicked! good old argos

Here's my prize from Cambio and Kerli:


(Army of Love medallion, a badge, two stickers and a note from Kerli )

And here's a close-up of the medallion:



I'm so happy with all of it. Although I love the medallion to bits, the little note from Kerli made me smile the most. One of the things I am most proud of is our Army!

so beautiful... you deserve for it, honey
be happy my love <3

that is so cute
although.. i think tableoflove.net should be on the sticker as well.

KerliPoland wrote:so beautiful... you deserve for it, honey
be happy my love <3

Thankyou Natt ^^ I am very happy <3

mimi wrote:i think tableoflove.net should be on the sticker as well.

I thought that the stickers were seriously missing tableoflove.net too. Although, I can also imagine the extra website making the stickers look a bit cluttered with text.

I don't know how/where to use the stickers! They almost seem too precious to use...but I do want to use them. I'm thinking of putting them on folders/notepads when I go back to uni in September. Still not entirely certain though.

*******

Sooo...over the weekend I am definitely going to be seeing:

*Pendulum
*Alice Cooper
*Bowling for Soup
*The Pretty Reckless
*Skunk Anansie
*Alter Bridge
*Skindred
*Young Guns
*VersaEmerge
*Twisted Sister
*Cheap Trick

AAAAHHHHHH!! I'm in love with this weekend already... I should really be sleeping right now, I have to be up at 6am to pack and get ready, but I'm too excited! It's like being 5 years old on Christmas Eve again :')

So, my sweet MoonChildren, it's likely I won't be around for a few days. I'll miss you, but rest assured I'll be having an amazing time Love you all

I got back from Download Festival at 9 last night exhausted and soaked through from the pouring rain, but happy with how the weekend turned out. My mum and I had an amazing time together, and I'm glad I got to spend that time with her.

I've come away from it all with great memories: the passion of the bands and singers we saw, the happiness of everyone at the festival, getting back to nature for the weekend, and this one guy who was stoned and chatted us both up xD The weather managed to hold out quite nicely, only giving us a few showers and plenty of sunshine, until Sunday. Then it slung it down. We saw two bands that day, then came back.

On Friday I saw:

Alter Bridge
Korn (just in passing, but they were worth stopping to listen to)
Pendulum

On Saturday:

Skindred (now one of my new favourite bands!)
Cheap Trick
Twisted Sister
Alice Cooper

And on Sunday:

Bowling for Soup
The Pretty Reckless

The highlights of the entire weekend were Alter Bridge, Pendulum and Alice Cooper. All three put on fantastic shows, all in their individual ways. Alter Bridge were all about epic guitar riffs, and their angel faced and equally angel voiced singer Myles Kennedy. I raved like a lunatic to Pendulum, in a double cherry patterned waterproof poncho, and loved it! Their atmosphere was so exciting and infectious, the whole crowd went wild! Alice Cooper totally lived up to his status as a rock legend, and owned the stage with his theatrical performance. He performed a brand new song called I'll Bite Your Face Off, Poison, School's Out and many others, and I let my dark side loose

Also, on Saturday night, I played Army of Love and Beautiful Inside in the tent and my mum really liked both songs. She's asked about Love is Dead too. So fucking happy that mum likes Kerli's sound!! :'')

I will look back on last weekend with fondness, and I would love to go to Download again. I had a rocking weekend. I loved it to bits!

yay! im happy u had fun - next year i wanna volunteer in one of those festivals. for sure!

oh and im going to a festival this weekend - gonna see pendulum as well! and ive been to alice cooper's concert, he puts on a really cool show. and im sure that on a bigger stage it was even more fun than the one i saw in brighton.

oh and im positive its gonna rain .. because.. that's just the law lol murphy's law. so ive got my wellies and my chick yellow raincoat ready and i dont give a rats ass what anybody thinks. ill be dry and warm

u're welcome.
aww this festival must was an awesome. i don't know artist which was there.

Heyy glad you had fun! Alter Bridge is really cool. Isn't Download like huge festival? I remember seeing some videos of Arch Enemy performing there and the amount of people was nuts!
(OH YES, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxD4Ruf68bU)

It's sad we haven't really talked for a while! :/ <3

I miss you Ene <3 You're looking stunning in your new picture!

Yeah, Download is a big festival for metal in particular, both old school and newer, heavier stuff. Then there are hard rock bands like Alter Bridge, and you get a few pop-rock, punk and alternative bands too. I'm loving Alter Bridge right now, I can't get over how amazing they were live! The size of the crowds really adds to the atmosphere, as long as you can find somewhere to stand where you can at least see a screen (being small, that was a bit of a challenge at some points xD)

I have quite a thing for Alice Cooper after seeing him live too. I knew I'd enjoy his performance, but I didn't expect to fall in love with his music and his style (and him...just a bit ^^') like I have done. I don't know what it is about him, I mean, there's an age gap of over 40 years between us, and yet he appears so ageless when he's on stage. Mum told me he hasn't changed at all in 30 years. Ugh, I have to find a video, just to show you what I mean...

Here's one, the video is poor quality (all of them are unfortunately) but it gives you a good idea of what his performance is like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9x6-Vj-rVIs Heh, I'd be one of his groupies any day lol! He's a total rock star! And I might be going to see him again in October! *swoons a little*

Anyway, I think that's enough gushing over Alice Cooper for one day I hope life's treating you well bro!

Mimi, I'm thinking of you, I'm sure you're having an amazing time! Wow, Pendulum are getting around xD I'm sure they'll put on a brilliant show for you too! Hope the weather's being good to you. If it isn't, I hope you're staying dry enough

Well, I've finally got my results for my first year of uni! I got an A-, a B+ and two B's. All that hard work certainly paid off I'm looking forward to some total relaxation now the grade worries are behind me <3

I had a wonderful weekend in London last Friday through to Sunday. I went with my mum and one of her best friends, who is also like a sister to me, and we saw Wicked on Friday and Bon Jovi on Saturday. Both events were fantastic! The morning after Bon Jovi, my stomach muscles were stiff from too much dancing and jumping around xD On Sunday we went to Camden Town, and I got a new belly bar, a jacket and a gorgeous corset. My mum bought me a pink top and a white jumper which both have a penguin on them (I've been crazy about penguins for most of my life) and she's agreed to going to see Alice Cooper on his Halloween Night of Fear tour in October!

I have so much still to look forward to this year! I feel like the Fates are making up for my school years, ever since I left school and went to uni everything's turned around for me, and I've been having so much fun just living.

Next year, my New Year's resolution is going to be to show my true self every day, wherever I go. I'm going to be working up to that for the rest of this year. I've sunk so far into the habit of making choices based on what others might think of me if I come off at all different or strange, but I have nobody close to me who would ever judge me now I'm rid of everyone from school. It's high time I felt free to show my true spirit. I know it's going to take some time and work, but it will be worth it.

Thankyou, my moonsiblings, for accepting me for who I am and helping me come to this decision. I owe you so much, and I love you all!

aaah camden is one of my favourite places in the world <3 since im moving to london in august, ill be there most of the time lol honestly.. ive been there so many times but the vibe is just so amazing that i never get bored of it!

ur mum seems really cool - i like her already

and liz, u shouldnt wait til new year to make a resolution.. we make promises to ourselves all the time but hardly ever keep them. if you really mean something you should start with it from the moment it enters your mind

mimi wrote:and liz, u shouldnt wait til new year to make a resolution.. we make promises to ourselves all the time but hardly ever keep them. if you really mean something you should start with it from the moment it enters your mind

Ah, such good advice! What would I ever do without you? Ok then, it starts today

haha u know, i have your back u have mine. that's what friends are for

Hehe, I know ♥

Actually, it's weird, but it's like I can feel the changes now I've promised them to myself. I stand for freedom and integrity, so that should show in everything I do. I'm not afraid of anyone, or anybody's thoughts any more. I forget what feeling brave is like, because I feel this way so rarely, but I don't want to forget how it feels any more. I'm going to be faerylike, a beautiful weirdo and a freak from now on because that's how I feel inside, and if people find it strange, they're the ones missing out. I'm not going to miss out on my own freedom any more.

that is really empowering!!!
u know.. since ive been in estonia ive been feeling a lot happier..and i can feel it by the day that im beginning to be my old self again, which i love. but i keep having dreams where i wake up crying (about my ex and how everybody's blaming me for doing 'horrible' things to him, when he was the one who left me and started the rumors about me) so its like.. im not allowed to be happy?
then again, nobody else but me should be able to decide whether im happy or not. if you can't be on your own then you shouldn't be with anyone else. so FUCK (sorry) IT! im in it with u <3
today is the first day of the rest of my life and im going to live it the way i want to!

we're wrong in the right ways (..So raise your glass if you are wrong, in all the right ways all my underdogs, we will never be never be anything but loud and nitty gritty dirty little freaks)

YEAH! You go Supergirl! Knowing that we're both in this together makes me feel all the more sure of myself. It's made my day And now you've got that song in my head! (If you're too school for cool, and you're treated like a fool, we can always, we can always party on our own ;P)

after i wrote the last reply i actually blasted it out and danced. alone. in my room. and i dont give a shizzle

I've been dancing in my room today too! But to Avril Lavigne, Kerli and Alice Cooper Ahh, it's a good life <3

hey im coming back to the uk in the end of august.
do u wanna come to london and we can go to camden and give out flyers of kerli? and play army of love from speakers or smth.

Gahh, I would LOVE to! Sounds like a plan. Our meet-up has been due for a long time.

yeah its such a fail! when does ur course start again?

Mid September, something like the 12th I would think. This is turning out to be a busy year for me, I'm liking it