TheLastSongbird's Blog

Aww, Mimi, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine having to break up with my boyfriend, but I know I might have to for some reason at some point, and the thought scares me as it is. I wish I had your bravery when it comes to accepting difficult changes. I wish you the best of luck at uni, and I hope you'll be happy living in London, and that everything will turn out for the best. You deserve to be happy, whatever happens.

Heh, my boyfriend is completely chilled out about life too, he doesn't get stressed about reaching goals, whereas I want to be the best I can be constantly. My boyfriend got into uni on his GCSEs, so he did virtually no work for his A Levels, seeing as he'd already got an unconditional place on his course. I couldn't possibly have done that, even if I'd had an unconditional offer. I often cursed him for being so god damn lucky while exams were coming up. If it had been one year later, he would have had to work for his place at uni just like most other people. So when I get worried about where my life's going, he's like, "What are you getting all upset about? It'll be ok." And I always get myself hung up on the thought, "But what if it's completely not ok?!" But he's had to put up with so many of my tears that I try not to bother him with them. I'm hyper-sensitive, he breezes through life in blissful nonchalance. In many ways, that's better for me. Two hyper-sensitives in a relationship...I can imagine xD He's always there for me though, and I can't ask for any more from him.

I think sometimes we have to go different times to feel ourselves stronger and sometimes we have to make hard decisions to make space for new things and new people.
everything happens for a reason.
stay strong.

I don't really know what to say because I don't know ANYTHING about this sort of thing so I'm sure you can guess what's coming...









KIA KAHA!!!

Aww, Caroline, I actually have the stupidest grin plastered across my face after reading that. You make me happy without even trying

I try really hard actually hahaha YAY SUCCESS!!!!!

i still want to stay friends with him, if possible, because he is my first boyfriend and u know.. we've been together for so long and he is truly a great guy. but i need to go right, he needs to go left.. but i will always have special feelings for him.

i had a talk yesterday with his mum(as i live with her lol) and she said that she would LOVE me to be his daughter in law but she knows it will never happen. she said other things as well, which here harsh to hear, but true.

oh and she also said she wants to meet my husband in the future and be an adopted gran for my kids LOL

Caroline, I'm happy enough just to have friends like you here ^^

And Mimi, there's bound to be someone else out there for you. But, knowing you, I'm sure you'll be perfectly fine as you are until the right person comes along. It almost feels strange to say this without meeting you in person, but I can tell that your strength and determination are too powerful to be worn down by this complicated time in your life. You are going to be alright.

Honey, I'm sorry that I write now...
You know that you are the best. You are so inteligent, creative, brillant and lovely person. Life is hard but we are big part this fight. I hope that you will be feel better <3

Aww, thankyou Natt <3 I am feeling better, I think I was just having one of my lows. It's true that life can seem like one big fight, but if we had nothing to fight for, life would be empty and pointless, wouldn't it. I hope you keep fighting too Natt.

This is good that yoes we fighting all time

Accepting the risk that I may well embarrass myself, this has to be said.

I'm feeling so much love for you MoonChildren right now. I've just been thinking what the chances are that our souls have all been brought together in such a small part of the Universe like this...It seems crazy that we've all found each other, but somehow we did. It's like, before we came to this life, all of us thought the same thing. That this world needs help, and someone needs to step up to the challenge to bring Love back, and to help it win over the Hate that's spreading like a plague with nobody preventing it. We are the few brave souls that dared to believe we could change the world, but couldn't do it alone. We are the ones strong enough to stand up for what's right, while others stare and see us as "strange" for feeling all the pain in this world, but also seeing all its beauty, and helping it flourish. Just like the lotus flower from the swamp.

We are the human angels, the Fae that have sacrificed their immortality, the beings drawn from another planet, or even another Universe, with the belief that our Light will drown out the Darkness. Maybe not in this life, or even the next. But I am sure that we've found each other before, maybe hundreds of times, and will keep doing so, as we grow stronger together. It gives me so much hope that death isn't the end. I'm scared of getting old. I'm terrified of dying, and the thought that I might not accomplish all I want to in this life. But my last prayer will be that I can be with you all again. In the meantime, I am so happy that I have many years left on Earth to share with you, dear MoonChildren.

To tell the truth, I would be hopeless without you all. This Love completes me. When life gets tough, it's as vital as my heart and lungs. It always keeps me going. It gives me faith that our Integrity, Love and Unity are strong enough to make a difference, no matter how small.

I believe I only truly started living when I realised I belonged with the MoonChildren. I couldn't make sense of who I was until then. Now I know what real Happiness, Hope and Love is. I will never be able to thank whoever brought me to this life enough.

I.L.U.

Now and forever.

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AWWW!!! I absolutely agree with you! Discovering (or rediscovering) this community of MoonChildren was one of the best things that could've happened to me. What we stand for - it gives everyone a purpose in life. I don't know what I'm gonna do in the future but I just know that I'll always have MoonChildren in my heart and mind to guide me along the right path, you know? I would've felt so much more lost without you guys. But I love this unique connection we all have. It really gives us all hope and pushes us to try our very best to give a little bit of that hope to the people around us and to start a chain reaction of love and light. I honestly don't care if people call it a cult anymore because this would be the most fulfilling damn cult one could take part in! You guys are my "chosen" family and yet I didn't specifically "choose" you -- we just kinda drew to each other like a moth to a flame

With MoonChildren and ILU, there is nothing to regret; only goals to strive for and people to love and support we are the luckiest marshmallows in the world ^^

<3

Aww, Caroline...just, yes ^^

Something strange happened to me last night. I was thinking about what I wrote in my last blog entry, feeling utterly inspired. All of a sudden, I felt really warm, like an energy was flowing all the way through me, in my bloodstream. It wasn't a hot flush...what I felt definitely seemed more internal, if you know what I mean. It seemed focused inside my head and chest. My ears were actually burning up at one point. And you know that pressure and rushing sound you get in your ears when you're underwater? I felt just like that, with the same kind of pressure on my third eye. It was like the room was swimming with energy. I reached my hand out and it was twitching, as though the air was electrically charged. I had my bedroom light on and it kept flickering, dimming slightly than coming back on. I felt emotional and a kind of scared reverance and started to cry, and even though it was the early morning I lost all feeling of tiredness.

I've felt quite distanced from the angels since I started to know they existed, my affinity is with the Fae, but I'm sure my guardian angel made contact with me last night. I think he's still here. It definitely feels like a male energy anyway. It's a large energy, strong and warm. My room still feels warmer than the rest of the house, my ears are ringing and I can still feel that pressure in them. That's probably why I've been noticing repeated numbers a lot since November. My guardian angel has been getting me used to his presence, giving me little nudges to let me know he's there.

I don't feel scared any more. I can feel him standing next to my bed, I'm surrounded by his warmth. I hope he'll tell me his name soon. I want to be able to speak to him using his name, like I do with Vyvi, my fairy guardian. Ahh, I feel so safe and happy :')

Honey, I love your all words!!!! You are so special person!!!

Well, I've just rediscovered something today. So many people can't be trusted. There are only a precious few that have really cared for me, the rest that I've made contact with often seem to find a way to hurt me eventually.

Anyway, I got a lovely "welcome home" gift when I got back from uni today - a letter from the halls manager. The letter reads as follows:

"It has been brought to my attention that you are giving your flat/room key to your boyfriend to gain access to your room, with out you being present. This must stop immediately, if this is happening. Please don't hesitate to contact me in the site office."

First of all, the grammar in this letter is terrible. I've typed it here exactly as it is on paper. "...to your boyfriend to gain access to your room"? And it's *without.

This is how this crock of bullcrap came into being. My boyfriend was round at my flat on Sunday night. I let him into the flat, he by no means let himself in. A couple of hours later, he went out to have a cigarette. He borrowed my keys so he could get back in when he was done. I was in the flat the entire time.

One of my flatmates saw him let himself in with my key. The day after, a note was put under my door saying this, from the same flatmate and the other girl in our flat who she's good friends with. They said they were just curious as to why he had a set of keys, and that they would keep it between us three. The note also said that my boyfriend had said something about not knowing if I was in or not. I asked my boyfriend about it, but he'd said no such thing. Either this girl had misheard something he said, or she made it up. I wrote back telling them the truth about the situation. The note came back, saying basically "Hmmm...do you have Facebook? Add us both." I had no idea what to make of it. I added them on Facebook, and nothing else happened.

Now I've received this letter, meaning someone, most likely one or both of those two girls, has gone to the office and reported something completely untrue, which means they think I was lying. Gee, isn't it nice to be trusted by the people you share a flat with?

And another thing, why the hell did they suddenly ask me to add them on Facebook? They didn't care about being my friends on there before this. What, are they keeping an eye on me, stalking me, seeing if I show more signs of being untrustworthy?! Fuck them, they're not gonna see anything that proves I'm a liar, because I'm NOT!

This is one of the things that really gets me riled. I am a MoonChild, I fight for Integrity, for Truth! Even though they don't know that because I've never got that close to them, someone saying something false that goes against that is a sure-fire way of making me dislike them.

So, I'm going to try again next year when it comes to accommodation, and see if I can live with people who I can be myself with, have fun with and talk to, and who will trust me when I'm actually telling the truth. I've never managed to bond with my current flatmates. Is it any wonder? Two of them think I'm allowing my boyfriend to come to my flat without permission or being supervised properly. As if he would try to in the first place. Also, one of the boys in my flat tried to chat me up when he first met me, but as soon as he knew I had a boyfriend, he didn't even show any interest in being friends with me. That and he has a grating habit of playing his music loud and singing to it terribly, in such a way that I can hear it through my bedroom door all too clearly.

Me and my boyfriend will be seeing the halls manager on Saturday to sort this out. I am not just letting this slide. I won't get on at the girls who accused me about it, I just want to clear mine and my boyfriend's names. Because they dragged him into this too, and they don't know him either.

Ugh, at least it's not that long until this academic year ends, and I can try and have better luck with who I'll be living with.

Sorry for the very long and angry rant, dear ones. I just wanted to get it out of my system.

This is one reason why we rented our own flat in town with friens when I was in university. I just don't stand when I'm controlled and also this way nobody can't say when and who can come to visit me.

TheLastSongbird I'm so sorry. I don't know what I can say.. yes, we must be careful in contact with people. People are unfair often, but also are good persons. Your situation is so horrible. You are so good person and these people was so terrible for you. I'm so sorry. Please, be strong.
I love you <3

I had a vision of these girls as old women, who spend all their days looking though the peephole in the door, looking out of windows by moving the curtains very slightly, so no one notices them and reporting every persons moves and all "suspicious" sounds to the landlord and/or the police xD
Oh, and they have 10+ cats.

We have a word in Finnish for that kind of people, "kyylä". Kyylätä means basically to stare :D

I've never had flatmates. Just one roommate, and we were friends. Mostly xD (She was a little piggy and it annoyed me). So I was able to be with my boyfriend all day, all night, and she wouldn't tell anyone. Just like I didn't tell about her boyfriend(s), even though the rules stated that no extra people are allowed to live there.

So you just sort the situation out to the halls manager, and live how you like. Those girls have no lives themselves, so they stare at you, and possibly gossip about everyone :3

My boyfriend can come see me whenever, they don't try and stop him coming over, they just saw him with a set of keys unlocking the flat door and immediately jumped to the worst conclusion. And obviously he wouldn't say he didn't know if I was in or not, he knew I was, so that makes no sense at all! In this life, everyone always seems to be guilty until proven innocent. And it's always so hard to prove your innocence when you've been accused of something bad, because of course you're going to try and convince people you haven't done anything wrong either way.

Anyway, I've got the obnoxious note they sent me. Honestly, they've capitalised certain words so it's even bitchy to read! If I have to give proof of how unreasonable they were being, I've got it.

Forace wrote:I had a vision of these girls as old women, who spend all their days looking though the peephole in the door, looking out of windows by moving the curtains very slightly, so no one notices them and reporting every persons moves and all "suspicious" sounds to the landlord and/or the police xD
Oh, and they have 10+ cats.

Haha, I can see that too now you've said that! 10+ cats

Thanks guys I'm actually surprised how much I've matured since I moved here in September. I'm so sensitive that I could have cried about this for quite a while, but I didn't. Instead, only for like a couple of minutes at the shock of first getting the letter and the initial feeling of knowing I'm not trusted. I've become a stronger person in the last 5 months for sure, and I think I will get this sorted out with the manager

People have always been quick in jumping into conclusions and blaming other people... "That woman is a witch!" "Burn the witch!"

I also believe those things are connected to a person's IQ... And human nature; what you don't know, you fear. If you could be friends with those girls, and they got to know you better, maybe they wouldn't make stupid accusations. Though it's very hard to want to be their friends now :D

I think it should be "innocent until proven guilty".

Good thing that you've become stronger. This kind of thing isn't really a reason to cry, I think. I guess I'm more aggressive than you :D I probably would have gone storming to those girls and asked "what the f*** are you two idiots playing at, why do you care if someone comes into my flat with keys I gave them? Get back to your rooms and study, my life doesn't concern you, and god help you if I see you do something like this ever again" or something :D Wrong approach, but at least they would be scared of me for a while.

I'm just not a very scary person most of the time xD I was always seen as "the wimp" who wouldn't fight back if you said/did anything hurtful to me at school. It's only when you get me furious that you see my really angry, scary side. I did realise very quickly that it was nothing to cry over though. I'm certainly not going to be upset over it any more, they aren't worth it.

hey how did it go?

It turned out the manager wasn't in on Saturday I'm not even going to bother now though. I know I've done nothing wrong, and everyone else who matters realises that too.

I just hope nothing else goes wrong. I was over at my boyfriend's flat yesterday, and I was worried about going back to my own flat :/ It's so unfair that I should be scared of living where I do because I'm worried that there'll be another misunderstanding. I've already made a mistake...I left my alarm switched on, and it went off yesterday morning when I wasn't there and woke up the girl in the room next door to me, so she was pissed off at me for that when I got back.

Because of that, I felt totally insecure yesterday. I started going into everything that was wrong with me in my mind. I wanted to go back to my boyfriend so I could feel like I was loved and accepted for who I am, because I just couldn't feel it in my own room last night. I almost couldn't bring myself to go out of my bedroom, in case I had to face anyone else.I can't wait to visit home this weekend, at least then I'll definitely be somewhere that I'm accepted.

The last faery oracle card I pulled told me that spending too much time inside under unnatural light is having negative effects on my attitude. I know I should try and get out and be somewhere I can feel close to nature but, for one, it's winter and it's really windy and cold here right now, and secondly I really don't feel like it. I feel trapped, and the fact that it's mostly my fault only makes it worse.

At least Vyvi understands. I've just thought of her, and she's let me know she's there. I can feel her telling me it will be alright, and I know it will be. I hope I can start feeling better soon.

Honey, you aren't "the wimp".
You are very strong and awesome person.
TheLastSongbird I hope that will be better

i can understand what u feel. i often feel like not going out because i feel like im myself in my room etc. and today - it is such a nice day and even though ill go out in the evening to my work out, i really should go for a walk. just so that id enjoy the sunshine and get to load my batteries a bit.

Ahh, I'm glad you know what I'm talking about, Mimi. It's nice and sunny where I am too, so I'm going to go for a walk into town today. I need to get out and do something other than stay cooped up in my bedroom.

I'm also going to treat myself to a new image. I've been looking at Gothic clothes on the internet, and I'm having a tough time choosing what I want xD I might look for some new boots today to go with the new outfit I'll be buying soon When I have the money, I'll get myself a pair of the super expensive proper Gothic high heeled boots I've been looking at online. Honestly, the price tags on those But they're soooo gorgeous.

The only thing I'm not going to change is my hair colour. I've been thinking about having some pink streaks in it along with the purple ones when I get my colour redone. In other words, I'm BubbleGothifying myself

I had such a great day yesterday. It reminded me that there is so much that's right about my life, far more than what might be wrong with it when it's getting me down.

I find it silly now that, even when I woke up in my boyfriend's arms yesterday morning, I didn't fully realise how blessed and loved I am. You forget to be grateful that you have the money to go shopping, or to go out with friends or family, because it's just what you're used to. You only realise what you have when you think what life would be like if all your loved ones and belongings were gone.

Even though there are a couple of people who have hurt me recently, I need to remember how many good friends I've made since being at uni. I seem to link any sort of misunderstanding or argument I'm involved in to the malicious bullying I was put through at school. I have my boyfriend to thank for helping me realise that. I must stop it. The past is gone, I shouldn't let it pull me down.

I had such a fun night with my friends from the Theatre Society. We could all just have a laugh together, and I never, even for a second, felt insecure in the entire time I was with them. Things like that are what I should hold on to. As well as that, I know that there will always be someone who understands me completely. My love is like a guardian angel sent to Earth. I'm not being melodramatic, trust me. He helps me push on with life when I'm finding things difficult by showing me the truth of each situation. I'm sure most people have someone like this in their lives. At least, I hope so.

Sometimes, I think that without him I would just stop altogether when I got to an obstacle. He is one of very few people, maybe 3 at most, who have taken the time to really get to know me. Out of those three people, I think he understands me best. The other day, he told me he knew I was smiling when he had his back turned to me. When I asked him how he knew, he said I tend to sigh quietly when I smile. I didn't even realise I did that. I often think he knows me better than I do myself. He is so much more than he thinks he is. I wish I could find a way to make him realise that. But then, if he did, it's probably likely he would not be the selfless, caring soul I know him as.

Ugh, here I go, getting all mushy again ^^; But yeah, there is a hell of a lot right with my life. ToL and everyone here also being one of them. I wouldn't change a thing if I had the chance. Everything that's meant for you in life happens when it's supposed to. Everything you could ever need is all around you, all the time. I would never wish for anything to be different, and risk forgetting that.

TheLastSongbird love is so awesome treasure. You're lucky that you know what is true love. And please don't think about horrible people and negative moments in your life because it building sadness.
Only the best moment in your life should be the most important for you. Honey I think that isn't important how much we have friends because only true friends are valid.

ohh im so gonna re-bubblegothify myself as well! im doing some turqoise and yellow streaks- hell yeah!

and i know what u mean by shoes having a price tag.. i sooo want these pink/purple trainers and they are hella expensive.. aagh but i want them!!!! plus.. i haven't got any proper ones ive been wearing these that cost a pound

I'm listening to a song right now that seems to speak right to the centre of my soul. It takes me back to my childhood, when I didn't know who I was, because I didn't have to worry about that.

She dances elegantly in a perfect diamond
Where it protects her

Tears and pink marigold dreams
For the girl struggling in between,
The Sun is made to turn around
It lights the stage for her

Ballerina
Show them who you are
Ballerina
Show them who you are

You have been waiting for this
Isn't this what you wanted?
Why are you crying?

Reality and glass oil paintings
She who lives between,
No one tries to understand
They are afraid of change

Ballerina
Show them who you are
Ballerina
Show them who you are

Tears and pink marigold dreams
For the girl struggling in between,
The Sun is made to turn around
It lights the stage for you

Ballerina
Show them who you are
Ballerina
Show them who you are

I was a ballerina when I was very little, I went to ballet lessons every week. I stopped going after a few months. I've been a bit down lately, questioning things, feeling insecure, then along comes this song. I want to cry, but only because everything seems pure and simple again right now. Just like when I was a little girl. Except now, I know who I am, and I know I must not doubt my own significance. Everyone has something special to show to the world. Each person has their own spotlight - the Sun and Moon shine on everyone. We all have to find a way to make it in this world, all under the same sky. And yet we mustn't worry, because a time comes for everyone where we vanish from life and become perfectly insignificant.

Life is so beautiful.

Aww your memories about ballet must be awesome....

the most important is it that u know who are you. this is treasure in soul and mind.

im going to the post office tomorrow so u'll get a lil belated prezzie

Yaaaaay! I can't wait to see what it is

Last night I had an awful dream about my boyfriend's first ex-girlfriend trying to sabotage our relationship and persuade him to get back with her It turned out alright though. I beat his ex up in sort of a showdown xD Then, before I woke up, he was being really sweet and romantic towards me, so I'm guessing he didn't leave me in the end.

I feel bad actually. Even though I've only met this girl face to face once, before I was with my boyfriend, I hate her. She took his virginity, then slept with one of his best friends a couple of months or so later. He really loved her, but she can't have felt the same. They broke up and got back together several times after that, until finally they split up for good. When he told me about it, he said it hurt less and less every time they broke up until there just wasn't anything left. I can't forgive her for doing that to him. If I met her again now, I would be severely tempted to give her the bitch-slapping of a lifetime. I really hate the fact that she stood in front of me that one time after she'd done that to him and I didn't know anything about it. I know I couldn't have helped that, but every so often it still makes me annoyed with myself and her. That dream has just brought it all to the surface again

When I bring it up, he tells me to stop being silly and that it doesn't matter, but it does. He was her first and she was his, and she broke his heart, even though he won't admit it. I wish I could have been with him first and saved him from all of that. In that, sometimes I can't help but feel like I've failed him. I'm always trying to be as good to him as I can, but in my heart I feel like I'll never make it up to him. I know I should accept that I can't change the past, but I can't.

I've always been a perfectionist, and I'm no different in this relationship. I never want him to hurt like that ever again, and I'm always fighting to be everything he wants and deserves. Sometimes, I even feel guilty asking to see him, wondering if I'm not giving him enough space just to be around his friends. Pretty much whenever I think about him, I wish I was with him, even after a year and 8 months. I don't want to smother him, and yet I can never be without him for too long, and it hurts to be caught in the middle.

When will I ever learn to just do what I can and be happy?

oh my good....I can totally understand why u did-like his ex gf.

Just keep being there for him. I think sometimes and some things are hard to forgive people.

hey, there's always history.
when i got together with my ex boyfriend, he was still friends with one of his old girlfriends who completely shattered his heart buy sleeping with his best friend. he was in bits for over a year so i never understood why he wanted to be friends with her. but i was ok with it. until we got together and the ex started calling and texting him A LOT. and one day when the ex was coming down to hastings with a friend(they have a mutual friend) i was like, i want to meet her as well. ash was a bit scared at first cuz i can be a bitch if someone is being a bitch towards me. so they met up a little before me cuz i went to get my nose pierced LOL, i joined them (i had a friend with me as well), went over to kiss ash for hello and afterwards i found out that hannah was jealous of me, cuz she wanted him back. but we were really happy.
anyway, she was making all these horrible comments. at first i thought, okay, suck it up but after awhile i thought, hell no, why should i take it. so me and my friend started doing the same. the highlight of the afternoon was when she thought that me and ash hadn't slept together and she was like 'oh have you fucked yet' - i was really shocked that she said that because 1) its none of her business 2) who says that??? so i replied 'yeah we've got a very healthy sexual life, thank you for asking' and she completely stared at me with her mouth open LOL because when they were together, they didnt do anything for like half a year or smth.
anyway, the girl got pregnant, got married and actually is still after ash but now told ash that she cant meet up with him anymore because she wants to give his marriage a shot. as if he's ever go back to her!

okay rant over haha
what i was probably trying to tell u.. there will always be ex's. there would be no future without the past. but he's with u right now, and as long as she doesnt do anything to jeopardise ur relationship with David, dont waste your energy on disliking her.

Ahah, Mimi, I don't know what I'd do without you! You help me see sense when I get like this. In fact, several people on here do I know that, even if this girl did try anything, David would never break up with me to get back with her. He isn't the most romantic person in the world, but I know he loves me just as much as I love him.

But, my god, the girl you were talking about sounds dreadful! Jealousy and selfishness can do horrible things to people. I do try to block out negative emotions as much as I can, but we're only human, and it's only natural to want to indulge in them every so often, you know? Bottling things up never really helps. I've done that before, and last time I ended up crying to David really over-dramatically in comparison to why I was feeling upset, but it was because I'd kept it all in for so long.

I'm feeling better now though, and I know she isn't worth getting myself worked up over. I'm going to try and translate that dream now, because it obviously means something completely different than what I was actually seeing.

it could also just mean that you're insecure. it does seem you two have a well established relationship but because we're all so young, there is always this thought in the back of ur mind 'what if'.

so if i were you, i wouldnt dwell too deep into this dream. take it as a sign that you need to chill and enjoy the time u have with David. and know that he's with you because he loves you.

Hmm, I think you're right actually I tried to put all the elements of the dream together and make sense of them, but I just confused myself xD

It pisses me off that I wasn't the first for my fiance, but he was the first for me :D Though it helps that I know that they only did like, twice xD He's had at least two girlfriends before me, the third one wasn't really a girlfriend, since he didn't want to be with her, but they hung out anyway... So yeah, he has only slept with one girl before me. They were bad girlfriends. The second one left him for another guy (a mutual friend), they were engaged for a few years, and broke up. Now she's very happy with someone else. I know because we're friends on Facebook xD The third "girlfriend" has a child with someone else.
So I'm not that threatened by any exes :D
It's the idiots in bars who harass my man! xD Though they tend to quit when they see the ring. Some still try even after that, it makes me laugh! Since I KNOW they can't have him, he's not leaving me and he'll NEVER cheat on me. He said so :DD
He's just too nice, he can't say anything bad to anybody, or outright reject anyone. Luckily he has me, I have the balls to say what I think :D

Btw, has the tattoo healed enough so you can show it to us? :3

Yup, the tattoo has healed quite well actually I'll ask my boyfriend to send the pictures he took of it to me.

Hmm, my boyfriend had two girlfriends before me. The second girl was Christian and a firm believer in no sex before marriage, so he's only slept with one girl other than me too (and he told me she was rubbish in bed, sooo... xD)

I feel stupidly lucky that I'm so happy and secure with my first boyfriend. I feel like I could spend my life with him, and we have talked about that together, so I'm sure he feels the same way. He'd never cheat on me, I know that, and we haven't even had any minor tiffs over anything.

Haha, it's always me who gets strangers wanting to dance with me and stuff in nightclubs. My boyfriend always gets them to back off straight away and tells them "Sorry, she's with me." I like that he's just a little bit possessive. He's said that he couldn't share me with anyone. Bless him.

Hehe, it seems to be true that opposites attract. I'm always really sensitive and get emotional or stressed out easily, and he's the one who can keep both feet on the ground at all times, and calms me down when I get worked up. Isn't it weird how it often works out like that?

Good, about the tattoo I mean :) The tattoo on my ankle was plump for months after I got it done. I guess it has settled now :D

I feel the same way about my fiance xD He is my first boyfriend, and everything just seems so fine and we don't fight, it feels so stupid. Everybody else seem to be breaking up around us, but we stay together. I'm starting to feel paranoid; this is it? I found The One so quickly? It was too easy, you know? :D
But I don't even want any other man ^^
We've been talking about growing old, and then being in the same old people's home (don't know what they're called), and being still funny and telling our inside jokes, making the other resident crazy :D

I'm so secure with him, I'm even thinking about having kids. Or just one, I don't think I have the patience to be with many children :D Maybe it's just because my friends in the same age group are all getting pregnant (my fiance's sister is giving birth right now, actually! She's in the hospital), so I'm feeling like I should be doing the same :/ And then I think, that it's stupid, I don't need a child. "They'll probably have some horrible disease and I'll be stuck with that for the rest of my life", sometimes I think. And my fiance has said he'll NEVER want kids, so I'm a bit confused, to say it mildly...
I even have the perfect name for a daughter... I'd like to meet her some day, but now it's not the time. I might be ready for it, but I want to be better for her.
I haven't talked to my fiance about this, he'd just get nervous :P

But yeah, sorry for rambling, I'm having some Jägermeister.

Ummm, we are actually going through really similar things, it's kind of freaky xD Lots of people have been breaking up and falling out around me at the moment too, and sometimes I wonder if fate is set to strike me and David at any moment. That, and I'm always told by my mum that it's very rare for someone to stay with their first love. I try to explain to her the gut feeling I have that this is it for me, but it's impossible. It is so much there, that it feels like someone could reach inside me and pull it out, and it would be a solid orb of this feeling. I've been in love before, but what I have with David is what real love is. I'm pretty sure you'll know what I mean.

Of course I'm not thinking of having kids right now, but I have a name for my firstborn girl too, and possibly a second daughter. If I have girls, that is, but it runs in my family to have only girls. I can really see myself with one or two children in the pretty distant future. But it's the same with me. David doesn't want kids at all. He also doesn't want to get married, which really killed my spirits when he told me that. But it's most likely just his age, I'm thinking. He thinks he's "not romantic enough" for marriage If he does propose though, I really want a faery wedding in the woods somewhere, with some kind of ritual ceremony, then to have the official stuff done separately, but I doubt he'd be into that idea... But that is my dream wedding, and I wouldn't know how to compromise without losing the magic, faerylike touch.

Oh dear, men. Is it me, or do they tend to be less dreamy than women in general? Sometimes, it really does seem like we're from different planets.

Haha, no need to apologise for rambling though. I am a serial rambler, I don't even need alcohol to get me started. But still, pass that Jagermeister! xD

...you're dream wedding sounds AWESOME!!!! I think it would be amazing, yet impossible, to get married at Cape Reinga, simply because it's the most Northern point of New Zealand and is so indescribably beautiful. Either that or in Waipu, because whenever I'm there I feel this huge pull in my blood. And that was BEFORE I found out my ancestors migrated there. It's like a mini Scotland in New Zealand. Everything is in Gaelic. I mean, it's kind of a run-down area where everyone is on the benefit and hippies take up about 80% of the population, but I just FEEL something there, you know? Mind you, I would much prefer actually going to Ireland or Scotland to get married just to feel that magic because I bet I would feel an even stronger pull there with the majority of my heritage being centered there. Ahh CELTS FTW!!!!!!

LOL maybe girls are a little more dreamy. I mean I already have names for FOUR daughters hahaha if that's not enough to scare guys off, I don't know what is

...oh god I started off with the wrong "your"... I keep doing that, lately!!!

Oh, I really should have guessed you had Irish heritage, what with your ginger hair and freckles My ancestors came to England from Ireland. When I went there last Summer, I felt like crying a couple of times, because I'd found where I belong. I've had a longing to go there ever since I can remember, and now I've been I just want to go back.

In fact, you've given me an idea. I think getting married in Ireland would be my compromise, because there are so many faeries in the wilder spots. I felt so close to them. I wouldn't have to make my boyfriend dress as one then, we could just wear something really Celtic. I would wear something flowing and elfin looking. I definitely don't want to have the usual ceremony and vows though, I want something really personal and symbolic. Maybe I could look up what a faery wedding might be like, and take ideas for the ceremony from that ^^

That sounds like a pretty sweet compromise to me

"I ____ take you ____ to be my lawfully wedded MoonHusband/MoonWife
To have and to hold in a marriage of Integrity, Love and Unity
In darkness and in light
In strength and weakness
Through triumph and heartache
Whether it be via the humble donkey or majestic unicorn
We will grow together as we follow the path of our future as soulmates"

Hmmm too much?

OMG CAROLINE! That's actually gorgeous! With a little tweaking, that would be perfect :')

To have and to hold in a marriage of Integrity, Love and Unity
In darkness and in light
In strength and weakness
Through triumph and heartache

That I would definitely keep exactly as it is. So beautifulll~ And I like MoonHusband/MoonWife

I'm telling you, my boyfriend had better bloody well want to marry me in the future, because I am so having this wedding! xD I looked up faery weddings, and I found some gorgeous dresses. Then I found a webpage about actual faery weddings, and it said that the bride and groom-to-be will set a task/quest for each other, and that this must be completed before the wedding. The results of the completed quests are then shown to each other before the ceremony. That would be so sweet ^^

Aww your dream wedding sounds awesome. In general i love weddings, i'm quite sure i will never get married but i love the atmosphere and just the pure love that's flowing around in most weddings, there's no hate and everyone's happy <3
Maybe your boyfriend wants to get married later, he is young so it might come with age, wanting to settle down.

AND CAROLINE. That vow makes me want to get married xD