Venting for the soul. Life.

I don't know if I should post this here or not but I am. I am new here so I am a little confused about that. I wnted to vent. I don't really have anyone in real life to vent or talk to. That's my problem though. Nobody wants to listen to me at all. Nobody cares about my thoughts or how I feel or anything about me. I feel like I have to act my way through life because noone wants to be a part of my life. They keep secrets from me and make me feel like shit. Can I swear on here?? I'll do it anyways. I have a bestfriend who I barely talk to but we talk a lot when we meet. I haven't heard from her since summer started, she was suppose to visit family in another country so she probably went early. But I miss her. I hate having nobody to talk to. I also hate that the reason why people don't feel the need to talk to me is because i don't have a phone. It's not my fault I don't have a phone and there is social media for us to contact each other through but nobody has been making efforts to talk to me. I don't think anyone really understands anything happening with me. All my friends know I;m gay and they don't care. But being a boy makes it like I don't have feelings or like I don't need people. I am a pretty open book and if someone would just listen to me instead of always ignoring me and cutting me off. I used to have someone who listened to me. He was like the big brother I never had, the one I always wanted but he decided to move away and get some chick pregnant while still being in high school. Smooth move. I will never find someone like that again. He made me feel less insecure about myself and he was my bestfriend, brother. I wish he was still here, I can't really talk to him because he has a child and a girl and school and a job. I just want someone to make me feel good about myself. I'm so insecure about myself. I am so fat, well not so fat but people think I'm a football player when they see me cause i'm big in that way, but I hate football with a passion. Anyways, I am insecure about my body imge. I feel like a skinny person living in a body with man boobies(moobies). My thigh rub against each other, I look unflattering in all my clothes. I have nice clothes but they look ugly on me because they don't fit my body type. All my friends say I'm fine but they are a bunch of curvy skinny females who claim they wanna lose a couple pounds when they arren't the ones with jelly-roles and moobies. They piss me off because they make me feel really insecure about myself which is why i limit myself around them. I don't really say much about how I feel around them anymore because I don't wanna hear that I'm okay and to be myself. I wanna hear real advice. Nobody ever keeps it 100 with me. I tell them straight up if they need to get their shit together, i tell them, even when they don't ask because that's what real friends do but noone feels like it's necessary to tell me what they think. I'm kind of accepting my loneliness. I don't like people that much unless i see something intriguing about them and noone in my life intrigues me. So here I am online, cooped up in my room, listening to Lana Del Rey. I know this is a Kerli site but like Lana Del Rey is one of my favorite too, she makes me feel okay when I;m in one of these moods. Very mellow. Anyways I guess if anyone reads this, you can reply if you want, you don't have to.
okay. bye.

You can curse here if you want to! (within reason of course haha)
And when I created this forum it was mostly for everybody to come together. with their happiness and sadness.
this is your place to write your thoughts down and i guarantee there will be someone here listening

Hi there.
I can't say I have anything in the way of advice for you, but I did want to let you know that I can relate to some of the things you said, and sometimes it helps to know you're not alone.
For me, in real life I feel like I do have people who care, but they don't understand, y'know? I try to explain things to them, and they just won't get it.
I can definitely, 100% relate to the body image thing. I'm overweight, and while I'm fine with other people being overweight, I just can't accept it in myself for whatever reason. And I feel like anyone who tells me, "Oh, it's okay, be you," is usually some gorgeous skinny girl who is everything I've ever wanted to be. I look at myself and get disgusted.
It sucks that this world is so centered around how people look, when really, there's so much more to a person than that. Shouldn't kindness, generosity and acceptance more important traits than your physical ones? They should be, but the world fails to see that.
I really, really hope you start feeling better soon. And while I'm not the best advice giver, you can always message me if you need someone to vent to.
Oh, and by the way- I love Lana Del Rey too. She's awesome, one of my favorite modern musicians  

Thanks so much, glad to know someone actually knows the feeling. I may just message you soon.

It's definitely okay to vent here! Losing friends or losing connections with them is always hard. All of my best friends from high school went off to other states and rarely talk to me anymore and making new friends is difficult too.

I also definitely understand how much is sucks to be insecure about your body, being around people that totally don't get it. I've gained a lot of weight since high school and I felt like I just reached "average" size for a woman. Then suddenly I felt huge. All of the close friends that I have now are pretty toned and athletic and I hate when they complain about being too skinny or about not being muscular enough. They tell me that my body is fine, but I can see for myself that I'm bigger than them and see the looks they give me when I can't keep up with them at the gym.

Anyway, I guess my point is that I may not be able to give you any advice but I understand some of your feelings about friends and weight. Sometimes it's just easier to find people to connect with online than it is in real life

stargirlstrike wrote:It's definitely okay to vent here! Losing friends or losing connections with them is always hard. All of my best friends from high school went off to other states and rarely talk to me anymore and making new friends is difficult too.

I also definitely understand how much is sucks to be insecure about your body, being around people that totally don't get it. I've gained a lot of weight since high school and I felt like I just reached "average" size for a woman. Then suddenly I felt huge. All of the close friends that I have now are pretty toned and athletic and I hate when they complain about being too skinny or about not being muscular enough. They tell me that my body is fine, but I can see for myself that I'm bigger than them and see the looks they give me when I can't keep up with them at the gym.

Anyway, I guess my point is that I may not be able to give you any advice but I understand some of your feelings about friends and weight. Sometimes it's just easier to find people to connect with online than it is in real life

Tanks. I get that too. My friends always complain that they aren't muscular or they just want to "tone" but truth to say compared to me, they are fine. They are so good looking and it makes me so insecure. I've definitely been trying to look better than them to rub it in their face because it pisses me off when they say that they need to exercise. Most of my friends do sports so I don't get why they need to shape up if they are already in shape for their game season. They just don't get it. I've been trying to like regulate my eating because I eat when I'm bored and I clearly have no fast metabolism. I knew my friends would give me bs support so of course coming here and seeing the support is really nice. They see us as fine because they are just used to us. I'm not used to me.

Yeah, that's true. I guess it kinda makes sense because it's easier to see friends as being fine but most people are the harshest critics and might see themselves as worse off than their friends see them.

I eat when I'm bored too and I want to quit doing it. It would feel nice to be more in shape than my friends XD

I'm a harsh critic on myself but I guess everybody is in a way. It's not their fault for thinking they aren't okay but I'm pretty sure people in shape realize they are fine because they get lots of compliments.
I stopped myself today from eating when I was bored because I realized I didn't want to be big anymore. But it's hard cause I love food soo much lol

Haha I love food too. It's all just so good! Good for you for stopping yourself I decided to go to the gym today after work. I'm not ready to give up any food yet XD

Going to the gym is something I need to do. I just walked all over town and it's almost 100 degrees outside. I'm covered in sweat so I'm treating myself to icecream and a slushee. Real food can wait lol. But I'm craving Popeyes Fried Chicken XD. Old habits never die. Glad to see that you are excersizing as well. Keep it up!! ))))