Forace's blog

You should DEFINITELY download more of them

good luck honey

Thank you so much, Natt <3

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A mini-entry! It doesn't even deserve a number xD But I want to show you two necklaces I received today! Just because they're pretty ^^

A small Snow White necklace <3 She's one of my favorite Disney princesses, and because it's black and red, I had to buy it :3


This big bunny necklace I bought for my sister. I have a necklace with a black cat on a white background, since I love black cats and we have a black cat. My sister loves bunnies, so I think she'll like it ^^


(pictures not taken by me)

you're welcome
and these are so beautiful <3

pretty neckless

They are pretty <3 A shame I can't keep the bunny one; I showed the picture to my sister and told her it's for her so I have to give it to her xD Ah well, I have plenty other pretty necklaces ^_^

Happy belated birthday. Although I probably wished you HB on FB Hahahaha "Not suitable for the little ones". Those are the BEST kinds of gifts Naughty collections, you know I love em

That is awesome that you've started a new routine. It takes a while, when you first start off, for results to show but don't give up. At first for a long time it might seem like whatever your doing isn't working at all, but give it a couple months and then you will start to notice changes.
For me it took a few months to get my work out and new eating habits down to a strict routine. But I've finally got it all adjusted. I didn't feel like anything was happening for what seemed like a very long time and then all of a sudden I started to notice.
I only weigh and measure myself once a month. if you do it every day or every couple days the changes are very tiny and you probably won't even notice them and it discourages you. if you do it once a month (& everything is working for you) you'll notice all the little daily changes lumped into one big dramatic change and it feels so good.
So keep it up, you can do it

Thank you <3

I measure myself every few weeks if I remember :D I hear some people weigh themselves every day; I think it's pointless since the changes don't happen overnight O.o Or even during three months. My weight has stayed the same, 56-57kg, more or less. Though it's leaning more often towards 56kg. I don't really care about the weight (like I probably said before...), I only care that I feel and look good :P

I'll share my results so far (12 weeks):
Arm... thickness (lol) from biceps: from 26cm to 25cm
Chest from the thickest point: from 86cm to 83cm
Waist from the narrowest point: from 71cm to 67cm
Hips: from 97cm to 91cm
Thighs from the thickest point: from 58cm to 57cm
(Height: 154cm, just so you know)

Yes, I'm that tiny! It may sound silly to you that I'm trying to get slimmer (or rather, more fit) if I'm already this small, but I really do have quite a lot of belly fat and love handles :D Plus I need to get my thighs smaller, they're STILL rubbing together :/
I guess that since my weight hasn't changed much, I've lost some fat and gained muscle instead. Which is exactly what I want. I've noticed I have more muscle; when I laugh and have my hands on my sides, the muscles are HARD D: My leg muscles as well. It's scary; I've always been rather soft.

My workouts are going well, too. At first they were worth maybe 200-300 points on Fitocracy, but now I'm doing workouts worth of 1000+ points :) 1192 points is my personal record so far. For that much points I have to do many repeats with my kettlebell. Right now I do two-arm swings 40 repeats 5 times (that's 200 swings total), for example. When I started, I did 20 repeats 5 times. I increase the repeats when I feel like I can handle it.

I need a new kettlebell soon! The 7,5kg one I have now isn't enough when doing swings.

I haven't been able to go for walks for a long time, since it got so cold and I didn't have winter clothes. But now I do, and I'll be able to go again ^^ I just haven't felt like it (boo), but I've worked out with the kettlebell more instead.

Now food I haven't thought about that much, except for trying to go for the healthier option if possible. I intend to pay more attention to it, now that I've been able to make myself keep my workout routine somehow.

So yeah, I can see some progress ^^

As a heads up, thighs almost always rub together even when thin XD but it's so great that you're getting in shape and getting more muscle! Congrats and keep it up!

I'm sure they do, but my thighs break my jeans when I walk! They don't rub together that much now, even though I've only lost 1cm per thigh :3 Another cm would be sooo nice!
Thank you for the encouragement! <3

Not silly at all. You can be small and still have a lot of excess fat. I'm a pretty small build myself so 140 pounds on me is a hell of a lot of fat. My belly is the main issue as well.
I wish I had thought about it like you and took my measurements before I started my friend's training but he forgot to mention it to me in the beginning.
I'm noticing a huge turn around everywhere now, especially the belly. Tightening and trimming and abs are developing around. .
Remember the muscle thing...eventually muscle is going to replace fat so your weight isn't going to rapidly drop. But I think you already know that because of the link you posted the other day on my status about that sudden weight increase
What exercises do you do? Sorry if I asked that before.

I agree. People always wonder how I'm so small, but I f*cking wobble as I walk xD I guess clothes cover up pretty well, even though I wear rather tight clothing (I like to show off my tiny waist lol). And always black. It's a slimming color :B
I think you still have time to measure yourself and just keep on going :) I haven't measured myself for five weeks now, I always forget... I usually do it on Mondays, but most of the time after I wake up all I can think of is coffee :D I'll try to do it next Monday, though.
I notice some more changes as well, like, I find new bones in my body xD New bones and new muscles, I'm actually starting to resemble a human being instead of... a blob. HA. I'm happy to see that even I have abs. Even my thighs are starting to have some form. Just starting! But I'm getting there, my thighs don't rub together anymore when wearing jeans! ^^

My workouts consist of walking and kettlebell exercises at the moment. When I walk, I walk for 5,7km and it takes me 1 hour 5 minutes. I stretch before and after the walk, of course (that counts in Fitocracy as an exercise as well). I'll also try to run if I can.

When exercising with the kettlebell, I start with stretching and then do side-plank lifts. I do maybe 10 of them on each side, twice. Or, 20 on each side just once. It's a nice, simple move, and pretty intense! When I first tried it out, I did 10 on each side and though "this isn't too bad!". I couldn't move the next day xD I'm doing them, because I reckon they'll be mighty helpful when I pick up poledancing again.

Then I exercise with the kettlebell, going from one move to another, and starting again. Like, first I do 40 two-arm swings, then I do 8-13 presses on each arm, 15 goblet squats and finally 10-15 one-arm rows on each arm. I take a little pause, then start again with the swings, then the presses etc. Sometimes I do windmills and Turkish getups when I feel like it.
The exercise from which I've gotten the most points so far (1298) looks like this:
Stretching: 5 mins
Side-plank lifts: 10, 10, 10, 10
Swing: 40, 40, 40, 40, 40
Press: 9, 9, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10
Goblet squat: 15, 15, 15, 15
Row: 12, 12, 11, 11, 15, 15, 13, 13

I'll put links to videos showing how each exercise is done, if you're (or someone else is) interested :)
Side-plank lift: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IjGb7nY80M
Two-arm kettlebell swing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u_nqSnM2S8
Kettlebell press: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTmR-Qr32dg
Goblet squat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1C0AxoIJzsU
Row: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3zfFc1UfHo
Windmill: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6651sjanpxI
Turkish getup: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmzFAgYCAu0

//I remembered I was doing the 100 push-up challenge. I've had that on hold, since my arm strength wasn't going anywhere and I was stuck on week 3 of the program. I think I could continue with that. Next week!
Another exercise I do when I feel like it (like, during the pause between kettlebell rounds), is the hip raise. I lie on my back, legs in a 45-or-so degree angle, and raise my hip by using the gluteus maximus and thighs. I've read it's the best exercise for shaping your butt :B

Entry #12: Christmas presents and random stuff

Thought I'd babble something again, since it's been a while :D Some pictures first! I hope the links work, because I made my Photobucket-stuff private, but I guess it only affects the search in Photobucket itself? The links should work. I got some Christmas presents for myself from a jewelry e-shop really cheap. They had a Christmas calendar, in which every day there was a new deal. Meaning, jewelry at the price of postage! 2€, to be exact. Discounts. Even free stuff ^^

First some earrings. The black ones are made of wood. I can't wear them with the spike, it's too thick for a normal piercing. I use a thin wire instead ^^ On the right, huge hoops! You could choose what size you wanted, and I felt crazy and took the biggest ones :P


Then, a cross necklace. I hope you can see the pattern in the dark pic better.


Earrings and a necklace. I can't remember what the black stones are made of, probably nothing too valuable, since this was one of those pay-postage-only-deals. Very pretty and elegant still; I might wear them at a party where you're supposed to dress up.


One day I got a 25% discount of my order, so I bought a magnetic fake piercing, and a Shamballa-bracelet. I STILL haven't tried the piercing! I got it because I've been thinking about getting a piercing. Maybe snake bites, or just one ball at the center. But I'm scared of doing it, and afraid that I might not like it after all, so a fake piercing is a good alternative for now xD
I love the story behind the Shamballa-bracelets: "Shamballa-bracelets are inspired by Buddhist monks and the mythical Tibetan kingdom Shambhala. Shamballa has its own philosophy, and its core is love, freedom, peace, tranquility, happiness and inner power. Shamballa is also the symbol of enlightenment, unity and perfection." Also, "every bracelet is unique and has its own meaning. They are believed to have healing powers, and that they give energy to their wearer. They are used as accessories and for a spiritual purpose, like meditation. The bracelets are suitable for both women and men." (my crappy translation from the site xD)
Sadly I don't know if my bracelet has any special meaning. The color is grey-white, though! And it's sparkly. It makes me happy, so I guess it fills its purpose ^^


This Colt45 I got from Carnival Skulls, the same I've bought the bunny-, rose-, skull and such necklaces from. It's awesome, you can pull the trigger and flop the barrel out by pulling the um... the pin at the back :D (I'm not too good with the names of weapon parts)


Here's what my sister gave me for Christmas! A cat-shaped saltshaker, a gorgeous filigree notebook and a heart-shaped pendant that you can open!


Almost done with the pictures ^^ These two necklaces I got this week, so no more Christmas presents... Again from Carnival Skulls. I had my eyes on the octopus for a few months, but I never bought it. Now I did, since it was still there <3


*****

I'll tell what happened at New Year's. I already wrote about it ages ago in "what are you thinking", but I guess I could put it here as well. So, we were at our place with some friends, J included, drinking. All night he buzzed around me and tried to get attention from me. IT WAS SO FUNNY, he took his shirt off and even did the dishes xD At some point my fiancé, JP, went to take one friend home because he was about to fall asleep. That's when J started telling me how he still wished I was his woman, and that he loves me. "I have always loved you". He tried to kiss me, but I rejected. Then we were supposed to go to a bar when this happened:
"What a new year... We were all at our place, drinking and having fun, then some went to a bar and we were supposed to follow... I go change my shirt and when I get back in the kitchen, J and JP are looking at each other all serious and stuff... I don't remember what they were talking about, but J suddenly punches JP in the face! Of course, he punches back. And I guess J punched him second time, and then started saying "sorry, sorry, hit me again" and such... I tried to keep them apart. Then at some point JP puts J on the floor and punches him in the face 3 or 4 times... There's blood on the floor, they both start crying, and after some time J manages to leave... He looked SO desperate, I've never seen anyone so... It was pure desperation, I don't know how else to describe it. JP followed him outside, I stayed to clean up the floor. JP came back inside, J apparently went to his place. I hope, at least.

We joined our friends at the bar, and after that I came back home with one friend, and we talked for hours. He's such a good friend, always supportive in his quirky way <3 JP went to another bar, he was so angry.
He was so angry he was talking about leaving me again. We're fine now, though. It's always the alcohol talking :)"

One friend, who was still there with us, remembers that J maybe said something about me and that JP didn't like it AT ALL. But there's nothing more to it, since no one can remember anything of that night xD Well, except for me, I never drink so much as to forget.

On the second day: "Heh, today I took J's stuff he left here to him, and saw his black eye... Maybe I shouldn't have giggled at him, but really... So funny :D
He was rather silent, I guess he's ashamed of what happened. And so he should be, the dork."

After that episode, J was offline for about two months. He's back now, and the boys are talking and playing games again. Good thing JP never holds a grudge too long, he's too nice ^^ The two of us are doing better as well, he hasn't talked about breaking up for ages.

JP has a medication now. Sertralin in the morning, and melatonin in the evening to help him sleep. I guess they're helping to some extent; the dosage is minimal at this point, but he says he feels better now. He's also helping me more around the apartment. The melatonin is amazing, he gets sleepy in an hour :D The pills are making him awfully thirsty, though.

*****

Exercising is going well! I can do even more reps than before. I definitely need that 10kg kettlebell soon! I haven't been walking much, since it's either too cold or too slippery. I'm waiting for the snow to melt, so I can try running again.
I haven't measured myself since those last measurements I wrote here. My weight has dropped a bit, though. It was 54,4kg one morning! So I'm still around 55kg, really. I notice changes, still; I can no longer plop my belly out so I look pregnant xD A silly observation to make, but that means I'm getting ABS! Also, my thighs are getting even more shape, you can actually see some muscles there.

*****

Schoolwork hasn't made any progress :< I really should get to it, I could finally graduate this spring. I actually feel like continuing now that things are good, hehe.

I guess that's it for now =^.^=

Wow, this was quite an update!

All of the jewelry you got is so awesome. I especially like the Shamballa bracelet. I've never heard of it before so after reading this and what a special meaning is behind them, I think I'll definitely end up looking into them and maybe getting one myself! I like the octopus necklace as well; I used a very similar necklace in a pendant myself and I've got a whole bag of them left over for making more, but haven't yet XD

I think I already said something about what happened with New Year's when you mentioned it in the other topic but in case I forgot, it's great that everything is going good between all of you again! It's great that J is doing well and that you & JP are doing well too.

And finally (sorry, I couldn't just pick one thing to comment on haha) congrats on being in shape! Actually sticking with it is so difficult so it's excellent that you're able to see some changes now

An update like this happens when I've been silent for a long time xD Things tend to pile up.

You should definitely get a Shamballa bracelet, I think it would suit you ^_^ There are many different colors and different beads used in them, even beads shaped like roses. They're bound together by macramé. I think you could even make one yourself :o
Now I tried to search for the meaning behind my bracelet. I found the explanation for white, but not for grey. But since grey is a mixture of black and white, maybe the black explanation is good enough for it :D Kinda like the white makes the black less strong, making the bracelet kind but authoritative. Full of life force but with some death. Pure and elegant. Open and mysterious. Wow, it's kinda bubblegoth *_* And I like it even more now, it suits me perfectly! Amazing that I was able to choose the bracelet for myself without knowing the meaning.

Black Shamballa Bracelet
Black is the absence of any light and is associated with strength, authority, power, elegance, formality, death, evil, and mystery. It is also thought of as a formal, elegant, and prestigious color

White Shamballa Bracelet
White or clear is considered to be the color of perfection bringing clarity and purity, increasing the flow of the life force. Healing the body, mind and spirit at all levels it stands for wholeness, completion, truth, openness and kindness


Thank you, I'm happy we are all still friends :) It's still a bit "sore", but getting better every day. I hope J can get over me, he'd make a great friend since we're pretty similar :D That's probably one of the reasons why this happened, and so fast.

And thank you again ^^ Keeping it up is very difficult at times, because if I don't do anything for several days, it should be "started again" and that's the most difficult thing in everything. Getting it started. I have to kick myself to make me pick the kettlebell up again. It's funny how I actually get a panic attack-like reaction when I'm supposed to exercise O_o But after I manage to do it, I feel amazing. I should always remember the feeling afterwards.

Entry #13: Eerika

Today, on Tuesday, two despicable people got life sentences for murder here in Finland. Too bad it means only about 12-13 years in prison. I think it's not enough in this case.

I suggest you stop reading if you're sensitive. Even some Finns haven't been able to read the news about this because of the pure evil and profound sadness. Everyone's enraged, and I imagine the lives of the two people will be like hell. In prison, and outside, once they get out. If they get out.

How to begin... Eerika was an 8-year-old girl who lived with her father, Touko, and her stepmother Nadia. Touko is a rather simple man, and a singer. Nadia is a French-Moroccan brain surgeon, who was pregnant with four babies. She lived with them, because her mother was having problems, with alcohol. I suppose it was a temporary arrangement. People started to notice something strange in Eerika: she was covered in bruises, and chunks of her hair had fallen out. The neighbors saw her running around the yard and she wasn't allowed back inside. She wet her bed. Her clothes cut to shreds. Her schoolbooks destroyed, later missing. She carried her books in a plastic bag, because she had destroyed her backpack. Nadia told everyone she did it herself, that she was a mischievous little brat who wouldn't listen. That she constantly threw tantrums and was difficult. Nadia said Eerika hid all the keys so the adults couldn't find them. Eerika also stole Nadia's jewelry.

When asked, Eerika would just reply "I don't know", and lie about how she got the bruises.

She was taken to a child care for a few months for monitoring. She was fine there; no more bruises and her hair grew back. Everyone loved her there, and she had a lot of friends. When they told her she was to go back to her dad and stepmother, she cried.

Any alarm bells ringing here? I'm sure you realize something was wrong here. Anyone would realize. But no, they sent her back anyway.

Bruises came back. Hair lost again. The neighbors could hear screaming almost every day from the small two-room apartment. They could hear the stepmother shouting at Eerika: "Cow! Whore! You don't have friends because you're so fat!". Sometimes they could hear: "You'll be in trouble if you don't eat! Touko, say something!". This resulted in the father also shouting at Eerika, and calling her names. They also heard the girl vomiting.
They had apparently force-fed her, they even filmed it. Eerika crying and vomiting, saying she can't eat any more.

On the last month, they started to tie her up. They tied her hands together with cable tie or tape, and covered her tightly with a sheet so she couldn't move. That's how she slept every night.

On the last night, after the usual arguing, they tied her to the sofa bed and covered her with a tarpaulin. She probably tried to get free, so they kept putting more tape and tied her extremely tight. Nadia pressed Eerika's chest with her knee, while Touko sat on her legs. They punched the package, and whipped with an electric cord. The "parents" then watched a movie and went to sleep. In the morning, it was Sunday, Mother's Day. And Eerika was dead.

The child protection received plenty of notifications from the neighbors, and relatives who noticed things weren't OK. Relatives suspected that Nadia was lying to Touko, but he didn't listen. Touko believed Nadia, when she told that the punishments she used on Eerika were normal, that they had used them in a child care where she used to be a nanny.
The relatives also found the keys Eerika had hidden. In the cupboards, too high for a 1st grader.

And true enough, Nadia wasn't at all what she had told. She was completely Finnish, was not pregnant with four babies, was not a surgeon. In fact, she was unemployed; she used to be a nurse but she stole money from patients' lockers. She didn't have an apartment, either. Her real name is Sirpa. She fabricated this Nadia for God knows what reason. She even spoke with an accent for two years.
She was, however, pregnant. With one baby, she gave birth in pretrial custody. It hasn't made public if it's a boy or a girl, or where the baby is now. I guess someone adopted them.

So yeah... This happened almost a year ago, and now they got their sentences... We listened to a tape from the hearing. Neither of them sounded least bit sad, remorseful, or anything. Touko sounded "difficult", though. Sirpa on the other hand, described what had happened like she was telling about everyday chores! "Yeah, I hit her, and pulled her hair sometimes when she was being difficult. Touko did it, too" sounded like "y'know, I took out the trash, and then did the dishes, nothing much".
They blamed each other: "s/he did it, too".

This woman is a real psychopath. If she hadn't gotten together with Touko, Eerika would still be alive. SO MANY things went wrong here. The mother, the relatives, teachers, neighbors... they all saw what was happening, but Touko didn't kick Sirpa out. Child protection did nothing. Touko was extremely stupid. "Nadia" had been pregnant for two years and he suspected nothing! What. The. F.

All the accusations, that Eerika was difficult, that she stole and hid things, destroyed clothes, guitar strings, bank cards... All bullshit. Sirpa made it all up, and she had destroyed those things herself and blamed Eerika for it. I don't even know why, maybe she was jealous of Eerika and Touko, maybe she hated her so deeply... Eerika and Touko's relationship was very warm and nice at first. Sirpa then turned Touko against Eerika with these charades.

They claimed the death was an accident, but the District Court thought otherwise; in the psychiatric assessment they both had been declared fully-aware of what they were doing. They didn't check if Eerika had a way to breathe. That means it was murder, exceptionally brutal. They also took away her freedom and humiliated her.

Eerika was wearing a tiara the day she died. No more suffering, little princess...

Wow, that is so sickening... I can't believe things like this can happen. I don't even know what to say, except that I hope those people got the worst punishment possible. I hope that little girl gets justice, and I hope that she is in a better place now with no more suffering...

Here is my blunt (rather angry and POed) response to this. Have it deleted if it is too brutal.

Spoiler:

Okay, that's all... Now I'm going to just cry.

Ikr... I haven't heard any news after the sentence, so I guess they're in jail. I imagine other inmates aren't exactly nice to them >:)
And I agree with you, lunachild, they don't deserve to live... No punishment is enough, though. I'd just let them live, with the memories and sadness. Slow suffering till the day they die. Though if the "mother" is really as cuckoo as she seems to be, I doubt she even realizes what has happened O.o And, well... After they get out of jail, EVERYONE will diss them.

We'll see what happens after ~12 years. Now, something happier ^_^

*****

Entry #14: Green thumb?

I love herbs and vegetables! So I'm trying to grow them myself. I've only done this for a few years, but so far every planting has been successful. We don't have a yard, so I just plant everything in pots and have them on the kitchen table or in the balcony. The sun shines on them all day, since the building is in line with it. Here's what I have (pictures from the Internet):

Cayenne chili


I planted 8 seeds last year, half of the sprouts have died so far xD I probably used a pot too small for them. Last year I "harvested" two chili! They were small (only 2-4cm) and red. Right now, it's flowering a lot; the flowers are small and white, they smell really nice. There's one chili so far, and it's 7cm long! It's still green, so it'll keep growing for a while and turn red over time.

Basil


I love basil, it smells and tastes so good! It also grows pretty fast.

Marjoram


Also smells really good, and the itty bitty white flowers are pretty ^.^ I use this in pea soup, mostly.

Chives


"Chives is the common name of Allium schoenoprasum, the smallest species of the edible onions." So it's a grass that tastes like onion! I love love love onions, and so does my fiancé ^.^ I use this a lot while cooking, and sometimes we eat them just like that :p

Hyssop


Hyssop is rather scary, because "its high concentrations of thujone and chemicals that stimulate the central nervous system can provoke epileptic reactions when taken in high-enough doses. The oil of hyssop can cause seizures and even low doses (2-3 drops) can cause convulsions in children". But I want to grow it, because it "has soothing, expectorant, and cough suppressant properties", so it could be great when we get a flu! Also in cooking, it has a nice aroma ^.^

Lavender


I don't think I need to explain why lavender... ;) Smells nice, helps sleeping and relaxes! I'll probably use it in tea and foot baths. If the growing is successful, that is. A friend of mine tried to grow it, but it died :/ I hope I have more luck!

Then I have a salad mixture; I guess it has 5 different kind of seeds? Baby leaf salad ^_^
_____

These I haven't planted yet, because I ran out of pots, but I'll plant them ASAP!

Parsley


You know, I don't really like the taste of parsley, but I recently read that it has a lot of... minerals/vitamins/whatever it was, I can't remember D: So it could be beneficial to have it while cooking! And I can make our meals look fancy xD

Kale


I've heard a LOT about how awesome kale is, so I want to try and grow it myself! Then I can make kale chips O.o I just need a big pot for it. Like.. a box.

New Zealand spinach


Another new one for me... But everyone knows how good spinach is for you, so I want to grow it! It requires blanching before it can be used in cooking. It can be frozen after that as well!

Oriental garlic


"Allium tuberosum, commonly known as garlic chives, Chinese chives, Oriental garlic, Chinese leek". Haven't tried this before, either, so I don't know what it'll taste like. I'm eager to know if it really is like garlic, since we both love garlic as well ^.^ If it tastes like onion, that's fine! :DD
_____

In addition to these, I have a banana tree, an aloe vera and a wandering jew (lovely green+purple leaves).


I also grow grass for the cat. He's so smart; his grass is right there on the table with all the other plants, yet he only eats the one that belongs to him! I might be able to get a bigger houseplant here one day.

I don't really care for flowers, I like green and useful plants more. I did have red lilies last year, but they died, of course :( If I have a yard one day, I might try flowers then... And have the useful plants in a greenhouse <3

Do you grow anything? =^.^=

They are pretty plants. I like flowers I think some are very pretty.Some don't last too long tho.

Good luck with your plants! I've tried growing various things this year, but I've managed to kill almost all of them already XP Sounds like you'll have a great garden!

Thank you ^_^ I managed to plant the rest of the seeds about a week ago. Into milk cartons, since I still have no new pots... The kale and the spinach have sprouted! I'm so excited for them xD It's funny how all the sprouts look the same at first; a stem with two tiny leaves on the tip. You can't really tell them apart! Not until they grow and start looking like what they're supposed to be. I can tell them apart by scent, of course.
The baby salad is already edible, and I've picked them onto my plate a few times ^_^
I'll try to remember and take pictures later, right now it doesn't look like much!

On my next entry I'll probably talk about magic O_o

Ooh, that sounds great! Kale and spinach are my two favorite vegetables ^_^ can't wait to read your entry on magic.

I planted lemon balm and bell peppers some time ago, when I was finally able to buy the seeds. For some reason the lemon balm didn't even sprout, even though my last batch was a great success :/ I planted 4 bell pepper seeds, and all of them are growing in a nice row in a juice carton ^_^
The chili that was growing... we ate it :DI used it in a noodle soup: whole wheat noodles, chicken, wok vegetables, coconut milk and a bunch of miscellaneous spices (turmeric, curry, ginger, cajun seasoning, salt). I made the recipe up, I just had this craving for a coconut chicken noodle soup! Which is weird, I don't care for coconut milk that much, and neither does JP. But this was delicious ^_^
There's another chili growing, though. It will probably have the same fate!
Kale and spinach aren't doing so well, though... I'm gonna have to try again next year.

*****

Entry #15: Magic, intro

When I first joined here, I was amazed about how so many of you believe in magical things. And God, of course, even though he's not magical, but you know what I mean... Things that don't really exist. Since I'm an atheist through and through, I don't believe in ghosts, fairies, spirits, God, Satan, heaven/hell, aliens... Nothing. I have not received any proof of them whatsoever. So yeah, my view of the world is rather bleak and pointless (everything is random and life has no meaning, for example). And that is the truth.

It can be overwhelming, especially during panic attacks and waves of depression. And when I think about who I am, and how there are people living in horrible conditions/excessive wealth, how this country is just a fraction of the Earth, how enormous the space is... I can zoom in and out of the entire existence, go through the millenniums in my head, with my imagination... Needless to say, it makes you feel incredibly insignificant, just like everyone else is as well. More than enough to make you feel depressed and like a failure. Failure, because when zooming, you can't help comparing yourself to great people (even though, in the end, even they are pointless), and here I am doing nothing. It annoys me >_<

Apart from depression and anxiety, my view of the world is also extremely liberating. I can do anything I want. I have no fear of the netherworld, wrath of God for doing something wrong, I'm not afraid to enter supposedly haunted places... I'm not afraid of death.

"So why not get up and do something?" Well, yeah, there's that depression thing and fears, creating that invisible wall in front of you. Preventing you from even getting out of bed on some days. Insecurities, of talent and looks. Yes, POINTLESS! How I look doesn't matter. How other people look doesn't matter. I was thinking, that if people could meet without seeing each other and just talk, could they become friends? Regardless of gender, religion, color of skin, how they dress? I think yes. Humans are just humans. Prejudices and hate are learned; children don't hate anyone. They only dislike those who are mean to them. Eh, again I'm starting to look at the world and people as a bigger picture... But sadly, I can't affect the situation. Only little.

I'm sure you've heard these quotes from mother Teresa...



I try to concentrate on the smaller things, the things around me, the things I CAN affect. Even those who aren't in my immediate vicinity, you guys. I like to think I've helped some of you, just by writing. And you have helped me. The Moonchildren are magical. So I guess that makes me magical as well? Even though I don't believe in magic. I'd like to, though, I've always been interested in spells, runes, herbs (I think you already noticed that!), potions, charms... But even though I don't expect them to have any actual effect, what's stopping me from doing magic anyway? Nothing :)

I began thinking about this when I started reading Veronica Varlow's blog many months ago... In there, she reveals her own magic, and shares tutorials and thoughts: http://dangerdame.com/diary/

So yeah, I was thinking... She does it on her own way. And it has a huge impact on her life and her actions. It boosts her experiences, marriage, friendships and self-confidence. So, why couldn't my magic be similar? And that is what I've been doing, creating my own charms and rituals, that have a meaning to me and my actions. I'm not mimicking VeVa's magic, since some of the things she does are a bit too far to me (meaning, not personal or too difficult). They may be basically "confidence boosters", but calling it "magic" adds fantasy to life, which is exactly what I want ;)

With the quotes I wanted to say, that I'm trying to help myself first, and then my friends. By changing my view, I can cast that stone and create ripples that expand from person to person. And hopefully, one day, there will be many many people who are making things better. Even though, in the end, nothing matters. I don't matter. But at the same time, I don't want needless suffering to anyone or anything.

Wow, this text blew up quickly... It might be confusing, but I can't really put my thoughts into words. My head feels like a balloon, filled with everything, and they escape randomly and suddenly I'm empty :D I'm sure you get my point, though. Later I'll share my magic with you ^_^ Just remember I'm a complete noob at this!

Wow, that was really inspiring! Honestly, I wasn't sure how I was going to feel at first since I do believe in a lot of those magical things, but I liked what you said about affecting the smaller things. Sometimes I think about all of the pain and suffering in the world and it's just so overwhelming. I wish I could fix everything for everyone sometimes... but I know that it's been important just adding something to the lives of the people around me (or "around" me on the internet haha).

And I love VeVa's blog! Every time I read one of her Magic Monday's, it reminds me of creating your own magic. I've been studying Wicca lately and it all just makes me think of magic from a different perspective. Like, it's not relatively about "say this chant and mix this potion" but about what you make it yourself. You can change things and add things or remove things, depending on what they mean to you and the willpower that you put behind them.

Adding a little fantasy to life can make it a little more special sometimes

Thank you, I'm happy if it was inspiring ^_^ That's exactly how I feel, I wish I could fix things for everyone, but it's impossible. Maybe even my opinion of "better" isn't like that for someone xD I should remember that I've even saved lives just by existing. Our cat Roope, he would've been killed if we hadn't wanted a kitten. A more extreme example, I saved my godfather when I was born. He was living in Africa with his wife and child, and he came to Finland to see me. In the meantime, his village was attacked and his family killed... I KNOW it sounds unbelievable, but my mom told me this, and I have no reason to doubt her. I even have an African doll here, in my cabinet.
My godfather doesn't really keep in touch, though... Not since he broke up with his long-time girlfriend, the only one I've known. She was probably the one always reminding him of my birthdays :D I have her on FB, even.
Maybe I've even helped JP. He was really depressed at some point, no appetite or the will to live. But now he eats like a horse :D Still no will to live, but that's because he really shares his view of the world with the most negative, depressive and suicidal black metal artists xD He hates the human race. So do I, but I want to at least try and fix things, instead of killing myself because "I don't want to live on this planet anymore". I don't want to just give up.

And that is what I think is the meaning of life. Do what makes you happy, live the life you want. Because this is the only life you'll get.

VeVa is seriously inspiring ^_^ After reading her blog, I've been toying with some bold thoughts I could try... Like, creating a burlesque persona and even PERFORMING somewhere... Wouldn't know where, though xD
I thought about becoming wiccan in my teens (heh), but really... how could I? They have goddesses, as far as I know. I could never do it, then. Besides, I have the attention span of a goldfish, I wouldn't want to study all the rituals and meanings of things :D So, doing my own thing is the way to go. And it's personal!

Entry #16, Magic: Worry dolls!

How delightful, I express my will to have more magic in my life, and I get a present from my fiancé's mother! Worry dolls :) They're made of sticks, thread and fabric, and they have teeny tiny dots for eyes and mouth. They're only 2-3cm tall <3 I haven't tested them yet, and I hope I don't have to, hehe... I rarely have worries. But it's good to have them nonetheless~

There's a piece of paper with the dolls that tells more about them:

"The indians in Guatemala tell their children an old story: if they have worries, they tell them to the worry dolls. At bedtime, they take one doll from the box for each worry they have and share this worry with the doll. Overnight, the doll will solve the worry. But: as there are only six dolls, only six worries per day are allowed!"

Those are so cute! I've never heard of them before. I'm sure it can be beneficial just to say your worries out loud, even if it's not to another person. Good timing for a little magic practice =P

And a burlesque persona sounds so exciting! I thought about it too very briefly when I learned of a burlesque group in my city that does lessons, but I don't think I'm brave enough for that XD

stargirlstrike wrote:And a burlesque persona sounds so exciting! I thought about it too very briefly when I learned of a burlesque group in my city that does lessons, but I don't think I'm brave enough for that XD

Fuuu, you should go! I'd go! :D Even better, I'd go with you if that were possible.

*****

Entry #17: Ramblings!

I don't have a theme for this entry. Unless rambling can be a theme O.o

- Generally I'm feeling very happy. So happy I can be artistic again, in fact. I'm actually finishing something every once in a while :D The portrait is A3 size, and the koi pic is 13x9cm. Both painted with watercolors. One day I just had the urge to paint!



Apart from traditional art, I've also been making a 3D-model. I won't show that one just yet, because it's in early stages and looks funny :D
I don't know why, but I hadn't felt like drawing anything for YEARS. I didn't even have the will to make myself better, now I could sketch pictures of noses just to understand how... they... look like :DD I suck at noses. And mouths. Faces in general. And hands and... D:
So yeah, I have to practice a lot :D

- I have the motivation to work out again as well. I didn't do much during the summer, mainly because it was just too hot to even sleep, let alone lift heavy iron balls D: I would've drowned in the sweat. And during this last month I've been angry because of my leg. I walked wrong or too fast in a hurry, and since I have hypermobility in my joints, the back of my right knee stretched too much. That resulted in swollen knee, and me not being able to straighten or bend my leg at all! But slowly the swelling started to go away, and I regained mobility. Now I can even squat all the way down again, but I can still feel something in the knee, faintly. I won't be doing goblet squats just yet, or even going out for a walk. I haven't been outside for a couple of weeks now, actually O.o

- I'm happy that I have a new phone as well ^w^ My first smart phone. Samsung Galaxy S4 Mini. I've been wanting to use apps for so long, hehe. Things are easier now, thanks to them. Even the basic calendar is useful. I'm so forgetful :D I even need an app to remind me to drink water. I also bought the Zombies, Run!-app someone mentioned here before! Haven't tested it yet, because of the leg, derp. It had a 50% discount in the Play-store, so I had to take advantage of that. Then I have the Fitocracy app, of course. Logging my workouts directly into it removes the need for a notebook where I wrote everything down before logging them into Fito. I can be more effective ^_^
Another app I've bought is a koi pond live wallpaper. I love koi, and I've always wanted an aquarium or a koi pond. Now I have a portable one, hehe. There's a free version of it, of course, but the full version has more options. And it was only like 70 cents, so no big deal.



- Also, thanks to the new phone, I can take better pictures and even videos. Maybe I could make the blog more personal! At least I can take better pictures of my art, as you can see above =^.^=

- Another thing I'm excited for, is our new blender! I've wanted one of those for ages as well. Now I can make smoothies, cold soups and hummus easily. I read from the manual that no hard things should be put in there, so no ice. So I'll use ice cream instead, har har. Dare I crush nuts with it? I could try~
JP loves the hummus I make, which is great, since I started making it to substitute margarine on our sandwiches. His cholesterol is a bit high, even though he doesn't eat anything fatty and he only uses very little margarine O.o Could be because of alcohol and lack of exercise. And genes. But hummus is better anyway, it has spices that are beneficial to health (olive oil, turmeric and garlic). We both love garlic ^^
I made my first smoothie the other day. A banana, an apple, some blackcurrants, water and MSM-powder. JP tasted it as well, and he would've wanted a smoothie of his own :D

- JP is feeling happier as well, it seems. At least he's helping me and gets groceries by himself, and he's constantly sweet-talking to me :3

- OH YEAH. I installed Skype on my phone, so I can have video chats! I tested it the other day with jayson526 and it went well :D So if someone dares, I can be contacted that way! Or just plain Skype call. Or messaging :D

- Inspired by my love for koi fish, and by accident, I found my next tattoo! I was doing research on koi, so I could draw them better, and googled "koi formation" to see if they have swimming patterns... Didn't find what I was looking for, but there was this:



Instant love! The red koi <3 I like how it looks like it's painted and doesn't have a black outline like all the other koi tats out there! You won't find that by googling "koi tattoo", I tried D: I have a bigger version of that picture, I'm just linking this small one for now. Even the meaning behind the koi tat is perfect: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/koi-tattoo-meaning.html
Koi are often paired with dragons, and I already have a dragon tattoo :B I'm thinking where to put it, probably on my hip or chest...
hee ^^

Wow! Very nice!

Entry #18: Some wedding pics :3

I don't have many pictures to show you ATM, but I hope I'll get more when the people who took them send them to us. Also, I plan to take pictures of all the gifts we got, but right now I only have this one :D Also I've already shared some on Instagram.

So, here's us! In the first pic we've just been married, and I'm holding the certificate. The lady behind my husband (xD) JP is my dad's wife. In the second pic we're just standing as three relatives take pictures of us. Maybe there's at least one pic where our eyes are open at the same time :D LOOK HOW TINY I AM WTF
Wearing a bolero on top of the dress because it was quite cold. And my bra straps wouldn't stay hidden >_>



Two gorgeous red roses we got from my grandma ^^



One of the selfies I took when we got back home. For my makeup I used beige, brown and black. It was a bit difficult, because lately I've been using red and black, so keeping it light was a challenge :D I did my hair with an iron that creates waves. I wanted to keep that subtle as well ^^



AND THIS. This is one of the gifts we got, and it's glorious xD My sister handmade it herself. It's based on a drawing I made some years ago. It's absolutely perfect, actually it's even better than my drawing :D You can stick your arm inside his mouth.



One more selfie from last night (Friday), as I was getting ready to go to a bar with my husband and a friend :P Showing off the ring combo because I think it's awesome, especially with black nails: the golden engagement ring and the wedding ring that's made of titanium and tungsten (from Swedish words tung=heavy and sten=stone). JP has been especially excited about the wedding ring ever since I told him tungsten is one of the heaviest and rarest metals in the world, and that it's used by the military in penetrating projectiles :D



I'll post more if/when I get more pics :3 I might tell more details on how the day went: getting ready, the ceremony, the FOODS and the CAKES and such. Nothing particularly interesting IMO, but at least you'd see how simple a wedding can be, hm?

yes yes! can't wait!