Forace's blog

I've been thinking about making a blog here for a long time, but I never seem to have anything to say, really. I still don't, but I'll start it anyway!

I guess it would be nice for you to get to know me better, because even though I've been a member for quite a long time, do you really know anything about me? Sure, you might know my real name, age and my nationality, and some of my interests and maybe bits about my past. Well, you'll probably get more information here :D
I have to warn you, my texts might get looong...

But I'll keep this first one relatively short, because I'm so excited about this one thing! You know I love jewelry a LOT, and I love to make things myself. I'm waiting for my order from an Estonian site... I ordered quite a lot of stuff! Beads, metal parts, jewelry bits, satin ribbon, white FIMO, purple corals for my mom, green crystals for my sister... I'll show everything when I get them, of course! I know I said I wouldn't order much, but it was sooo difficult not to click "add to cart"... You'll see :)

And yesterday (Monday) I received two necklaces I had bought from a lady on Facebook.
I bought a black rose cameo and a Dia de los Muertos -style necklaces.



I just love roses, and the skull reminds me of Grim Fandango, one of the greatest adventure games EVER. Yeah, I'll talk about games as well...
I own the physical copy of the game. I'm so awesome. And as the cover says, it's epic. I absolutely loathe the word, but if I had to name one epic game, it would be this.

yeahhh...you are one of my favorite people in here <3

I always love your posts, you're so inspiring and upfront about how you feel (hope you don't mind me saying that!). So I'm glad you've started a blog I'm excited to see all the stuff from Estonia!

Agreed you always seem to be calm and cool about all things I am sure if you made a blog it would be very interesting

I love your blog already, excited what kind of jewelry you're going to make

Krissy; I thought so ^^ I'm happy you find little old me interesting, hehe.

Lena; aww <3 I can say the same about you ^^

out of the hollow; oh thank you! I don't mind at all if you have something nice to say ^^ In fact, I don't mind if you have something negative to say, either. If I do or say something wrong, I'd like to know, so I can be better :) We'll see how the order from Estonia goes; yesterday I got an e-mail from them asking if I'd still like to order some golden jewelry parts since they didn't have enough of them, only 9 out of the 20 that was supposed to be in the package... I'd take them, but I didn't order anything golden! I think they just mixed some orders there... I hope I won't get some other person's package!

PinkBarrierLou; I'm so cool *puts on sunglasses* :D J/k, it's just in my nature to be "slow", so I won't jump to conclusions and try to help as much as I can. I guess my blog will be fairly interesting, but it depends on what you find interesting :B

cindragale; already :D If I get this stuff from Estonia, I will make awesome jewelry! I have an idea for this goth necklace/choker, it'll be amazing... I'll make a bubblegoth version of it, too! I'll probably sell it, or give as a prize for something... :3

Entry #2 :o

Another thing I'm excited about! I already mentioned this on "whatcha thinkin'"-thread, but I'll explain more...

I've always wanted to help people in countries like Africa and such, but I've never really got to do it. Because I thought the only way I could help, was by giving money, and that won't do, I need it myself. We need it, there are two people living here. And a cat :D

But I found a volunteer job that even I can do! I found an organization called The Finnish Refugee Council, and that they need volunteers to sell jewelry made by the refugees. All the money made from the sales go to the Council, and they use it to help people learn how to read. So, I sent an e-mail to a representative in the Council, and they answered with some info about the job, and asked for my address so they can send the jewelry. And today I got an e-mail that the package had been sent! It should be here in a few days, I'll show you everything!
There should be bracelets and necklaces made from recycled paper beads from Uganda, and coconut jewelry from Sierra Leone. At least :D I think I'll buy something for myself as well, hihi... I've only seen this picture I saw in an article about them:



I'd like to have a black bracelet, for example :3 All the jewelry is so colorful, I'm sure I can sell plenty of them!

Another thing I found I could do, is the Comfort Doll project. People make dolls by crocheting, knitting or sewing, and send them to a guy who will take the dolls to Uganda, and gives them to children in a slum area there. So I just thought that since I can sew and crochet, I'd make a doll or few :)
Also, I read about a project that needs knit/crocheted blankets for babies, maybe I'll do that, too... But first I'll deal with the jewelry and the dolls :)

Those necklaces are the effing bomb I love roses too.

It feels so good to do something for someone who can't repay you and not to mention enjoy doing it, too. Sweet of you to do those things.
I do a little volunteer work too, but I just work with abadoned doggies.

I'm sure you'll find plenty to say

Thank you, Krissy ^^ I'm glad I found an enjoyable way to help. By doing what I'd normally do.

Tara; the necklaces are gorgeous <3 I've worn them only once so far xD I should get out more...

Thank you, I hope my sales go well! We have an animal shelter almost right across the street, I guess there are mostly cats and some dogs. We've been thinking of getting a second cat, but we're worried and scared how we'd manage, and how they would get along...

Now that I've thought about it, I DO seem to have plenty of topics to talk about! Typical me, thinking that I don't do anything interesting lol

Entry #3: My Minecraft house :3

I play Minecraft on Pelitcraft-server. Pelit (=games) is the biggest game magazine in Finland, and they have their own Minecraft server. You can't play there unless you're whitelisted and then given the rights to build. Luckily, a friend of mine is one of the admins there, so I had no problem getting in :3 Well, unless you take into account the fact that he wrote the name wrong first and I couldn't play sooner...
When I could play, I looked at the dynamic map for a place to build, and I saw an island that no one had taken. So I went and reserved it for myself ^^

Even if you don't play games, I'm sure you can appreciate the originality and beauty of my house! I have a lot of pictures here :B

1. You can enter my island from the South. There's a tiny beach there, and I've put up a sign, so people can see who it belongs to.


2. The island was barren, so I planted trees there. I made a stone brick path from the beach leading up to my house.


3. You can see the house from the path :D Well, it is quite big...


4. To the right of the path I made a melon patch after I found some melon seeds underground, in an abandoned mine.


5. To the left is my initial storing and smelting place. I also had a bed there, but I moved it upstairs. I planted some flowers :3


6. To the right of the path again, I have my pumpkin patch. Also, a friend trolled when I was away; he took a dirt block and put sand in it, and then planted a dead plant there :D He had put up a sign that said "kiukiu", because that's how my laughter sounds like xD I put some fence around the dead plant, so no one will take it away :3


7. My first "lair" a bit closer. When I started, I just dug down to get stones and coal. I didn't find coal even after a long time, but luckily my friend gave me some so I was able to make torches.


8. After I had built my house, I wondered what else to build. So I decided to make the staircase to the underground nicer...


9. And there, I made a dungeon :D


10. At the far end of the dungeon, I have a lava pit. I just throw gravel and prisoners there.


11. Stone stone brick path leads to this wooden platform under my house. I'm not sure what to do there, maybe some benches or something...


12. The first floor is small, I just planted two trees there and after they had grown, I built two staircases up to the left and right.


13. Standing in the corner, looking back at where I stood in the previous picture...


14. On the second floor I just have some bookcases. And another tree.


15. Still on the second floor, I have this weird round "balcony" that surrounds some trees that grow from the ground. There are ladders on the left to the third floor.


16. Looking from the "entrance" of the third floor.


17. I have a table and two benches there. I plan to put a cake on the table, and a chest full of food somewhere, and people could take them if they needed.


18. In the corner, I have a bunch of private chests full of different stuff. I have one chest for stones, one for valuables, one for rails, one for food etc...


19. Looking back from the chest corner. I made a shelter above the table. I used glass for a part of it, it looks really nice :)


20. In the other corner I have a small flight of stairs that lead to my "bedroom". I have more bookshelves here.


21. And among the bookshelves, there's an enchantment table. I don't really use it, it's mainly for decoration. Other players can use it, though.


22. And there's my bed :) And a nightstand, heh.


23. Looking down from the roof. I like this house, because it's so open and the vines grow nicely. It looks amazing when it's raining!


24. Looking at the house from the northern part of the island. I planted those sugar canes, and put some lily pads in the water.


25. And that same friend who gave me the dead plant and the coal, wanted the tiniest island around my big one :D He built a tiny cottage there. That thing floating in the water is his boat.



I like how at the beginning of the pictures, there's daylight, and it gets darker to the end :D

^ I LOVE IT, can I live there? Just kidding, but it is awesome! Sadly I don't know anything about Minecraft but the whole style and graphics reminds me of Lego toys and old 1st person shooters like Doom... nostalgic things!

Also I lol'd at the square watermelons in picture 4. They're cute!

Forace wrote:
out of the hollow; oh thank you! I don't mind at all if you have something nice to say ^^ In fact, I don't mind if you have something negative to say, either. If I do or say something wrong, I'd like to know, so I can be better We'll see how the order from Estonia goes; yesterday I got an e-mail from them asking if I'd still like to order some golden jewelry parts since they didn't have enough of them, only 9 out of the 20 that was supposed to be in the package... I'd take them, but I didn't order anything golden! I think they just mixed some orders there... I hope I won't get some other person's package!

EEEP! Oh no DX I hope it all works out and you end up getting your things.

Forace wrote:I found an organization called The Finnish Refugee Council, and that they need volunteers to sell jewelry made by the refugees. All the money made from the sales go to the Council, and they use it to help people learn how to read. So, I sent an e-mail to a representative in the Council, and they answered with some info about the job, and asked for my address so they can send the jewelry. And today I got an e-mail that the package had been sent! It should be here in a few days, I'll show you everything!
There should be bracelets and necklaces made from recycled paper beads from Uganda, and coconut jewelry from Sierra Leone. At least I think I'll buy something for myself as well, hihi... I've only seen this picture I saw in an article about them:



I'd like to have a black bracelet, for example :3 All the jewelry is so colorful, I'm sure I can sell plenty of them!

OHHH I have one of those bracelets!! A friend of my mother's gave us each one, and told us they were made from recycled paper by Ugandan women. They're beautiful and the story behind them is really touching, I'm sure you'll be able to sell a ton. Such a good cause

out of the hollow wrote:^ I LOVE IT, can I live there? :D Just kidding, but it is awesome! Sadly I don't know anything about Minecraft but the whole style and graphics reminds me of Lego toys and old 1st person shooters like Doom... nostalgic things!

Also I lol'd at the square watermelons in picture 4. They're cute!

SURE, I'd like to live in a house like that as well xD Well, maybe with some more shelter, it could get windy in there...
That's the charm about Minecraft, it looks so simple and you build like you were using Legos. And everyone loves Legos :D

All the objects are blocks, even watermelons :D And animals! Sheep, pigs, cows, chickens and the enemies :3

out of the hollow wrote:OHHH I have one of those bracelets!! A friend of my mother's gave us each one, and told us they were made from recycled paper by Ugandan women. They're beautiful and the story behind them is really touching, I'm sure you'll be able to sell a ton. Such a good cause :)

You do?! That's awesome :D I got my jewelry today, and I was surprised how beautiful they are, even though I expected them to be! I'm thinking about taking pictures of them and putting them up in my Facebook, so my relatives and friends can see. And, preferably, buy them xD I wonder how they made the paper beads, they are so hard and shiny!

My next post will be about them :3

Wow, your Minecraft house is so impressive! You've got so much stuff and everything looks so nice! Do you ever have to worry about griefing or PVP on your server?

stargirlstrike wrote:Wow, your Minecraft house is so impressive! You've got so much stuff and everything looks so nice! Do you ever have to worry about griefing or PVP on your server?

Thank you! ^^ It only took a few days to collect all the blocks and build the house. Most of the time I spent lost in the abandoned mine under my island :D

Nah, the PvP area is separate from that area where everyone builds. There are no enemies, either. I don't worry about griefing, either, because you can't get on the server without a friend's recommendation, who is already accepted. I don't know if there has been any griefing there, but a few idiots, yes... They were punished and banned ^^ One guy was "lynched" by other players, he got eggs thrown at him. Baby chickens everywhere! xD
Also, one guy's house was submerged by the admin :DD His house is one of the sights there, hehe. "Don't do like this guy did".
All the banned players are then "buried" in the server cemetery. I haven't seen it yet O_o

And besides, if someone even finds my house and starts griefing, I can always build anew. Plus my admin friend would be happy to help me to punish idiots!

Wow, really? That's so cool! Sounds like it was a ton of fun to make and explore.

Ah, that's so nice! And it sounds like such a nice community! I was on a big American server for a while where you had to whitelist but then the owner decided that he would play favorites with the donors and it kinda fell apart after that.

Also, very handy to be friends with an admin! Even if you can build anew, it's still a bit sad to see your work destroyed by anyone else. Sounds like you found an excellent place to play.

It is a nice place, and all the other players have been real nice to me as well ^^

Yeah, of course I'd be sad if someone destroyed my pwetty house, but it is still just a game :) I'd be furious if someone destroyed something physical I've made, like tear my drawings or take apart my jewelry!

Entry #4: I'm a salesperson nao!

I took pictures of the jewelry I got from the Finnish Refugee Council, and put them up on Facebook for my relatives and friends to see... Only two album likes so far :/ Actually, the album is public, so anyone can see it.

Anyways, I love the jewelry myself! They're happy and colorful ^_^

Long necklaces made out of recycled paper beads:


Short necklaces of the same sort:


Bracelets:


Small earrings:


Big earrings:


Coffee bean necklaces!


And the coconut necklaces:


I'd love to have a red coconut necklace! Or an orange one! They would look awesome when we go to the beach, hihi... Also, I love the big black earrings, with the beads in a circle. And maybe the white necklace...
Öff, I'm going overboard soon :DD I might end up buying all of them myself!

I don't see why I couldn't sell them to you guys as well, since I can accept Paypal (and well-hidden money in an envelope, lol). I'd take care of the postage myself, of course, if you only wish to pay for the item you want!

Ooh, those are very pretty. I especially like the green coconut necklace! I'd love to buy one, especially if it's for a good cause. How much does everything cost?

They are very pretty ^^

The prices are:
15€ for the long necklaces
10€ for the short necklaces
7€ for the bracelets
5€ for the small earrings
7€ for the big earrings
10€ for the coffee bean necklaces and
15€ for the coconut necklaces.

So for the coconut necklace it would be about 18.76 USD :B If you would consider buying something, it would make me extremely happy!

Ah, thanks for that conversion, I was just about to look up what it would be in dollars until I scrolled down a bit more XP
How long are you going to be selling them for? I can't quite afford one like today or anything, but the next time I get paid I would definitely love to get one.

I think I can sell them for as long as I like/can. I don't think there really is an expiration date for a thing like this :D So take your time. Do you have friends/relatives who could be interested in them as well? I could send them all in one package :) Lol, look at me selling!

Entry #5: Helmikori!

Helmi = a pearl, or a bead (at least in this context)
Kori = a basket

Some Finnish for you :3 After my order to Helmehaldjas (I guess that would translate as bead fairy or elf? It would be helmihaltia in Finnish!), I found a Finnish jewelry making site, and I was thrilled to see they had ring bases there! So of course I ordered some (and some other stuff...), since Helmehaldjas didn't have them :3
The feathers are from a guinea fowl, and they've been dyed red. Then there are black and silver brass earpins with butterflies, black and silver ring bases, some... interesting ring bases, and two red complimentary glass beads, as a thank you. The message on the bag says: "Thank you for ordering! With summer greetings, Helmikori-team". So nice ^_^


Same things, just out of their bags...


And a picture of what one of those interesting ring bases look like on a finger. I wonder what I'll make with them...?


Today I got an e-mail from Helmehaldjas, and there was some other person writing this time. It was nice, because they were writing to me in Finnish! Previously we wrote in English, since I can't speak Eesti (Estonian). Again they asked if I had ordered some golden jewelry pieces (which I hadn't), but then there was another e-mail, where they were apologizing! They had noticed that they had some orders mixed up :D So I'm glad that's sorted. I was able to pay for my order as well. I tried the wrong account number before, probably... Heh, quite an experience :D
So I should be getting my things soon enough ^^ I'm so excited, there are so many pretty things... <3

How cool! The ring bases are looking especially epic

That they do! I guess you're supposed to put loads-a-crap dangling from the little rings :D I also think about putting polymer clay flowers on each ring, so they'll be in a line... We'll see :3

I agree. Oh the possibilities

Entry #6: Helmehaldjas!

Check out what I did with one of those weird ring bases if you haven't already: http://www.tableoflove.net/t3591-rose-ring

I finally received my Helmehaldjas order! \o/ And I finally took pictures of almost everything :B Sorry for the crappy quality in some pictures, my camera seems to be good at taking close-ups only >_>

In this first picture there are (if you can see...) polymer clay tool set, satin ribbon roll, some black thread roll, craft wire, purple corals, green bead mix, black beads and a present: two quality pencils :D


In the second picture, feathers!


Here are a bunch of mascots, filigree things and earring bases:


A close-up of the clocks, the bunny (I'll give that to my sister), the cross and the libra mascot:


Filigree:


Bronze butterflies, a big heart pendant, a wing (they only had one...), rose beads, a teapot...


A closeup of the two special beads. I guess they're called Tensha-beads and are hand-painted in Japan. You can also see the cute teapot better ^^


And last but not least, the Swarovski crystals. The green ones on the left I'll give to my sister (she loves green nowadays!), maybe in a form of earrings. The pink moon and star I plan to use in a bubblegoth choker, and the yellow ones in a more goth version of the choker :3


I didn't take pictures of the other jewelry bits, like bead hats and clasps, because they aren't that interesting to look at, lol

Wooooooow all so pretty! & The ring you made is awesome.

Do you have a little icon on your camera that looks like a flower? If you do that's macro mode. It is there for taking pics close ups of small objects. It does an amazing job.

Yeah, there's a switch with a flower on one end and a mountain on the other. I took these pictures with the flower setting. I have tested all options and tried different distances, but most pictures are just blurry :/ I guess the lighting is bad, or my hands are shaky :P
My camera seems to be good for closeups, and big scenery pictures. That's good enough for now ^^

And now that I've taken the pictures, I can start making jewelry :D

Hmmmmm strange It should work. It is probably from shakiness. I have a medical condition sometimes called involuntary tremors and my hands tend to shake a lot anyway but when I am trying to take a pic or stay still for some reason it's worse. It always takes me a lot of tries to get decent close ups.

Don't forget to show us what you make

they do swarovski stars and moons!? MUST get some!

how cool

Tara, my hands aren't that shaky, they just move around on their own xD A person can't be completely still. For closeups, I put my arms against something to make them stay still a bit better.
And I won't forget ^^

mimi, yes! And leaves and hearts, but stars and moons are a must buy ;D

Krissy, yes it is

i tired to take pics of my rings but it was blury too.

I'm so happy that you opened blog... you are so talented person <3

Thank you, Natt <3

Entry #7: Weekend

It's a festival time in my city, which lasts for 5 days. We won't probably participate that much, but today I'll probably go for a "ghosts and weird things" -walk :D There will be a guide to tell about the local ghosts in the old area of the city. I think it'll be interesting ^^

Tomorrow, on Saturday, my dad will pick us up and we'll go see my relatives. We'll go to my aunt's house and probably barbecue and such :) We'll stay for one night at my sister's place. I'll be able to give her those charms and the earrings I made... Probably, I'm going to have to take a look at them again and ponder whether they look good or not... I'd like to see mom, too. I have a bracelet for her :3

Dad will bring us back on Sunday. The festival won't be over yet, and that's good. I'd like to take a ride on the Fiia, a sailing boat. The ticket costs 15€ (so that's 30€ for us both), but the ride lasts for two hours, so I think it's not that much for a rare thing :) I'll try to remember and take my camera with me!

I hope you have a great time! that festival sounds fun and the ghost walk sounds really cool lol.

We have a walk like that here too except our is called "The Haunted Hike". I don't know if there are any others. I've been wanting to go for years but something always comes up. Booooo.

Hope you have fun.

& Guess what I found??

what did you find?^

The walk was fun, and there were a lot of people! I didn't think it would be so popular. I learned some interesting facts of this city, and about the ghosts of course ^^ My fiancé's mom and dad were there, too. We went to a bar afterwards xD For one drink, I had a cranberry long drink. Eww, and some man was staring at me D:

There were a lot of people at the shore, too. There's a carnival (with a ferris wheel, carousel and such), bungee jumping, people selling stuff and people performing at the stage. Today there was some Finnish rap artist there >_> I can't see why he's so popular... There were a few other bands as well.


Tara, I'm guessing you found a chest for me? :3

That sounds like fun...and kind of weird with random people staring at you...unless he was cute then that's a bonus.

Yessss. It's a nice size and a chest and has nice metal accents. I'll send it off when I get back from my little road trip.

I guess he thought I was pretty O_o I can't remember what he looked like, he wasn't ugly per se, but not exactly handsome... He was weird xD I'm guessing he was about 30-40 years old. He had curly hair, that was enough to make me not-interested. I hate curly hair. That sounded horrible :DD

Awesome, the chest sounds lovely!

Glad you have a lovely time.Wow i hate when older creepy men stare at me.

Forace wrote:Eww, and some man was staring at me D:

Eeeep I'm sorry but your reaction made me laugh a little. I'm sorry you got stared at though.

Glad you finally got all of your pretty jewelry things! The rose ring you made turned out beautiful, I can't believe you made those roses out of polymer clay and watercolor paint! Very inspiring.

Thank you, out of the hollow <3

Entry #8: I may need help... or opinions, at least

I've already rambled something about this in "what are you thinking?", but I feel I should open up some more. Especially since I can't seem to make any kind of sense out of my thoughts.

Soo... I've had a crush on a friend of my fiancé's for quite some time now... Maybe always, I'm not sure. But I've always liked the guy. Let's call him J.
And he has always liked me. And of course, mutual feelings are dangerous, especially if either one is spoken for.

Things started to escalate about a week ago. J came here and had dinner with us (it was my fiancé's idea), then we drank some alcoholic beverages (lol) and went to see a small concert at one of the local bars. At one point, I was sitting by a long table, J was standing on the bench so he could see the performers, and I don't know where my fiancé was, maybe somewhere behind me talking to someone. J looked at me and offered his hand, so I could stand up, too. I refused at first, but I got up when he did it again. His eyes were so... @_@
So, there we were, standing next to each other with one arm around one another, and listened. J started kissing me on the cheek, and at the end of one song, he kissed me on the mouth. I was surprised, of course, but... pleasantly.

The gig ended, and we just sat by the same table for a while, drinking. Then J got up and touched my shoulder. I figured it was a sign to follow him, so I went outside. We got behind the corner, and were wondering wtf was happening. Then he kissed me again. A few times, hihi. We decided to go back inside before people started wondering too much. We sat back down, and J tried to hold my hand under the table, and my fiancé was on the opposite side, so he couldn't see.

The bar closed, and we all walked towards another bar. My fiancé wanted to go in, because another friend was going, too. And I said "OK, I'm going home, I don't feel like drinking any more." He went in, and I was left alone with J. We walked back to my apartment, and held hands the whole time... Then, at the yard, we talked and kissed some more. I was scared shitless of what was going to happen, and I think he was, too. We agreed it would be for the best if he went home before we did something we could regret, and that's what he did. I went inside and fell asleep pretty quickly. My fiancé came home after a couple of hours.

Then, on Monday, I took J's phone number from my fiancé's phone and sent a message saying that I wanted to talk. He replied in the evening, that maybe we should forget about what happened. And I agreed.

For the next week I felt like crap and I couldn't eat. No one has ever taken my appetite away before!

Now, yesterday, he came to our place and we had some drinks again. Just because we all felt like it. My fiancé's sister came by as well.
I sat on the couch next to J, just because I was happy to see him again so soon, and because I wanted to be near him. We were able to talk about some random things, like hair, guitars and Wacoms (lol), which was nice... He has always been so shy near me.

Aaand of course we decided to check out a bar I had never been in yet. My fiancé started talking with someone outside the bar, so me and J went inside to order some drinks. J kept looking at me, and I could see he wanted to kiss me again, and maybe talk and something... After a while, my fiancé joined us. Aaaand of course, some other friends of my fiancé's appeared, so he started talking with them. Me and J went somewhere in the back to sit down. I didn't dare to sit next to him, even though I wanted to, so I sat opposite to him. Then we started talking across the table, and kissing and holding hands... My fiancé never saw anything. It was kinda awkward, and we were both pretty frustrated, "why must these feelings exist?!". He told me I was so pretty, that he wanted me to go with him to his apartment, he'd take good care of me, and that he's not pressuring me or anything... He seems to think that I'm amazing. He said so. I told him I've had a crush on him for a looong time. He said it was a good thing.

After the bar, we came back to out apartment. Me, J and my fiancé. J passed out pretty quickly, so he slept on our couch. When I woke up this morning, J was still here, and my fiancé was fast asleep. I went to the kitchen to get some water, and I heard that J woke up as well. After a trip to the bathroom, we said good morning to each other and... just hugged and kissed for quite a while... He left after that.

So my dilemma is: stay with my fiancé or go for J?
I know it sounds horrible to even consider, but it's not really a black and white thing...
I'm getting tired of my fiancé's inability to help me with housework, groceries, working out and just plain DOING things. All he does, is sit at the computer and play games and listen to music. A child, so to speak. A childish man.
Or rather, I'm not getting tired of it, I've been sick of doing everything for years now. And I have told him he should help more, and he says the same thing and I really believe he wants to, but words don't move the vacuum cleaner! And I do mean everything; he has never cleaned the litter box, or cleaned the bathroom, or cooked a meal all by himself. I really do feel like his mother at times. He also takes me for granted.
He doesn't want children, while I might at some point. He's against getting married as well. I know; engaged, but no marriage? Maybe it's a good thing...
You might think that why does he affect my doings so much, I could go for a walk and paint and do whatever I want. The thing is, I have too much to do, and I feel pressure because of it, so I just... do nothing. We share this place, we should share the tasks taking care of it.
J on the other hand... He works out regularly (dude, his chest!) and actually does other things besides sitting at the computer. He also cooks.

So, I feel like we're sort of smothering each other, even though we're good otherwise. Music is really important to my fiancé, and I truly feel bad for taking it away from him. But the music he listens to... I can't tolerate most of it at all. A stupid thing to argue about, but that's the only thing we do argue about. He has often threatened to leave me because of this, but he's been drunk at those times, so I don't take his threats seriously. And he's always been lovey dovey the next day.
J is also a musician, he's in a band and all that. But he's not as kvlt as my fiancé.

Then there's the fact that J and my fiancé are practically best friends. Since childhood. J moved away from here a long time ago, but he came back and they became friends again. I wouldn't want to destroy that.

What I'd like to do, is to go for J... I'm just so tired of this current situation.

I realize that getting nice comments from someone else than my fiancé feels awesome, so I'm not falling for that. He could be trying to sweet-talk me into going to bed with him, but I doubt it. I feel he really cares for me.

But I guess I'm just going to have to stay here for now, and try to make things better or something. I'm going to have to talk with J about this more, to find out what he really wants from me, and whether he's worth my time :/ I can stay with my fiancé, because I do love him, but I'd be pining away for someone else. If nothing changes, then it's settled...

Sorry for the wall of text :3

oh baby...this situation sucks... on the one hand you have this long-term relationship and you are engaged and live together, and on the other hand hand there's this guy who you really like.... and he likes you back... so i'm gonna write down what i'm thinking...

If your relationship with your fiance was strong and really good, you wouldn't even consider of breaking up even for the hottest guy in the world.. if you really loved him as a man you would not think of another guy... (because i'm kinda in a similar situation) , as a person and a guy you will always love him...but as a mate? as a man? as your man?

Then we have J...you really like him, and he likes you back..and i think it's true, because i don't know any descent guy who would risk his friendship with his childhood friend, over a girl, and especially over his friend's fiancee...

I think you should follow your heart.. a part of me really understands how you feel... i'm with this guy for almost 4 years, we lived together, i love him so much and i wish he could stay in my life if we broke up, but he's a child..all he cares about is food, and games.. he can live without water, not without his pc.. and i'm 26...i need a man, i need someone to build a strong relationship with, and eventually be a wife and a mother.. i need someone to make me feel safe... and i've felt this only once...with my ex... that's why i'm thinking about him so much..

So before you screw up your life, sit down and make a list, in order to weight thing...

Am I happy? Can J make me happy? Is it worth leaving my fiance, and risk their friendship? And make a list of your fiance's and J's pros and cons..

Eventually you will see the big picture... and even if all goes wrong, you still have you...if you stay with him you may be miserable in a short period of time... if you leave with J he might end up not being who you thought he was... but you will have take a decision all by yourself..it's about your life, and your future and no one can tell you what to do...

I hope things will be great whichever your decision is, and i'm here if you need anything...even just to talk, to say hi..

Love you and good luck..

Oh my.This is hard.I'M so sorry.I think this is something you need to really think long and hard about before you descide on something. Just follow your heart.