Positive thoughts

A lot of MoonChildren are having a hard time with friends, family or even themselves, and I'm not different. So when I read these articles, I've been thinking: can you learn to become more positive? Can you learn a happier outlook on life?

I translated the articles from Finnish to English, because I think they can be of help to someone. They have been helpful to me, at least. I have noticed how thinking about positive things makes you feel happy longer, and how being negative and angry just makes you feel worse, so that nerve course thing mentioned in the text makes sense. You can be sad on a sunny day, and you can be happy on a cloudy/rainy day.

The first article is from a magazine called "me" (= us). We get in the mail, because we have some bonus-card to a certain chain of shops :D It's a good magazine, they mostly have good articles and recipes (which I always collect).

Sorry for any weird sentences or typos :)

*****
me March 2011
Text: Tuula-Maria Ahonen

HAPPINESS TRAINING

Do you whip yourself? Maybe you should turn around and start searching for a new kind of attitude towards the person you date all your life?

A friend of mine invited me to an Independence Day party. I would've wanted to spend the birthday of Finland with the others, but it had been snowing for a long time, and it was dangerous to drive. And most of all, fatigue weighed heavily on me. The obstacles started to feel insurmountable, and I decided to skip the party. At that moment it started to feel absolutely unbearable to be tired, to have that particular feeling, on that particular day.
“I'm getting old and cautious, I'm tired. My life will be full of this misery from now on”, I made myself feel worse.
Tony Dunderfelt, who has written a book on the subject, says that I was thinking in a very typical way.
“We easily start making things worse with our own thoughts when something bad happens. When we feel bad, we start considering ourselves as bad people and see a dark future for ourselves.”
What should have I done instead, then – and what did I do?
I decided to follow the advice from a book I just read, called “The psychology of happiness”: accept my reality, instead of fighting against myself.
I went to bed, listened to some relaxing music and told myself, that I accept myself and my situation. Surprisingly fast I started to feel sweet inner peace and I got my strength back.

IF THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR LIFE BREAKS

A party on a day of celebration is really quite a small thing to give up. What if you have to face a much bigger challenge in life? For example, the end of a relationship, a marriage ending with divorce.
Can your inner friend be of help then?
Tony Dunderfelt has experienced divorce after a long marriage.
“The power of grief was overwhelming”, Dunderfelt describes.
“Instantly I began to blame myself in a harming way. I also saw my future as bleak. On the other hand, I've always naturally thought that there's light at the end of the tunnel. And people have a ton of aphorisms about how humans have fought their way out of bad situations towards a brighter future. For example: “if you don't see light at the end of the tunnel, you're looking in the wrong direction”.
“Even though my mind was heavy, I decided to go dancing, because it makes me happy. My mind was automatically producing depressing thoughts. Even though I'm a good dancer, I thought that no woman wants to dance with me”, Dunderfelt is smiling now, afterwards.
“When I started to get comments on how nice it is to dance with me, I agreed to accept this happiness, even though there was darkness in my mind also.”
“At a moment of sadness and desperation, we easily make a double mistake: on the other hand we don't allow ourselves to have negative feelings, and on the other we deny ourselves the good things in life. When we face life how it is, in good and bad, we go forward.”

BECOME A BETTER FRIEND WITH PRACTICE

For some reason, we are more demanding and cruel towards ourselves than we are towards other people. We understand a friend, but we blame and judge ourselves.
Dunderfelt advises to do a Friend practice: when feeling desperate and sad, talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend, in an encouraging and calming way.
“Think about some failure in your life. It doesn't need to be anything big. Like, when you're feeling less peppy during the day than you think you should. You feel your work is tiring, and at home things are a bit messy. You blame yourself for being lazy.”
This easily becomes a negative cycle that feeds itself. The less you work, the more you blame yourself. Reason says that this cycle must be broken, but our automatic minds are powerful, and it's not easy to forgive yourself and just let things go.
“Now imagine that you're with your best friend, who is comforting you and saying: “things have a habit of sorting out. Drink a cup of coffee first or do something fun, and then decide what is the smart thing to do”, Dunderfelt says.
“Imagine this conversation so that it feels real and lifelike. You'll notice you'll feel better right away. You judge yourself less and you get a wiser way of thinking in return.”

LEARN TO NOTICE GOOD THINGS

I'm sitting with Dunderfelt in a café in Helsinki. Dunderfelt is looking at a scaffolding outside the window. I think it looks ugly.
“Every day we notice mostly problems and flaws. It's good to train your psyche to see good things, too”, Dunderfelt says.
“For example, you can look at that scaffolding and think that it's sturdy and safe. The people who put it together were so handy they put the bolts in the right places and secured tightly. When you think about that, you start feeling gratitude that there are people who are good at that.”
Dunderfelt says that it's good to train this kind of happiness practice for 20-30 seconds, so that your brain has the time to activate positive nerve courses. You should have many happiness practices during the day. If you encounter difficulties in life later, it'll be easier to deal with them.
I try to look at the people who are passing by like this. I notice beautiful clothes, but then my thoughts are disrupted, so it didn't last for 20 seconds.
Dunderfelt suggests that I should do this at home as well.
“Look around and concentrate on something you've bought some time ago. It can be some everyday object, anything at all. Look at the object and be truly happy that you have it.”
I don't make a conscious happiness training decision, but in the middle of an exercising class, I notice that I'm looking at my socks approvingly. Wow, I have beautiful socks, I can see again, and I feel happy.

DIRECTION: PURE HAPPINESS

The thought of happiness training feels a bit artificial, though. And an obligation. But after training my positive nerve courses, I remember the time when I was just starting my exercising classes.
The couch was much more inviting than an exercising class. It was an obligation to go to the class. But after some time, exercising started to make me feel good. Nowadays I go to the classes because of that feeling.
“It's the same with happiness training. Nowadays it gives me pure happiness”, Dunderfelt says.
One of his favorite exercises is a gratitude diary, where you write down the nice things that had happened during the day. You don't need to imagine things or make up something grandeur. Just notice the natural good that already exists in life or things that you kind of encounter during the day.
“When you get used to that, you can continue by writing down the good things that happened, like how your dog is healthier after a sickness, or how a co-worker thanked you”, Dunderfelt advises.
To me, the idea of a gratitude diary seems strange for some reason for now. I'll continue doing the approving exercises, though. I woke up too early this morning and I couldn't sleep anymore. But when I rested and decided to accept my situation, I started to feel relaxing throbs of inner peace.

Great views

There is a certain group of people, who have the exceptional talent of noticing things from a different angle: children. A little while ago, a small girl asked his father in the back of a crowded bus: “dad, is the view great from the roof of that building? How about that one? Or that one?” The other passengers instinctively started looking up through the windows of the bus and thinking about it. They had something to think about for the rest of the journey, and all the passengers getting off were smiling.



*****
What are you thoughts about this?
Will you try the exercises mentioned in the text? Like the 20 second time-line thing, or even the gratitude diary. I've been thinking about doing the diary :) I want to read the book, too, if I can find it.

I'll post the other article later, now I need to sleep. I will be doing more translating in the future, since I find many articles on the subject.

Also, write here if you have experience on these kinds of things! Or if you find texts about this, feel free to share. Or just tell us if you're grateful of something :)

Awesome, thanks for translating/sharing I think it's always a good idea to focus on the good, and try to minimize the bad.

Here's something related to this: it's a good idea to not think thoughts that start with "I should" or "I could". Because then if you don't do or didn't do whatever that is, you're setting up an opportunity to fail in your mind, and it's really easy to be too hard on yourself that way.

Heey thank you so much for your time translating and sharing with us! I'm looking forward for the next ones (:
There's something I'd like to share, I think it fits here: when I really want to do something, I never think twice. I just do it spontaneously. If I think twice, I know I'll probably change my mind. So I just do it because I dont want to regret later that I missed the chance.
If I do something this way and fail, now I never regret because I know it was exactly what I wanted to do then. At the beginning I couldn't help but think maybe I shouldn't have done that but now I know that I wanted it, and I did it. And that's ok, because it's better to taste it and not like it than to never taste it and wonder forever.
I think I'll do the diary thing, too. I've never been a Polly Anna, but reading good thing later may help me out when I'm desperate.
Thank you again for sharing! <3

These are quite helpful thanks!

You're welcome :)

out of the hollow wrote:Here's something related to this: it's a good idea to not think thoughts that start with "I should" or "I could". Because then if you don't do or didn't do whatever that is, you're setting up an opportunity to fail in your mind, and it's really easy to be too hard on yourself that way.

Oh yes! It's so depressing when you think "I should do some cleaning", "I should be prettier than this", "I should be more thin" and then don't do anything about them. Instead, think "I will do some cleaning now", "I am pretty just like this", "I will start eating healthy and doing exercises" and then actually do what you decide.

And it's like what Winter said, if you decide to do something, just DO it. If you're a procrastinator like me, you'll NEVER get things done if you don't do them right away :D You just keep postponing everything and end up feeling like shit for not doing anything and running out of time...

Sometimes it takes a LOT of willpower to stay in your decision (like doing exercises), but it'll be worth it in the end. When you get over the feeling that it's an obligation, and start feeling good about what you're doing :)

thanks I find myself that if ur around negtive people all the time there moods bounce off on to you.

That was more useful than I would have thought of such articles I think happiness is quite simple- just do what you love to do.

butterflycry2010 wrote:thanks :D I find myself that if ur around negtive people all the time there moods bounce off on to you.

That's true! Negative people make you think negatively, and positive people make you happy :D

Feelings are contagious, like it's said in the next article!

Sometimes when you're feeling gloomy, and suddenly a random person greets you on the street or at the store, and you feel happier :D I often get happier if the cashier lady smiles at me when I'm paying for my groceries :)

cindragale wrote:That was more useful than I would have thought of such articles :D I think happiness is quite simple- just do what you love to do.

They are very useful! That's why I'm going through the trouble of translating them to you guys <3

Doing what you love to do is happiness at its simplest. Even a job you love to do doesn't feel like working :D If your job doesn't give you any satisfaction, I think it's time to look for something else to do. You know, find your passion and such :)

Here's the next article, it's from a magazine called "Pirkka". I don't know if you can translate that, since I don't think it means anything O_o It's an interview of two Finns, who are positive :)

*****
Pirkka 3, 2011

Even the most positive people have difficulties in life. At times like that a positive person doesn't stop and start moping about what happened. They wonder what will happen next.
The most positive Finn of the year, Toni Nieminen, has had an Olympic victory, as well as an all time low in his teens. The gutsy ski jumper then found the power of being positive, and he made it in to the Olympic team again. Nowadays positivity guides him as a father, with his horse business, as a TV celebrity and as a lecturer.
The most positive person of the year from Kotka, Natalia Martikainen, is from Moldova. She works at a checkout-counter at the local K-citymarket. This laughing servant of customers gets a lot of energy when meeting new people, and she is the light of many people's weekday.

Where do you get your positivity from?

Natalia: When serving customers, I meet different kinds of people all the time, and I enjoy that greatly. By being positive and greeting everyone happily makes people happy. It makes me happy, too.
Toni: Positivity comes from the small things in life, like family. We have two daughters, who are 3 and 5 years old. It's very hard to look at them and be negative.

If you face difficulties, how do you find positivity?

Natalia: My life has been hard a few times, but the company of others always makes me happy. When you see someone smiling, you start smiling as well.
Toni: Some think that being positive is foolish and that you smile by force. Every once in a while you are allowed to be pissed off – as long as you use it on making things better. These things are rarely worth worrying about.

Can you teach and learn positivity?

Natalia: You can learn positivity. For example, some people don't notice that things don't get better by worrying. If my friend is feeling sad, I can try to make them see things in a more positive way.
Toni: Yes you can, even I learned it! My change came from being extremely unsatisfied with how things were during my years as an athlete. As a ski jumper I was a bit stubborn, and all my own methods had been used. Luckily I was able to meet people, who were able to give me new ways of thinking.

How do you make your worries go away?

Natalia: I take my friend with me and go swimming in the hole in the ice or go to a concert. I have a lot of friends, and it's a great joy for me. My worries go away with laughter, and I'm not running out of it anytime soon.
If I have troubles, I don't want to show it at work. Those kinds of feelings are very contagious. Instead, it's better to deal with them with close friends. Talking makes me feel better.
I also make myself feel better by doing something nice, like handcrafts. I might buy myself a big bouquet of roses!
Toni: It's often good to write down your dreams and goals, make your thoughts clear and see where you're really headed.
At this moment, I feel I'm living my dream in many ways. I see a lot of things around me, which I had decided to pursue a long time ago. My family gives me strength mostly.

How do you show your positivity?

Natalia: I don't really think about positivity or about showing it. I am what I am. I accept that I have good days and bad days.
Toni: Positivity is the certain kind of determination that I use to get things done. I can be a bit stubborn. If I have decided to do something in a certain way, I'll do it. Working with animals has one bad thing; there's to boneheads against each other, Nieminen and a horse.
On a very positive day I zap around and say funny things. I enjoy being funny with my children. I can be a bit childish myself then!

The truths of optimists

Every cloud has a silver lining

Natalia: There are good times and bad times. If you want, you can see sunshine even during bad times.
Toni: It's amazing how humans are capable of digging up good things even during extremely bad times. Sometimes things are so bad all you can do is laugh.

The glass is half full

Natalia: Complaining gets you nowhere. It's the attitude that counts.
Toni: Weekdays can be difficult sometimes, but if you let the negative feelings to surface, they'll soon control your whole life.

Be optimistic, you can cry afterwards

Natalia: There are enough worries as it is. It's good to be optimistic.
Toni: Working with horses, you have to be crazy optimistic. Even with the worst trotter you have to believe everything will work out fine.

Laughing makes your life longer

Natalia: I've been told I'm a laughing person, but so is my son. Laughter brings happiness to life.
Toni: People with basic positivity live a healthier and richer life, even though it doesn't show in their age.

*****

I'll start my gratitude diary this evening. I have a nice notebook where I can write :)

[quote="Forace"]

butterflycry2010 wrote:thanks I find myself that if ur around negtive people all the time there moods bounce off on to you.

That's true! Negative people make you think negatively, and positive people make you happy

Feelings are contagious, like it's said in the next article!

Sometimes when you're feeling gloomy, and suddenly a random person greets you on the street or at the store, and you feel happier I often get happier if the cashier lady smiles at me when I'm paying for my groceries



That's true..

Thanks for translating these Forace It's definitely in my nature to beat myself up when I'm feeling upset, like it's my fault for everything that goes wrong, when I should be doing something about it. Sometimes I even think "I shouldn't be getting upset over something so stupid" instead of thinking "I will not be upset any more."

Talking to close friends or family does help when you're down. I find, if you do need to cry, crying to someone who will try and calm you down, is the best way of helping yourself. If you know someone who seems infallibly positive or laid back, like I do, then go to them, and they'll help you see the good side of things

The gratitude diary sounds like a good idea, I already have a notepad I could use as one too. I'll start on that soon.

It's funny, I practically smile at everyone all the time. Occasionally this leads to little misunderstandings because they take it the wrong way but as long as I'm smiling I will be absolutely willing to deal with that.

smile

Let's add that I always let people go first to their floor first in the elevator of my house. I wouldn't need to go with the elevator, I could easily just go with the stairs. BUT I love the way they thank and treat me when I let them go first and it often makes my day.

^ Haha, yeah, it's weird when you're just having a good day and happen to smile at someone, and they look at you like you're strange or find them funny xD I get that quite a bit, but I don't let it get to me either. It's great when you get a smile back though

^ The stereotype of Finland is that all Finns are gloomy and don't talk to each other. I think it's true to some point. The long winter really puts everyone's mood down. So if I start smiling at everyone, they'll think I'm a crazy person xD

But if I do it, someone else will do it, too, and another will do it etc. Could it be possible to make everyone smiling? Probably not, but you can try... :)

Did you know that making a sad face uses more muscles than smiling?

I'd like to have a friend, to whom I can go and cry. Someone living near me. I could cry to my ex-roommate, but she lives far away, so yeah... I did call her once, when my fiancé was being an idiot :D Usually I just call my mom. She has said I can call her at any time, and that there's nothing that bad I couldn't tell her. So... my mom is that friend? It'd be better if she lived nearer :)

The topic of this post: do you feel depressed when you look at pictures of celebrities? I know I do, sometimes. But I can see the pictures aren't real most of the time! Look at the pictures on this website: CELEBRITIES BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTOSHOP
Some of them are pretty heavily modified xD

My point is: even those perfect looking celebrities have flaws in their skin! Their flaws just need to be hidden, so that people would buy the products they are advertising (a perfume, a magazine, makeup line, whatever). You can see in the before pictures, that they have wrinkles, freckles, bags under their eyes, dull skin color and so on. Also their bodies have been modified: Eva Longoria (I guess that's her) has been made look more curvy! Béyonce (I guess again) has lost a roll of her stomach! The arm of the young blonde model-looking girl has had her arm made more thin!

No need to be depressed because of pictures in a magazine. You are just fine the way you are. You may even look better without makeup than celebrities do!

Also this was nice: http://pics.kuvaton.com/bshit/sexier_than.jpg <--Don't worry, there's nothing horrifying behind that link! :D

I hope the links work...

And now, here's what I wrote to my gratitude diary yesterday! You can see that they are all small things that made me happy. So if you're thinking about doing the diary too, this is all it takes :)
On the side note, sometimes I ask my Goddess Oracle Cards in the morning: "what should I know about this day?" and yesterday I got Mother Mary. "Expect a miracle" is the message on the card. And a miracle did happen!

- I woke up this morning and Jukka hugged me for a long time.
- I got a morning kiss.
- Jukka made the morning coffee while I was checking my messages.
- I managed to continue my animation.
- Jukka played the guitar and was able to create a couple of new songs.
- I'm happy that I swung the girya.
- Buns!
- It was nice to text with my mom.
- Jukka came to the kitchen to help me when I was cooking! He washed the frying pan <3
- I played with Roope.
- "Migraine" was over in half an hour ^_^
- I called my boss and he wasn't angry!
- I played some Minecraft.
- People had replied to my topic :D
- I guess I wasn't angry at all the whole day :O

Btw, Jukka is my fiancé and Roope is our cat :)

And the miracle was that Jukka came to help me, which he NEVER does! We've been together for 4½ years, and NOT ONCE has he come to the kitchen and asked: "can I help?"

^ I'm all too aware of how ordinary many celebrities look without their makeup. Just look up "Lady Gaga without makeup". It made me feel a lot better about my natural appearance.

I'm going to make my gratitude diary my Book of Thanks. I'm going to thank Life for the good things ^^

Haha, I love your idea with your Oracle cards, Forace. I'd like to start doing that with my Faery cards, it seems like it would be a lot more accurate than reading my horoscope xD

people here are pretty friendly..(some are not) Strangers will stop and talk to you and make small talk.

you know what? all the things you say are so true!!
sometimes when something bad happened to you, you start to be sad
and think in the worse things! and then what do you earn? feel depressed and sad....but if you start to thing in a positive way you see how things start to getting better!
you know.....i have to say that i am a very negative person x.x....'cause i'm always thinking the worse! and that's something i don't like ....three days ago
i was doing some homework and my grandpa (i live with him) had not arrived to home at 6:00 PM the time he always arrives home after work...so i didn't care too much cause sometimes he arrives later...but then it was 9:00 PM and he wasn't at home yet and i started to worry!...so i called him but he didn't answer!...but i just though it's not that late maybe he's still working..so i keep doing my homework! but then....when i saw...it was 12:00 AM and he hadn't come yet!! so now i was really worried so i called him again and again and he didn't answer and i started to think...omg what if something bad happen to him!...maybe he had an accident...or maybe he's on the road with his car broke or stuff like that...and i got really worried...i started to cry and thinking omg...my grandpa nooo..i love him...maybe he died and silly things like that!!! and i wanted to sleep 'cause next day i had to wake up early...but i couldn't sleep....and i really felt sad and worry...but my thoughts were that made me worse....then i started to think positive like maybe he's still working xD..and then he arrives and well he got late 'cause there was a party on his work T.T but you know that shows how the mind can make u feel horrible even for silly things!

Thanks for let us read this article! its really helpful...i will do the exercises....the two!! 'cause i really wanna be more positive! and see the light

thank u!

TheLastSongbird wrote:^ I'm all too aware of how ordinary many celebrities look without their makeup. Just look up "Lady Gaga without makeup". It made me feel a lot better about my natural appearance.

I'm going to make my gratitude diary my Book of Thanks. I'm going to thank Life for the good things ^^

Haha, I love your idea with your Oracle cards, Forace. I'd like to start doing that with my Faery cards, it seems like it would be a lot more accurate than reading my horoscope xD

I looked it up, and she looks so much older! Even though she's my age :D I can safely say that there's NOTHING wrong with my natural appearance. There's nothing wrong with Gaga's, either! I'm a fan of hers and I've always thought that she's weird looking, but very pretty.

Book of Thanks! That's so adorable :D

I believe Oracle Cards are more accurate than horoscopes, because it's more personal and you're the one asking the questions. My cards have never been wrong yet! Like, I asked when Jukka's sister would give birth. I got Athena, and I noticed how it was nighttime in the picture, and the card's message was "don't procrastinate" or something similar. So I figured she'll give birth soon and at night. A few days later, she gave birth to a little boy at 1 am :)

butterflycry2010 wrote:people here are pretty friendly..(some are not) Strangers will stop and talk to you and make small talk.

Wow :D That seems weird to me. I don't think many people here would stop and have a chat. Or if they did, the situation would feel awkward :/ I'm sure there are people who will have small talk. Like once I was sitting in a bus on my way to my workplace, this woman got on the bus and sat next to me. Suddenly she asked "so, do you believe in God?" :DD I just answered "no, I'm an atheist". We ended up talking about computers O_o

@alis18: you're welcome! I'm happy you found the articles helpful :)
I'm a negative person as well (a normal Finn, ding ding ding). I used to do that exact same thing you described! When my fiancé was out drinking with his buddies, I'd call him sometimes. And if he didn't answer, I'd start thinking "he has met some other girl and is leaving me" and "he has drunk too much and he's passed out in some ditch" or maybe even dead :D Then I'd get all panicky and crying and thinking about going out looking for him xD Then he'd call me back a couple of hours later and say "durr, my phone was in my coat" :/
The mind just blows everything out of proportion! Even for silly little things. I believe some relationships end because of this. I mean, problems may seem bigger than they really are, and people don't feel like working to make things right.

*****
Huh, I just realized that even though I still have acne and such, they don't look that bad no matter how big or red they are. When I was a teen, they looked absolutely humongous and I was SO ashamed! Has my way of thinking changed? Have I "grown up"? :D

I really don't have that same pressure about my looks now that I'm older. It's a horrible phase children go through in school. I wish I could go back to my young self and say "don't be so depressed, it doesn't matter. Btw, you'll find a hot boyfriend when you turn 20! ;D"

I asked my cards about what I can expect from my near future yesterday, and the card I got said:

Barnabus and the Prince

Adventures, Discovery, Travel, Meeting destiny

The journey, explorer, seeker, wanderer, hero. For your dreams to come true, you must take action and get out of your comfort zone! Then you will be in the right place, at the right time...For Barnabus, a seeker and prince on a quest, his dream is about to be realised. So, when you receive this card in your reading, you know that your quest and your search is going to create new opportunities, and there will be a successful “end” to the search.

Right now, I'm aiming to do well in my Creative Writing coursework, which I'll be handing in early in May, and get a good grade, so it seems like I'm on the right track, as long as I keep working hard I'm definitely going to start asking the Faeries for my daily gudiance more often. My guardian faery always brings me positive thoughts. I'm sure that when I ask my cards for something, she channels her energy to answer my questions.

^ How is your Creative Writing coursework going? I hope you've been working hard, like your card said :D And what about the Book of Thanks? Have you been writing there? :3

I've written quite a few things to my notebook ^^

And the other day I realized something: the sun is shining all the time!

I know it's a silly thing to realize, but I really, really hadn't thought of it before :D

Also I found more articles to translate! I'll try to post them soon.

I've noticed that!

Cold/shitty day's sometimes makes my mood off.
Then sunny day's i can be more happy...

werid has that sounds.

We had a very bad long winter. So the cold & snow can make you feel depressed.

thank u so much again I like it...this Helped. Thank You!

I really really can't. I am pessimistic and violent... A very unpleasent mix.

ooh..This doesn't work for ya?

GemiLovett wrote:thank u so much :) again :) I like it...this Helped. Thank You!

You're welcome! <3

Luna wrote:I really really can't. I am pessimistic and violent... A very unpleasent mix.

I understand xD I'm pessimistic, too. And violent, but I try not to show it.

"I want to draw a pretty picture I have in my head!" Why bother, it won't turn out well anyway/no one will like it.
"I want to clean!" Someone will make a mess as soon as you're done.
"Hey, those people look nice! I want to talk to them!" They'll just laugh at you and go away.
"What a pretty dress!" You'll look like an idiot in it.

To me, the glass is half empty. Imagine someone giving me a half-empty glass of... Pepsi. I ask "where's the rest of it? I want it full!" :D Like, half a glass isn't enough.
At least, that's how it used to be. Now I can be happy with the half-glass of Pepsi. Or just drink water.
... Meaning I'm more calm now, and that I can be happy with what I have.

You're so young, and if you're already pessimistic and violent, you'll be a real monster when you're a teen xD With all of 'em hormones and shit. But I'm pretty sure you'll understand there articles and stuff when you calm down... And if you ever get lost. Many grown-ups do :)

I'll be a teen in 11 days. Hehehehe.

I can control myself, but no one would want to be in my head. EVER.
Lol.

It's just sometimes, I have visions... of killing people... violently, and it worries me, but I don't ever do anything about it, because I will never act upon it. And I know I won't because I hate hurting people so much.

But I can think positively on my good days, and most days are good, so.

Forace wrote:^ How is your Creative Writing coursework going? I hope you've been working hard, like your card said And what about the Book of Thanks? Have you been writing there? :3

Wow, I'm very late replying, but yeah, the coursework is going well, and I'm fighting against the large part of my mind that wants me to procrastinate xD If I keep going like I am doing, I should be finished in good time for my coursework to be handed in.

I have been writing in my Book of Thanks It helps a lot to think about the positive things that happen each day. It's a good way to congratulate yourself for the things you're proud of too. Last night, I wrote in it "For once, I'm not procrastinating!" That in itself is encouraging me to keep working hard

I'm a negative person. I look at everything as it was bad. People sometimes gets really annoyed about it. Cause I say "it sucks" to everything.
Sometimes this negativity drives me mad. Sometimes it causes depression as well. I think at myself as ugly and stupid. And when I try to think positive, the negativity takes over the positivity as well.
Like yesterday, I thought how stupid, and ashamed and such I should be off me. No one likes me. But I tried to fight it with positivity. So I ended up crying and yelling shut up to myself.
Is that strange?


I noticed that I don't follow the advices I give to people. That is weird. When anyone I know feel bad I give them good words. But when I feel bad people try to give me some good words and I keep calling myself an idiot.
That is weird.

I like pie.

I think i've become the same why.It's really annoying. I really hate how i've become so negative

how can a glass be half empty when it will always be fill with air? No matter how low the liquid is, you always have to remember it is fill with air and hope

@Luna: Nowadays I have mostly good days, too. It wasn't like that when I was in school; being bullied and mostly alone made me think about killing people, and myself. How violent are your visions? I always imagine, that I turn into a huge, strong monster with long claws, and I hunt down everyone who ever bullied me. I pin them down, and start ripping out their guts. I crush their ribcage. I pull out their limbs. I pound their heads into the floor. I spread their body parts all over the floor. Silly vision, I know, but so very satisfying.
I could kill someone with bare hands IRL, if I had a reason. And the strength xD There can be so much rage in a person.

So if you're thinking something similar, it's fine. I'm sure most people think about killing someone :)

And the visions of killing myself? I always thought that I'd kill myself with a shotgun blast to the head, and leave as big a mess as possible, as a big "fuck you" to everyone. Or something poetic; mom told me I was born when the first snow fell in September in 1986. I thought about jumping off a roof during first snow. At that time I was listening to Nightwish a lot, and "Once" had come out. With first snow I'll be gone.

Wanna be in my head instead? :D It's a lot happier place now, though!

Whee, birthday!

@TheLastSongbird: Late? No need to hurry with replying, I'm not going anywhere :) I'm very proud of you! That you can put things aside and concentrate on something you HAVE to do. I wish I had that :D Maybe I do, but it's very hard to change habits that I've had for yeeaaars. Good to know the Book of Thanks is working well for you!

@Beffy: Not strange at all. Usually girls are like that. Sometimes emotions get so mixed and strong, that you can't help but cry. I'm like that when I have my period (liek nao), but otherwise I can be calm. A few days ago I just burst into tears when thinking about all sorts of shit that isn't even true: "I'm stupid, I'm ugly and fat and short, my fiancé hates me, I want him to hug me, why won't he come and hug me? Because I'm ugly! I hope he won't come here now that I'm crying!" :D
It was like a personal blitzkrieg. I cried for a while in the bed, hugging the pillow and just writhing around in pain. After I got that out, I felt better. Today I'm thinking: "so what if I'm fat? I'm not THAT big! And my fiancé loves me no matter what I look like! And I like being short!" (I'm 154 cm tall xD)
My fiancé didn't even notice I had just cried my eyes out :D He can't handle crying people.

Negativity takes over very easily, especially if one's been negative all their life. That's why learning to become more positive is difficult. And frustrating. It may feel stupid. But it's just something that has to be done, if you want your mindset to change. Just like a plump person, who wants to lose weight. They just have to keep learning how to eat healthy and exercise. It all get easier after a while. With little exercises.
Hell, that's what's in the article, no need for me to repeat myself :D

And all the advice I give here... That is what I know, I may not live by them myself. I just know better. It's common sense. My habits are too deep for me to change anytime soon. But I am trying. Do as I say, not as I do. <-- Cookies for anyone who knows what song that sentence is from :D
With the help of articles, the gratitude diary and writing down my thoughts, I'm learning to become better. I know I can be better than this. Isn't that what being a Moonchild is all about? Being the best version of yourself you can be.

@Krissy: I think people become more negative based on what they've experienced. Like losing a friend, you don't feel like it's worth being friends with anyone anymore. That everyone will just leave you. You just need to regain your trust in people. Not all will leave :3 And isn't it always better to find out if someone will be your friend, than to feel sorry for yourself alone? Even if it doesn't work out, at least you tried. And then, try again! There are so many people in the world :)

@secretpersonfp: That's a pretty thought :) It hasn't crossed my mind that there IS something, even if it's not liquid :D So, is your glass always full? That would be true positivity!

@Forace

Well they change every time. Most of them are violent and sadistic. My friend loves art and so one time I was mad at her, and I had a vision where we(me and some of my friends) stabbed her, drew all over her, and then shoved the markers down her throat.

...

Luna, that's adorable xD No need to feel bad or worried about the visions, as long as you don't act on them. Thinking doesn't hurt anybody (unless it's considered cheating on your spouse, but that has nothing to do with this xD). I'm sure they'll go away little by little, as you grow up, and when you get out of school. Because in school you see a lot of different kinds of people, so you're bound to get annoyed with some of them...
Also, learn to forget and forgive little things. Life is too short for holding a grudge and feeling bad :)
Oof, I had one more smart thing to say, but I forgot :DD Oh well... Maybe it wasn't that important.

It's been a long time since someone wrote in this thread xD But I have a new article translated, hope you like it.

*****

me July 2011
Text: Miina Leppänen

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH

It's overwhelmingly difficult for some to believe anything good about themselves. Why on earth?

Many find it hard to believe the praise or positive attention they get, whether it's about their knowledge, skill, appearance or personality. Other people's assurance means nothing, when the impression of your own inadequacy is stuck like a boot in clay.
Scolding yourself and feeling dissatisfied is usually the result of a weak self-esteem, but what it's really about?
“A person doesn’t know who they really are and what they want with their life. A person like this doesn't trust in their own abilities and doesn't do what they'd really want to, instead gives in and is too nice”, says the psychologist Aini Jaari. She has also written the book Kylliksi itselleni* (2007).
“A person suffering from a weak self-esteem has trouble making decisions and choices, or they do them just to please and to prove their abilities to others. A person like this constantly needs the acceptance of other people.”
If you want acceptance, why are you unable to receive it?
“Too much self-discipline and your own inner harshness can eat your self- esteem, and then the person suffers from constant self-blaming”, says Aini Jaari.
A person can have a conscience that is too hard on them, and it makes them whip themselves. That's why others have a tendency to scold their own personality. The reason for weak self-esteem may be found in early relationships.
“For example, a person hasn't gotten away from a dominant and strong relationship with their mother or father, and keeps hearing scolding and blaming inside.”

When nothing is enough

The modern climate of attitude is blamed to be hard and cold. Nowadays people make many consecutive and often simultaneous relationships as well, so you can't count on their stability. Being left alone or abandoned by others eat your self-esteem.
Modern competitive attitude is to blame as well. Aini Jaari says that as members of society, we learn what we're supposed to wish for and what we get rewarded for.
“Modern society expects their members to be useful, achieving and efficient: everybody to build common good, young ones quickly from school to work and to stay working as long as possible.”
If a person has no inner confidence, they are more easily subjected to outer pressure. Then there's a danger of that person trying to get support for their appreciation from doing things and accomplishments. Constant comparing to others makes them feel less worthy. Negative or unfair criticism also adds to the mess.

The differences between sexes

Women seem to talk about their dissatisfaction more often than men do, but the supposition of weak self-appreciation of women is just a myth according to Aini Jaari. The self-esteem of Finnish men and women is equally good on average.
“Maybe they build their self-esteem on different justifications. Before, men got support from being able, achieving and talented, and for women social togetherness, responsibility and relationships were important. The differences have gotten smaller between sexes.
The principle of consistency basically means that you have to be everything at the same time. Men are supposed to have some good qualities as women, and women are supposed to have manly qualities. The qualities of a good woman are good will, conscientiousness and diligence, but they don't make a woman's self-esteem any better.
“For modern women, independence and the will to be free add to their self-esteem. Nobody is telling them what to do, you have the feeling you're affecting things yourself. Autonomy and the possibility to decide for yourself boosts the self-esteem of a modern woman.”
A job creates a feeling of safety and continuity. Instead, housework and taking care of children does not offer that feeling.
“You don't get paid from housework, and money and getting paid determine the appreciation of work. In society, the meaning of housework and taking care of little children isn't understood nor appreciated. Though a change is detectable: the younger generation maybe appreciates housework more”, says Aini Jaari.

Good and bad self-esteem

What about appearance? A woman may only see her double chin in her picture, whereas others admire her sparkling eyes.
“Women have been treated as objects for a long time, and a woman is used for profit in marketing. Unnatural models have been created, to which women compare themselves. Ideals have changed during different time periods and in different social classes.”
Young and old try to fit into the given mold in order meet the expectations created by marketing; even though everyone can decide for themselves what they think is important.
If you see flaws in your appearance, it doesn't necessarily mean you have a bad image of yourself. Self-esteem can be bad and good at the same time.
“It can change from time to time, depending on what mood you're in. Self-esteem can waver if you have failed or you get negative feedback from something you're usually good at. Still your base confidence can be good.”

*=enough for myself

**********
Self-esteem that is good enough

Aini Jaari thinks that good self-esteem can be recognized from the following:

1. A person is happy with themselves.
They are somewhat happy to be in their own skin and they're conscious of their value. They don't need to constantly question, doubt or be afraid of anything they do. Good self-esteem helps them find ways to cope with hardships in their lives, and guides them to find solutions to important life situations. When they trust in their own abilities, they are not afraid of failing.

2. A person who trusts themselves has this certain lightness in their own lives.
A person with good self-esteem is selfish in a healthy way, without any unnecessary feelings of guilt and inferiority. Their own self is their friend, not the enemy.
A safe environment and a safe relationship when growing up are fundamental for developing good self-esteem. Trust can be strengthened at different points of life by facing and going through those things that have hindered the development of good self-esteem or the bumps in life that have weakened your self-esteem. Positive thinking and attitude in life and remembering success support good self-esteem.

3. Other people may support self-esteem, but everyone is responsible of it.
Work colleagues or friends can help by supporting and by giving positive feedback and cheering us, so that we wouldn't always doubt our own talent and ourselves. The biggest work is done in our own minds.

**********

Sound familiar?

“I know that others appreciate and trust me. Still I sometimes feel inferiority and I'm greatly ashamed of what I do or say. I even can't accept my appearance despite the fact that I don't consider appearances to be that important.”
Aini Jaari: That is a typical situation, when self-esteem is low. Most of us sometimes doubt and question what we do, but it doesn't get out of hand, and the feeling of inferiority isn't permanent.

“I had suffered from depression for a long time, so my self-esteem was pretty low. After this one difficult period, my husband had ordered me a book called Maailman ihanin tyttö* as a gift, from the artist directly. You could decide the foreword. My husband only wanted it to have the short message “believe it!” and the name of the person who it was from. Then there was a box of chocolates called Harmony and a good magazine. I cried for 15 minutes with the gifts on my lap and flipping the pages of the book, looking at the pictures.”
Aini Jaari: I hope the girl cried from pure happiness. Fantastic feedback from the husband. “Believe it!” There's nothing more to say.

“When we were in sauna, my sisters measured their non-existent tummy rolls. I was pissed off, because I was at the end of my pregnancy and I had gained weight so much. I said this to my sisters: You know, you look exactly what every single girl of your age would want to look like.”
Aini Jaari: The pregnant sister really had the balls to say the truth. That's exactly what you should say in a situation like that!

*=the loveliest girl in the world

Found this text via a friend's post, and it's exactly what Kerli's message is :)

12 things you should be able to say about yourself, click here and read!

That article is something I could really do with reading and considering often, thankyou Silja My boyfriend tries to tell me a lot of these things, but then I tend to forget about them. I worry about things I can't change rather than working on the things I can improve. I am going to try and change that though.

It would be easier to remember them if you had them as a poster or something ^^

That's a good idea, I hadn't even thought of that I should make some printouts of them or something.

^ im definitely printin them out or writing them out or doing smth and ill make sure all my housemates will see them too. thank you for posting this!

N'aww, that's just lovely ^^

Found a picture with this text, so I'm just gonna rudely write it down here >:)

12 Things Happy People Do Differently

1. Express gratitude
-When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value
-If we aren't thankful for what we already have, we will have a hard time ever being happy

2. Cultivate optimism
-People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times

3. Avoid over-thinking and social comparison
-Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous
-The only person you should compare to is yourself from before now

4. Practice acts of kindness
-Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside

5. Nurture social relationships
-The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships

6. Develop strategies for coping
-It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal

7. Learn to forgive
-Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being

8. Increase flow experiences
-Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still
-It's when you're so focused on what you're doing that you become one with the task
-Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus

9. Savor life's joys
-Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy

10. Commit to your goals
-Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere

11. Practice spirituality
-When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us
-We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever

12. Take care of your body
-Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be

Some insightful observations about life: http://revisionarts.com/2011/11/ten-things-i-have-learned-milton-glaser-part-of-aiga-talk-in-london/

Here's an interesting thought! Forget self-esteem, practice self-compassion instead!

"Self-compassion is a willingness to look at your own mistakes and shortcomings with kindness and understanding — it's embracing the fact that to err is indeed human. When you are self-compassionate in the face of difficulty, you neither judge yourself harshly, nor feel the need to defensively focus on all your awesome qualities to protect your ego. It's not surprising that self-compassion leads, as many studies show, to higher levels of personal well-being, optimism and happiness, and to less anxiety and depression."

No one is perfect, so don't be too hard on yourself :) This would be perfect for those who can't admit they're wrong or can't take criticism. Personally I'm happy if I get good criticism, because how else I could get better? Bad comments should always be ignored! If a person can't give a good explanation why they don't like something or why something is wrong, they can't be taken seriously. Straight name-calling is just idiotic, ignore those especially.

Also, just by accepting your flaws (if you have any ;)) and things that happen and are not in your hands, you will feel relieved. To give an extreme example, I know I will be fine when my parents die, or if me and JP ever break up. I will be fine if something I made gets destroyed. I will be fine when I notice my first wrinkles (I don't have those yet!) :D

http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/09/to_succeed_forget_self-esteem.html

weird, but a horrible life event has made me feel completely different (in a good way) over the past year...
last year my parents split up for the second time. lots of arguments beforehand. lots of arguments about 4 months after it happened. for a while i was quite depressed (the fact that i was quite an untrustworthy person led to me not telling any of my friends about it till last month...). to cope with the crap i was dealing with at home i turned my attentions to positivity with my school life, complimenting people, smiling a lot more and finding the good in people when i felt annoyed or mad at them. one year on and i have an amazing group of friends and my family life is a lot better - soon my dad will be moving in with his awesome girlfriend and my mom is a lot happier too

That's fantastic :) My parents divorced when I was 16, but it didn't happen like with your parents. I had no idea things weren't right, since they never argued in front of me and my sister (she's two years younger than me, so she was 14 then). So mom just started spending time away from home, dad attempted suicide after the break-up was apparent, mom moved out permanently and my sister went with her, I stayed with dad. Later, and I still hear new things, I learned how dad was treating mom and how she couldn't take it anymore. Since we were old enough, the divorce was OK. These things happen, and I'm very happy mom had the balls to just GO; not many women do that! Sometimes relationships just don't work, and it's for the best to go separate ways. They're both happily married to other people now.
I wasn't really depressed about the divorce, since I always somehow KNEW what would be the result. Also, being that old, it wouldn't affect me personally, I was moving to my own flat soon after that anyway. I realized my parents are separate persons, with their own "lives", so I would be happy when they're happy. And this marriage wasn't happy.

What would you do if you weren't afraid of failing?

Now go and do it!

^ Very true ^_^

Kerli's new Buzznet post, 10 simple ways to feel happier today: http://kerli.buzznet.com/photos/10simplewaystofeelha/

Also a similar message here, regarding beauty. No reason to compare your looks to others, and cause unnecessary anguish for yourself that way! You are YOU, no one else ^_^