Remembering you [A Cryket short story]

Come on Renee get over it. He's gone, theres nothing you can do. You tried to stop him... he wouldnt listen. God why did he always have to be brave huh? Why couldnt he just walk away like i talk him too. I told him James was dangerous, that he would hurt him. GOD this is all my fault.

*flashback begins*

"Renee run!!!!" Bill yelled pushing me away from them

I didnt know what to do except try to pull Bill with me. but he was just too strong for that, he wanted to save me. James was getting closer so Bill grabbed me and pushed me into the closet and locked it. I couldnt see anything just hearing voices.

"Why don't you just let her go huh rock boy?" Noises of struggle and fight. I knew what was happening. They were fighting, Bill didnt understand James was crazy, psycotic even. I knew he was going to hurt Bill or worse. I tried to hope maybe Bill sould stop him just long enough for us to get away.
I tried yelling through the door. "Bill!! Just leave me, I'm what he wants. Just let me go!!"

A crash agaisnt the wall. James was laughing

"Bill?!!??!" I screamed

"I'm alri----" another crash agaisnt the wall and something broke at that same moment Bill screamed. My heart dropped

Everything went silent then i heard someone call my name in a low whisper. the door opened, there he was. I dropped to the ground craddling his head in my lap. My head was spinning and my heart beat sped up.
"Oh god Bill.. no its okay you'll be okay. I promise" I cried in agony. I stroked his head kissing his forehead. I looked at his stomach covering the stab wounds with my jacket. I couldnt stop crying. I didnt know what else i could do. I looked over at James who was staring with that stupid smirk on his face.

"Why?!? Why couldn't you have just killed me instead"

"your stupid boyfriend wouldn't let me... Too much pride if you ask me" He chuckled

I wanted to kill him, but my arms wouldn't let go of Bill's body. I could feel his body get cold.

Bill whispered "Renee I'm sorry I couldnt----"

"Shhhh. No, you did everything Bill" I cried "Everything and so much more. I love you so much."

I looked into his eyes. Nothing remained. "No! Bill... please I'm sorry this is all my fault. I'm so sorry.. I didn't know he would----" My head snapped up to the sound of laughter. At that moment all the blood in my body began to boil and i darted across the room tackling James through the doorway. His back smashing into the hard linoleum floor of the bathroom. I grabbed the knife from his side and jabbed it through his arm. He screamed "F*CK!!!!!" I pulled the knife out and stabbed him in the shoulder. He screamed again.

"Now you know how it feels to slowly die. Although you dont deserve this much." He looked at me with peircing eyes. I stood and stabbed the knife into his chest, then took my foot and pushed it further until hitting the floor beneath him. I dropped to the ground on my way over to Bill's cold lifeless body.

I crawled to him and held him again. "It's okay Bill, sweety I got him. He'll never be back for either of us" I kissed his forehead.

*flashback ends*

I winced at the thought of Bill's last words. He was apologizing to me... he lost his life because of me. i didnt deserve anything as good as him. I deserved to be with James, it might as well have been me to stab Bill. I ruined his life, I ruined his brother's life. I ruined everything all because I couldnt let him go. If i would've stayed gone, James would've never found Bill.

If only I died that night, If only he would have taken my life instead of his. Why was I so weak, why was I such a failure all the time. I have nothing left. No love, no life, no family. Everything I had, died that night with Bill.

There was nothing left for me. So i had no chice but to do this. I would like you... whoever is reading this journal to know that I didnt mean to hurt anyone. I thought my past wouldn;t catch up to me. And when it had I tried to leave, stay away from anyone who I didnt want to get hurt. It was hopeless everything brought me back to Bill.

To his family tell them I'm sorry to have caused them so much pain. I never wanted any of this. Especially Tom, I know that this effects himm most of all. He has lost his soulmate, his other connection to the world. And to him I am truely sorry.

I will always love Bill Kaulitz and I regret the pain anyone had to live with due to my actions. I wont ask for forgiveness though i wont be around to receive it. Just know my time could not end without me saying I am truely sorry. And I hope i am spared one last time in the after life.... just to spend one more night with him. One more night to let our souls touch. If I am even given that chance. then death would be the sweetest gife ever given to me.

Love

Renee Zimmel

The forgotten soul lost without your hand
The pain i felt when your body turned cold
The lives I destroyed with one false move
I'll never forgive myself for hurting those you love
I'll never forget the pain in their eyes the day you
were taken, a stolen angel from all of our lives.
I love you even more knowing things could never
be the same.
I loved you even more knowing you would never
say my name

im speachless

Good speechless or bad??