Natt sends you love<3

Krissy, but this is hard.. please, try understand me
honey, i'm sorry but eat for me isn't so easy like you think

i understand it's hard,but you need to be very strong and fight it

for a moment today i wanted back to 39 kilos

not good

Wow, that is seriously... very little!
Why would you want to go back to that? Were you HAPPY weighing so little? Actually, genuinely happy? Weighing that little is NOT a reason for pride! Take pride in something else, OK? Like your studying, you're doing so fine with that :)

Hah, I'll go weigh myself now, just so we can compare :B

Hihi, just as I thought, I weigh 60,5 kg xD But I have my period now, and I usually gain a kilo or two during that...

I'm 154 cm tall (or short :B), so I weigh too much compared to my height. But guess what? I'm fine with it... Almost, I do feel a bit uncomfortable because of my tummy :3 But no reason for panicking. You know why? I'm not trying to impress anyone with my looks. I don't need to. I don't need to look like a supermodel (I'm too short to become one, for starters!), I can do so much more than just stand around looking pretty.
(Yeah, I don't have much respect for models, really... There are more important things to do than presenting clothes that no one can wear :/)

I can change if I want to, and so can you. It takes a LOT of determination, which we both lack a bit :3 It would be so much easier if there was someone with us all the time, telling us what to do and guiding to right choices...

I agree with you!..You are so right.& That's true.You know i would love too have a flat stomach.But i know that's never gonna happen either.maybe being older know.Some things don't matter or are that inporant to me anymore.Just be happy with the why you are natt.YOU ARE FINE.You are the perfuct weight.

yes, I know Forcace but now is better, maybe reason was that I was too tired.. well... I don't want have less now than 41.... I must fight all yime
I think that for you your weight is good. The most important is it that u should feel good

Krissy, I think that u don;t understand what I'm not happy, this feeling is more strong than me

Mary, thank u so much. U r so sweet <3

yeah, guess i don't then...get better.I don't really then know what to say,

don't worry honey
when situation is hard it want to die....

tommorow will hard day in job and by it i will not be on therapy

don't think like that..

Today, I feel so tired.. all time I feel it. This is so hard. My knees so much hurt me. This is big pain. I want to so much talk with somebody. In Poland is so cold…I Reed 3o’C
Tommorow, I will start work 7.40..well I will sleep to 6.10 pm – it makes me a Little happy…
In my life is so many things.. I lose strength to KP, again…. All time I feel that I’m too horrible person that building KP…I don’t deserve for it. I feel worse person…….
When I back from city.. I slept because I felt very weak……..
I want to so much write article to portal about Poland- but I must work on KP…..
Is so hard…

now i write/translate to kp...well... i want to sleep more..

Today, I had hard day.
I wake up 4.30 a.m. and when I was at stop called driver from my job that we will start 40 minutes later... I back to home.. I had one hour to next bus... well, I talked with Sunnech. I love talked with him.
Day in job was so hard... I saw that in Sun is 37'C - but in shadow 31'C
I was in Sun 4,5 hours.. Almost I died... the funny is it that was so hot and also raining.....
my head, legs hurt me...

now i write article hmmm i hope that portal will like it

I wrote 50% my new articles....time to sleep

KerliPoland wrote:Today, I had hard day.
I wake up 4.30 a.m. and when I was at stop called driver from my job that we will start 40 minutes later... I back to home.. I had one hour to next bus... well, I talked with Sunnech. I love talked with him.
Day in job was so hard... I saw that in Sun is 37'C - but in shadow 31'C
I was in Sun 4,5 hours.. Almost I died... the funny is it that was so hot and also raining.....
my head, legs hurt me...

wow.good job.Long day you had.

yeah, this is crazy

we all have crazy days

yeah

I feel all time unwanted and unloved.. this is so hard for me... crying is bad habit

That's not good to feel that why all the time.I'm sorry that you feel that why.

you ARE loved, girl

Liisu, thank you but I'm not

awwww my mobile phone almost doesn't work- this is old version Sony Ericsson J220i

and i have now rest a my tax and I don't know if I should buy new , cheap mobilephone because my often blockades and suspends alone... he is 5 years.. i don't know if this is good idea

today i have bad day and i lost strenght to translate to kerlipoland

ppl like you here

get a cheap phone..I mean just get a simple phone.

i searched cheap mobile phone but this isn't possible/////

how much does the cheapest available phone cost?

honey, i thought that i should invest it in my health.
and this price is too big for me- i have it from my tax- but it 50% my salary -> 82.15 NZD

but this is only things, isn't important it for me

Oh well then it sounds like your priorities are quite healthy then I'm glad to hear that you're focusing on your health

yeah, when i'll health it i'll can do what I want.. in this world are things valid and invalid.

That's good.

guys.... i'm tired....
i had many bad days i think that it can back again
but i don;t want
i have moments when i feel normal....
but... are days when i'm so fragile that only crying help me.
i'm only a little girl- but i started feel like women
it "word" always scared me
it sounds so big and weird for me
last time i thought more about back to my health
body body body - yeah stupid mirrror
guys/////////
today i think again about stopped kerlipoland for a few days......
i want to be happy
i want to smile to you
but today
all day hurt me
i was so angry
pathetic
but next happy
better
so crazy
hmmm
i don't know what i should think
i love u

Everyone has bad day's.We all feel like that from time to time. You just gotta keep fighting.& Trying.

thank you so much

yw

These words made me listen to Delta Goodrem- Fragile.
Love u.

honey, I love you more..
I believe that one day we will can have meet

^ yes! I definitely hope so, dear!

Liisu wrote:^ yes! I definitely hope so, dear!

sorry, honey I didn't see
I believe all time, and I'll so happy when I'll can meet you and Kerttu

it's my today's blog from FB

Crazy thoughts….


Today’s world is like big hole where is many dangerous places. Every road has many troubles. We don’t know where we go. We see only a light on the sky. Yeah, on the sky. Maybe it God??? For me not, being atheist gave to me many wonderful stuffs. Now I know who I’m…


But is it real??? Maybe it only sick imagination. We see unreal things… we don’t know what is real now.


Now, I found my inspirations to write book on one contest in weird country, called “Poland”. Ok. Often, I know that this country is toooo hard for me. I’m so free person. Last time, I started feel that I’m artist. My path is writing. I wanna be writer.



I see too many things in Poland. People don’t look like me.

If you when flower or like people go to job – you see history on it??

If you feel inspirations, you wanna cry?? You live it???

Many people not.


Guys, this is really fantastic, when I see flower – it I feel many emotions. In my minds is create process. I see so many stuffs in a flower. All life. The Universe. I think that people are often too blind and they can’t say it. Yeah, I sound so horrible. It pure emotions.


Being me is so complicated. “Que deficil es ser yo!!!” hahahhahah so funny.


But, I should back to theme my today ‘s blog


I believe that every person is artist. We have many talents but we must so much hard that see success. It’s possible, really!!!!


I’m almost writer, just almost. But I know that I must so much work that release books etc


Someone said to me that I have big talent!! It was so nice. This person said that if I will go to study Polish language I will big writer in Poland. It was shock for me!!!! I know that my style is crazy. Even, I called it….. and it’s mix style of XVIII-XIX ages + today’s world.

I put on this same line many things.. which when I can change that creating an awesome duet. I love it. I’m interesting if someone can imagine poetry from XVIII ages with part of today’s world. Mix emotions, thoughts…..


I’m sad because writers isn’t treat good… on media the most important are actors, models, singers but writers also create world….


I wanna that really in place where people will understand my thoughts…


Again I back to school…. I resigned from administration on third semester… it was so sick to me….


And I went to tourism, I passed exams… I had wonderful notes. But in my class passed exams only 3 person (me+ 2 girls) and I must looking for new school…. This is so hard… when I have be happy person, do what I want to when Poland is so crazy….


If you have any question to me, you know what you should do….


xoxo

Natt

I think that being an atheist liberates me. I mean, I see the truth about this world, instead of just believing that God created everything, and that he's behind everything all the time. I just find that hard to believe.
I also don't believe in anything magical, or otherworldly. I only believe what I see and touch. My view of the world is rather bleak, but I think it's better, than to be misguided by something that simple-minded people long time ago made up. I need proof before I can believe, and there is no proof of any gods.

This world is very real. I know it can be hard to understand sometimes. Because I see what I see, and I see other people around me. My consciousness is in my body, but I have no idea how other people see things. I guess it's the same for everyone? I have no ways to connect with other people. But I can always try and use my imagination :) I guess that's called empathizing. Being able to put yourself in someone else's position. See through their eyes. Thinking about that too hard might twist your mind!

The only unreal things I see are really caused by my imagination. And being tired or on some kind of drug O_o I have learned to separate the reality and things caused by imagination. With pure logic. I might see a huge spider when tired. I think: can a spider really be that big? And I answer: yes it can, but NO way they are that big in Finland, therefore, the spider is not there.
It will vanish after a while, but I used to so scared as a kid when I saw stuff xD

I agree that Poland is a tough place to live. But I guess it's tough anywhere, depending on different things. Maybe you could consider living in another country some day? But for now, think how strong you are that you can survive in Poland!

You are a free person! No one can control you. If you want to be a writer, then by all means, go for it! I'm sure there are many people who think like you, who would LOVE to read your books. There are so many different books and different styles to write, there is audience for everyone :) It's particularly awesome that you have your own style to write. That will surely get attention from the right kind of people!

I also understand what you said about flowers. Or anything. When I stop and think about it, I see a cycle. The cycle of the flower. The cycle of universe. They are all linked, and we are linked to that same cycle. Most people don't even notice. They don't think that much, they just go on about their own lives. I can do that, too. But I can also think about everything. I just don't like the feeling of being overwhelmed :/ But sometimes I can't help it, and I feel so open and full of love towards everything, that I just cry.
It's so bad that so many people can't see these things. They do horrible things instead, things that I can't even think of. If everyone had the same kind of... consciousness, the world would be a better place. Maybe.

Being a writer is tough. Just like being an artist, a painter, to be exact. The only artists who succeed, are weird/bad singers, fashion people, actors and such. But that's because so many people are stupid and blind. Stupid, because they don't see if a singer is bad, they like it only because everyone else likes them, and they don't want to be left out. Blind, because they don't see what's really important. The world is so shallow at the moment, only appearance and money seem to be important :/
But we know that's not the case. That's why we're Moonchildren. I'm not saying we're above everyone else, more like... we understand. That's all I can say without sounding like a Nazi :D

Being a writer is a difficult path, but there's a reason for you wanting to become one. Most importantly, it's what YOU want to do. Secondly, maybe you can wake some people up with your writing :)

I think you should become a writter.If that's something that you enjoy and love.You should go for it.

I'm not atheist, but I think everyone has a right to believe in whatever they want to. And I think we all have our karmas to bear, our own things to learn in life and our own sufferings. We all are different, yet the same.
And I do think you write very well. Just keep on doing it

KuuLaps wrote:I'm not atheist, but I think everyone has a right to believe in whatever they want to. And I think we all have our karmas to bear, our own things to learn in life and our own sufferings. We all are different, yet the same.
And I do think you write very well. Just keep on doing it

I agree

I'm sorry that I reply now but I had problem with windows word- where i wrote answered and next i was so much depressed,,,, I hope that you understand me....

Forace, sorry that now I answered... I wrote text on Windows World, and he destroyed it.. my wonderful laptop.. I wrote now second time:
I think the same like you. And I understand you soo good about it what you feel and think about atheism.
During being atheism we can see more. I try studying many religions, because it's interesting... I'm atheist but I believe that every person should growing.. during when we was kids we first time met many things... we created ours identity... but almost... now, we know who we are and we can do more....

About believing in things about which you wrote, honey. I think that people believe because when they was kids parents, teachers, media (fairytale) said all time about it. This is sad that kids are learning unreal world... by it often can have problems because doesn't know what is real or unreal... sometimes kids kill people because thinking that real world it's game...

if I will have kid it I know that I'll say what is real and unreal...I'll read books because dremas for kid are important but I'll say that today's world is another... I'll want have kid which will have easy in today's world. Yeah, I'll hard mom...at the first my child will listen to classical music... my kid will not watch a normal TV because it's bad... will see only documentary movies..... it sounds so horrible for you..

I'm atheist but my kid will can choose religion....

Yes, empathy is something wondertful on this world. You are very important person, my sis. I see your lovely soul. It what you see makes you better every day. You can more than anothers people.

Poland is so sick country. I don’t feel free here.. I feel like a bird in cage. Someone can makes me free??? Not. Polish media are so sick. Old persons also, they lived in communism time and see today’s Poland often like worse country. Often, I see that they prefer live in communism because it was better time – why?? People had job… now in question job is so terrible here. During next a few months in Poland will lose job 200,000 ppl.
I wanna live in free country, when I can say what I feel, really. Maybe my next entry will be about it what I feel more live here, my observations and goal??? Writing calm me down here. So good. I wanna live in Brazil or Mexico, so crazy idea. I will fight all time that be happy here

I don’t feel free person. Really, people can control me. Thank you, I know that mix emotions… I try create “Neo Weltschmerz”.

Aww it’s so nice that you see it. I think that only fragile person on touch Universe can see it. You are wonderful person, honey.

People only love writers, painters when they are died....so sadness....

Thank you so much for your advices.

Krissy, thank you so much <3

Kerttu thank you,

"I think everyone has a right to believe in whatever they want to"

really I don't belive.... I don't need it...

i had no idea that your country wasn't has free has other's maybe that wil change one day.

I've been very instered in amish religion. reading fiction stories of there life.i have so much respect for them. I could never live life like that.

I guess I'm a little different then you guys. I don't think anyone on this earth has the right to say that "God" or whatever does or doesn't exist. How can we prove or disprove such a thing? I don't believe it's possible. Although I do look at things from every point of view I can grasp. I do see points as to why or why not someone would or wouldn't follow religion, but I don't see enough to make me believe or disbelieve, you know?
Of course I'm not going to argue with anyone's points of view. People believe what they believe and that's their right. No can tell them any different.

I know exactly what you mean about stopping to notice things! Like the flower. People should really take the time to stop running around worrying about money, popularity, material things etc. and notice all the beauty that surrounds them. Take it all in and appreciate it. It helps me to deal with my overactive brain and all of the bad things in the world.
I went on a boat tour on the ocean a few days ago and I just stayed up on deck for the entire 3 hours and just soaked in every little detail around me. The color of the water, the sun shining on it, the birds nesting in the cliffs, the caves in the cliffs. It was breathtaking. I just thought "How lucky am I to live in this beautiful place?".

Natt if you have talents like writing you should let them out. Anytime you feel inspired write something, anything. The more you do it the better you'll become. It was a gift that was given to you somehow for some reason and you should show it to the world. Keep trying to become what you want to become. Even if it's difficult keep at it and maybe some day you'll become successful in that area.

I know some countries are probably a lot more strict than others and maybe you feel trapped, but just keep being you. It's the way you were made and the way you were meant to be. No one can keep you from being YOU. Only yourself, of course. Maybe you'll inspire others in your country to be themselves as well, who knows. And if you feel like you need to live somewhere else then maybe some day you'll find a way to do that.

Best of luck, love <3

Krissy, my country is free but I need something more than a normal free... I want to that people understand my style.. it will makes me free

about amish.. they are nice people... only in movies they are show like crazy people... remember that they don't know us too good and we have the same.. their have their own style life and we must deserve it.. it's key to happiness...

Tara, I understand you... the most beautiful is it that every person has own thoughts and can do what want..
so good that you can understand , I feel that your boat tour was something important in your life.. you could feel close to nature... you was there wonderful part of the universe..

Yes, when I feel that I nedd it write I do it, only sometimes it's not possible because I don't have paper lol This is stupid but first time I believe in myself when I think about write... if I'll so hard work I'll can share with my art with many people in Poland.. I want it so much, you don't know how much.

Yes, by living in Poland I can see hard thing and put it on paper with wonderful things- I can do mix , dreams etc

Thank you so much, honey

this is the BEST thing that has happened all year. I am SO proud of you, Natt!