AennilLinnEa's blog.

I've decided to create a blog. I suppose that I'll be talking about everything between earth and space .


-----------
#1 Facts about me.
- I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere in Sweden. No. of inhabitants: 5 000-6 000.
- I have had a hard past Involves: Being picked on, Dead friends, Dead family members, Tragedies...
- I live for art, love and the freedom to be who I want to be.

I've always want to go to sweden one day.

Sorry for your tragedies. Hope they've forged you into a strong individual than you were before.

butterflycry2010 wrote:I've always want to go to sweden one day.

Haha

wolfeh wrote:Sorry for your tragedies. Hope they've forged you into a strong individual than you were before.

Thank you
Yeah. It really made me into a greater and better person.

#2 My dreams
I've alway wanted to become an artist. That dream has always been stuck in my head. People around me has always been telling me that I should become an artist. But they have always said it in a specific way- they do not expect me to answer;
''Thank you, yes that is exactly what I want to be!''
Because It's ''too strange''. It's like; ''Well you where born here, you belong here.
YOU WILL LIVE HERE''
I don't want to live here. I want to move to Stockholm one day. I want to move to a place where I can be as much fucked up as I want to. Where nobody knows me.
Don't take me wrong, I don't complain that much at all. It's just my thougts about my life.

Well maybe someday you can move there when your older. I know what you mean. i like my country but im not keen on my city. I dislike it lol

Hope you follow with your dreams.

butterflycry2010 wrote:Well maybe someday you can move there when your older. I know what you mean. i like my country but im not keen on my city. I dislike it lol

Hope you follow with your dreams.

Where do you live butterflycry?

And I hope you reach your dreams Aenni

AennilLinnEa wrote: I want to move to a place where I can be as much fucked up as I want to.

i think this is the smartest thing i have ever heard
i hope your dreams blossom and become real.

#3 My town
Where I live there are about 6000 inhabitants, which is not much. There is no cinema, no youth cafe or youth hangout. There are five pizzerias, two cafés and four supermarkets. There is a sewing shop, where I like to shop.
My town is beautiful. It can not be denied. It is at its most beautiful right now, when it's autumn. Autumn is my favorite season. It's so romantic and wonderful everywhere, some say that spring is when it is romantic but it's all wrong! Since my town is so small it's almost like the leaves are taking over the city, and nobody can stop them! They will as always be there even if you try to remove them
Since that there is not so much to do here I like to create my own bubble where I control everything. I love to draw, and create ('ll talk more about that in another post). I am quite alone in having these interests. You know, all young people here are afraid of everything. In order to have the wrong clothes. In order to have pink on your clothes when everyone else is dressing black. Not having someone to love, not having any friends, the list goes on.
It revolves around just to look good and be popular, and to like sports. If not, you sure will get strange looks.

Wow to have a any kind of cafe near me *swoons* and you have two i so envious now XD

MaryCourage wrote:lol, I almost understood you lived in Sweden when you said you had lots of pizzerias in your town xD It's like pizzerias around every corner here

I totally understand what you mean about wanting to be an artist, not wanting to get stuck in a small town. So yeah, go, go, catch your dreams

where do you live in Sweden anyways? Northern?

I live in Svealand (the midddle of Sweden) in Värmland and in a small town. It's completly out in a forest.

#4 My past (WARNING; I NEED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST SO IT WILL A FEW POSTS)

I've always been picked on in school. It has never been news to me. But my life went down like a rollarcoaster does when it's going down to the ground.
it has always been like that when you start sixth grade so, all classes are mixed when you start high school.
I ended up in a class with two people I knew. One was my best friend, another was just a familiar. My best friend had started to hang with the popular snobs, to get higher status. She was like some kind of pet for them. She was not allowed to be on the pitch. Just a little sometimes. Every time I came, they would suddenly go anywhere else. I was left with. Our friendship died out and I started hanging out with the other familiar. We became really good friends, she came from Russia when there was unrest there and had been in Sweden since 2005. She had not received a residence permission but they had continued to live in Sweden and was now a Swedish family with three children, Her, a younger sister and younger brother.

Part Two: When nasty words becomes hard punches

It all started off with whore. Whore? I? It was quite difficult to understand what they meant. It began to happend everyday in school. I was the official container where everyone threw their shit at me.
It happend in classes and the teachers would not care.
Fucking whore devil. Fucking fatass! Fucking creep! I hate you!! DIE! WHY ARE YOU HERE? GO AND DIE WE ALL HATE YOU. THERE IS AND WONT BE ANY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS EARTH THAT WANTS YOU! HAHA LOOK AT THAT UGLY PIECE OF SHIT! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! DID I HURT YOU, TOO BAD HAHHAA!
It began to circulate around in my head wherever I was on the day. I was a lonely bullying victim who did not receive the grace of no one. I'm sorry that I'm here . Forgive me for me standing here. Forgive me for do not have the same interests as you!
I did not go to school and my parents did not understand the seriousness of it all. They did not understand that I was dying.
My other friend was already quite an outcast because she was from another country. But she looked in a different way than I did and there is the diffrence in the bullying.

NOVEMBER- DECEMBER 2010
My life was hanging on a thin thread as I slowly started to hurt myself.
I was only kept alive by drawing. One day i got so torn down that I decided that I wanted to die. I was at my friends ampartment at the 3th floor and I climbed out the window. My feet started to numb from the cold. I cried like crazy when I stood at the railing. I looked down at the ground that was under me and that would cause a certain death and I would jump. I looked by accident up at the dark sky and suddenly saw that the moon shone so magical and it was so big and round. I knew I would never see it again if I died. It was like it told me that I should stay here and do something with my life. I stood there. Watching it. For minutes. I would not care if anybody saw me. I climbed inside the ampartment again and that is by chance the best thing that I DID NOT DO in my life

(part 3 will follow It's not over yet like a happy fairytale)

wow, bullying really sucks. People don't understand how much it hurts to get bullied. I remember I got bullied in third grade, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I can't wait to hear the rest of your story.

I.L.U

wow.I'm so srry you been treated like that in school.That's not cool at all. kisa can be so mean. I know how you feel.I was picked on too.

I'm sorry >_<
My computer deleted everything new I wrote. I'm kinda pissed off today so I guess I pressed on a button that I shouldn't have pressed.
I will write a new tho, later maybe on Friday.

Part three: What happend next?
I went through depression, bullying and my teacher wouldn't let me change class.
She only pretended to not know how I felt so that she wouldn't get the blame because of the pain I was caused.
It's a fucking part of a teachers job to make sure that nobody gets bullied. (at least in classes wtf?! Is that too much to ask for?)

I was sent to small meetings about this with my mom and my mom would not stop crying when she heard what I really had gone through.
(mom never got to know about the suicide part tho)

about 2-3 months passed and the teacher would not let me change anyways.
I crashed. I totally crashed. I did not know what to do anymore. Life was without meaning. I was only caused pain!

This is how the face of a depressed/bullied outcast looks like.
it's me it was me.

And when I crashed my teacher did not have anything more to do than send me to another class. (when i crashed?! )
that's fucked up.

After a hand full of meetings I finally got to change to a new class. FUCK YOU BULLIES

Then life started to become worth living. I finally came to a class where I could be me. At least a bit more accepted.
Aina changed class too.
I had a older friend in my new class, and me and Aina started to hang out with her and her friend Otilia.
Everything was so fine. We became a gang. We always helped each others.

My life would become hell again. I just didn't know it yet

The summer came and 2 of my friends got taken away from me. I only had one left.
One died in a carcrash together with her dad and the other one got sent back to Russia where she came from.
(even without saying godbye to me. She was simply just taken away from her bed like 6 in the morning. )
I'm can't decribe in words how great my pain was. Once again I faced depression.
And it's from here the journey to be how I am today started.

How I became the one I am today?
The answer is very simple, I thought about it. With my mind I became the one I am today. It's such a long journey when I think about it. EVERY SINGLE day I thought about it. Then I saw it. And then I became it

sounds alot like what i went though in school girl i dont know what its like to loose friends ((mostly because i was a outcast my whole life)) but i know what its like to be bullied and well its not easy in any way shape or form. i hope your life is getting better and i hope your filled with happiness now. if anything bad happens and you need to talk you know we all have open ears and open arms waiting for you sending you lots of love.

wow.I'm so sorry to here you had to go threw that. I know what it's like being bullied.I was in middle school.The teacher's didn't do anything.It's like they don't care. My best friend moved away on me too. i was sad too.

hope things get better.

I'm really sry that u have gone through all this. I really wanna hear the rest of the story and how u bounced back. Sending you lots of love.

I.L.U

#5 My Friday <3 <3

Friday was a great day I met my lovely friend Simon and I gave him hes birthday present. Simon turned 16 years. Yay a great day/night out with him.







Simon doesn't go to the school I go to.
He used to go to the same school as me but when he finished 9th grade he moved (today Sunday) to the town 10 miles away. Hes going to a special school where it's all about art. He goes the music class since hes a singer.
He has a really great voice. I love it when he sings to me Hes very talanted.
when I've finished 9th grade I'll be going to the school he goes to as well.
But to art classes.

I met Simon at my first art exhibition in the beginning of this year. He didn't have all pink hair and everything back then, but hes always been a cool person. I fell in love with his voice when I finished 6th grade. He sang and he was great.
I added him as a friend on facebook when I first got fb in January this year, then he started to talk to me at the art exhibition. Then we've just started to like each other more and more and started to hang out on the summer.
Now we're like best friends <3
check out our crazy jumping:

That's him and me some weeks earlier jumping around like crazy in my school's playground. XD

your friend sounds awesome.

Yeah he is

#6 Weightless
YAY! Today I met Simon again. It was cool. We danced in my room all dark to Zero gravity in blinking lights (video soon??)

Picture is taken 3 weeks ago
Yesterday I had some kind of movie night together with my friend Ellinor.
It was funny.

Fixing together stuff for my sisters birthday on Wednesday
YAY

that's cool.sounds like you had lots of fun.

Is that you in your avatar. Your hair is pretty.

I just read your blog. First of all , about your problems, WELL, I;M NOT SORRY FOR YOU..cos all these made you who you are today. made you strong and confident, so make them shut the fuck up, BY SMILING.. And also, you seem to have a lot of fun with your friend..really nice! you should make a video of him singing so we can say if we like his voice as well! hahah love <3

colbyjohn wrote:Is that you in your avatar. Your hair is pretty.

¨
Yeah thats me
thanks!

mile86 wrote:I just read your blog. First of all , about your problems, WELL, I;M NOT SORRY FOR YOU..cos all these made you who you are today. made you strong and confident, so make them shut the fuck up, BY SMILING.. And also, you seem to have a lot of fun with your friend..really nice! you should make a video of him singing so we can say if we like his voice as well! hahah love <3

Well , I do think that everyone has their own ways and gets their own lessons to learn who they are.
Mine has been tough, And I was pretty young to struggle with it too, you see everyone in my age here still hasn't found out yet. Some will, some won't and some might. It's like you're fucked up if you think diffrent.
Yesssssss, i wanna make him create a video with him singing on his youtube channel ACTUALLY THERE ALREADY IS ONE ON SOMEBODIES ACCOUNT ON YOUTUBE WITH HIM SINGING BUT HE WAS LIKE 12 AND HE WOULD KILL ME IF I LEAKED IT XD (pretend as you didn't hear that)
I'm actually gonna ''live'' in hes ampartment for like 2 days now so I MIGHT make him create a video wich I will create a special blog about If he does
So keep eyes opend!

#7 Can't wait
Sorry moonchildren, But I'm in a such good mood right now, I have like nothing to tell more that I got through an horrible math test that I failed once and I'm gonna live at my friend Simon's ampartment for like 1-2 days. We're gonna have a epic party! (yeah just me and him dancing to music, watching tim burton movies some shopping and stuff, we won't drink, it's just a party for us<3 + I don't reealllyyy see WHY I would drink..?!)
I want to write some serious stuff here as well, like topics of life and thoughts and such BUT I'M JUST SO fucking HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

I love you guys and thanks for reading + commenting it really means a lot and It makes me happy to see comments and that people are reading <3

Me last week. You see my hair is not pinkish or pink here because I simply ran out of colour and I can't get the colour untill like my 14th birthday in two weeks cause there is no pink colour in sight for like 30 miles from here! Belive me I've looked everywhere
//MUCH LOVE FROM ME TO YOU <3

Well have a nice time.

#7 ( the pictures from that day)

On the bus, that's my two friends Ellinor and Jasmine. They are so great! <3
They we're going to shop and we met up with Simon later.
Simon

gotta admit that he looks hot as hell here
<3

Simon and me



And Simon and me once again the next day XD

And a video:
LOL


It's been a great weekend but now I'm tired and I'm thinking of creating a neckpiece or something.
/Love from me to you!

awesome pics

butterflycry2010 wrote:awesome pics

Thank you

Your welcome.

A note
HEY YOU! PSSST! HEY YOU WITH THE FACE, READ <3
This is a little note I wrote for you. It's important and true to 100%.

Hi I'm a little crazy kid named Linnéa Dedorson.

Life is special. Life is greater than anything else.
How can you possibly worry about what o t h e r p e o p l e w i l l t h i n k o f y o u .
I mean like w h a t t h e f u c k.
Life is just a moment. Don't you wanna e n j o y i t ?
We only got o n e .
Doesn't it make you wanna c h a n g e y o u r w o r l d ?
Don't you want to create y o u r f u t u r e?
Don't regret.
Don't change for someone else but you.
Think of it.
See it.
Become it.
JUST F E E L I T !

************************

E V E R Y O N E got to start S O M E W H E R E.
I was, shy, sad, bullied a lot. I didn't feel like anything and everyone just hated me.
But then I ''said'' to m y s e l f ;
This is M Y L I F E , And It might me the O N L Y O N E I'll ever get.
S O I J U S T S T A R T E D T O B E C O M E W H A T I W A N T E D. And that's my bussnies.
Y O U
got your own bussnies! For Y O U R S E L F .

C R E A T E Y O U R L I F E.



Your secret mentor in your quest to follow your path
<3

G o o d l u c k .
-------------------------------------------------------------------------'''''''''''''''''''''''''V''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''V '´´\/ '¨''v-----------------------

This is so inspiring

Well, i do hope to inspire other people. Everyone should do what the fuck they ever want

#8 Some drawings

Jack and Sally from ''The nightmare before christmas'' made by Tim Burton. I'm a huge fan of his works.
Picture (C) me

I've always loved to draw, like ever since I could remember anything, I've always just been drawing! XD
I usally draw like my cartoon characters. And like picures with hidden messages to find in them
But I've been animating too. It's never been finished and I don't have the right stuff to do it yet.
This is Cornelia from my comic/story thing called ''The fss'' (I'm thinking about changing the name of the comic to something else since everyone has problems saying ''The FSS'' They always end up saying the fizz lol)
I like cartoon styles. I mean there is like no rules anywhere. I just love that about it and I think that art doesn't need to have any rules. Like when I draw blood my art teacher thinks I'm depressed and want's to kill everyone in the room (like wtf...)
I feel like drawing is my connection to the world and I ''speak'' through the pictures.

This is another comic/story of mine called ''Bubble girl world'' I created it when I was 10-11 when I was bored in class.
(2008. WAY BEFORE KERLI ''COME UP'' WITH BUBBLEGOTH. Just saying, I ONCE had that word in a comic page I made in 2008. I wanted a word for the lead character bub and she likes bubblegum and bubbles so I used BUBBLEGOTH.
I'm not copying her. I don't want my own work to be some kind of fan realated thing to Kerli. It has nothing to do with her. )





Love me. I'll give you my heart, precious <3. I can't wait. I can't wait. I love you. I love you. Love feels like virus in my body that starves for you. Love me.

I also love to customize stuff. Like clothing and jewelery. (I want to create a post about that in the future too).

wow, ur drawings are so beautiful. Ur really creative. We Moonchildren are proud of you.

I.L.U

bupple wrote:wow, ur drawings are so beautiful. Ur really creative. We Moonchildren are proud of you.

I.L.U

Thank you <3

#9 My birthday
Today (25 October) was my birthday. I finally turned 14. (LOL I've got a friend thats born the same year as me 1997 and she's turning 15 in 3 months XD)
So I'm kind of late with my birthday soo many months after the most people I know. Whatever.
I got waked up by my cat how jumped on my stomach (might be her way of saying happy birthday) And meowed right in my ear lol.
(yeah that's her my cat, Mysan. Mys means Cosy in Swedish. So she's like Cosya in English XD)
Then I got 2 texts saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I was happy.
Then I fell a sleep for like one hour and then my mom and her boyfriend and my little sister came into my room singing happy birthday.
I got some nice presents! I got this cool skeleton hand hair clips
Wich I've been wanting for a while. They're sooo me!
Then I got two Björk albums, Vespertine (wanted it out of curiosity since it's the same name as kerli's vespertine) and Björk greatest hits.

THEN I died.
I GOT A FREAKING DRAWING TABLET! <3 I've been wanting it since forever and I finally got it! It's a Wacom Bamboo drawing tablet.
It's awesome and I'm learning very fast!!

Then I went to school and some small kids attacked my bony hair clips and went like : WOW-OOW COOL!!!
And I was like : ehehehe sure whatever you say kid! (didn't know them, haven't seen them before)

Then I came back from school and eated pizza
(since it would be too tricky to cook food and then start with the bithday cake and all..)
Then the guests arrived. (my grandfather and his wife, my aunt and my cousin.)
Then I almost got happy to tears again.
I got a brand new sewing machine wich my aunt and my grandfather and his wife had gone together to buy one for me. (looks something like this<3)

I'M SO HAPPY!
Thanks everyone.


Sick looking like that uh-hu that's what you get.

--
Mood: Dreaming around in cloudland.

Wise words of the day: ''Never stop dreaming.''

/LOVE FROM ME TO YOU!<3

Glad you had a nice b-day and got awesome stuff.

MY friend was born the same year has me.but shes a few moths older then me.lol

happy birthday

butterflycry2010 wrote:Glad you had a nice b-day and got awesome stuff.

MY friend was born the same year has me.but shes a few moths older then me.lol

happy birthday

Thanks! <3

yw girl.

#10 HALLOWEEN.
Okay so this will be a update post. Since It's halloween I want to tell you guys what's happening and I'm just gonna post small updates here in these days whenever I feel like it. It will looks something like this:

#
I'm gonna eat haters <3

#
Chatting with my friend Aina on facebook wich I lost last year. She got taken away by the police because of some problems with her staying here in Sweden. She says that there might be hope for her to come back some day <3
This is the real world