I'm the awesomest. Believe me. - eMAYPsIlOnEeR

I can't believe I'm really starting a blog now. I don't even know how to do this, but I think I may have some nice stories to tell. I don't think I can do anything wrong here, so I'll just start with the fact that I just got Carl Norén's album Owls today and I must admit that I'm totally blown away. It's so crazily good!
Also I haven't slept more than four hours in one for five days now and I'm slowly starting to go insane xD But at least I can still write, although it takes ages. And my best friend started to hurt himself again today and I feel I'm responsible for him and I think about ways to stop him from doing that all the time. Why is everything so complicated? Well, it's my fault. But hey, I love to give advice to desperate people. Normally I can do that well. Normally.

Ahh sleep...It seems to be hating both of us XD Glad you started a blog though! =D

As for your friend, I really don't know what to say. I've never been in the situation where someone I'm close to is harming themselves. I'm thankful for that but it makes it that much harder to dish out advice to people in that situation. I guess all you can really do is try and make him see that in the end, hurting himself won't make reality better. I hate to say it but if he doesn't want to be helped, nothing will get through to him :/ People have to WANT to get better before they can.

I totally agree, javieljones. But just help him see that people love him and that there is a light that will shine through for him if he only looks. Uhm wow that sounded weird but okay lolz.
Oh, and I'm glad you started a blog.

Thanks, guys. I just told him to get his family to hide all the knives and other sharp things from him. I sent him the song Fucking Perfect by P!nk and I told him how much we all love him and that people who hurt him [he thinks it is better to be hurt by himself than by others] are just afraid to get hurt aswell and that he should pity that girl who hurt him for being unable to dare to be sad one time. He really wants to get better and I guess I can help him.

Second note for today: the beauty thing. [yes, inspired by the What Are You Thinking? thread.]

Many people around the globe tell me how beautiful they think I am, but when I look into the mirror I see a mess. You know, I like to hear such things, who doesn't, but on the other hand I know that they can never be right, because they only see pictures of me, mostly only my face. And they really dare to say I'm beautiful. And because I think I am one of the ugliest girl's in th world and even refuse to have myself as an avatar, I'm gonna start today with my transformation from a psycho into a girl. Maybe.

STEP ONE: I am going to change my avatar into a picture of myself. Scared? Me too.

Step One = Great step.

And, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and agree with the people in your life that say you're beautiful because you ARE. You're eyes are stunning. And I may have a thing for Germany and Austria so that just makes you more epic in my book XD

I think you're beatiful[you have GORGEOUS eyes]. I have always said that I am ugly but after I became a Moon Child I started to accept myself as who I am, and I realized that I am beautiful in my own special way.

Luna, you ARE beautiful.

Thank you very much, you lovely girl from Nebraska, haha!
You have a thing for Germany and Austria? Nice


~~~~

I'm gonna dress up like Natalie Portman as Black Swan on carnival.

Very much XD I've always been a little obsessed with both countries DYING to visit there someday. I feel awfully out of place here in the US.

And you should totally take pictures dressed up like that =D Would be neat!

Can People Be Lonely Without Being Lonely?

Yes. One Of my best friends, who has a lot of other friends aswell, always comes to me and tells me how lonely she is.
Whenever I'm on FaceBook, she starts a chat telling me 'I'm lonely'. And I can't understand that sometimes. She has
fivehundred friends on FB and I am the only one she tells about her true feelings. I feel honored, but I don't understand.
On the other hand, her friends are all together no moonchildren and I wouldn't tell them aswell, I guess. But I am one
and I think she kinda feels that without really noticing.
That only shows me, that many friends often mean practically no friends. Everybody I know says that's true but no one
of them will try to find real friends.
I'm eternally happy to be a moonchild and to be able to treat people very friendly.
Also, I would tell you guys everything, because I know you'd care, whereas my classmates for example wouldn't.
Thank you!

Plans, plans and more plans coming!

Next week I am going to start off with practicing some singing stuff the whole week and maybe I will be able to upload
my first cover on thursday or friday already! I am planning on using my dead YouTube account to share them AND I'm
planning [the title fits this post] on making a lot of Kerli covers!
You know, I'm not the best singer but I love singing and I should share what I love to do.
The most famous singers don't hit every single note aswell, right? ;D


Which cover should I start working on?

° Kerli - Army Of Love
° Kerli - Walking On Air
° Kerli - The Creationist
° Kerli - Dragonfly


So, it's gonna be a Kerli song, haha xD
Please vote, thank you! ♥

Oww amazing your going to upload your singing to YT, that's brave and i'm looking forward to hear it
I think you should do Dragonfly, not many covers of that out there eh?

I also agree that you are beautiful Your eyes are just stunning <3

Ene wrote:Oww amazing your going to upload your singing to YT, that's brave and i'm looking forward to hear it
I think you should do Dragonfly, not many covers of that out there eh?

I also agree that you are beautiful Your eyes are just stunning <3

Haha, thank you, but don't blame me for any nightmares afterwards
I'm gonna do dragonfly, I think, although it's very difficult.

And thank you so much

Ahh! <3 Can't wait to hear your covers. I'm kinda in the same boat as you...I'm not a very good singer but I LOVE to do it XD My vote goes toward Dragonfly or Creationist ^__^

Never heard Dragonfly. I've only heard the ones on her album and Army of Love. I vote AOL cuz it's an awesome song.

A lot of my friends tell me I have a beautiful voice but I don't think so. I love to sing as well.

<3

I've been waiting for quite some time, but I think I'm just gonna do this now, because here are the people I wanna tell ♥
I will post this story in some parts, because it is pretty long. And important!

It all started about four and a half months ago, when me and my class arrived back home in Vienna after a week in Ireland.
It was the first day of school again. A normal monday morning, as always, I went to school via the tram I had been using for six
years now. But on this day, there was something different. An important detail that is going to be the main part in my story.
A guy. At first I didn't really notice him, he wasn't like every other guy but no Johnny Depp either [that was pretty stupid
now, haha ;D]. The only thing that caught my eye was, that he stared at me the whole time, with no interruption, until I
finally got out of the tram. Was pretty unimportant to me, though.

The next days, I saw him again and he was still staring at me like mad, as if I got a bird sitting on my head. Days, weeks and
months followed and we saw each other and some days we didn't see each other. But he kept staring at me. The christmas
holidays were coming, I spent them with my family and didn't think of him for one second.

But after christmas, in the new year, something strange happened.



TO BE CONTINUED...

So, the first cover I'm doing will be Dragonfly, the second one Army Of Love!
Thanks, guys! ♥

of course. Post them here when your done. We want to hear!!!

No, I can't decide the perfect title for my blog.
You're not the only one, who's confused xD

So, today I told some people in my class that I'm doing a blog.
And when I came home today, my friend messaged me, she'd
love to see the blog and I should tell her it's name.

I refused to give her the name and the link, because I don't think
a blog on Table of Love is for non - moonchildren.

And now she's angry.


Gonna share this aswell, cause I love it:


It's Voodoo, yeah! ;D

I like your blog! Really wondering how that eye-contact-guy story will develop

And I kind of understand your friend, if I was in her place I'd be a little upset aswell. It's no reason to get real angry, though. I just think that people should not talk about something and then refuse to tell the whole story. If you don't want anyone else to know it's better to remain absolutely silent about it. But then again I don't know how the exact situation was. Because if it was like by accident that you told them it's fine, but if you announce it, it's a different thing. I assume it was the first situation, I don't know. I would have probably reacted the same as you if someone would have gotten pushy.

Ah well. I hope you understand looking forward to the covers!
take care!

I agree, cindragale. But just tell her that if she's interested, she should become a Moon Child. You never know, she might like Kerli, so just try. We could always use more Moonchildren anyway.

@cindragale thank you very much! love to entertain you yeah, i wasn't announcing it, really. it was just to explain a situation.

@luna i've tried several times to get my friends to become moonchildren and i looked at their behaviour, kinda to see if it fits in any way. i even held a kerli presentation in class, but all i got was frowning, laughing and whispering people. i guess my school ain't the right place for finding moonchildren.

Hello moonchildren!
Look at my new avatar, took that photo at the costume party in my school today I was the black swan from Black Swan. Make Up by myself

Here it is bigger:

Love the makeup =D Looks really good!

Because it has to be continued!

It was a monday morning in the new year 2o11, which is, as we all know, full of challenges. It was damn cold,
my fingers hurt when I got into the tram like every other morning. I sat down on the same seat as always and
looked around. There was this guy again - I already had a name for him at that moment: tram-stalker. Don't
take this name too seriously, I did never feel as if he was stalking me. And as I said, a very small, but very important
detail was different.

He was smiling. Yes, right, he was smiling. You may think now, what about it? A lot of people smile. But he was smiling
at me. And believe me when I tell you, people usually do not do that. Normally they stare at me in disgust or simply
disrespect. And sometimes they find it quite funny that I dress the way I want to.

And he was smiling at me. I've never seen something before or felt like somebody I don't know liked me. But I still didn't
care. Really, it just got a bit weirder for me, but there were no feelings actually.

But one day...


TO BE CONTINUED...

The pic is really pretty!!! That's sad that your friends aren't Moonchild material and that they laughed in your face about it. That would make me angry. And sad. :'(

=) good blog and love ur make up!!
i'd like to hear your covers of Dragonfly and AOl...i love these songs=)
Greetings=)

Luna wrote:The pic is really pretty!!! That's sad that your friends aren't Moonchild material and that they laughed in your face about it. That would make me angry. And sad. :'(

It doesn't bother me anymore. Some years ago I was all angry with them, didn't talk and stuff but I figured out that being mean doesn't help at all,
so I started being nice.
For a long time they didn't accept me though, but about two years of fighting against hate were enough to get me kind of into the community again.
It's not perfect, of course, but I'm satisfied.
Laughing people don't hurt me anymore.

alis18 wrote:=) good blog and love ur make up!!
i'd like to hear your covers of Dragonfly and AOl...i love these songs=)
Greetings=)

Ow, thank you so much!

Today is a terrible day. My throat is dry like fire [fire is dry, right ] and feels like I swallowed a barbwire and when I try to practice Dragonfly, all that comes out is a Kraaahhhh. Oh, damn.

beautiful. It makes sense in my head. how did you do that?

I'm really sorry to hear that other people are so opposed to our community... I often picture myself talking about Kerli to others as I'd love to do, so to hear about such behaviour upsets me a lot.

I hope you get better soon, I'd really like to hear your AOL cover!

It is beautiful, but I didn't do it myself, unfortunately.
It's by Biffy Clyro, I should have put their name under it.
I can just really relate to those words right now




I would love to have some moonchildren in my class, the community would become so much better and stronger!
But right now I have to do those things myself and I try to be thankful for the opportunity to bring some ILU
into my school. Maybe they learn from me

Today I even have to stay at home because everything is swelling in my throat and I can't make a sound.
I already miss singing!

And my best friend started to hurt himself again today and I feel I'm responsible for him and I think about ways to stop him from doing that all the time.

My best friend as well went through many long periods of depression and anxiety. He didn't psychically hurt himself, but he sure gave his heart & soul a brutal beating. The whole time he was like this I would feel helpless. I felt like I was responsible for making him feel better but I knew I really wasn't and I didn't know how. We probably feel responsible because we love them and we feel like we need to protect people we love.
All you can do is be there for them and let them know every day that they are loved and special to you. And in your case...if he's hurting himself, if you really feel the need and it won't have a big negative affect on you, you can always check in on him often...call...drop in...you know. Just don't let it consume your life like I did at times.

Your reply means a lot to me, thank you! I often had the problem too, that people I wanted to help tried to own me, really. One thing is, that he is a person who needs to be alone most of the time, which is quite stupid, cause when you're with yourself you get dangerous ideas. Also he really loves fire, so I have a lot of work to keep him from it. But I'm really good at putting myself into others' shoes, so I think this will work for us

Your welcome. Your right...being alone makes your mind work over time and when your in a bad state it only leads to bad ideas.
I see the appeal in fire...I love to play with it myself. Lol. It's so weird but it's actually fun. I find it fascinating.
Good luck with your friend, hope he is ok.

Hi guys, im really looking foward to hearing you sing Pyche-chan or should i call you san. And i think it was a good idea to send your friend Fucking Perfect by P!nk. That song helped me too. Tell him that i said " I rooting for him"

Ok, I really have to go on with that guy in the tram, right? I've been having a lot to do lately and I totally forgot about posting stuff
Whole thing short, cause we all forgot: this guy was crazily smiling at me although we didn't know each other. He was smiling for four months
practically every day!

It was a Wednesday afternoon, we hadn't met each other in the morning and I was going home from school, it was quarter past one PM
and, as always, quite boring, I was using the tram [I really have to count how often I use this word].
It was the station before the one I get off the t-word [haha!] and I was heading to the first door, so I could get out and instantly across
the strett, because time is precious. And there was this cute little primary school kid standing at the front door and thinking of the whole
situation afterwards I guess it was an angel.
BUT! Shortly before the t-word got to stop and I was standing at the very front door, I unconcious looked to the right, which was quite
unnecessary that time.
And who was standing there? About ten centimetres, which is no a lot, away from me? Smiling, of course? This guy! Damn! I was terrified!
In a good way, but terrified! I was so shocked that I must have looked at him as if he was a ghost or a rapist, or something like that
[not that ghost equals rapist].
I didn't think anymore when the door opened and I ran away as fast as I could. I only remember that I was smiling [smiling is contagious, obviously]
all the way home.

But afterwards I noticed that I left him standing there...






10 CENTIMETRES!!!

About my name, right?


My name ain't Psyche anymore. It was my name for a phase in my life, that unfortunately had to end. So, I'm begging you not
to call me Psyche anymore.

I think my name has to be E. Actually it is longer, but the rest following after that E would be too complicated and long for you.
So my name is simply E, call me E.
And if you want to know what the stuff following is, the whole name is Emaypsiloneer. You see? Call me E.

Hi E. Can't pronounce the whole word thing. And I shall not attempt to.

UHM THAT DUDE IS A CREEPER just saying. Try talking to him next time you see him, though. Maybe he wants a friend. Maybe he's LONELY. lol idk.

^^ we are not at the actual time level right now, lot more to tell!
and thanks for calling me E

Oh okay. And you're welcome.

♥ ♥ ♥

MoonChildPsyche wrote:

Here it is bigger:

At the first: YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!
Man isn't nice for you, it was unfair
I love your poem!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your blog is an awesome

^^ thanks Natt, love ya! ♥

So, as you might have already read in my signature, I am a borderliner. Sure not the typical one with all the symptoms, but I have some. I have often had problems with other people who couldn't cope with it, but don't see this as a lesson how to talk to me or something like that.
I lost a lot of friendships due to my illness. Just because people I could easily get along with before didn't know how to talk to me anymore, which is quite crazy, if you think that it worked before. Here are some things that are typical for my kind of borderline:

• I developed a lot of hatred against myself
  
• My relationships never last long and end in a big drama
  
• I have been hurting myself for about eight years. I tried to stop it several times, but I can't really do it. Currently I'm trying again...
  
• I am very aggressive (I do not beat anybody, it's more verbal) and get angry easily. But when I hurt somebody by saying certain things I actually do not want to do that
  
• I have extreme mood swings that come outta nowhere
  
• Also I have sometimes, only sometimes and not really frightening, unreal sensory perceptions, that means I hear and feel things that are not there. That's the reason (people use) why I think I live with ghosts
  

That's it basically. Yeah, you're right, it's enough to scare you for a lifetime. But I can really control myself and I learned to live with it. So, I don't need any kinds of compassion or attention, I just wanted to share stuff with you.
Thanks for reading, btw

Love you guys



But you know, I can be nice too... haha. ha.

I developed a lot of hatred against myself
My relationships never last long and end in a big drama
I have been hurting myself for about eight years. I tried to stop it several times, but I can't really do it. Currently I'm trying again...
I am very aggressive (I do not beat anybody, it's more verbal) and get angry easily. But when I hurt somebody by saying certain things I actually do not want to do that
I have extreme mood swings that come outta nowhere
Also I have sometimes, only sometimes and not really frightening, unreal sensory perceptions, that means I hear and feel things that are not there. That's the reason (people use) why I think I live with ghosts

I can relate to all those things. I was that way myself for a long time and had a lot of other issues along with it. I have Bipolar disorder (Which includes with it anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, insomnia, extreme highs and lows[mania], and so on)
I'm all good now as well...I have a lot of help. I'm glad you posted that cuz now I don't feel alone in it.
Not dishin out compassion or attention, just relating
Btw, I read what you said about how when you look in the mirror you see "a mess". I do too a lot of the time. Truth is, were a lot more beautiful then we believe we are. <3 XO

MoonChildPsyche wrote:^^ thanks Natt, love ya! ♥

You're welcome <3

This is so unfair that you lost a lot of friendships. People was so stupid and horrible for you. You should have around you very good persons. Now, I want hug you, because I know what you feel, because I lost friend because I'm not rich and I'm atheist.

Please, don't cut yourself. This is addiction. When you feel that you want do it, please write here, or on anything place, take a paper and drawn something. Imagine yourself that a piece of paper is your body and maybe do it on paper. Paper is only paper. Your body is treasure, I have the same problem like you but please, don't do it. I'm here for you and always you can write to me, here or private. I know extreme mood swings, this is so hard...

Remember!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!

^^ I love you too, so much!