I can't believe I've let you in and now here I am

Song of the Day: The Ocean by Tegan and Sara

So, if you've arrived...then I welcome you to my brain on 32 hours without sleep. Where do I begin?? I tripped and cracked my tooth. I slipped 5 times on the sheets of ice that now cover my house. I realized my cat who adopted us (more like just let itself in and now claims the place) is a female and i've been calling it a male without even noticing. It's name is Underfoot because it's just that, underfoot. It wants more attention that a baby does hehe. I'm editing 3 videos to keep myself busy while I try to get my sleeping schedule on track. Should I post links to my video remixes of other artists in the Other Artist page or just keep adding them here? I swear I have OCD and ADHD, I'm told I don't b/c I'm too mellow, but the person who told me is completely in denial about their own OCD. Who collects marbles and keeps them organized by Colour????? I just bought the Now, Now EP cause I need new music. Tegan & Sara, Hurts, Delphic, Now, Now Every Children (Now known as 'Now, Now') and BT are my faves. My taste in music is very out there. Idk why, I get bored on one type of music. The space-heater is only keeping my back warm while my face is freezing. I keep getting food caught in the tooth that's majorly cracked. Crunchy textured foods are out, tis okay. I'll stick to eating papaya and mango anyways. I had Wasna and Wojape w/ Fry-bread. I'm listening to BT's album These Hopeful Machines. it's amazing while I think. I need more sleep, but I have a million things stuck in my head. I can't stop. Anyways, I shall be updating possibly? SO.....check back if I'm still stable? perfect! Bye bye.

welcome to the awesome moonchildren world.We all look forward to ur blogs.

Song of the Day: The Emergency by BT

@ Sweetnessangel2010: Thank You! I have much I need to type, sometimes it's just random. As are the one-on-one conversations I have with people.

Onto business though! I'm stuck in video-editing limbo figuring which song I should do a video for. I'm in the middle of t.A.T.u.'s All About Us doing the Dave Aude remix. I just received the HD quality of Army of Love from Mimi in the mail so that was a plus for me (Thanks again MiMi!)! If anyone has any ideas for a video to remix next, let me know mmm kay? It helps hehe.

I was thinking of doing the Moonchild Mission, but I have tons of Black clothes. My closet is an abomination! I have/had the perfect setting out in our forests of the Black Hills. It's a place surrounded by sage, trees and a sacred place to my/our people. It's a place for thanks and remembrance. I do not know if I want to use this location, it seems disrespectful to me, but who knows. Maybe i'll drop some tobacco and say a prayer for those left behind that their spirits be at rest with their families. I love being Native American and am proud, all though it comes with its racial tendencies to have mostly the elderly folk say racial slurs. It's okay though, I've learned to get past their ignorance and embrace their nature for a positive future I know they think we could never have.

Our people have been looked upon as: alcoholic, welfare prone and nothing, but less. I do not believe this to be true, labeling us as a whole, rather than individually brings nothing but troubles. I enjoy the challenge of overcoming it though. Just last week before Christmas, I helped serve a community-wide dinner for those unfortunate to have one. My aunt, mom and their friends come together to provide the meals, gifts and pow-wow (entertainment). Unity as it should be, helping others even if sacrifice is the cost. The families who donated all struggle, ours included, to help out. We all receive EBT (Food stamps) and use our own money to help feed. We jokingly call it the (E)at (B)etter (T)oday card.

I genuinely adore my parents for all they've taught and given us through terrible times. I remember being 8 and my mom turning 30. I was the 5th child, my oldest brother and dad passed away not long ago. The missing feeling I have is deep, but I know I must carry on for my mom's sake. She's going through a terrible time and we help as much as we can while she tries to get back onto her feet. She quit after working 4 years at a mental rehabilitation centre. Racism turned up when a new co-worker was hired. The manager knowingly did nothing and condoned to it. She's very caring and the patients always turned to her for her mother-like essence they never received growing up. When she left, the place was shut down due to many complaints of mis-treating the patients.

I am sorry i've written a lot, it's just been in my head for a long time, building up to the point of melancholy thinking. Life's not going well =/

wow
i love reading about all of u guys & getting to know you.
strenght is beautiful, you are beautiful!

AND about the video - no problem there was a special little fairy who wanted to give away a better quality one!
also, a love soldier can be in black too. there are no restrictions!

@mimi Thank You for even take the time to read my blog Strength is my reward at this time in my life. Yes! I would love to participate. I just need to find that special place that stands out. Just taking the picture in my room, dull! There's actually a view from a hill I want to use, trekking on foot to get there is the challenge! -- The video was a very nice gesture from 'the fairy.' It made my day.

Here's a little random story I heard just now. My cousin was having a conversation with our friend and me. Our friend goes, 'Do you guys remember that time we were at that persons place, We were doing something, talking about that thing, I can't remember what it was, but geez it was just funny!" The look on our faces when we looked at each other was just off. "No, but geez that DOES sound funny!" hehe. Sorry Lol.

Also, I'm a bit chubby! I don't know if there's a lens wide enough to capture me fully without going passed the view restriction. LOL jk! As my cousin says "we all have a lil' chunk on all of us." Hehe.

very beautiful!

mimi wrote:wow
i love reading about all of u guys & getting to know you.
strenght is beautiful, you are beautiful!!

I'd like to know a bit more about everyone too. I've seen more conversations I can join in rather than be bored to death by non-sense i've heard around here.

butterflycry2010 wrote:very beautiful!

Thank you for reading. I had a much longer post, but I edited it short b/c I wasn't sure many people would be interested in what I'm thinking hehe.

haha we all have a little chunk on all of us LOL ill use that in the future!

I was bit worried about not having white clothes aswell but today i bought old curtains i'm going to turn into hooded cloak! Rest of my clothes can be colourful as apparently it doesn't matter, just bubblegoth <3

mimi wrote:haha we all have a little chunk on all of us LOL ill use that in the future!

LOL i'm glad my family's craziness could be of service to you

butterflycry2010 wrote:I think that's cool how u helped out the people during christmas time..

on the news this little 8 yr old boy went to sub-way wand brought 200 subs to feed the homeless in torontro...I was like wow..Nice kid to do that.

Thank you, I enjoy helping when it comes to voluntary projects. Starting next week, We (The same group of women who hosted the dinner) have gotten enough donations of blankets, coffee, jackets, gloves and head warmers to go to the homeless who live among the creek to help keep them warm during these ice cold nights. We used to do it about 4 years ago, but a group was beating up the homeless and such so the police said we couldn't help anymore.

I like hearing stories about helping those who can't help themselves. I grew up (thanks to my mom & grandma) to take pity them b/c they've lost their way.

Ene wrote:I was bit worried about not having white clothes aswell but today i bought old curtains i'm going to turn into hooded cloak! Rest of my clothes can be colourful as apparently it doesn't matter, just bubblegoth <3

Ooh curtains? That's interesting. I already have a hooded cloak made of wool and i believe satin. It's an everyday wear, not one of those Halloween deals heh. My idea involves bringing a bit of both bubblegoth and my culture. That way I can show my native side too

That's very nice..Least a little helping is better then no helping at all.

sweetnessangel2010 wrote:I think a lot of young kids and teens today are too spoiled rotten.They get everything they ask for. They are just given everything.

This is very true. I always had to work to get what I wanted just b/c of how I grew up. It wasn't bad, I just wasn't used to getting material things unless it was a gift. I was happy with just having a home and my music growing up. I seen some kid just asking for a PS3 in Wal-mart and his parents just buying it for him. "Ummm...do you think you've earned it?" 'Yes' "Well, okay then". Oh hesh! (Native term Lol)

oh for sure..That's good..& ya some kids dervise it tho!! but damn the brats u see at wal-mart.parents don't tell them to stop it..

Having the blogs are a good way to express ourselfs. Moonchildren have the best awesome blogs.They are meanful..Well i mean least they make you think.

sweetnessangel2010 wrote:oh for sure..That's good..& ya some kids dervise it tho!! but damn the brats u see at wal-mart.parents don't tell them to stop it..

Agreed. There are some kids that are deserving, then again, there's the kids who need to learn the value of material possessions

butterflycry2010 wrote:Having the blogs are a good way to express ourselfs. Moonchildren have the best awesome blogs.They are meanful..Well i mean least they make you think.

I love this site I can't talk to people, let alone have a conversation with them around here except with my family. I"m sure they're tired of hearing me. I have this tendency to want to talk all the time, so it's nice. I like reading the other blogs, if I have a thought then i'll post.

Geez, I seem to post a lot of in my posts. Guess because i'm naturally a cheerful person hehe.

Song of the Day: Giants by Now, Now

You take our homes, but your framework doesn't hold
against the feet of us giants. You've been alone, now
praying to the moon cause you know you're on your
own and you're going home.

I seem to have this infatuation with indie artists because of their honesty in telling stories through song. I seem to connect the more I listen. I know the 'cliche' nobody understands me would apply here, but it doesn't in this case b/c my tale doesn't fall in living a terrible life, life's actually very good. Just the feeling of emptiness is frequent and brings me down through times. I have a few 'friends' but their loyalty is shallow, as is their personalities. Most people where I live live a lifestyle I do not follow myself. I've never been one to party, smoke-up or lie. I've always been honest and with that leaves me 'friendless.' I've stuck through well all these years, but at the cost of friendship. Most people only want to associate w/ fellow 'party-ers.' I went through my intermediate and high school years tortured by others because of my choices. I follow my cultures Red Road as we call it. Those who follow live by humility, honestly, love, remain drug/alcohol free and unity, which i guess is I.L.U. seeing as how honesty is integrity hehe. But anyways back on track! I was always picked on and called names. Most of my 'friends' only watched while this happened. I let them say what they will cause they would anyhow. I think as the years went on, I grew stoic. I never talked about what would happen at school, I would only lie and say everything went great. My grades kept going down-hill as years went on, eventually I dropped out and got my GED after the 3-month wait to take GED tests ended after you dropped out. I first associated myself with the "goth" kids at my school. A year went by, it was then I knew I didn't belong there. Their tendency to only notice pain and suffering was not me. I was cheerful and was always as my few friends would say "the joking, funny one" to be around. I just have this thing where I befriend those I meet for the first time b/c of my humour and craziness, i blame the adhd and ocd! Now, I sit in my room watching as those who made fun of me become nothing in their lives. Drinking and drugging, living barely paycheck-to-paycheck. It's all very sad for them as I pity them. I can't hate, It's not in my heart to. I guess i'm kind-hearted at best. IDK I just thought i'd share another thought I had since you guys are very respectful and gracious. Also! You should check out the songs I post on "Song of the Day" at the top. Just thought i'd share the song I was playing while I was writing hehe.

Oh man, I know what you mean. I dropped out when I was sixteen and now
it seems a lot of the people that caused me hell in High School are having
a really hard time now that they're out in the real world and don't have the
titles of 'Quarterback' and 'Head Cheerleader' to throw in peoples faces.
I feel bad for them and I wish them the best but naturally, I can't help but to
want to mention karma to them <__<

javieljones wrote:Oh man, I know what you mean. I dropped out when I was sixteen and now
it seems a lot of the people that caused me hell in High School are having
a really hard time now that they're out in the real world and don't have the
titles of 'Quarterback' and 'Head Cheerleader' to throw in peoples faces.
I feel bad for them and I wish them the best but naturally, I can't help but to
want to mention karma to them <__<

wow!..I guess what comes goes around,comes back around.

javieljones wrote:Oh man, I know what you mean. I dropped out when I was sixteen and now
it seems a lot of the people that caused me hell in High School are having
a really hard time now that they're out in the real world and don't have the
titles of 'Quarterback' and 'Head Cheerleader' to throw in peoples faces.
I feel bad for them and I wish them the best but naturally, I can't help but to
want to mention karma to them <__<

Yes! I know what you mean by thinking Karma, ha I do. I just can't think that way b/c in the end it could fall back on me for thinking "YOU DESERVE IT." Oddly. People don't throw the cheerleader/quarterback title around since everyone is just friends with them. But they're the party-types who would gang on people, try to fight, call names. Just bothersome I will say!

The cheerleader/quarterback end up shitty life The nerds end up rich and happy.So that's how it seen in movies.LOL

Song of the Day: Beautiful Day by Kerli

Where do I begin? I recently helped a friend shoot her video with a LED scanner I believe it's called? Either way, it turned out amazing after her many days of relentless, continuous work for her digital video class. Annoyed I couldn't see it right then, but I will in a few days Got the dreaded phone call from my aunt telling me our Grandma Estherlene passed away from Mercer disease. She sadly drowned in bed from all the swelling, but I can't mourn just yet as there's still many things to prepare for. She planned her funeral and wake while she was in the hospital so that's all taken care of. She was just waiting to pass away, she could've been saved, but wanted to move on already so her kids and relatives wouldn't have to see her suffer. It's noble, but still sad. I didn't know her too well, although I heard nothing but good things about her growing up from family. It really does seem sad as I never knew my grandma or grandpas. Both my mom and dad's Mom's passed away at 36 from Cirrhosis the same year, 2 months apart. I sit in my room in solitude listening to the blizzard slam my windows in frost ha. My cat seems to be nosey as all hell, just staring outside.

I can't wait for the Army of Love remixes to be released! I want to do the video remix already Right now i'm working on Wonderful Life (Freemasons Club Edit) by Hurts and Night is Young (Sylvane Club Edit) and Night is Young (Manhattan Clique Club Edit) by Nelly Furtado. I'm still thinking of Stay (Groove Armada Remix) by Hurts, but it's mostly just the beat heh. Not much vocally I can work with but who knows?

I think that's pretty much it, just listening to Kerli, t.A.T.u. and Hurts on repeat!

P.S. The Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks is AMAZING!

I'm so sorry. I hug you :*

KerliPoland wrote:I'm so sorry. I hug you :*

Ty Nat You're too kind. Today is the wake so that's where i'm at currently. Just waiting for the rest of family to arrive here! I wish my laptop had a camera, I could post a picture of the bareness of where i'm at. We're out in the middle of no where in the plains. It's nice, It's not cold or hot, I can feel a breeze...refreshing! ha.

Ohh I'm sorry What is the Mercer's Disease???

KerliPoland wrote:Ohh I'm sorry What is the Mercer's Disease???

Thank you, you're always very kind and gracious It's a flesh eating bacteria, it spreads if you have an open wound or being near someone who had it. My grandma who just passed away had it so I probably caught it from her at the hospital, but I got it treated. I have Eczema that's beyond severe than most people who have it, so it probably got in through that way.

You're welcome. I think that this bacteria is awful I hope that you will be feel better :*

KerliPoland wrote:You're welcome. I think that this bacteria is awful I hope that you will be feel better :*

I never heard of it until my Grandma. They said it's spreading now, kinda crazy if you think about it. -- I am feeling better now I was wearing a mask most of the time, I was contagious.

How you felt with mask??

KerliPoland wrote:How you felt with mask??

Worst feeling ever! Like, not even sure which "end" was important for the toilet.

I'm so sorry But you are strong person and you are winner :*

KerliPoland wrote:I'm so sorry But you are strong person and you are winner :*

Thank You! You are too Natt I can't believe i've let you in and now here I am, tell you that I am suffocating in here. Just like the drugs you are keeping me, I felt shark teeth underneath my socks before I lost much blood.

KJ you're welcome. I write only what I feel always Thanks :*
Drugs aren't nice but I know that you do what is the better for you :*

KerliPoland wrote:KJ you're welcome. I write only what I feel always Thanks :*
Drugs aren't nice but I know that you do what is the better for you :*

The drug line was a lyric from a song

KJ wrote:

KerliPoland wrote:KJ you're welcome. I write only what I feel always Thanks :*
Drugs aren't nice but I know that you do what is the better for you :*

The drug line was a lyric from a song

ahh I'm sorry my English isn't good

Song of the Day: 30 Minutes by t.A.T.u.

I went downtown to catch an early movie. The shows are cheaper, they don't mind if you put your feet up. I caught a glimpse of a girl with a homemade sign that said. "Go ahead and try to figure out what my future looks like." I don't wanna live my life like a story, I was thinking I could've been something. Don't run along side and control me. l just found my way, let me be. At eve's night, I feel fine. I'll move on, I'll go alone. There's something so divided, don't worry about me i'll be fine. Don't live your life for anyone, live your life as if your one.

awww 30 minutes I love it!!! hahaha

This is so awesome!!!

KerliPoland wrote:awww 30 minutes I love it!!! hahaha

This is so awesome!!!

Me too. It's at the top of songs I love by them. The song is awesome

Sorry, I'm feeling a bit Sentimental today

KJ wrote:

KerliPoland wrote:awww 30 minutes I love it!!! hahaha

This is so awesome!!!

Me too. It's at the top of songs I love by them. The song is awesome

Sorry, I'm feeling a bit Sentimental today

don't say sorry. sentimental is sweet

KerliPoland wrote:

don't say sorry. sentimental is sweet

Thank you Natt. I just had a dream about my Grandma and it made me very sad. She came to me in my dream at my most vulnerable time. It made me happy, but really sad cause she's gone. She reassured everything i'm dealing with will be okay in the end. I don't know, i'm sure really sad today.

KJ wrote:

KerliPoland wrote:

don't say sorry. sentimental is sweet

Thank you Natt. I just had a dream about my Grandma and it made me very sad. She came to me in my dream at my most vulnerable time. It made me happy, but really sad cause she's gone. She reassured everything i'm dealing with will be okay in the end. I don't know, i'm sure really sad today.

You're welcome. Your grandma will be all time with you, in your amazing heart. I understand you.. I sending you love and hug

KerliPoland wrote:

You're welcome. Your grandma will be all time with you, in your amazing heart. I understand you.. I sending you love and hug

I feel much better now I had a nap and had another good dream. This time with confirmation so my mood changed from sad --> happy

This is very good that you feel better :*

Song of the Day: Possibly Maybe // Bjork

When you think, nothing could be further than the truth. When you're sure, nothing could be further from the cold hard truth. I kneel, to condition all the feelings that I feel. Slow it down, you have a tendency to rush back into your past.

Aside from that little rant, Possibly Maybe by Bjork is my all time favourite song ever. After many hours of listening to it and hear her yell "Where is that love you promised me? WHERE IS IT?" Love it. I finally came up with the money I need to purchase my mom a decent $600 camera. She's never had anything like it, so I'm happy I could contribute something worthwhile for her birthday. Exciting times, my mom's 46 this year and yet... she looks as though she's still in her early 30's. Funny times when these 18 year olds start hitting on my mom. I've had some of the best visions of the future I've ever seen. I found the location of my dream out in the hills, I stumbled upon it after thinking hard about it's location.

Aside from that. I've pulled out my Oracle & Tarot cards for further advice. They've all said the same, regardless what spread I used. Move ahead without fear, the only challenge is yourself holding you back. I take that openly. With that being said, many good things have started to come about. My family is getting our cut of the Jtac money when the Cheyenne River Agency was flooded by the Missouri River. Old graves are all unearthed with: skulls, bones, clothing & tombstones on the land. Never know who you're stepping on. Anyways, we found out it's near 100 million. That only includes my Grandpa, money is being dispersed to his kids too i.e. my mom After much hardship the last 2 years, prayers have been answered. Things we've wanted to do are now going to happen. It's all as the spirits told us, money will be given to us for my mom's continued works for helping our people. If there was to be a female chief, I think she would be it. Men cannot be trusted with simple things and that's why there's so much corruption among our people. Greed & power take control. Is it weird I wish for there to be a time where women are in control? I'd like to see it.

We need some Power, Money-saving super lesbian like Suzie Orman to run our country. She would flip the white-house and sell it for a profit to the chinese to get our economy back on track. LOL I don't know why I mentioned that, but it seemed like a good idea. I'm going to keep it, looks good here.

I talk to Tyler (Kerlitv) frequently on MSN. Who would've thought we have similar thinking and of doing things. O.o Crazy! ha. I think that's about it. Well aside from the fact I write a lot what i'm thinking. Mostly in the 3rd person, never in 1st. I think how a person would read it from outside, not how i'm thinking.

Also.....i'm working on the Mixin Marc Army of Love remix video so that's pretty fun. I have two alternate versions I'm doing. One with my usual video effects and the other... how I seen videos are done when I went to an Armin van Buuren set in Denver. Fun times!

this is so awesome, that you did something that your mom was happy. Awesome. Life sometimes is weird, but you deserve on all what is good.
Good Luck with remix.

KerliPoland wrote:this is so awesome, that you did something that your mom was happy. Awesome. Life sometimes is weird, but you deserve on all what is good.
Good Luck with remix.

I love you Natt haha. You're always positive, which is nice so thank you.. I need more positivity in my life. I would say I'm 80% happy, 20% melancholy. Rarely do I get to tap into the 80% happy.

hei I am glad I dropped by your blog I like it!

now Tyler is awesome, isn't he? he's one of the coolest persons here I've met on ToL! <3