What the fuck is she singing about?

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Hello everybody.

We put this new song up and I kinda felt the need to explain what its about. I will hopefully have a little book explaining where my lyrics come from with my album, but I just felt like writing about it now.

When I was little, I was afraid of loosing my loved ones. When my mother stayed somewhere later than she said she would, I sat in the kitchen, looking out of the window, waiting for her and crying. And when she came back, I was happy she wasnt dead. She couldnt figure out why a five year old is thinking about those things, but tried to explain that everybody has to die one day. It was hard for me to handle. I told her that she could never die. And since that time, I was always afraid of death.

Until I turned sixteen and met one of the most influencial people of my life. He made me feel instead of thinking and tought me that everything will disappear and die so it could be born again. And that I am no better or no worse than anyone or anything else that exists. And the most important - he made me loose that massive ego I had at that time and told me that Im nothing. That everything is nothing. Everything will die. At first it was hard for me to deal with that thought. I couldnt handle the fact that there will be nothing left of me. So I struggled for a week or so, couldnt sleep right or anything. But suddenly I started feeling every word he said and it set me free. For the first time in my life, I was happy to be alive and appreciated every moment I was given. Everything seemed different. Colours, sounds, smells...It's like I didnt notice them before. At least not in that way. And god, doesnt that thought of disappearing just set u free...Nothing matters, cause its gonna go away anyway...which means you can be anything u wanna be and do anything u wanna do. There is nothing to gain, means, there is nothing to loose either. And in hundred years no one is gonna remember who we were and even if they do, they dont really give a fuck. it's awesome.

But this winter...I went through something that nearly killed me. And then there was another situation like this, and suddenly I was so scared of death again. It's like I am so scared of everything now. I pray for like fifteen hours every time I fly from estonia to US but the plane is still shaking like a motherfucker and people around me are puking and panicking.

Feels like Death started chasing me.

So I had to write this song. I stole the title from my friend. He told me he was on acid and walked around telling everybody that death is in love with him. So, K, if u read that, THANK U! but It was so brilliant I had to use it. I'll buy u some chinese food when I get back:) And in the verses, I am talking to death as if it was my lover, my best friend and tell him not to take me away just yet, cause theres so much I need to do here. It's like I'm so scared of it, all I can do is to look it in the eye and accept it completely. That little talking part came from my love, who had a dream of me rising from the fire and growing wings. I also sometimes feel like that might be my last time entering and leaving the circle of life if I overcome some things this time...thats why I say...

For thousands of years, u've been taking me away. I've always come back, cause there's been so much to do. But this time it's different. It's our final kiss, my final departure. I'll rise from the fire, my wings are not strong yet, but I can fly.



And I'm going home. Yeah, motherfucker:)



I hope everyone is having a good day. If not, MAKE IT GOOD.

bye

I had forgotten this blogpost! I remember I felt very inspired when I read it, and she has inspired ME to think like this.. Not this completely, but I have these influences in me now (: THanks for posting ! <3

for sure that song was about ending ones life.Sad i tell you.