I am my own best friend and biggest enemy

Thursday, March 05, 2009

I have always been afraid of the dark. I used to sleep with the lights on even if it didn't let me sleep properly. Until like a week ago.
I was in my house alone cause my roommates were out of town and I was sitting there completely freaked out. There is so much energy in our house. We have weird stuff happening all the time. Like the water starts running by itself in the bathroom. The steps and voices when no one is there seems an everyday thing. Our ghost also seems to be very musical. Every time I'm working on a song, I can see spots of light dancing around in the room, sometimes hitting me like a burst of ice cold air.
Fear completely took me over. My heart was beating so loud i could hear it.
I grabbed a phone to call my best friend and invite him over but stopped suddenly.
"What am I so scared of?", I asked from myself.
And something changed.
I realized that I have created my reality with my thoughts so the darkest dark only gets as dark as the darkest dark inside me. And since it is my own darkness that scares me so much, I have complete power over it. And even if I have to face it, it can't hurt me because it's a part of me.
And the worst thing that can happen is me having to face my fear, anger and pain.
I also realized I cannot be completely happy until I go to the deepest, darkest corners of my heart and find the root of every fear i have.
And not fight it but accept it and see it for what it is. Without expectation. Without judgment.
It's gonna be a lot of work because I have hid and buried a lot of my pain and I generally consider myself a really happy person.
But happiness is hard work, it doesn't happen my itself.
I am not scared to be home alone anymore.
I like the story about a match.
U can put a little darkness in the light room and the room is still light.
But if u light a little match in a pitch black room, it will light up the whole room and eat away the darkness.
That's how powerful is each one of your positive thoughts, words and actions.
It can change the whole universe.

I Love You
k