out of the hollow

Hi guys So, I decided to start a blog.

I guess I'll probably start off by kind of introducing myself a little more.. Aaaand I'm feeling kind of down right now so this is probably going to get more serious than I want to be :/ but.. it's a blog, right? I need to vent.

Random introductory stuff: I'm 22, and a girl. I'm probably too ambitious of a person. Anytime I'm left to my own devices I always stay up really, really late and sleep all day.. like a vampire. :B I love anything creative and love to be inspired.. I think I might make an entry about stuff that inspires me sometime in the hope that it might inspire somebody else! I'm interested in photography, web development, and random Photoshop experiments on an "enthusiast" level. I have on-and-off again desires to write poetry (I'm feeling off right now :/). My main goal right now is to try to stay positive..! Some days it goes better than others. I also love cats...


This is my baby. Her name is Michiko.

My real name is Amelia, if you guys want to call me that. And since I know a lot of your names I hope you don't mind if I ever call you by them!

Hmm.. now for the unfun stuff..
I graduated from university in August and moved back home.. Since then I haven't really been "doing" anything because I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life. I started out in college majoring in photography but I got scared and doubted myself and wanted to do something practical, so I ended up getting a Bachelor's in hard science. For a while I was thinking I was going to go back to school to get a Ph.D and do research BUT I also feel like school kills my soul, because I'm a workaholic and working on nothing but reading books and writing papers ALL.THE.TIME. is fun for my brain but it kind of makes me feel empty. And that's no good. Going down that path would mean another 4-6 years of that and then... a full-time career doing more of it. And however fun I think science is to study I just don't want to dedicate my life to something that consumes my time and then leaves me feeling nothing. I also kind of have this study OCD problem.. All the time I was in school I was really dedicated to my work but not because I wanted to be, I just felt like I HAD to. But not for any particular reason, it was just like this compulsion to know everything, do everything right, etc. When I graduated I didn't feel proud because I didn't feel like a had set a goal for myself and achieved it, I was just compelled to do it.. It was an empty accomplishment in that respect, even though my grades were perfect.

So anyway, I'm having to decide if I want to do something practical or if I want to go for my dreams and do something really unpractical, worst case scenario being that I fail. And nobody knows this because they don't understand how I could be good at something and just not want to do it at all.

Anyway, I think I'll stop here for now. Sorry for my unhappy, whiny venting.. It's just things no one else wants to hear.

Thanks for reading. How are you all doing?

nice to meet you and am well thanks keep your chin up and focus
you'll be just fine take care now

heii, Amelia! :DD ((i like ur name ^_^))
my real name is Kesa. x]]]
ur kitty is SUPER cute!

go for your dreams!! do whatever makes you happy and not feel empty inside. :DD

kailen wrote:nice to meet you and am well thanks keep your chin up and focus
you'll be just fine take care now

You too and I will Thanks

pixiedust19 wrote:heii, Amelia! :DD ((i like ur name ^_^))
my real name is Kesa. x]]]
ur kitty is SUPER cute!

go for your dreams!! do whatever makes you happy and not feel empty inside. :DD

Aww, thank you Kesa!

i think u should do what u want..dream big and just go for it.

Michiko is very cute :)I think that cats are very wise animals.Your name is very beautiful. Your dreams are very important in your life!!!

Thank you guys, soooo much. :')

You have a very pretty kitty <3

keep beliving.keep strong.keep postive

KerliPoland wrote:Michiko is very cute :)I think that cats are very wise animals.Your name is very beautiful. Your dreams are very important in your life!!!

same with me!!

I so understand what you are saying. Hope everything works out for you.Just do whatever makes your heart happy.Never do anything to please other people.Good luck with stuff.

^ Thanks everybody


So, I've been having to take random trips out of town to see my boyfriend for the last few months because he got this new job about an hour or so from where I live and had to move. And everytime I come home,

a) I'm always amused at how happy my cat is to see me

and

b) Beyond overjoyed to have internet again so I can get on Table of Love

And today is my birthday but it doesn't feel like it. And now I'm 23 but I don't feel like it. But oh well. I'm just happy to be home!

happy b-day <3 http://kerli.friendhood.net/t320p135-happy-birthday-thread

Thank you Natt

You're welcome <3

happy birthday and dont worry, i didnt really feel more special on my birthday either but i still had a damn good day

happy birthday...i did't feel my age either lol

Amelia is a lovely name!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! May all your dreams come true!

Mimi, Krissy, Liisu, thank you!

yw

I know what you mean. I'm 24...25 in December (That's half way to 30...wtf did that happen?? LOL) and I still feel like I'm a teenager. Hope you had a good birthday.

Hello Table of Love. I've been gone for too long

If nobody forgot me while I was gone.... which I hope not! Because there are a bunch of you who I randomly think of and hope are doing allright, even when I can't come on the forum. Anyway, if you were wondering where I was: I went back to school so I've been busy and haven't been able to spend tons of leisure time on the internet anymore. Even though I feel like part of me is missing without talking to other moonchildren.

For the past two years or so I feel like my life has been going through a slow transformation. The person I was and the person I wanted to be used to be completely different things. But because of some crazy stuff that I witnessed (someone in my family passed away unexpectedly), because of Kerli being this bright spot of hope in my otherwise drab life, and because of YOU GUYS I just finally snapped out of it and decided that if I was alive I should actually start living the life that I want to live. (This makes it sound like it happened over night but really it's taken years and tons of frustration and sadness to get to the point where I was willing to do this. And even more time to then do it!)

So now when I want to do something, even if it's something small like bleach my hair, or even if it's something big like go back to school to study web and graphic design, I actually do it. Or at least look into doing it instead of shutting it out and saying I'm just wrong and can't do anything. In the past if someone would have told me no, I would've just listened and given up without trying. I valued their opinion about my life more than my own and assumed mine was wrong and worthless. But now, even though I still consider others' opinions, I finally have my own voice in my own life. And I'm not held back by fear so much anymore.

So that's how I've ended up back in school despite people's admonitions about it being too expensive or useless or a bad fit (and super super blonde despite warnings that my hair was going to fall out or look 'unnatural' ) and my own fears about them being right. I'm studying web and interactive media design, I've just finished my first semester, and I LOVE it. It's hard as hell, but it's right.

But I just really wanted to tell you all that if you feel something in your gut, something that you just feel is true to your core, then trust it. Don't be afraid. Believe it no matter who may try to tell you otherwise. That's integrity. Be who you are. And I believe in you! And love you for it.

that was so beautifully put!
ive finished my first semester in theatre producing in london and even thought it is so risky and i understand that.. it is right. and i am willing to push anyone out of the way in order to get to where i want to get to.

I agree,always follow your gut feeling.Tour so right,

Awwww thank you :')

I'm right there with you, Mimi! Some days I feel too ambitious but it's like.. you know, I listened and waited so long, I'm tired of waiting, I'm doing it.

HAAAA, speaking of, I just now got broken up with for 'putting work before [him]' which is just..... If he doesn't love me for the thing about me that I think is most important I feel like he really just doesn't love me. So, whatever.

i made myself a promise not to waste any more time thinking about people who have disappointed me or broken my heart but i will tell u this - i was dumped because i said i didnt want to become someone's wife and wanted to go to university. at that time it hurt like hell (for a very very long time) but now... its 2012, my life is beginning to be so much fun and so much work too but its all that i enjoy. and in the long run, i need to have someone who is also ambitious and doesn't just want to stay at home, watching films. its fine on a saturday evening but i want to go out, talk to people, laugh, LIVE!

So, here's to having a goal and not being afraid to work towards it! we deserve it.

I wish you everything the best, many love and helth and for sure happiness in this year <3

mimi wrote:i was dumped because i said i didnt want to become someone's wife and wanted to go to university. at that time it hurt like hell

mimi wrote:in the long run, i need to have someone who is also ambitious

Whoa. Exactly what I feel like is happening right now.

You are wonderful, Mimi. I'll try and keep your words with me.

Natt wrote:I wish you everything the best, many love and helth and for sure happiness in this year <3

Thank you dear <3 You too!

u're welcome and thanks <3

Look what the mailman brought me todayyyyyyy~!



My February mission prize. SO EXCITED!

Thank you Mimi <3

nice.

wow

those are awesome!!! Congrats!
is the poster actually signed by Kerli?

Thank you!
Yup, I believe so.

ΟΜG I'M SO JEALOUS!!!!! congrats btw...
hahahahahahahahaha just kiddin'

Hi guys. I hope you're all doing well. I had a fun day yesterday and thought some of you might enjoy hearing [or looking at, since most of this post will probably be pics!] about it

I went to Scarborough Faire with one of my best friends. I don't know where all in the world they have this, but if you're not familiar with it, it's an outdoor fair where everything is medieval/Renaissance/fantasy themed. So there are knights and fairies and nobles and gypsies and.. Well, everything else like that you can think of walking around. Some of them are actors who get paid to work there (or walk around and generally just smart off to you... lol) but a lot of people just go so they can dress up (although unfortunately I didn't get to do that, it was too short notice).



Fairy wings display!!

There were artists who make and sell their own wares, taverns, a monster museum, a petting zoo (with peacocks, pigs, cows, rabbits... and scary, angry miniature chickens ), JOUSTING!, elephant and camel rides, a parade for the 'king and queen', a walk through a 'haunted' torture chamber (my friend and I got through maybe three minutes of this, walking through the dark to bloody stuff popping out at us, then I had to stop and leave because I didn't want nightmares for days.. I love horror movies but when it comes to real life I'M A CHICKEN ). I went in high school a few times but I never had any fun because I was always too self-conscious/picky (I was always pissed because all the little shops are painted in bright colors like a theme park and don't look at all authentic ) to get into it and enjoy myself, but yesterday I actually had a lot of fun.



Jousting!!

Visually I think I liked this stuff best. They had a bridge where while you cross you get mocked by this troll woman with huge fangs, and it was decorated with all this random stuff:



Including miniatures, which I love,





& this weird but cute birdhouse (you can't really see in the picture but there's a bar on the inside with a bird bartender)



There was a little fairy grove,



where some spots on the ground were suspiciously sparkly





You can't tell much in the way of scale here but this little house in the ground was tiny.



And then there was a gnome house



surrounded by all of this junk he was supposed to have collected. Like random socks and shoes and things.





There were supposed to be caterpillar races here (lol) but they weren't going on when my friend and I happened to stop by.

At the end of the day, I had some money left over and bought this amazing doll



that I had this odd connection to. I just love her expression. There were others that were bright and cute colors, which is usually my thing, including one with PINK HAIR (which I want alllll the time and just haven't done yet), but I just couldn't get over the look on this girl's face. I think it's amazing when artists can infuse raw materials into something with genuine life. It's mindblowing. Anyway, now she's sitting in my room on the special table where I burn my incense, and keep other meaningful things.

Aduhm wrote:those are awesome!!! Congrats!
is the poster actually signed by Kerli?

I'm so happy you received them and that u like the prize

And YES- it is actually signed by kerli. I would NEVER send out a fake thing. Every time I meet up with her I have about 10 pictures printed and then she signs them, so I have plenty to give out as the prizes for missions.

^ Why everyone should participate in all of the missions if you can

Lovelly pictures so dreamy

Aww, thank you. It was a dreamy place!