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Table of Love :: Moonchildren :: Stories
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Disappointment in a box
by Iridescent_Revival_<3 Sat Jul 17, 2010 2:45 am
Though the room was near empty, the overwhelming presence of intense energy was evident. One dream, one wish... one box. There was no telling what wonders could be discovered inside. Whether gold or silver, it must be amazing. There was an exhilarating scent in the air. The box was simple and consisted only of aged wood, except for a small gold clasp. Billy adoringly caressed the box in his arms as though it were a new-born kitten. He tried (and failed) to hide the urge to open the box for a fleeting glimpse of his treasure. He finally gave in to his instincts and flung back the sturdy lid to reveal a-
"What sort of a birthday present do you call that?"
It was a small wooden truck. A forgotten old truck blanketed in settled dust. A single length of string was attached to the hood so that you could pull it along behind you as you walked. Billy blinked back the tears as he twirled the string between his fingertips. He glanced over to the only other occupant of the small room. His grandad's once jolly smile now became a thin line of sudden doubt. The anguish was howling through his otherwise empty eyes. Billy's disappointment took hold of him as he stormed out of the room.
Grandad peered sadly down at the abandoned heirloom on the floor. A single tear creeped down his wrinkled cheek, tracing the creases of age. He bent down slowly to pick up his beloved childhood friend and whilst cradling it in his arms, shuffled out to the porch. The weather seems to reflect his heart. The rain crashed down onto the cracked pavement, forcing the dry dirt into muddy submission. He frowned as he thought of his own sixth birthday and how the joy had flooded within him when he first received this prized possession. As a boy, he had heard of its loyalty and devotion from his own grandfather. It was a heart-felt tradition that willingly defied the technology of modern-day toys. He was so sure Billy would be pleased. Other than this truck, Billy was all he had. This unfamiliar rejection was sure to haunt the family's future generations. He could feel it.
RANT ALERT!
Okay, so this was a story that I wrote when I was 13 for an English assignment. We had to write a short story with a certain phrase in it. My phrase was "What sort of a birthday present do you call that?" and this was the storyline that came to mind when I first read that phrase. I haven't changed it since then so it's still pretty simple and boring but I thought I'd put it here seeing as this is apparently my best piece of writing from school. Which actually really annoyed me because I just scribbled this down in one period and went to sleep for the rest of the time we had to spend on it. And yet, it was so good that the teacher read it to the class. What about all the pieces of writing I handed in, that had taken me AGES to write and I'd poured my heart and soul into them??? Unrealistic.
School. SUCKS. The teachers say they're trying to help bring out the best in you. When really, they just want to bring out the best in you, tell you that it's wrong, and re-construct the "best-in-you" so that it suits their preferences. Pffft.....
"What sort of a birthday present do you call that?"
It was a small wooden truck. A forgotten old truck blanketed in settled dust. A single length of string was attached to the hood so that you could pull it along behind you as you walked. Billy blinked back the tears as he twirled the string between his fingertips. He glanced over to the only other occupant of the small room. His grandad's once jolly smile now became a thin line of sudden doubt. The anguish was howling through his otherwise empty eyes. Billy's disappointment took hold of him as he stormed out of the room.
Grandad peered sadly down at the abandoned heirloom on the floor. A single tear creeped down his wrinkled cheek, tracing the creases of age. He bent down slowly to pick up his beloved childhood friend and whilst cradling it in his arms, shuffled out to the porch. The weather seems to reflect his heart. The rain crashed down onto the cracked pavement, forcing the dry dirt into muddy submission. He frowned as he thought of his own sixth birthday and how the joy had flooded within him when he first received this prized possession. As a boy, he had heard of its loyalty and devotion from his own grandfather. It was a heart-felt tradition that willingly defied the technology of modern-day toys. He was so sure Billy would be pleased. Other than this truck, Billy was all he had. This unfamiliar rejection was sure to haunt the family's future generations. He could feel it.
RANT ALERT!
Okay, so this was a story that I wrote when I was 13 for an English assignment. We had to write a short story with a certain phrase in it. My phrase was "What sort of a birthday present do you call that?" and this was the storyline that came to mind when I first read that phrase. I haven't changed it since then so it's still pretty simple and boring but I thought I'd put it here seeing as this is apparently my best piece of writing from school. Which actually really annoyed me because I just scribbled this down in one period and went to sleep for the rest of the time we had to spend on it. And yet, it was so good that the teacher read it to the class. What about all the pieces of writing I handed in, that had taken me AGES to write and I'd poured my heart and soul into them??? Unrealistic.
School. SUCKS. The teachers say they're trying to help bring out the best in you. When really, they just want to bring out the best in you, tell you that it's wrong, and re-construct the "best-in-you" so that it suits their preferences. Pffft.....
Iridescent_Revival_<3- Posts : 756
Join date : 2010-06-11
Age : 30
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by Iridescent_Revival_<3 Sat Jul 17, 2010 2:47 am
Oh, and also, I have this problem with wanting to fit too much in a sentence because I'd have so many words in my head that I just HAVE to write down... which I'm trying to fix. So sorry if there are a few "too-long-and-confusing" sentences in the story 
Iridescent_Revival_<3- Posts : 756
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by Claudia Sat Jul 17, 2010 3:03 am
Wow, this is so sad..
Shame on Billy >:[
Better then my own writing XD and yes I hate how the teachers try to "re- construct" us.
Shame on Billy >:[
Better then my own writing XD and yes I hate how the teachers try to "re- construct" us.
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by Iridescent_Revival_<3 Sat Jul 17, 2010 3:10 am
gawdd ikr!? it's like out with the individuality and in with the matching outfits!
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by Claudia Sat Jul 17, 2010 3:13 am
D; yes, and I was always the amazing writer back in sixth grade and the teachers had changed me.
now I'm not me or it don't feels right when I write stories for school.
now I'm not me or it don't feels right when I write stories for school.
Claudia- Posts : 1683
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by Iridescent_Revival_<3 Sat Jul 17, 2010 3:15 am
hmmm that's so sad!! i hope you manage to find your writing self again
Iridescent_Revival_<3- Posts : 756
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by Claudia Sat Jul 17, 2010 3:32 am
I can let loose when it isn't school related.
One thing I also hate is that they you have to base it on a subject, they make it impossible D:
One thing I also hate is that they you have to base it on a subject, they make it impossible D:
Claudia- Posts : 1683
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by Iridescent_Revival_<3 Sat Jul 17, 2010 3:34 am
omg i know it's like FORCING inspiration which is just ridiculous
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by Claudia Sat Jul 17, 2010 3:36 am
yes D: and most of my stories comes in dreams, which why inspires me to write.
why can't it be simple?!?
why can't it be simple?!?
Claudia- Posts : 1683
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by Iridescent_Revival_<3 Sat Jul 17, 2010 3:37 am
because we are complicated 
Iridescent_Revival_<3- Posts : 756
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Claudia- Posts : 1683
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by TheLastSongbird Sat Jul 17, 2010 4:31 pm
Ahh, school...bring the "best" out of the students and make sure they're "good" in class, so we can look like we run an amazing school.
Translation: Wring every last drop out of them. If what they do shows the slightest hint of rebellion, reprimand them for it so they just sit there quietly and let us spoon feed them what we want them to think. Then we can fool people into thinking that we only want to help our students and run an outstanding school ¬¬
Gahh, I'm so glad I've left there for good!
Anyway, to get back on topic, I think that is a really touching story and so fitting to these times. Few care about love any more. They just want the "best" of everything and for others to be jealous of them...Why do people want to breed hate? It's insane!
What's up with me today? xD Sorry about that. But that's what your writing does, Caroline, it provokes thought and feeling and it tells the truth. You should be so proud of everything you write. Even though this isn't the best thing you've written, not many can put so much truth into their writing. I hope you are proud of yourself, you deserve to be
Translation: Wring every last drop out of them. If what they do shows the slightest hint of rebellion, reprimand them for it so they just sit there quietly and let us spoon feed them what we want them to think. Then we can fool people into thinking that we only want to help our students and run an outstanding school ¬¬
Gahh, I'm so glad I've left there for good!
Anyway, to get back on topic, I think that is a really touching story and so fitting to these times. Few care about love any more. They just want the "best" of everything and for others to be jealous of them...Why do people want to breed hate? It's insane!
What's up with me today? xD Sorry about that. But that's what your writing does, Caroline, it provokes thought and feeling and it tells the truth. You should be so proud of everything you write. Even though this isn't the best thing you've written, not many can put so much truth into their writing. I hope you are proud of yourself, you deserve to be
TheLastSongbird- Posts : 1457
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by Guest Tue Jul 27, 2010 7:56 am
good job..better then i could of done...
Guest- Guest
Re: Disappointment in a box
by butterflycryx3 Tue Jul 27, 2010 10:16 am
Woah, that story is sad so far. I feel sorry for the grandad! :'(
And Yes, school is supposed to shape us to be a certain way and restrict our freedom of thought. We're not encouraged to do what we want but what others think is best for us. School just tries to turn you into someone who would benefit the economy.. that's all there is to it. I think the whole education system sucks.. I mean the whole system sucks. It's too stressful and too demanding.. let humans be.
And Yes, school is supposed to shape us to be a certain way and restrict our freedom of thought. We're not encouraged to do what we want but what others think is best for us. School just tries to turn you into someone who would benefit the economy.. that's all there is to it. I think the whole education system sucks.. I mean the whole system sucks. It's too stressful and too demanding.. let humans be.
butterflycryx3- Posts : 197
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Re: Disappointment in a box
by PROUDLIKECOW Sun Aug 01, 2010 6:50 pm
Brilliant. I love this story, but it's slightly too grim for my tastes. The grandad's former youthful joy, packaged in a box for his grandson. His disappointment the reflection of forgetting the appreciation of our history. Our collective faith lead by the exponential application of our complicated technologies used for profit and forced illusions dusting the simplicities of past lives. Knowledge is a double edged sword indeed. A very grim forecast for our future is foreshadowed, but have hope, we can always dream for something better living it out every moment of our lives in what we do, and especially in what we don't do, no matter the circumstances. Be the change you want to see. Live your truth, then watch it manifest.
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Table of Love :: Moonchildren :: Stories
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