Kaleido

I like it, but I don't like something, you won't finish your storie for here.. :/

I thought I already posted on this but maybe not... Anyway, I think it sounds really interesting and I can't wait to read more!

Lace
stared down at her portion of today’s breakfast food. She had no idea how long
she’d been sitting there staring at it with her dully lit green eyes. Time was
meaningless, and controlled by Them. They controlled everything, from what
the inmates ate to how long the days and nights were. For all the inmates knew,
they could be awake for more than twenty four hours at a time or asleep for a
year. Although this happened as often as their hearts beat, no one noticed… or
no one They knew of.



No
matter how hard Lace tried to block out the knowledge of her surroundings and
the unusual patterns of time, she couldn’t. Her eyes would dart around in their
sockets, their motion not visible from behind her dark hair that she used to
hide her face from Them. She knew
what They thought of her and her
fellow inmates: that they all were mindless zombies who would do anything that
was asked of them. Sadly, that was pretty much what Lace and the other’s all
were. Even though she knew what was going on, Lace hid this from the Nurse Bots
that were on constant watch of everyone.




The
signal buzzed after what seemed like ages for the inmates to be taken to the
showers. Lace stood in tune with everyone else and stepped away from her seat.
Then she filed up in line with the other female inmates to be taken to the
shower. The male inmates went in a different direction, separate from the
females because, even though they weren’t always treated as humans, the ones
running the asylum still seemed to have a small sense of modesty. Mindlessly,
the female inmates walked off to their shower room where they were stripped
instantly of their pale pink hospital gowns. Those, too, were taken to be
cleaned. Lace shivered ever so slightly, her emaciated, naked body cold without
her clothing. Then the streams of hot water came crashing down, pelting her
fragile skin. Once again, Lace felt like the only one aware of the hot pain,
but she kept her face as emotionless as possible.




When
the water finally shut off, the Nurse Bots entered with sponges and soap. The
Bots had no consideration for their patients being fragile so each inmate was
scrubbed down harshly, pulled and tugged this way and that until they were
scrubbed clean of any dirt. The water came down again, rinsing away the suds.
After the water came cold fans, drying the inmates in one blast. It took all of
Lace’s strength to not cry out in pain. Finally, their hospital gowns were put
back on with the Nurse Bots’ assistance, and they all filed out to the sitting
room.




The
sitting room was just as dull as the rest of the asylum. The walls were a wash
of white, with dull grayish pink wall paper lining it. There were no windows
either, so you couldn’t look out and see what the real time of day was. There
were some tables and chairs that were used for “card” games. When it came to
the inmates playing cards, they would sit there silently while shuffling the
cards around and putting them in order; it was a sort of solitaire that Lace
never really learned and didn’t really think she would learn. In the middle of
the room there was a dull gray carpet that had a coffee table in the center.
There were two chairs on both ends and a couch running the length of the side
closest to the high security locked door. Across from the couch there was a TV
that ran a series of meaningless shows that no one really seemed to care much
about. The couch and the TV were the least used, so unless someone was actually
sitting on the couch, the TV was off. In each corner of the room, a Nurse Bot
stood at the ready, just in case anyone started freaking out, screaming
obscenities and lashing out at other inmates.





When
the females entered the room, the men were already seated at the card tables,
shuffling decks mindlessly. Most of the females joined them. Few others sat at
other chairs off to the side. Lace decided to watch the TV’s meaningless
pictures. As soon as she sat down on the couch the TV roared to life, and the
people on screen began to speak words that Lace couldn’t decipher. Hiding her
eyes behind her hair, Lace allowed her eyes to dart around the room, examining
each and every corner of the asylum.




An
alarm buzzed as the door unlocked and opened itself. In stepped the head Nurse
Bot and two others. Lace and all of the other inmates looked up instantly,
aware of the open door. That was one of the few times that everyone else was
aware of anything going on. Although they looked, Lace wasn’t sure if they
really saw anything. What Lace saw was a boy and a girl. The girl had light,
silvery blond hair and deep brown eyes. Her skin wasn’t the normal pale of the
rest of the inmates. The boy had the same brown eyes and skin as the girl, but,
instead of the silvery blond, his hair was jet black. Also, Lace noticed
something light and transparent near his eyes that gave off almost a bluish
light.




“Have a
seat,” the Nurse Bot’s cold voice commanded. “Stay silent, and do not disturb
any of your fellow inmates.” The boy and girl nodded and did as they were told.
They headed in the direction of the couch, and took the two chairs on either
end of the table. Lace instantly felt a sense of panic as the Nurse Bot left
the room.




Don’t worry, a soft voice in her
mind said. We’re here to help you. We
know of your being Aware.


So this is pretty much the beginning of the book to a partially climatic point all within the first chapter. We are introduced to our main character Lace, who is well aware of what is going on around her, or at least more so than her fellow inmates. Although she is not called Lace in the asylum (her number is inmate 1192) she has managed to remember her birth name from when she was living outside of the asylum.

Now things are going to take a spin. Two new inmates are being brought in and they don't look anything like they've lived in the asylum their whole lives.

I have no idea why it came out like that. I had to copy paste from word and it sort of went all odd on the page. Sorry

Integrity Love Unity
~~ LunaChild

Have you heard of Nanowrimo? It took place in November but their website still has a bunch of great articles, pep talks, and other resources to help with writer's block and figuring out plot.