less than three <3

I just wanted to wish you all a goodmoring, good afternoon, good evening or goodnight. <3
Depending on what part of this world you live on. Myself, being from Canada, it is starting to get rather cold.
winter is coming far too soon. Anyways, I want you to either start the day, or go to bed with positive emotion, and nice thoughts. I just wanted to make sure that all of you know that you are loved.
even if you may not realize it. :DD
Much love ~

i live in canada too,,ya brrrrrrrrrrrrrr

really, where abouts? :]

outside torontro area

oh , awesome. :}
I live in B.C

I'm at a loss. I dont know what to do. I cant even think straight.
Anyways, shit is fucked. My mom and I have a good relationship. However, she also has a pretty good relationship with her alcohol. A way better relationship than I have with school, and my education. To cut things short, my sister moved out a few months ago to my grandparents house, out of town, because she couldnt deal with my mom anymore. My mom is confused, and manipulated. My sister also had a drinking problem, and had tried to overdose on medication a few times, and was in the psych ward in my town over 3 times in 6 months. She doesnt drink anymore though..
But for the past few weeks, I've been making plans to go live with my grandparents, and my sister. I've gotten the OKAY from my grandparents, my sister, my father ( who lives in Alberta ) and also my teachers. My dad was going to buy my plane ticket, and everything. However, my mom is 100% against it. I know that she doesnt want me to go there, because she doesnt want me to have a better relationship with her parents than she does/did. She tells me all sorts of things that would make me not want to go, such as 'They dont think the same way you do, they're going to criticize you, ect ect'. After i told her i was still leaving, she came up with "they're old, dont but this burden on them. you're so fucking selfish, and ignorant".

My friend Alysa, talks shit about me all the time to her mother. and her mother eventually got ahold of my mother, talking to her about my situation. My mom comes into my room and asks me 'So, whats with this plane ticket?'and i reply, 'what about it?', because I have already told her. She calls up my grandparents, and starts tweaking at them, and saying that She's not okay with it, and basically forced my grandparents to tell me to try to stick it out here for as long as I can, which is practically a 'no' is disguise.

I'm going to fail all my classes if I stay here, and I'm most likely going to go insane. that's what my sister told me happened to her, too. everything my mother did was attacking her subconsciously, and that's what caused her to start drinking, and things like that .. I'm worried that its going to happen to me too.

oh dear..
i think at times like this it is always good to tell yourself that you're never put through more than u can handle.
we're all here for you!

what would i do if i were in your position.. first of all, i would tell my mother its either alcohol or me & go from there. but for your own peace of mind you should still go to your grandparents.
maybe then your mother will understand what she's lost & will stop drinking.

its horrible how alcohol can absorb people, i have had the same situation with my dad, but he's changed now.. well.. i also live in a different country so i see him twice a year, but when we do meet, its the two of us.. not the two of us and a bottle.

Thank you so much, Mimi. I really appreciate that.
Its so frustrating, because I know that my mother is so strong, but so lost at the same time. Her liver has taken a lot of damage after being on chemotherapy for about a year. She was so sick that she could barely get out of bed. It breaks my heart, because I know that she can do better for herself, but I think that she fails to realize it.

My sister told me yesterday, that I need to get out soon, because eventually, my mother is just going to bring me down with her. My brother said the same thing to my sister right before he moved out. I dont want to abandon my mother, but I also cant stay behind and worry about her life, and her problems, when I have my own, right?

that's true, but i think your mother also has to SEE the pain she's causing you! so tell her. its the only way she will see it!

I have told her. either she tells me that she'll try to change, or she gets defensive, and freaks out.

well.. if you've tried telling her and nothing has changed then i think u're right. live your life, get out of there, otherwise you will go down with her.. sad but true

Unfortunately, I know this. ):
I cant be too sad though. I try not to be sad as much as I can.
I try to be happy , and excited about the future.
'this too , shall pass' , correct?
thinking about me being happy in the future, makes me happy now.

that's really tough...Am very sorry to here that..I think moving in with youre grandparents be a good idea for you..

Alright, so things are looking up a little bit.
I'm staying home .. even though it isnt really my first choice, but I'm hoping for the best. I'm starting online classes starting tomorrow. I'm making a wish list, and a list of things that I need to have completed, or just things that I would like to do within the next month or so. I feel like when I have structure like that, I'm a lot happier. As of right now, I am istening to Alanis Morissette, lsitting with a small bucket of tiger ice cream, with my feet in a bath/pedicure/massage thinger. :3 oh, And I'm painting my nails bright pink. I'm feeling a lot better. I hope that things will stay well for a little while.

hope things are gonna be ok for you.....

Honey I understand you. I'm so sorry.You must be strong girl!!!I send you love!!

I feel very refreshed today. I've been very productive. I've got a camera ready for the moon child correspondence contest, school work done, and I've cleaned a lot today. It's almost 9 o'clock p.m where I live right now, and It's freezing cold outside. winter's just started, and I think it's about -20 degrees. The snow is pretty to look at, but its too much for my cheeks. :}
I've spent my evening doing laundry, changing my bed sheets, and just making my room ridiculously comfortable. I have candles lit, and I've just finished smudging. All I smell is sage. ^^ Its wonderful. Anyways, I am lying here with my pink fuzzy slippers, sipping some green tea, with my laptop. the candle light is very soothing. it's making me sleepy.
Anyways,
Good night everyone. i.l.u. <3 ;




btw, this is what my dresser looks like at this exact moment. ^^

heehee ^_^ your day sounds pretty close to mine. x]]
ive been cleaning and rearranging my room all day. xDD im almost done with it but right now im wearing pink fuzzy slippers, sipping on peppermint tea and watching tv!! xDD

goodnight. sweet dreams. :DD

I send you a lot of positive vibrations and strength

sounds like u had a pretty good day

I definitely did. (:
thank you for your positive energy.

hey much love to ya sweeties!!!!

It is December 2nd , officially.
it is almost 1 in the morning right now, where I live.
I've been having a very good few weeks. I'm very glad I decided to stay in town. It was one of my best friends birthday's on friday. He just turned 19. Yess, I was drinking .. and yes, I am only 15. Ssh, dont tell my mom . Anyways, I usually only need 2, or 3 drinks, and I'm good for the night, because I'm really small. 5'1, and 110 pounds. I accidentally left with a shoe that wasnt mine.. oopsies. :3 haha. the next day, my friend and I went to the mall. I went the day after too, with my mother to go winter shopping. I bought lots of new clothes, and felt really really good. Today, I had one of my other really good friends over , and we made a ginger bread house. lalala. I had to make him eggs, because he hadnt eaten anything all day. Breakfasts are my specialty though .. so I was okay with it. :DD. He helped me with a bunch of school work too (which i do online). So, by the end of the day, I was feeling really good about myself. Now, for the rest of the night, I think I'll be re arranging my room, and then some crafting. o0o0o0, and drinking green tea, of course. )

I think the only bad thing about this week was my boyfriend leaving..
He moved to a different province on monday, and I was pretty upset about that. Actually did a bit of crying last night. He'll be back to visit around christmas time though, so I'll be able to see him soon. :} he's only moving for about 7 months, and that isnt horrible. It's not like he's going to Iraq, right? I'll see him eventuallyy.

i.l.u. <3;

bloomin teaa ?!
Wow, that's amazing. :3
its tea that starts out as a hand tied ball, and it blooms while you steep it!