Bittersweet Disease

Bittersweet Disease: A Poem

My mind is a disease,
All-consuming, overpowering my body's defenses,
Let my guard down once and I'm done for.
Always halfway gone in my dream world,
Otherwise I'm a zombie, trapped in this hell, existing,
But never fully alive.
Childish escapism at its greatest is my defense
Against this world so cold and cruel.
Go on, inject me with your "cures," your "treatments,"
I don't care. You can't change who I am.

--

I wrote that poem in science class one day in under 45 minutes. I find it so hard to concentrate sometimes because I just constantly have these insane ideas swimming around in my head and that's basically what this is about. A look into the mind of a writer. It's also a statement against people trying to limit others' (and their own) creativity, trying to tame the mind.

Please, let me know if you like it. Give me some constructive criticism. I'm not a very good poet. >.<
You can read it here or favorite it at my (FictionPress account.) It's my only work uploaded right now, but I do plan on putting more up. You can follow me there if you wish.

the-sentimentalist wrote:

I'm not a very good poet. >.<

Don't say that! D: Maybe you haven't written that poem that will really show everybody yet, but that doesn't mean that you can't. You just have to work at it. And believe that you can get there

I loved it. I know exactly how you feel. And this is by far one of my favorite subjects to read poems about.

As far as constructive criticism goes, I would suggest maybe that you could flesh out all of your metaphors a bit more. And maybe be more descriptive. I got stuck on the line 'Let my guard down once and I'm done for.' After I thought about it a bit I understood what you meant, but maybe you could add a bit more to really explore that idea about your creative mind.

out of the hollow, I'm glad you liked it Also, thank you for the constructive criticism, I didn't really take the time to revise it much, so it probably got a little confusing. I'll keep that in mind when I try to write more. I actually kind of wrote an idea for another poem down last night, a rough copy kind of. I'm going to try to post it as soon as I revise it and fix it. But thank you again for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it

it's nice