What are you thinking?

It's a few minutes past midnight, I'm at my mum's place, and I just can't go to sleep. For some reason tonight of all nights I can't stop thinking about how lonely and fragile I am, how I haven't been in contact with one of my best friends (and I only really have two friends besides her, and they live pretty far away) in a year, how I just can not make new friends and how I have really no one to talk to. Every time I go to a new place, to a new group of people, I think "maybe this time I can make friends" and I never do. I can talk to people, I can be pretty open, I can be somewhat sociable, but it just never happens that someone would want to, you know, really get to know me. Hang out with me. Be in my life. I just can't make them understand, that I really want to be friends. I'm too intimidated to show that, to ask if we could sometimes do something together. I don't know how. I have no idea.

And usually I'm actually pretty ok with all this. But just... not tonight. Tonight I wish there was someone I could sometimes call and say "hey, wanna come over, eat some ice cream and sit on the floor and talk about colours or the universe?"

I'm sorry I came here to rant about this. I just needed to talk to someone. My mum is sleeping in the next room and I can't talk to her anymore. If I was at my own place it probably would be better, I could play with my cat and watch movies and listen to music. But here I don't feel relaxed. I don't know what to do. I can't go to sleep.

^ Im so sorry to hear that. but you know what, don't give up.

I have been in that position before when I knew people but i had no friends.. it sucks and its hard but take it as a challenge and don't let it defeat you. i only started finding friends when i made a massive change in my life, moved and started university. it was damn hard but it is possible.

and recently i went through the same thing again when i moved to a different country for the summer. i was so alone but i didn't let myself be lonely. sometimes we need to go through things like that in order to get to know ourselves. i know that currently i am going through a spiritual growth so i feel confused a lot of the time, im finding it hard to fall asleep and there's a lot i need to re-learn. but it's all for the good.

hang in there! and know that you can always come here

I've been there! and I know how it feels.
I decided to do something different this time and it actually helped, I have some new amazing friends now (AND A BOYFRIEND RAWR). ^^
the only thing I did differently is that instead of wanting them to want to get to know me, I want to get to know them. having an interest in them as a person (: I'm crazy good friends with my good friend's girlfriend and she said I was the first friend of him that even wanted to be good friends with her. that made me so happy ^^

sometimes you just have to take that step yourself. I know it's scary but it wil pay off. show them the amazing person you are even if you have to stalk them a little.

anyway that's what I did.

I also decided to move out and move into a house with 3 stranger housemates o-o so yeah I'm crapping myself haha.
moving to a new town, a new house, new people to have to get used to and get to know. I'm so tempted to stay in my new room then all day but I met one of them and he seems an ok guy. so I'm going for it ^^
I'm so excited but oh so scared.

Í'M GETTING A USED GAMING PC 8D for only 400 euros. thats such a buy! I'm so excited!

my life is so going to change.. I hope it will help with my moods aswell. because I've been feeling my depression creeping up on me again and it's not good.. have barely been outside the house for the passed month. I hope it gets better when I change locations.. well I'll have to concidering I'll have to do my own grocery shopping xD
gawd I'm so EXCITED

I've come to know that it's a breath of fresh air when some people are not around. I don't mean that in a rude why. I can't be around people who just whine & complain daily. Or people who are negative all the time. It brings me back down to that. When i'm trying to be positive and happy. It's better to not have people like that in my life.

you're not rude. you're right.
it's a good reminder too. some people think they're too polite or are just scared to open their mouths about it for plenty of reasons.
so it's good that you express that.

Yeah I guess you are right! I've even noticed some moonchildren are pretty negative . I know some people can't help it. What I've been thinking is. It's hard to be friends with people who are depressed/moody and negative. It's like no matter what you say advice you give they never take it. It just brings you down. i'm not saying i'm always happy. Just I try looking on the positive side of life.

mimi wrote:Why would you hope for such a thing?

I'm tired of socializing and seeing people all the time:)

Krissy wrote:Yeah I guess you are right! I've even noticed some moonchildren are pretty negative . I know some people can't help it. What I've been thinking is. It's hard to be friends with people who are depressed/moody and negative. It's like no matter what you say advice you give they never take it. It just brings you down. i'm not saying i'm always happy. Just I try looking on the positive side of life.

I've caught myself doing it alot actually but I try to turn myself around when that happens.

During the past year I've changed so much, after spending three months in a hospital I decided it's time to take control of things and that's when I really found Kerli. Her positiveness and uniqueness became a huge inspiration for me among other things and other people. That's when I decided to brake up with my bf, and of course it hurts first, but afterwards I've been more happy than ever in my life, seriously. I've suffered from panic attacks and depression most of my life, and now finally after years of hard work it's starting to pay off.

The only thing is: No matter how great I feel, how positive I am, how much I freakin' try to make contacts with people, it just never works. I don't know what's wrong. And usually yes I am ok with this. But sometimes I'm just SO frustrated with it!

I just hope it's something I still can learn.

So I don't really think people turn away from me because I'm so depressed or negative, because I'm not, not anymore. I'd know.

NocturnDrops wrote:

Krissy wrote:Yeah I guess you are right! I've even noticed some moonchildren are pretty negative . I know some people can't help it. What I've been thinking is. It's hard to be friends with people who are depressed/moody and negative. It's like no matter what you say advice you give they never take it. It just brings you down. i'm not saying i'm always happy. Just I try looking on the positive side of life.

I've caught myself doing it alot actually but I try to turn myself around when that happens.

That is good. I've been trying my best too. I mean sometimes maybe once a month or every few months I get in a funky mood. But i'm not has bad has before.

Tuu tänne ^_^

I think people are too busy with their own lives and they have a lot of things that need their attention, so other people are sort of left outside. I also think people don't have much sympathy/empathy nowadays. I myself am a good friend mostly, but I like to be alone most of the time. Seeing others makes me tired :D But I won't say no if someone needs my help and I can do something for them. Besides, I'm a boring person and not that talkative, I'd just... play games and draw something. I'd like to have a friend who is similar to me, we could just draw/paint/play in the same room and not talk much :p

... Oh wait, that's my fiancé! xD Holy crap.

But yeah, it's not your fault, it's the others :)

Good luck, NocturnDrops! I hate getting groceries xD


Another video of our kitty, Roope... =^.^= He was sunbathing today, he always looks soooo happy! JP added the music xD

Yeah I know what you mean. I guess some people don't have much sympathy for people's pain. I care lots for my friends. If they need me im here them always. They know that. I don't like seeing people in pain or who are sad.


What the hell is Canadian language ? Sorry never heard of it. We speak English just like Americans. * dumb people*

Cuite cat

I am trying to convince myself that making friends will be easier when/if? I move to a bigger town. Perhaps I'll even find people with same interests and hobbies. It's just that I lived in a very VERY small place growing up (yeah I spent my free time with sheep rather than humans), and now live in a pretty small town (population 50 000, that's still a lot of people when you think about it), which still seemed too big for me a few years ago. I guess I'm just not really a "people person". But goddammit I'm trying, the important part is that I am really trying.

I agree Forace, friends who you can just shut up with, those are the best ones! Or if both are feeling talkative, have really interesting conversations.

Oh Roope, how sweet <3 I bet he's a magical black kitty.

The real problem is that no grocery stores are open at 6am:-(

foooooooood

i had the first drama society meeting of the year last night and of course we all went for drinks.. and of course i wasnt allowed to go home after the pub closed.. and of course i got home and 2.20 am.. well today's library day is shot to shit

and ive been doing so well, working out every day, eating super healthily and at the moment.. literally all i can think about is pizza.

SilverSwirl wrote:I agree Forace, friends who you can just shut up with, those are the best ones! :D Or if both are feeling talkative, have really interesting conversations.

Oh Roope, how sweet <3 I bet he's a magical black kitty.

Yeah, there's no awkward silence ^_^

Roope is very magical, he's really smart and he understands what we say, and he can disappear and reappear somewhere else! Usually he's suddenly right at my feet *bump*

Street Halo wrote:The real problem is that no grocery stores are open at 6am:-(

Or at 2am :DD We're nightowls, it's hard to make it to the store when they close at 9pm!


TODAY I bought 3 tickets to the Ghost gig. Over 90€, holy ffff... I hope the trip will be worth it!

My fiancé didn't wake up today :( I was angry at first, but maybe he's just feeling sick... So I thought I'd go get groceries by myself and make LASAGNA. It's his favorite (well, one of them!), I make the best lasagna ^_^

I also hope the tickets will cheer him up (he has no idea I bought them). Teehee.

I'm not really a night person, more like a really early morning person. I wake up really early and sometimes I just need a couple of things from the store. Obviously I can't reach the ones that open at 8am, because then I wouldn't make it to school, not to mention 9 am hm.. :/

wow! that sucks.

Such a beautiful day for October. Warm weather. It was 85F!! This fall rocks this year.

i'm an early morning and late night person...i very rarely get 7hours or more of sleep. i know it's unhealthy but i can't really help it, my body clock just hates the idea of sleep!

i love october :3
it's usually mild/chilly over here in the uk...wooly hats and gloves but not quite cold enough for a coat, i love it

It actually reached 0C here, yesterday, it got a bit warmer over the day but it's pretty darn cold.

I feel like the autumn is bringing a new wave of inspiration with it. i absolutely adore it <3

i wish i had someone to hold hands with an stroll down the park with haha!

Yeah. Be nice. LOL

Today I finally got the stuff necessary for my painting n_n Oil colors and all that stuff. I'm so excited

In love with the weather this morning; It started to thunder and snow at 05:00. Everythings closed today

it's raining here. Boo

good (extremely early) morning everybody! it's just gone midnight, officially the weekend now. i got so bored and i'm so un-tired that i decided to start my 2nd artist analysis. so hopefully i'll have less homework tomorrow

Hello all:D 

Good morning! Here's how my day is starting

Almost finished knitting the second sock... Yeah, I'm slow :P Well, not slow, I just didn't work on it for a few weeks... Ran out of thread JUST as I'm making the tip. I'm gonna have to use some other thread, but I think it's OK.

Feeling good ^_^ The other night I had a dream where I was driving a car, and it went well. That means I'm doing things right!

It sounds like a lot of you are experiencing the cold weather too! It hasn't gotten terribly cold or snowy here yet, just a bit chilly and windy. I really love fall. It's my favorite season :3

I've decided to start doing yoga every day instead of just every once in a while. I'm feeling better and more energetic already. I love it!

I try and work out every day too as much as I can. there are days when I dont get a chance but then i usually do a double session during the weekend. feels awesome to be tired from working your ass off!

a present from him arrives in the mail tomorrow, so excited! :3
can't help being a dreamer about our relationship even though it's not realistic

Happy sunday everyone

My new college year starts tomorrow. -.-
I hope you are all doing fine <3

good luck Tanya

my head is so full of thoughts lately that I'm drawing angel cards for myself nearly every day to get help with what i should be focusing on the most. back on a positive wave soon <3

Good luck

I'm sooo tired right now... I think I've had a headache all day, can't remember, I've tried not to pay attention to it, so it would go away :D I don't want to take a painkiller, it's not THAT bad...

I made banana pancakes and avocado-chocolate mousse ^_^

Hope you feel better.

i am so tired too. i need to stop going out during the week because the next day is just completely wasted. i had fun though but i need to focus so.. cant be doing this.

i also got a job interview on friday.. i am bricking it. i really want and need this job..

Yeh, it isn't smart on the long run :) I'm not familiar with that phrase, "bricking it". What does it mean?

I ended up taking a painkiller yesterday :3 It helped a lot, at least I was able to continue knitting my third sock. My head doesn't hurt today, luckily. I'm just extremely hungry, we didn't get groceries. Too lazy @_@

i'm feeling tired. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'm not moving out... I was given false hope and now I'm pissed off and dissapointed.

That sucks!!!

I passed my exams so I got scholarship for another year, and it's awesome that I don't have to pay college for the whole year.
I got laptop today, and I am so happy. It is gift from my parents because of exams. Everything is so great in my life atm. I love you all <3

That's awesome

that's so cool! well done on the scholarship ^^

i'm becoming sooo desperate to watch Game of Thrones now, it's unbelievable...we have series 1 & 2 in our house and it's killing me not being able to watch it!

@TanyaMinxy: that's amazing!! Well done on doing so well in your exams You must've worked really hard to achieve that so congrats!

@MoonChildEve: Why can't you watch it??? I hate the wait between seasons xD

My network took off my show. They won't play the last 2 episodes. Thank god for youtube. I can't get that channel in Canada. America can't share a freaking show.

Iridescent_Revival_<3 wrote:

@MoonChildEve: Why can't you watch it??? I hate the wait between seasons xD

haha, my mom says it's too sexual for me to watch. even though a handful of my friends who are younger than me are addicted to the show!

I installed Steam ^_^