OwlWing's Blog

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OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Thu Mar 21, 2013 2:35 pm

Hi.
I'm Sarah & I'm new here. I liked the idea of starting a blog on here, so I figured, why not? Smile
My posts may be triggering, so please be careful when you read. <3 Ill try and remember to put a trigger warning on top of triggering posts.
The following post can be labeled as triggering.

So, I guess I'll give a little info about me Smile
I'm a young girl from the USA. Music is my absolute passion, and I hope to be a singer one day. I enjoy writing, reading, singing, listening to music, etc. My idol is Emilie Autumn- she quite possibly saved my life.
About a year ago I went through a period of depression, and was medicated and diagnosed with OCD. I'm now doing much better, but my low self-esteem and shyness have been taking a toll on me. I'm certainly not depressed, though, but I do have things on my mind. I'm trying to keep smiling.
I guess that's it for now- I can always post later if I have more to say! Farewell for now Smile
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by stargirlstrike on Thu Mar 21, 2013 6:50 pm

Hi Sarah! Thanks for posting. Glad that you keep smiling; keep your head up!
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Fri Mar 22, 2013 2:34 pm

Thank you. Smile
I was in the craft store the other day and saw an amethyst pendant, and I had heard that amethysts were often used to bring calmness to your mind. I've definitely needed this, so I bought it & I've been wearing it on a chain daily now. I think it's been helping a little so far ^__^
Hmm... Trying to think of something useful to say, lol.
I finished my first set of lyrics/melody that I'm actually proud of yesterday. I still have to revise them, but maybe ill post them later <3
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by lunachild on Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:20 pm

I already love your energy and how genuine you sound.
More power to you with the amethyst! I think I'll get some for my older and younger sisters. They both are like you, and they have their birthday's right next to each others, so thank you for putting that idea in my head Smile
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Fri May 03, 2013 12:31 pm

Thank you <3 I hope your siblings like the amethysts if you get them!

Hm... What's new, what's new... I had forgotten my account info for this site so I hadn't been able to log in, but I remembered it today and was excited to jump back in! Trying to think of something useful to say...
Yesterday, my copy of "Love is Dead" came in the mail, which was awesome. Smile I immediately hung the poster on my wall. <3
As far as how I've been emotionally, I've been holding on. Definitely been having some negatives thoughts but they haven't been taking too much of a toll, so I'm definitely holding on!
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Fri May 17, 2013 10:50 am

Well, I'm still figuring stuff out on here & I've decided if I ever post triggering content, I'll put it in a "spoiler" thing. (Not what that's made for, but hey, it works!)
So, this is positive but it mentions triggering topics (which is why it's hidden):
Spoiler:
I have been twelve days self harm free as of yesterday. Smile The longest I had gone was eleven days, and if I make it through today (which I should), I'll be at 13 days! One thing I've been doing, is every day I go without self harming, I add one bead to a bracelet I'm making just for my self harm. But if I self harm, I have to take all the beads off and start over- because of that, I'm encouraged to go without self harm. I think it's helping a lot!

One thing that has happened this year- I saw Emilie Autumn live! It happened before I started this blog, but I never mentioned it & thought I should. Smile It was honestly the best day of my life. I got all dressed up & everything, did my makeup special, etc. My father took me to the show haha, and he was a fan of EA prior but I was worried he would be uncomfortable during the show....Turns out, he reaaally loved it! He thought it was great. I also got a ton of merch, which I had been saving up for for a long time before the show haha. It was the best freaking day. That show was my first ever EA concert, and it meant a lot to me because SHE means a lot to me. I was so happy that day, I'll never forget it <3
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by stargirlstrike on Sat May 18, 2013 3:24 pm

Congrats on your 12 days! I'm so proud of you! Keep your head up and stay strong, you can do it!

Also, it's great that you got to see EA! I've always wanted to see her live. Especially great that you got to see her since it meant so much to you.
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Sun May 19, 2013 7:11 am

Thank you <3 I slipped up yesterday :/ It's okay, though. New day, so I'll try to go longer this time.
If you ever get the opportunity to see EA, I highly recommend going! I'm sure your aware of how her shows are. She's so spectacular. And thank you, it did mean a lot to me. That woman helped me pull through a lot, so I was so happy to see her.
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by Krissy on Sun May 19, 2013 12:26 pm

welcome!!! Very Happy

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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by stargirlstrike on Mon May 20, 2013 11:07 am

Good luck! I used to self-injure too and even though I haven't really done it in about five years, I still slip up every once in a while too. It's tough, but you can do it! Journaling or talking to a friend when I was feeling like doing it really helped me.
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by lunachild on Tue May 21, 2013 4:13 am

I'm sorry about the slipping up, but like you said it's a new day! Keep up the good work and good luck Very Happy We're all here to support you.
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Fri May 24, 2013 2:00 pm

Thank you lovelies.
Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had... I just need to vent. This will be really long, I'm sorry, but I'm still upset.
Spoiler:
So, I deal with very high levels of anxiety as you could probably tell. And this makes me sounds tupid, but one of the big sources of it recently has been a school project I have due soon... It involves doing a performance, and that mixed with some other stuff going on has been making me wish I was dead. I told my mom that and she told me to see the school psychologist because she thought maybe they'd be able to work something out with the project, if it was contributing to that much stress... I talked to the school psych first thing in the morning and was immediately sent home after being talked to. I wasn't allowed back to school until I got clearance from my psychiatrist. I did and went back today. My meds were adjusted and everything, but seeing him yesterday really just added to the stress I'm facing...
Basically, ever since I first started seeing this doctor, I never felt I got along with him. He doesn't seem to understand anything, he doesn't seem to even care, he basically just fills my prescriptions. He doesn't give advice. the only reason I had been doing slightly better was due to the meds he prescribed, he never said anything helpful... And I hadn't been to his office in a while, and just... Last night's visit really confirmed everything I thought about him and made me feel more hopeless. Because he made me feel like I was a whiny over-reacting teen. He doesn't say any of this directly, but it's just the general... impression he gives off, and it comes off really strong. So that's been adding to the stress. I had only kept seeing him because he was all my parents could afford. Luckily last night my mother caved and said we'll try and find someone else. But last night's appointment, his upping of my medication dosage, and so many other things are just really killing me. I have this guilt and I just... I honestly don't know anymore.
Anytime I've gone for help in the past- no matter what method it was (therapy, helplines, help forums, etc), it's only made things worse. People say that things in recovery can get worse before they're better, but I know that's not been the case for me. It's been that people just don't understand and only make me feel worse.
Another example of people making me feel worse. I love my father, but he's just so insensitive in the case of my mental health.... He supposedly went through just about all I have, yet he's so judgmental of how hard it is for me to speak up, to deal with all this. I'm just reaaallly lost.
So that's been what's going on with me... I just want to be past all of this.
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by stargirlstrike on Tue May 28, 2013 10:49 am

I'm so sorry, dear Sad doctors should not make you feel that way, so I'm glad that your mom is willing to find another one for you. I hope you find one that suits you better and treats you right.

I hope we're not making things worse for you here too. I know a lot of people have a hard time understanding depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues when they've never had to deal with them and it can be really difficult to explain it to them.

I know things aren't going so well for you right now, but I really hope that things will look up a little for you. Maybe seeing a new doctor will ease the situation a little bit. I hope you're doing better today <3
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Tue May 28, 2013 12:07 pm

Thanks. Hopefully ill be seeing a new doc soon. And this site had absolutely nothing to do with any negativity going on in my life, don't worry! I've been using this site as a distraction from stuff, actually. <3
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by Krissy on Tue May 28, 2013 2:17 pm

I'm sorry to here this,hope things get better for you

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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Fri Jun 28, 2013 6:57 am

Thank you. Smile
I finished school this year a little while ago, and I am very pumped about having so much free time! I'm hoping I'll be able to get more creative this summer.
One hobby I picked up, like, two days ago, is making Kandi. Smile I always thought Kandi jewelry was cute, and I found some stretchy string and pony beads in my basement, so I figured, why not make some? The hardest thing I can do currently is make a start that's, like, 3D on one side, but I'm learning. xD
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Sat Jul 13, 2013 7:34 pm

Not much going on lately. I'm feeling confused about a lot of stuff, but that's been going on at least a year now, so it's not really anything new.
I've been doing a crapton of shopping for no apparent reason other than I keep getting opportunities, haha. So I've got a bunch of new stuff, which is always nice.
I've picked up more pony beads and stretchy cord, along with a bunch of embroidery floss. So I hope to make more kandi, and also learn how to make those woven friendship bracelets with the embroidery floss. I think I'll have some fun with that.
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by mimi on Sun Jul 14, 2013 2:06 am

3D kandi bracelets are the shizzle!

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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Mon Jul 15, 2013 1:08 pm

I wanna learn how to make them soooo badly!
Hmm... The other day, I video chatted with someone whom I've been talking to over the Internet for a while now. Normally I'm very Internet paranoid and all that, but for whatever reason I was all up for it yesterday, so she agreed and we chatted for 40 minutes or so. It was really nice. Kind of awkward at first because we were both nervous and shy, but I was really happy we did it.
We had been talking for I believe about a year, so it was nice to finally have a face to connect to the messages, haha.
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Mon Jul 15, 2013 3:04 pm

Ooh, and I'm 23 days self harm free. Smile I thought that was worth mentioning haha.
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by stargirlstrike on Tue Jul 16, 2013 11:52 am

Nice that you got to talk face-to-face with your friend Smile and congrats on your 23 days! That's great!
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Mon Jul 22, 2013 11:55 am

I broke my SH streak yesterday. I'm not too hard on myself about it, I just hope I don't fall into a pattern of sh-ing again.

*trigger warning*
I'm nervous about my recent cuts- they're light, but I'm going to a friend's pool party Saturday and I'm worried about them not healing in time... I'm thinking if they don't, I'll say I fell into a rose bush or something, do you guys think that would work? They're on my leg, so I think it might work... Hmm.
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Tue Jul 30, 2013 9:23 am

Well, summer's half over... certainly not happy about that at all, school isn't going to treat me well this year. I'll have to push through it, I guess, but I can't say I'm happy about that! Meh, I've just been generally really stressed lately, so the thought of school coming on top of that doesn't seem like it will be fun. Razz
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by stargirlstrike on Tue Jul 30, 2013 10:37 am

School is tough, but you'll get through it! Besides, there's still a whole half of summer left to enjoy Smile
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Re: OwlWing's Blog

Post by OwlWing on Tue Oct 15, 2013 7:27 am

Wow, I haven't been on here in forever. I love the new look of the forum, it's gorgeous Very Happy 
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