I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

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I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

Post by kurokai on Mon Nov 12, 2012 5:14 pm

This is a very strange and probably extremely personnal requeste but I wish I could talk to kerli ...
Now It's not very easy to explain you why and how because I think I would need to explain you my whole life story and you can't write it in 2 words I tried to explain it in my drawings and the story part but nobody answered me :/
but I can give some information out of my resent life ...I think I just was at the vorge of suicide and I never even concidered that possiblility I didn't know that it was an anconcius will ...and it make me more happy I understand my mother better now but still I'm very very extremly profoundly Sad and confused I feel a bit better but I was so down I just had to stop evrything ...and starting with my pils (Olanzapine and lorazepam) Because I have this mental illness ... I can't stop my self of thinking and I couldn't sleep ... and I get paralyzed in some situations ...
Until this will to die because it was to much ... and then I decided that not anymore bothered that I will free my self from all and I just started understanding why I was like that and asked help but I still cryied all my tears out not last night but the night before the same night I wrote that story ...
I'm afraid of the transhumanistes because they think they are so smart but just want to kill man kinde ...they didn't that the human is potentialy immortal and can do anything and I even understand how you could controle elements but I still didn't figure out how I could do it in "real" life I would need the help of all moon children star children light children dark children cristal sephire what ever you feel like so long you're enghou open minded to try to understand me and help me understand you

and there is my bigest probleme even trying to explain my self over and over and over in diffrent kinds of ways and diffrent kind of forms there will always be something that doesn't allow them to understand me well my teachers start to understand me but I never talk to them about this because I was afraid they wouldn't understand and well they understand the best ... but I'm in universety it's not the same but still they said that my life and health is more important than this studies and you shouln't but so much presur in what you do and the math teachers is very interesting and he really lisens to me and trys to help me ... I have a lot of blockage perexemple if I don't understand something I blok on it and can't do it ... like how can you inverse a number in an equation and well I ask a friend she couldn't explain she just said : Alex we saw that like 4 years ago ...but she couldn't explain it to me she just know what you should do but some other stuf I did understand and I explained them to her ...so I asked that question to the teacher and after an failur I reformuled it and I got my answer ... so we talk like for a long time afther words he even gave me his notes (coolest teacher ever !!! )
I'm loosing my self there xD
this are my practic broblemes they are not my fondamental ones there are very serius ones like the fact that I allways tryied to make friend but was rejected trow my diffrence and I never felt weird or sick I just lived in an imaginary world ans sens so long I can rememeber ...when my mother passed away (suicide) well I created this alterego called Felix who would protecte me when I was to sad to live he took over with his friend Eric a very ingenius wiking worior from a futuristic mecanique planet ...
I had to move to a new country and I was only 9
I could speak Swedish Finish and English but I had to lears French and even Dutch ... but I lurned portuguese and I wanted to learn japanese ... I speak more and less 6 of them (even if Norwaygan is like the same language as swedish ... some words are diffrent ...and Estonian really looks like Finnish but just a litle bit diffrent well I could understand the texte in estonian in "Love is dead" album and Stay golden (kulmä =cold , punainen or punais = red , kulta=gold , and you know I don't know the song true heart )
I'm shore if I stay for a while in estonia I will lurn it ... my sister was even gonna move there but she finaly desided to stay in Finland even if she wants to go back to spain ...but there is a probleme or 2 other sisters and evrybody in Finland , she had to take care of them all but she's only 23 ... she can't take it anymore my uncle is also sick in his head I was ok until I spend my vacation with him I just came back and soon afther had to take my horible pils again just hate them !!! now I take pasiflore and maditate and draw paint and write and I talk a lot I just need to dance that's the only thing missing ...
I even inveted a song (I didn't record my self ) but I sing all the time now when I'm anywhere but I invent a lot of songs sometimes I sing song's I all ready know ...sometimes I just make sounds but I sing all the time people avoid me ...:/ and I can't really help my self beacause when I stop I cry my self to hell ...
I never even cry I haven't cryed for years ... I dicided to never cry again when I was 9 ...3 days afther my mother passed away ...
Ow and I used to be afraid of Aliens until I discovered I was one my self xD
somebody give me chocolate !!! (chocolate is the only aliment in the world that has the molecule of love "scientificaly proved")
Ow btw they also proved that you can create electricity in you body and controle it and it is strongest in the accuponcture points it is in fact what some call chakra others ki and ...well it's not very clear in my head yet and I have a lot a lot of theories about it but it all leads to the fact that you can eventually controle the elements but you wil first need some help for it ...
I'm thiered and have to wake up in like 7-2 hours like that's 5 fuuuuuuuuu ....
and less I sleep more my brain get's mad ...
Alex Ignatius
Kurokai (he can pass trow diffrent dimensions )
Sephira and Zephira (they are one and they know it all and are happy )
Eric (wiking)
Felix (...longs story ... he is like a concepte more than what you think he is a "kitsune" he is evrything inside me and at the same time just a part of it ... he is the 6 level ... (Demon hell master of all evil of hatred and vengence he is the devil he is dark he drinks blood and eat's flech he is red and dark ...red hair and dark clothes )
and
Urukun (urukun is a god )
There most be much more well there is but it will take way to long to explain it now ...and I haven't met them all ...
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kurokai

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Re: I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

Post by stargirlstrike on Tue Nov 13, 2012 10:27 pm

I'm really sorry that you've gone through so much pain. I'm also sorry that no one replied to your pictures. Stay strong and have hope. All I can really say is that I hope things get better for you.

Also, I saw that you have a blog here. It might help you to start posting in it again so we can all be up to date with what is happening in your life and we will be able to support you more often.

If you want to talk to Kerli, there is a page for moonchildren who want to make wishes: http://www.tableoflove.net/t3696-moonchild-dreams-do-come-true so maybe that will help you out Smile
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Re: I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

Post by kurokai on Wed Nov 14, 2012 3:37 am

Thank you Smile Wink
: :


I have chocolate now so I'm a bit more happy ^^ I do a lot of yoga and stretching sauna relaxing and auto tai-chi (i invented my own way in the water)
and ...
I haven't been in universety for 2 days ...
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kurokai

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Re: I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

Post by stargirlstrike on Wed Nov 14, 2012 1:23 pm

Yay for chocolate! And yoga is good, I really like it. Tai-chi in the water? That sounds really interesting!

I haven't been to university in couple days either because I've been so tired. We should both go to our classes though XP
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Re: I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

Post by kurokai on Thu Nov 15, 2012 12:05 am

well the teachers said to rest ...but my parents panic ...like I know what's happening to me and my parents think I'm just creazy xD
I even spoke with spirites yesterday xD and I'm trying to master all 4 elements
yesterday light and fire electricity the day before water to day earth ...
I'm helping my bestfriends litle brother he sees energies and lights and weird stuf my best friend see's aliens and fairys quite offten xD I'm jalouse xD
they rule but they are scared and all ... so I'm helping him master his eyes and calm down not to be afraid of this talent ^^ and not to fell creazy Smile
Now explaing to him who's kerli Smile
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kurokai

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Re: I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

Post by stargirlstrike on Thu Nov 22, 2012 12:56 am

Wow, that's cool! I wish I could see fairies.
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Re: I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

Post by kurokai on Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:03 am

well I'm a medium xD and a healer isn't that cool :p
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Re: I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

Post by stargirlstrike on Fri Nov 23, 2012 11:04 pm

Psh, I think it's cool. I don't really know much about mediums or healers or anything.
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Re: I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

Post by kurokai on Wed Dec 05, 2012 3:54 am

wow I said some creazy stuf xD
btw I feel much better now but I'm gonna write a letter to kerli Smile
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Re: I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

Post by stargirlstrike on Wed Dec 05, 2012 1:28 pm

Yeah? I'm glad you're feeling better and good luck with your letter Smile
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Re: I Wish I could talk to Kerli ...

Post by kailen on Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:59 am

You got more going for you than you realize ive looked at your works and there really good
Growing up is not easy and it will get better as you become independent and find your feet
Being able too communicate in different languages is a amazing skill set will serve you well
Don't read in too a lack of response from people a!t least you open your minds eye too the world
Keep talking too your closest I think you will be ok

Keep your chin up
Enjoy your life
Be strong x
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