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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Mon Jul 16, 2012 7:42 am

lunahild wrote:I am so sorry you have to go through that, but you don't have to do it alone. I don't usually encourage cheating on anyone you are with, however it is your life and not mine.
Thank you <3 I know I'm not alone, I have an army behind me ;)
I'm against cheating on others as well. Very much so. But for some reason this kissing business doesn't feel wrong at all... I respect my fiancé very much, even though he doesn't seem to respect me. I don't want to hurt him with this, but I guess it would happen anyway...

lunachild wrote:I will say that if your fiance doesn't believe in actually tying the knot, does he really want to spend the rest of his life with you? I mean, if you ask someone to marry you but you don't believe in actual marriage and that vow that says you will never leave each other or do each other wrong... it all means nothing.
Well, he never proposed to me, per se. We just agreed that we'd get engaged. It's more like a sign for other people so they'd leave us alone in a bar :D Marriage isn't really important to us, since we're both atheists and he has even withdrawn from the church. I plan to do the same at some point. So the concept of marriage is weird to us. I have read about atheist marriages, and I believe that's what I'd like to do some day. But probably not with my fiancé, since it seems he doesn't want to commit to anything.

lunachild wrote:You shouldn't have to feel forced to stay with him either.
I agree... I shouldn't, but I do... We've been together for six years soon, and I feel like I shouldn't throw it away... Plus I think about our friends and families who'd be devastated to see us part. And I worry how he would cope, since I've been a substitute mother for him :D This "relationship" is very one sided.

lunachild wrote:I may be young and have only been in one real relationship in my entire life, but I know what that sort of stuff feels like. To bad I wasn't the one to end it. When something feels one sided its best that you end it before they do because it hurts more.
I know :/ This has been my first and only relationship so far as well. Even though I'm so old. I'd actually feel better if it were my fiancé to break up with me, first... It would probably be easier to be with J, then.

lunachild wrote:This J guy though... if he was really your fiance's best friend, why would he go behind his back? I mean, if he really loves you, maybe. But he shouldn't be telling you to act like it never happened, to forget about it because it did happen and you can't just drop it. Sneaking around wont help you either because you'll always have that fear in the back of your mind going "we're going to get caught" and you might actually get caught at some point.
Well, the first time we kissed, we thought that it would be just that one time, and we'd try to forget about it. But since it happened again... We can't hide it for very long, and the feelings are strong for both of us. I don't want to get caught, it would be like a slap in the face for my fiancé. But on the other hand, I do... And get it over with, lol. But no, I want to try and do this the right way. If that's even possible.

mile86 wrote:If your relationship with your fiance was strong and really good, you wouldn't even consider of breaking up even for the hottest guy in the world.. if you really loved him as a man you would not think of another guy... (because i'm kinda in a similar situation) , as a person and a guy you will always love him...but as a mate? as a man? as your man?
I agree. I didn't even want anyone else at first, because all I could see was my fiancé. I've started to think about my own happiness, and I've noticed things I've always known were there, but I've been too scared to think about leaving. But now with J, I've noticed that there are other people, too. My fiancé has become more of a friend, I guess... I don't... appreciate him as a man.

mile86 wrote:Then we have J...you really like him, and he likes you back..and i think it's true, because i don't know any descent guy who would risk his friendship with his childhood friend, over a girl, and especially over his friend's fiancee...
He's risking a lot, yes. And so am I :D That's why I need to ask him how serious he is with me.

mile 86 wrote:all he cares about is food, and games.. he can live without water, not without his pc..
Heh, my fiancé wouldn't eat if I didn't make food, he's too busy playing... And when the electricity is cut, he doesn't know what to do! He doesn't have any other activities than playing on the PC :/

Thank you all, I feel a bit better <3 I'm going to have to wait and see how things develop, and if I get a chance to chat with J. The worst part is, my fiancé doesn't even realize something is not right, that I'm not happy. He's making some plans and keeps hugging me and says he likes me... But everything he does, annoys me now. I try to ignore that, I don't want to make him angry by snapping at him all the time.

My fiancé is funny, I think he's not jealous of me at all. If I tell him some guy tried to hit on me, he just laughs. Either because he doesn't care, or because he knows I'm not leaving him... And if I do break up with him, his reaction could be anything. He could just step aside and be fine with it, or he could get more depressed and angry and leave all his stuff to me. He could also go drinking and commit suicide xD I know, horrible of me, but it would be an amusing reaction. Just as childish.

So, we'll see.
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Tara on Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:13 am

Already so many comments...but I've gotta say somthing anyway...

If your relationship with your fiance was strong and really good, you wouldn't even consider of breaking up even for the hottest guy in the world

Exactly. Put aside the thought for a minute that there is even another person you like. Do you really want to stay in a situation your not happy with? & Do you really want to spend your life with someone who does nothing but sit at a computer? There's so much more then that Smile & Your still so young. Besides, even if you do start something with this other guy and it doesn't work out, you've got so much time ahead of you to find someone who to share your life with. I wasted three years of my life on an unhappy relationship. There was no need...

If you do decide to break it off and start a relationship with the other guy...this is what I would do to avoid as much tension as possible between the two of them.
Have a nice long talk with him, like you said, figure out what he is all about. Figure out if he is as serious as you are and see if he is willing to patient to have you.
If it goes well and you both decide to go for it that's great, but, I would wait a while after you've been broke up and your all settled away or whatever to actually start the new relationship and/or make it known. Just so that it doesn't look like you may have been sneaking around on your fiance whatever.

It's a really hard decision and it does suck to have to deal with this and go through such a change, but it'll pass and you'll be content. Besides how lucky ae you? You've got two guys who want you Very Happy Go you!

Hope I didn't repeat anything that's alreayd been said. Tried to read all the comments but I am so restless I couldn't make it through lol.

Good luck! XO
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Tara on Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:33 am

...& Correct me if I'm wrong...but is it possible I may know who this person is? Razz I kinda put it together from little things you've said in the blog.
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:13 am

Tara wrote:Exactly. Put aside the thought for a minute that there is even another person you like. Do you really want to stay in a situation your not happy with? & Do you really want to spend your life with someone who does nothing but sit at a computer? There's so much more then that :)
Yup, I've been feeling like this for a few years now, and I haven't seen any improvements, so I've wanted to quit this. I didn't even dare to think of breaking up before, but having a crush on J helped me see that I could be going somewhere!

Tara wrote:Besides how lucky ae you? You've got two guys who want you :D Go you!
Even more than two, haha. At least, I keep hearing from different guys how pretty I am. And drunkards speak the truth, right? xD

Tara wrote:...& Correct me if I'm wrong...but is it possible I may know who this person is? I kinda put it together from little things you've said in the blog.
He's the latest person I added as a friend on FB, initials J. U., so I'm not sure who you're thinking about ^^ And btw, he was the one who sent me a friend request. I didn't have the balls to do it myself xD
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Tara on Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:17 am

LOL Ok, no it's just a coinsidence. Your friend that I was talking to first name starts w/ J and in a band. So naturally I thought hmmmmm. But I'm sure there are lots of J's in bands Razz

Anyway, you do what makes you happy. Be with who you want to be with. Life's too short to waste on people that don't appreciate life and the people in it Smile
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:30 am

Haha, yeah, there are a lot of names for boys starting with J in Finnish, and in my circle of friends I have a lot of people who are in a band.

And I agree, I should be happy and do what I want. I just worry I will hurt others and I'm scared to make big changes :/
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:22 am

... I can smell him on the couch where he slept ;_; God I'm lame xD
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Tara on Mon Jul 16, 2012 2:31 pm

Bahahahahahaha I guess I'm lame too because I do the same thing Razz
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by out of the hollow on Tue Jul 17, 2012 7:00 am

That's a really tough situation and I'm so sorry you have to deal with it. But I have to agree with Mile and Tara:

mile86 wrote:If your relationship with your fiance was strong and really good, you wouldn't even consider of breaking up even for the hottest guy in the world.. if you really loved him as a man you would not think of another guy... (because i'm kinda in a similar situation) , as a person and a guy you will always love him...but as a mate? as a man? as your man?

Regardless of how you feel about this J guy, it sounds like maybe and unfortunately you have outgrown your fiance. And even though I'm sure it would just be easier to stay with him than leave, in the long run it isn't fair to you to be with someone who just weighs you down or won't let you grow. It's so hard, but it happens. So maybe it's just the right time to think about that and what you want and need. (And I'm sorry if I'm being presumptuous about anything, I'm just speaking based on experience.. but if it doesn't feel right to you just ignore it xD)

Big hugs. I'm sure the decision you make will be the one you need to make right now. I love you
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Tue Jul 17, 2012 7:56 am

Thank you <3 I agree with all of you, you're saying the same things that I'm thinking. It makes me feel like I'm doing something right xD

This morning I sent another text message to J, asking if we could meet at some point. He answered pretty quickly this time :o We'll see each other on Thursday, if all goes well...

I'm trying to think of the things I want to ask and say, but as soon as I imagine him there, everything goes blank, lol. I'm so nervous and scared.

Even if I won't get together with him, I would break up with my fiancé at some point. I'm giving him so many chances to redeem himself!
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by mimi on Tue Jul 17, 2012 8:17 am

If you feel like your relationship with your fiance is going to end one day or another, you have nothing to lose. Yes, people are going to get hurt but they will survive.
It's going to be awkward but it will pass.
And life is all about taking risks and here's one that you can take. You either go with the life you already know and are bored with or you take a risk with J and see what happens. If that doesn't work out, you will be single - do you think you could cope with that?
Don't forget that when you first start dating someone, or developing feelings, everything seems so fresh and new. And I'm sure you had that when you first started dating your fiance?

I agree with what the other girls have said - if you would really be happy, you would've never even thought about kissing him.
And also, the longer you wait, the more its going to hurt. It's not fair on your fiance for you to go around, kissing other people so if your days of kissing him are over, you should tell him that and allow him to start moving on.

Good luck!

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Tue Jul 17, 2012 9:35 am

Yup, I do feel like this relationship is going nowhere. And I believe I'd be better off being single, at least I wouldn't have the crap of TWO people to clean up, just my own. And I could eat whatever I want, lol (fried cabbage, for example)

mimi wrote:Don't forget that when you first start dating someone, or developing feelings, everything seems so fresh and new. And I'm sure you had that when you first started dating your fiance?
I remember those feelings ^^ And they do resurface from time to time, when my fiancé actually does something to help me (like, once a week), but he always disappoints me again later. Maybe that's why I've stayed with him for so long, hoping to see a change for the better...
And my feelings for J have existed for a few years now, I'm really happy to finally be so close to him. I know he feels the same.

mimi wrote:It's not fair on your fiance for you to go around, kissing other people so if your days of kissing him are over, you should tell him that and allow him to start moving on.
I agree, I wouldn't want him to go behind my back kissing other girls xD I will talk to him about my feelings soon enough.

Thank you <3
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by stargirlstrike on Tue Jul 17, 2012 12:28 pm

I know I'm really late replying to any of this, but I hope you get everything figured out. In a lot of -maybe even most- relationships (especially ones that have been going on a long time) those initial feelings of excitement and butterflies and infatuation go away. Kind of like what Mimi said. Those passionate feelings fade either fade into a companion/friendship type of love or turns into the opposite feelings. So, don't forget that those feelings that you get with J could end up going away too, even if developing your relationship with him would be worth it.

But if you feel like your fiance is not the person you want to end up with years down the road, you don't want that either. Either way, if you tell him about how you feel about him and about J, maybe his reaction will help you decide what to do too.

Anyway, I know you've already gotten advice on it but I wanted to throw in a bit of support as well. Good luck!
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Tue Jul 17, 2012 2:59 pm

You're not late ^^ I welcome all comments and opinions. I have this figured out now. I don't want to continue this relationship for long anymore, because I feel my fiancé would be happier alone, and so would I. Either help me, or go away, I don't need extra baggage and work. In the long run, I don't want a child as my man.

I'm not expecting to get together with J, either. I'm not expecting anything from him. If he likes me and wants to be with me, I have nothing against it. But if he wants to back out because it would destroy his friendship with my fiancé, that's fine, too.

And of course I realize feelings change, just look what happened to me and my fiancé :D Even though I love him and would like to be with him, his indifference towards everything (me, the world and even himself) makes me want to end it. Yes, he's depressed and incapable of work, and only wants to play games, I know how it feels like. I was like that at one point. But he doesn't realize what that kind of behavior looks like from my perspective, and how it makes me feel. He makes me depressed.
I made a mistake with trying to help him. Maybe I did it wrong, but I was trying to make him feel better. Cooking, cleaning, back massages... The kind of things a woman in love does for her man. But I'm not getting anything like that back.

I called my mom today and told her about this. She understands me completely... My dad was the same kind of a child. Except, he was worse, he was violent and a tyrant; everything had to go his way or else. My fiancé on the other hand has never hit me. Not once. So, he's a really good guy. It just doesn't work like this... I'm in a relationship, alone.
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Tara on Tue Jul 17, 2012 4:32 pm

Good girl Smile That sounds like an excellent decision all together. You do what is best for you. I know it's hard to not try and help people sometimes, especially when you know how they feel, but sometimes they can end up dragging you down with them and that doesn't help anyone. I've done it to people when I was at my worst.
Good luck with it! You'll be so much happier Smile
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by mile86 on Wed Jul 18, 2012 12:38 am

i so agree with you...i'm in a similar situation, with a good guy as a boyfriend, but with a childish behavior that i know won't fit me, and we have no future...and deep inside, there are some feelings for my ex.... i'm not expecting anything, from anyone... i just have to get myself together... i have priorities.. i need to get my degree, find a job, and be in a relationship that make feel he's the one, and i want to know that one day, in 2-4-5 years i will be able to build a family and that he will able to support me in everything... so i think you took the best decision... it's been 3 days we broke up... still feels awful, he's a sweet guy, and very emotional, but i can't be in a relationship that i see my boyfriend 3week a year...com' on i see my grandma who lives aboard more often than this.. anyway, i think you thought of it really well and you made a great decision.... break up with him, you'll be both hurt, but in some time, you'll get over it....and start making plans... live for you.... luckily you have your mom on your side.. Smile good luck baby...let us know...
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Krissy on Wed Jul 18, 2012 6:39 am

I agree with all the comments people have given you.I know it must have not been easy one to make.I think you made a wise decision.But you have to do what's right for you and what makes you happy inside.I totally understand how you would you feel. I love you Sends you lots of hugs and love.

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by mimi on Thu Jul 26, 2012 6:43 am

How's it going, Silja?? Is everything ok?

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Tara on Fri Jul 27, 2012 3:06 pm

Yes how is it all going? & I'll send you your box on Wednesday too. Haven't forgotten it.
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Natt on Wed Aug 01, 2012 12:09 pm

Honey, how do you feel?? I'm so much worried for you.
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by EetuJaKeijut on Thu Aug 02, 2012 3:18 pm

I really hope everything is well with you : s Seems like you are up for (or have just done) a big decision.

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by lunachild on Wed Aug 15, 2012 6:20 am

I hope you feel better after this. Of course you might feel a little bad first, but from here on I think things can only get better. Smile I wish you all the happiness and luck through this, and, I think it goes without saying, that all us MoonChildren are here for you ♥️
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Sat Sep 15, 2012 12:34 pm

Entry #9: How things turned out!

Sorry for being silent for about two months about this, but it has been rather difficult for all of us and I had to wait before I can talk about this with confidence. I won't go into too much detail, mostly because I've forgotten some things and I'd like to keep it like that :D As my FB-pals can see, I'm still engaged to the same guy.

So, one time I met with J, we agreed that we'd tell my fiancé what is going on. Or rather, I would tell. But I couldn't at the moment, so it had to wait. But then on one Friday we were at our place drinking again, and at the end things got out of hand because J was so stupid and drunk that he started calling me after he had left, so I had to tell my fiancé there who it was... He was furious of course, he broke my phone, gave me his phone instead and left. I switched the card from my phone to his and called J. He said he'd meet me if I left, too. And since I was scared of what my fiancé might do, I went to J's place. Later my fiancé called J, and we talked for a looong time, crying and stuff. He was still himself, at first he told me to come home and pack my bags, but the next minute he'd beg me to come back. You know, changing his mind constantly. He does that when he's drunk :) I knew it, so I told him we'd talk after some sleep. And so we did. J drove me back home, and when I saw my fiancé... He was a wreck, he had cried his eyes out and was really scared. He hugged me and said he was sorry and that he wanted to get engaged again and whatnot... We cried and apologized and talked and talked... He said he didn't want to let go of me, never. He fell asleep, because his head hurt and he was relieved to have me back home. I then called J and told him I'd stay with my fiancé. He wasn't too happy to hear that :/

For the next month it was very difficult for me to let go of J and to fall for my fiancé again, and for my fiancé to even speak to J. But eventually they started talking and settled things, and they're drinking together again. I've seen J once, when I asked him to join me for a walk (hush). We went over what happened, talked about some other random stuff and at the end, agreed that we'd stay as friends. About two weeks ago I asked on FB how he's doing. He was fine, but things were still going around in his head, and it was the same for me. Things are getting easier and easier, and I'm pretty much over him already... With much thanks to my fiancé, who's trying really hard to help me and has opened his eyes more. So have I, I've noticed how much we actually love each other and how painful it would be to break up. I've noticed I have a good guy by my side. A great guy. And were a great couple, just like everyone keeps saying. I'm just sad that I've been so blind and stupid about everything, and that this slip with J caused pain to all of us. But this was just how things happened to go, the situation was weird, and it was easy for me to fall for someone else... We're such children still. But at least we learned a lot from this, and were able to forgive, move on and be better for each other.

So yeah... This was a weird experience! But also a cleansing one. I feel so much better, and lighter somehow. I'm not denying I don't have feelings for J anymore, because I do... He is a handsome and funny guy still :D But I'm trying to think of him as a friend from now on. My fiancé is a handsome and funny guy as well ^_^

<3 Thank you so much for being here for me everyone, and you were right; things did get better <3

I'll be writing more again, I have tons of things I want to share ^^
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Aduhm on Sat Sep 15, 2012 3:34 pm

glad you're feeling much better and to hear that everything is doing well and going you way! Very Happy
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Krissy on Sat Sep 15, 2012 3:49 pm

I'm glad your feeling better now.glad things worked out in the end.

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by stargirlstrike on Sun Sep 16, 2012 4:30 pm

I'm so glad you're feeling better now and you guys are all working on your feelings. Also, thank you for sharing with us and I hope things keep going well for you guys!
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by out of the hollow on Sun Sep 16, 2012 9:52 pm

I'm happy to see that you were able to reach a solution and have, at least if not a great experience, one that you could get something out of. You two (you & your fiancé I mean) keep on keeping your eyes open when it comes to each other Smile
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Tara on Tue Sep 18, 2012 4:32 pm

Nothing you felt was stupid. They were realistic emotions that anyone would go through being so young and in love. & You had good reasons to feel that way.
I hope that you don't have to feel that way again and that everything works out for you guys. Just remember that no relationship is perfect. There will always be rough times, but only you can decide if it's all worth going through.
Xo Smile
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Tue Sep 18, 2012 5:23 pm

Thanks guys <3

I wouldn't say my feelings were stupid, either, it's just that... I dunno, this whole episode was kinda unnecessary, but it was still necessary... For us to notice things. Could we have made our relationship better without this? We'll never know, and it's pointless to think about it. You make mistakes and learn from them and all that :) I just feel stupid, because I could've (should have) rejected J in the first place, but... höm :/
Heh, at least I know my fiancé can indeed feel jealousy! He's never been that jealous of me :B He said he'll never let me go, and even mentioned marriage O_o I reckon he loves me for realz. Either that or he's really, really scared of being alone :D
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Krissy on Wed Sep 19, 2012 5:35 am

That's we all make mistakes and we do learn from.It's better being honest wth feelings then being unhappy.

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Tara on Wed Sep 19, 2012 5:09 pm

You sure could have made it better because of that. Like you and everyone is saying mistakes/learning/growth Smile
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Sat Sep 22, 2012 4:51 pm

A good friend of ours came to visit us :D He arrived on Tuesday-Wednesday night and left on Friday. He brought us gifts <3 A tiny comic book for my fiancé, and a DVD of It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World for me :D http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057193/
We haven't watched it yet, but we surely will.

On Thursday we did some drinking again xD Three more friends (all guys O_o We have no female friends, lol) came to our place, J being one of them... I was soooo nervous to see him again, and I was a bit afraid of what might happen... My fiancé was afraid as well, of course. Nothing happened, me and J just avoided each other a bit and talked briefly about something etc... I could see he was just dying to talk with me more (and maybe something else), but we had to be careful. The night went really well, and I guess everyone had a good time. I did :D This was a big step for my fiancé; I'm happy he's starting to trust me and J again, and let us see each other. I believe things will be alright.
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Krissy on Sun Sep 23, 2012 10:45 am

Glad things went okay!!! Very Happy

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Tara on Mon Sep 24, 2012 8:33 am

Very Happy You have got a lot of guts. I don't know if I'd be able to face him again. Good for you.
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Krissy on Tue Sep 25, 2012 6:52 am

Happy birthday!!!

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Tue Sep 25, 2012 10:56 am

Tara, yeah, I have to have a lot of guts, since we can't really get J out of our lives :D He and my fiancé are friends, and I'd like to keep it that way. I want to be his friend as well :) He even posted a birthday wish on my FB-wall; I feel he's getting better, too.

Thank you Krissy! :D
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by mimi on Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:12 am

well im happy it all worked out Smile
i was kind of in a similar situation but not quite..

i met this guy on the tube and in all honesty.. im being sincere when i say this, i think it was love at first sight. we went on a date and it was the most amazing date ive ever had, or ever hope to have. from there on we'd text every day and we both kind of knew that we wanted to try a relationship. then he went to barcelona for a week and i was working like a mad person and basically when he came back, neither of us had time to meet up but we managed to set a date for this wednesday. the tuesday before i texted him to see if we were still on and didn't get a reply at which point, i kind of knew smth was wrong.
on wednesday morning he texted me saying he's had a really bizarre couple of days because he met his ex randomly in the street and they went for a coffee and upon saying good bye he realised how much he still cares for her, so he cut things with me. and then he added 'i think you're so lovely and gorgeous and i would love to remain in your life'. it hurt like hell. i do feel like it was meant to be and im moving on but it hurt. a lot. and what does 'remain in your life' mean?!

sorry for using your blog as an outlet Razz

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Post by Krissy on Tue Sep 25, 2012 12:58 pm

your welcome.hope ur having a good one.

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:56 pm

That's all right, mimi, vent all you want :D I guess what you're feeling is similar to what J is feeling. I remember the first time we met; I went to get my fiancé from a friend's place because he had been there for too long and he didn't answer the phone. J's face just lit up when he saw me :D And I liked him, of course. That was 4-5 years ago. And when we went to visit his place for the first time, I was watching Stargate on the TV and told J I've always watched it... "Marry me" was his reply xD It must be painful for him to know I'm spoken for, and even after trying to win me over, he still can't be with me in a way he'd want to :/ It's painful for me as well. We can only be friends. And that's what I'd like; I don't want him to go away forever... Ehh, now it sounds like I'm having him "on hold" in case my fiancé, like, dies or something xD
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Post by mimi on Wed Sep 26, 2012 3:03 pm

it doesnt sound like that at all.

seeing as i am in J's position as well.. it does hurt but its nothing you can't deal with.. over time.
i do know, however, the possibility of us every being together is out of the question because i would never want to settle with anyone who's not my 1st choice and i, for certain, don't want to be someone's 2nd choice.
ugh!

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Thu Sep 27, 2012 7:10 am

Maybe it doesn't sound like it, but it feels like it... I'm just being silly and stupid, I guess.
I thought about that "1st choice, 2nd choice" thing, too, and I realize it can be a bit insulting... "If things don't work out with this one, then I'll try to be with you" :/ I don't even want to have a choice, I love them both, but I'm directing my romantic feelings towards my fiancé, and friendly feelings towards J. It has been difficult, but it does get easier over time. And I'm sure J can find someone special (other than me), I just feel bad for him; he hasn't had much luck in love, his girlfriends have been kinda... psychos :/
... I can be a bit of a psycho, too, but not THAT bad :D
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Mon Oct 01, 2012 5:27 pm

Entry #10: My birfday pwesents ^w^

My birthday was on Tuesday, the 25th of September. My mom and sister came to visit us on the previous Sunday to give me my presents! Mom bought her present from a shop called Deviant; it sells clothes, accessories, shock haircolors and such for those who like to dress "alternatively". I have a pinstripe corset, a black lace skirt and lace gloves from that shop previously, and now I have this beautiful bag! Mom sure knows what I like, the colors are perfect since black, red and silver are my favorites :D Our DS probably fits nicely inside one of the front pockets! Omnom leather and spider lace...



My sister gave me a "random box". It's something I came up with for her birthday. A box with random stuff in it :D I get to keep the box and everything in it. It had shampoo and balsam by Herbina, a Finnish hair and skin-care company; two kinds of toothpaste: fennel and mint (organic and not tested on animals); an English rose scented body spray; a bag of pistachios; earring and brooch parts for jewelry-making and some chocolate :3


Then I got some money from my dad, because we were in a pickle at the time and we needed the money more than whatever my dad would've bought me... And what I got from my fiancé, it's not suitable for little ones ;) We did go out for dinner, though!

//Oh yeah, I forgot the presents I got for myself :P The stockings <3
http://www.cosmetics2go.co.uk/ekmps/shops/sarahdesigns1/images/pamela-mann-goth-cross-suspender-tights-black-5369-p.jpg
http://www.thepeasknees.co.uk/images/Varrick.jpg
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by mimi on Tue Oct 02, 2012 3:06 am

wow the pink tights are awesome!

and LOL 'not suitable for little ones' Very Happy

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Krissy on Tue Oct 02, 2012 6:15 am

wow,cool.Glad you got nice things for your birthday.

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Re: Forace's blog

Post by out of the hollow on Wed Oct 03, 2012 1:54 pm

Happy belated birthday D: Wink
Glad you got nice things!
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Sun Oct 07, 2012 9:31 pm

mimi, YES, the pink ones are awesome! I love the design and even the color, even though I never wear anything pink. I guess they're pink because they were designed for a Pink Ribbon campaign, there was no mention of this on the site where I ordered them from, though, so I don't know if my purchase benefited the campaign or not...

out of the hollow, thank you! <3
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Entry #11: Fitocracy

I've always been rather immobile, but I've wanted to be in a better shape for a loooong time, because I'm a bit round, get tired easily and there's diabetes in my family. I have done some exercises during the past few years; I got two kettlebells (5kg and 7,5kg) and a dancing pole and I've done some other random exercises using my own body, like push-ups and sit-ups. But I've never been able to stick to any routine, so any results I got, disappeared rather quickly :/

Now, after this thing with J, I started going for walks; first to clear my head and trying to let go, but then I started doing it for me. Every second day I walk for an hour, so that's about 6km in distance. I've been able to stick to this really well, so I thought I'd add something. So on every other day, I exercise with the kettlebells. Then I thought about the 100 push-ups challenge I have going on: where to put that? I ended up doing push-ups on walk-days, because the kettlebells drain all arm strength pretty effectively :P
The pole dancing I might end up doing on walk-days as well, I'm just trying to lose some extra and gain strength first, so I'll be able to do different positions better. Plus, this rash on my palm makes it impossible to pole dance right now :<

Why am I doing this? To get better, of course, but also to prove to myself that I can do this. Being able to stick to something will reflect to the rest of my life, I believe. To be able to clean and eat regularly. I might be able to work some day! I just want to be stronger and better, really :)

So the title is "Fitocracy". What is it, then?
It's a website where people track their workouts! It's helping me with this routine; I put my workouts for everyone on the site to see, and I get points for exercises. When I get enough points, I gain a level. There are also some quests and achievements, you can follow inspiring people and you can join groups for more motivation and help. It's like a game, and you're the main character!

This might sound silly, but often when I walk around alone, I imagine that I'm a character in a game... Especially if it's dark like today; I felt like I was in Silent Hill :D I saw NOBODY during my walk, and heard nothing. Well, just a few cars in the distance, but other than that, I was all alone. And it was fantastic, I was able to walk a weird route and I noticed my surroundings well (and thought what nice graphics... lol). At one point I started to feel like I should have a gun in case a zombie attacked xD

SO, this website is just awesome for someone like me! I also write everything down to a notebook. I write how much I weigh every once in a while as well, maybe once a week. Also, I measure my chest, waist, hips and thighs to see if there's any change. No major changes in 2 weeks, though; just 1cm off my hips maybe, and my arms have more form :/ I'm going to measure again today; then it'll be 3 weeks since I started writing stuff down. My weight has stayed pretty much the same as well. I'm not disappointed, though, since I know how hard it is to get fit, especially for a woman. And even more especially for someone who doesn't have much to lose, anyway! I'm not overweight at all, I'm just... a bit round, like I said. I want to see some muscle :B
I do know I'm making progress, since I'm able to do more repeats with the kettlebells ;)

If anyone wants to join Fitocracy, here's my invitation link! http://ftcy.me/dw8ubF (I hope it works)

Next step would be keeping a food diary... I don't know if it'll be necessary, we eat pretty healthy already. Maybe I'll just write it down and see if I eat enough, and whether it's as healthy as I think it is xD We eat a lot of vegetables, and almost no meat. We don't eat junk food either; I always cook something... Like the day before yesterday, I made veggie lasagna :)

Let the 4th week begin <3
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by stargirlstrike on Sun Oct 07, 2012 11:58 pm

That's great! Good luck on being healthy. I hope you reach your goals Smile
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Mon Oct 08, 2012 10:45 pm

Thank you, I hope so, too ^_^ I measured yesterday; weight is about the same, but I've lost 1cm from chest, waist and hips. Not much, but at least it's something xD And thighs, goddamn it... They haven't changed at all yet ;_;
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by out of the hollow on Tue Oct 09, 2012 5:36 pm

That's awesome you've found something to make working out fun and you're making that commitment Smile

Forace wrote:
So the title is "Fitocracy". What is it, then?
It's a website where people track their workouts! It's helping me with this routine; I put my workouts for everyone on the site to see, and I get points for exercises. When I get enough points, I gain a level. There are also some quests and achievements, you can follow inspiring people and you can join groups for more motivation and help. It's like a game, and you're the main character!

This might sound silly, but often when I walk around alone, I imagine that I'm a character in a game... Especially if it's dark like today; I felt like I was in Silent Hill Very Happy I saw NOBODY during my walk, and heard nothing. Well, just a few cars in the distance, but other than that, I was all alone. And it was fantastic, I was able to walk a weird route and I noticed my surroundings well (and thought what nice graphics... lol). At one point I started to feel like I should have a gun in case a zombie attacked xD

Random story BUT, this kind of reminds me of this post one of my friends made on Facebook about this zombie chase phone app that can tell how fast you're running in real life.. It's a game and kind of a workout app all in one. It sends you on zombie apocalypse type "missions" while you're running, like to get food and supplies, and if there are "zombies" around you have to speed up to outrun them! And then if you don't, well, they get you and you lose that round. LOL I think it would dishearten me to do it because I can't run for crap and I would probably always get caught by zombies. But if you like something like Fitocracy maybe you might like that. Wink Are you a zombie fan? 'Cause I am, haha! I'm excited for that show The Walking Dead that starts up again soon. :3
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Re: Forace's blog

Post by Forace on Wed Oct 10, 2012 2:06 am

out of the hollow wrote:Random story BUT, this kind of reminds me of this post one of my friends made on Facebook about this zombie chase phone app that can tell how fast you're running in real life.. It's a game and kind of a workout app all in one. It sends you on zombie apocalypse type "missions" while you're running, like to get food and supplies, and if there are "zombies" around you have to speed up to outrun them! And then if you don't, well, they get you and you lose that round. LOL I think it would dishearten me to do it because I can't run for crap and I would probably always get caught by zombies. But if you like something like Fitocracy maybe you might like that. ;) Are you a zombie fan? 'Cause I am, haha! I'm excited for that show The Walking Dead that starts up again soon. :3
Yeah, I've read about that app and during that walk I wished I had it! Too bad my phone isn't a smartphone, but a stupid one xD I've been thinking about getting a new phone just so I could use that app. And since my fiancé broke the previous phone I had bought by myself, I think I'm entitled to a new phone, haha. I just need to find a good phone; I constantly read about bugs and things that are wrong with each phone. Plus, they're expensive :/
I can't run for crap, either, I can run a bit over 200m on one go :D But after getting caught by zombies a few times, you'd get better at it ^^
I am a zombie fan, and so is my fiancé. I love Resident Evil and L4D and such games, and we watch zombie movies, and yes, The Walking Dead. Though... we've only seen the first three or so episodes. We should download more of them ^^
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