Sadie's Blog.

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Re: Sadie's Blog.

Post by Tara on Wed Jun 06, 2012 4:02 pm

Hi sweetie,

I have depression and bipolar disorder too. I was a lot like your Mom for almost my entire life. Every day was like a living hell. It wasn't anyone elses fault, and it didn't mean that I didn't love my family and friends, but I tried to kill/hurt myself as well a few times. I only did it because the pain going on inside of me was just way too much for me to bear.
It must be so hard to watch your Mom hav to go through that, but just remember it doesn't have anything to do with you. You may know that already. In fact, they say that people with bipolar disorder feel our emotions so much more intensely than an averae person. So you can imagine how much she must love you Smile

As for the other stuff, some of us unfortunalty are placed on this earth with people who are broken and take it out on the people around them. And some of us have a hard start, but if you keep your head up and stay strong and tell yourself that you are beautiful (because you are), you are a wonderful person and you WILL get through all of the hard times then you will. You'll win in the end. I did Razz

And as for people talking and running their mouths, don't pay any attention to them. I know everyone says that but really just think about it; what kind of power does anyone's words really have over you? NONE unless you let it. It matters nothing, it doesn't affect you in any way. They are just another person who is probably just insecure or bored with their lives and need a distracton or a way to feel better about themselevs so they put others down. It's all meaningless crap. Don't play into it.

I know that first post is probably super old by now but I had to try and help you a little anyway...<3
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Re: Sadie's Blog.

Post by PoeticAbomination(: on Wed Jun 06, 2012 5:03 pm

@Tara.
Omfg. I could have cried while I was reading that.
Seriously, that helped so much.
Especially because I have been so down lately.
You are amazing.
I love you. <3

--

Lately, I have been struggling really bad.
I have been put second/last a lot lately, especially by the ones that I love most.
So my self confidence, self esteem, and happiness is down to about a -5.
I feel like a burden again, except it's even worse this time.
I feel like I don't deserve anything good that happens to me,
And I also feel like when people compliment me they are lying.
Also, I feel like I don't deserve to be loved.
I feel like there is no point in my existence.
I posted this on facebook last night;

Sometimes, I just don't think I can go on anymore.
I just want to cry, to curl up and never get up again.
I just feel like getting out of bed is pointless.
I feel like checking my phone and getting on the internet is not really worth it.
I feel like talking to 'you' is only going to hurt me more, even if you don't know.
I feel like eating is not worth my time.
Doing my hair, makeup, and getting dressed won't make me any prettier.
Compliments don't help.
I feel like talking to someone won't help, even my therapist.
I fall to the ground and hold my face in my hands.
I just cry until I have no tears left.
Then when someone asks me what's wrong or why I'm crying,
I say, "Nothing, I'm fine."
Then I smile and act like nothing is wrong.
But inside, I am dying.
Some days, I just break.

and thiss;

Sometimes, I am just sick of being hurt. I am sick of being lead on, sick of all the lies. I am sick of being second, of never really being your favorite. I am sick of all the fake and the mid games. I am just.. sick. I think that I need to take a break from everything and everyone for a whilee..
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Re: Sadie's Blog.

Post by MoonChildEve on Thu Jun 07, 2012 1:14 am

if you do decide to take a break from things for a while, and things stay tough, know that we're all here for you, to talk.
and you also gotta know that you are a brilliant, brilliant human being...and the people who judge you and don't think you're good enough...it's obvious they don't have a clue about you.
and as for your loved ones...maybe they are going through a tough time, perhaps? i know the feeling, but it's with friends. if they fall out or have an arguement, and they just feel terrible, it feels like they don't want to know me anymore. maybe you can just sit them down and tell them what you're feeling inside. i'm sure they'll understand then.
it's always darkest before the dawn, and your dawn will come soon. no matter how bad it feels, and how much you doubt it, things will get better.
i'm sending positive thoughts Smile
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Re: Sadie's Blog.

Post by Krissy on Thu Jun 07, 2012 6:19 am

I'M sorry.Hope things get betteer

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Re: Sadie's Blog.

Post by Tara on Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:43 am

Smile <3 you too, doll.

Lately, I have been struggling really bad.
I have been put second/last a lot lately, especially by the ones that I love most.
So my self confidence, self esteem, and happiness is down to about a -5.
I feel like a burden again, except it's even worse this time.
I feel like I don't deserve anything good that happens to me,
And I also feel like when people compliment me they are lying.
Also, I feel like I don't deserve to be loved.
I feel like there is no point in my existence.
I posted this on facebook last night;

Sometimes, I just don't think I can go on anymore.
I just want to cry, to curl up and never get up again.
I just feel like getting out of bed is pointless.
I feel like checking my phone and getting on the internet is not really worth it.
I feel like talking to 'you' is only going to hurt me more, even if you don't know.
I feel like eating is not worth my time.
Doing my hair, makeup, and getting dressed won't make me any prettier.
Compliments don't help.
I feel like talking to someone won't help, even my therapist.
I fall to the ground and hold my face in my hands.
I just cry until I have no tears left.
Then when someone asks me what's wrong or why I'm crying,
I say, "Nothing, I'm fine."
Then I smile and act like nothing is wrong.
But inside, I am dying.
Some days, I just break.

and thiss;

Sometimes, I am just sick of being hurt. I am sick of being lead on, sick of all the lies. I am sick of being second, of never really being your favorite. I am sick of all the fake and the mid games. I am just.. sick. I think that I need to take a break from everything and everyone for a whilee..

^You have no idea how many times I have felt like this exactly. Most of it is all in your head. People won't compliment you unless they've noticed something to compliment on & you deserve whatever you want in life.

I know a lot of days everything might seem completley pointless. Get up and drag through a day only to end up in bed again, shower only to end up having to shower again, get dressed just to get undressed again, eat only to eat again...etc, etc.
When you feel like that you've got to talk yourself through it. Remind yourself that were put on this earth for a reason. We may not know exactly what it is but we've got to keep going and make the most of our time.
Take up hobbies and activities to fill in your time so you won't spend it bored and thinking negitivly.
Sometimes it helps to take a break from all the computer stuff and the people in your life, but spend it doing something you love and will keep you occupied and happy. Maybe spend a little time with nature...as corny as that sounds. Works for me.
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Re: Sadie's Blog.

Post by PoeticAbomination(: on Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:10 pm

thank you guys.

@tara.
i am currently away from home at my grandma's house, but she lives in a small town in the middle of no where, so it kind of helps with the drama at home.
at my house, it is just a five-minute walk, then i am in the woods. it is nice<3
my grandma has a really good sewing machine, so i think that i might start my dress that i've been planning on. i really need a new hobby for the summer.
i love you, i cant say it enough. it is great to talk to someone who really understands.
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Re: Sadie's Blog.

Post by Tara on Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:20 pm

That is awesome and yes you should totally take that up.
Love you too Smile I know how difficult it is to find an undestanding ear Razz
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Re: Sadie's Blog.

Post by PoeticAbomination(: on Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:44 am

It really is. .-.
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Re: Sadie's Blog.

Post by mile86 on Sun Jun 10, 2012 4:12 pm

you know how much i love you...i see you as my little sister...and i know what you've been through, and that you are a truly strong girl... but forgive me, i can\t understand those feelings..i don't blame you for feeling like this...the situations you've been through, hurt your little heart and mind..so it's kinda obvious that this would come..but you must see it from another point of view..you are a perfectly cute girl, just 13...you have THE WHOLE LIFE in front of you.. you must do things you love..study on a field that makes you happy, make a lot of friends, who will love you for who you are...i know people are cruel, but believe me, growing up you'll see that people at your age are crueler than older people...at your 20\s you'll have many friends, and you're gonna a have so much fun..then you'll find a job and earn your life fair and square, being a role model and a powerful woman... you'll find someone to show you what true love is, and live happily with him/her...and maybe a baby..who knows...i'm telling you, in through these years, many people will screw you over, and make you cry, and make you suffer,and then they'll leave..but there will be always people there that will make you laugh and smile and help you get through with this...and these are the people that will stay..... so please don't be sad..do things that make you happy...love yourself, and care for the others too....eventually, whoever doesn't have you, doesn't worth you.. Smile,
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Re: Sadie's Blog.

Post by PoeticAbomination(: on Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:24 pm

I love reconnecting with old friends.
It is the best feeling.
<3
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