Life of a LunaChild

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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by Forace on Mon Oct 31, 2011 7:14 am

Aww, sounds very magical ^^ Seems everything is just perfect. And since my sense of humor is sarcastic and dark and I'm generally skeptical, there has to be something wrong with the boy xD Heh, don't mind me, I truly am very happy for you and I wish everything will go well with you two :)
But as for advice in love... I'm not sure I'm the best person to give advice, but I can say this... Just be together and have fun, and don't do anything you're not comfortable with. If everything goes well, love will grow more and more with time, and it will change.

I say I'm not the best person to give advice, because I got my first boyfriend a couple of months before I turned 20 :D We're still together (for 5 years now), engaged even. So, sometimes first boyfriends work out surprisingly well! But usually, from what I hear and read, people go through many relationships before they find "the one". But that shouldn't be on your mind now, it's too early :)

How love changes is different for all people, but this is how mine changed. First was the infatuation and admiration; pretty much all I thought about was him, and wanted to be with him all the time. Admiration, because he was so handsome and looked cool and stuff xD Then, the initial infatuation went away, but I still wanted to be with him all the time. I started to feel jealous of him; I got panic attacks almost every time he went somewhere without me. I tried not to be like that around him, because by then (we were pretty much living together) I had noticed he doesn't handle crying people very well :/ Feeling jealous was funny, I wasn't like that before. And now, this "stage" of love I have now; I still want to be with him all the time, he's still very handsome (I told him that again last night. He still doesn't believe me :/) and I'm still a bit jealous... But I no longer have panic attacks when we're apart. Right now, I'm in the living room and he's in the bedroom sleeping, and I want to go cuddle :3
Then, add a bit of disappointments and anger, and you have our relationship ^^
We have had a couple of fights, of course, but they all happened while he was drunk and taking things too seriously... We were always fine the next day, when he was sober xD We fight about music, so it's nothing serious, really. In case you were wondering.

So yeah, all you can do is see what happens and how things develop and all that :)
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Mon Nov 28, 2011 4:28 pm

Okay this will be sooooo off topic, but I thought it was funny shit so I'm putting it here:




Wasn't that funny?

@Forace: I hope that my relationship can last that long. And I like your sense of humor. It made me happy and laugh. And your advice actually is good advice and its working for me. Thank you Smile

Integrity ♥️ Love ♥️ Unity
~~ LunaChild

((P.S. Sorry its so short, but I don't have that much time to extend Sad ))
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by Krissy on Fri Dec 02, 2011 6:48 am

sends you lots of love.

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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Tue Jan 10, 2012 2:43 am

-My friends have been hiding their true colors. I have been blind to who I actually care about and who cares about me. The one I thought was my best friend thinks I'm a loser and a crazy bitch. She crticizes me and I don't do a shit about it. Well, get ready for a reality check.

Why in hell do I even have this quote? Why the hell do I even care? Maybe because it might be me, it might be true, but then it might also just be through her eyes. No one sees what I see, so why should I care? No one hears what I hear, so why do I listen? Here is why:

I do care....

......... I care more than anyone will ever know............................

I care about the pain of others.................

......................... Their pain suffocates me though..........................

It depresses me...............................................

.......................... It makes me feel like an even worse person.....................

I feel like I take on too much that isn't mine........

........................... This is not a choice.....................

But no one cares..........................................................

........................................................................................................

................................................. So why should I?

Irrelevant! I'm never going to be completely happy. Why is anything I even say relevant anymore? It is, indeed, a new year. When I look back at last year, I see what I always see... PAIN!!!!!

That is my day to day life. The only break in the pain is one person, but he doesn't see it. No one does. Like I said, no one sees what I see and no one hears what I hear. I'd explain, but what is the point? Its not like anyone would hear it or see anything now is it? All of my words are pointless. All words are lost hopes and dreams. I lay in bed at night and wonder if I even have a purpose? Do I? Does Faith Ellen Harrison have a purpose?

For a while, I felt happy, but I was only kidding myself. I found that my only happiness is with him. But what he doesn't understand is that I'm a terrible person who is terrible and cold to everyone around me. Can't he see that? No... because he refuses. He refuses to see what I see, or hear what I hear. I wish he would though... not refuse, I mean. Maybe then we can really connect. I am connected to him, and feel empty without him by my side. I'm not sure if he is the same... but he's a guy so what do you expect?

OH! But his poems! Oh dear God, I loved them last night. For once in my life, instead of thoughts of hate of myself, I had thoughts of the words... wonderful words! Each note, speck, and sound falling from his lips onto my heart, pounding themselves into my soul. For once, I felt pure joy... the joy of words that I swear only he can really bring me.

Integrity ♥ Love ♥ Unity
~~ LunaChild (what no one hears or sees)
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Sun Jan 15, 2012 2:29 pm

Writing makes me feel better. I'm sick, so maybe this could be my refuge. I want to write all of this down in ink on paper, but this also is a good out let. My diary is for deeper in depth feelings. Plus, someday, I might copy and paste all of these words into a document and print out that document. Then I'd have it forever... or close to. Either way, I'll make sure my words aren't lost... they can't be... they just simply can't.

So, like I said, I'm sick. Sick physically and mentally. My nose is what is making me sick, being runny and then drip, drip, dripping down the back of my throat giving me gunk in my lungs that is hard to cough up. Mentally... how do I describe my mental sicknesses? Who really cares about those anyway?

I'll tell you who cares. God cares. He always has and He always will. Even if I didn't go to church today. No... today I stayed home to help myself to feel better. I was feeling better until my mom told me to vacuum the living room. Moving all of that stuff, and pushing the heavy suck dirt machine exhausted my body and made me feel worse. But I'm getting over it like a big girl would. Like a big girl should. But that is wrong... I'm not big, physically or mentally. I'm small... I am still a child at heart no matter how fast my mind grows up. No matter what my happens to my physical being, as it grows, I will be small in my heart. A child in the palm of God's hand. He is my Father whom I love.

Now I still love, love, love! my dad. He teaches me things, most I don't even learn in school. We have conversations that I can't have with anyone else. My dad listens and shows me respect. I love him for it. I love him because he is my father here on earth. God gave him to me and I to him. As did He give me my mother... or mama as I call her. I love them both, no matter what.

My love also lies with the he who I speak of often. He who I cannot imagine life without. This is where my childish dreams come into play... but he is perfect. I love him with everything I have. But what saddens me is this sport he does! Wrestling... it is a terrible sport. Lose this weight! Ow, I pulled and teared muscles in my arm! When the pain stops, I'm going to go wrestle some more! It scares me. It isn't healthy... but I wont tell him to stop, because I love him and he loves wrestling. I wont force him to stop, but I will let him know that I don't like it. I will go and support him, watch him roll around with guys in onesies/leotards! But I wont like it. I'll bite my lip and dig my nails into my arm as I watch, tensed up and ready for the worst.

I love my friends... even the one who is betraying me day in and day out. I love her, and I wish she could see that I care. I really do... but I need some care in return. To get, you must also give. I keep giving, giving, giving! I give because it is right. Of course, I will stand up for myself. I've tried to be nicer, but she doesn't know how hard it is when she wont give a little in return. What do I get though? Accusations. Put downs. Hatred... blind, blind hatred. I'm blamed. I'm pointed out. I'm torn apart. My question for her is... Are you happy now?

My other friends. I love them so much. Even if I'm not sure if they are even my true friends, I love them enough to say it here and everywhere. Everything they are makes them special and they each hold a place in my heart. Including the betrayer. She is special and has her own spot, though it is shrinking day by day as I loose hope.

Integrity ♥ Love ♥ Unity
~~ LunaChild (loosing hope)
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Tue Jan 17, 2012 1:27 pm

I'm trying to get better. Really, I am. But it is as if she doesn't want me to get better. She keeps bringing up the past that I so desperately want to leave in the past and try to forget. I'm so angry all the time... can't she see that?

Plus she did it in front of him... of my love. Why? I have no idea. I don't want him to see me like that. Like the bitch that I really am, and who I am trying not to be. It hurts me every time she attacks me with those words... can't she see that?

Wait... of course she doesn't see. Only I really see. Anything that is me, only I see. I see them, they don't see me. I'm invisible. I'm a blank canvas. I'm unimportant. I'm nothing.

Integrity ♥ Love ♥ Untiy
~~ LunaChild (nothing)
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by Krissy on Tue Jan 17, 2012 1:41 pm

hope everything gets better for youo

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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:43 am

Okay, so I was supposed to go over to Tim's house today, right. He had been having a hard week and I asked him again and again if he wanted to cancel so that he could take a day to himself, even though it was his idea that we get together. Anyway, he kept saying "No, I still want you over." Well this morning he decides that he does need a day to himself. I know I shouldn't be pissed, but the fact that I had ASKED him billions of times if he still wanted me over, and now he decides that he doesn't... I mean really... its just... suckish. It doesn't help that his wrestling makes it a bitch to get a moment alone with him when he isn't tired from kicking ass or having his ass kicked. Now when it was his idea and I was looking forward to one day... POOF! its gone. Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad Sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

Integrity ♥️ Love ♥️ Unity
~~ LunaChild (upset and alone)
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Sun Jan 29, 2012 12:57 pm

Okay before I start, here is something I think all MoonChildren can appreciate.



This is Michael Henry and Justin Robinette. Justin is the one on the left and Michael is on the right. Personally I think that they are amazing!!! They mostly do covers, and what I think is cool is that they re-do songs in a way that is beautiful and sweet. Plus they sing it all themselves! Their voices are amazing and complement one another really well.

The song I posted that they covered was God Gave Me You. Every time I listen to it I think of people who were made for each other. Like my mom and dad. My sister, Amber, and her boyfriend, Dakota. Maybe even me and Tim. But its just a really sweet song and they did amazing with it.

Um... I don't have much else to really say. So...

Integrity ♥ Love ♥ Unity
~~ LunaChild (God Gave Me You)
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Sun Feb 26, 2012 8:46 am

So personally I think everything is going fine with me and my ex-best friend, who is pretty much now just a friend. I mean, we get along and stuff, but it isn't like we are totally back to the way we were. My other friends have, though, stopped sitting at the lunch table from which I refuse to move. It isn't OCD or anything, I just don't want to move. It's where I've sat since the 7th grade, and I'm not about to change that. I've tried, believe me, but I don't really fit in anywhere else... not that I fit in there exactly perfect, but you know.

Anyway, the musical is going well. I still friggen hate my singing voice, but am trying to learn how to sound semi-good. I just wish I could believe it when people tell me I have a good voice. I just need a good, multi-pitched recording of my voice to decide. Then, if it sounds good, I'll believe people. If not, I wont. Its that simple.

It isn't that I don't like singing. I do. I just don't find myself to be very good at it. Not my strongest suit. Nothing wrong with that, right? So I'll just go on, singing and having fun the way I do, not expecting to sound good or bad. Personally, I just thing singing should be fun, even if you're a famous singer. Have fun doing it to make it worth while.

Mostly, I'm a better writer. Maybe acting, but you know. I also suck at talking. Too fast, mumbling, mess of a speaking voice. I'm working on that too. For now I'll just write stuff. It is so much easier than writing out a script for myself then saying it all over again, when I already have what I want to say written down. Its sort of silly if you think about it... unless it is for a funny YouTube show where you need that interaction with the audience to get your point across. Or if its a cos-play or short film... movie... what have you. For me, just writing it and making you all read it is enough. Razz

Integrity ♥️ Love ♥️ Unity
~~ LunaChild (a better writer than singer)
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Sun Mar 11, 2012 9:37 am

He broke up with me for the dumbest reason. He couldn't fit me into his life. He felt like him not being able to spend enough time with me was hurting me. This hurt me so much more. If he ever askes for me back? I don't know what I'll do. I still love him though... always.
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by Krissy on Sun Mar 11, 2012 11:17 am

I'M sorry to here that!. I love you I love you

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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Thu May 31, 2012 6:25 pm

Its time for a new beginning for me. I'm sure its been either almost an exact year, or around a year since I started here. For a while I was totally into it. Then I started to fall out of place, not really knowing which way was up or which was down. Everything took turns for the worst. They still are, but I don't mind anymore. I can't really stop it, so why do I even try? So... I need to start over. From the beginning and I'll start to create my body, so when the time comes I'll have a perfect close... a memorable end.

Now lets get into the real deal on things.

.................................. Are you still reading?...........................................

Good.................................................................................................................

............................................ I have a lot to tell you...................................

Lets just hope..................................................................

................................................................................................that.................................

......................................................................

............................................................................................................. you care.

I'm starting a new book. This one will work out because I promised Mrs. Henry (my ex's mom) that I'll have a goal this summer. My goal is to finish writing half a novel. At a point, I might change it to writing a full novel and starting a sequel if need be. But one thing at a time, right? If I go too fast I'll loose it like I always do. I always have so many good ideas, I just can't carry them out because I haven't promised myself. But now I do.

I need to move. Its that simple. If a part of me isn't moving (not counting blinking and breathing) then I feel like I'm not alive. I am NOT ADHD or ADD for that matter. Until it is proven by a doctor whether or not I am, then I wont claim anything. Besides, that shit is so common now a days that I might have a slight amount, but nothing that needs medication. I had medication anyway, for that type of stuff. It makes me feel like I can't control what I feel anymore. Yeah, sure, its supposed to make you feel better. Feel good! Funny thing... I've found that feeling too good is bad. Maybe not for everyone but for me it is. I've felt extremely good before and that got taken away real fast. I'm not going back to that sort of hurt... Never again.

I'm not connected. Not to anyone anymore. At least that's what it feels like. Also, I feel like I've lost all of my friends. Not that they aren't there anymore, just that they don't feel... THERE! Like I'm not present with them and they aren't present with me. I want to scream at them to "Wake up!" or "Stop looking at me like I'm stupid!" Sure, I'm not always smart, but I'm not always stupid. But I can't do anything about that, now can I? It's their choice to treat me like I'm not there, or not... one of them I guess?

And He is still there: Tim. Always on my mind. Just something I wish wasn't, but is. I miss him, but in order to move on I need to let go of that. But I can't. Not of him. I still care for him. And love doesn't go away, but it does change. So in a way I still love him. I just don't know how. I wish I could talk to him though... really talk to him. Know how he sees me. I wonder if anyone sees the real me. I think he did once... does he now only see lies?

Integrity ♥ Love ♥ Unity
~~LunaChild (Aware addition)

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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by stargirlstrike on Thu May 31, 2012 6:37 pm

Sounds like some good goals. Have you heard of National Novel Writing Month? They do summer ones in June and August, and then the official one is in November. Even if you don't finish in a month, there's a lot of support groups on their forums and stuff that would probably be really helpful Smile

As for not being connected, maybe you could reach out to your friends more or let them know how you feel as they might not even realize that they're making you feel stupid. Or there's always meeting new people. That can be fun sometimes. You could talk to your ex too... see what he thinks or at least how he's doing.

I hope everything works out for you.
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Sun Jul 15, 2012 7:43 pm

@ Stargirlstrike ~ Thank you. I hope everything works out as well. I've talked to my friend Haley, not about that but about other stuff. It seems she is getting me more and more because she talks to me and all I hear is the same thing I wanted to scream at her just a few short weeks ago.

................................................... Let us..................

............................................................................................... begin....

I haven't written in a while, not since Thibault showed up. He is a French ex-change student and is staying with me and my family for a few weeks. He's already been here for a whole week and so far has cooked awesome French food for us on the 14th. Might I add he is kind of a cutie pie. Wink

Anyway, it is hard to get any writing in because I'm trying to be a good hostess. My novel is going no where, but I must continue. No one ever said it would be easy. Easy is simply a blind state of mind in which we put ourselves to trick us into thinking we can breeze right through life with no obstacles. Easy is simply a myth. So I've gotten tired of saying easy. Everything has difficulties, ups and downs.
bounce

I'm kind of tired of... well... everything. Mostly myself, but we've all been there right? Where we are just tired of ourselves. How we are afraid to be ourselves and I'm still there. It is hard, mostly because of how I've been raised and feel like I must be someone. I don't know how to be someone though. You're not special until you've done something to make you special. I haven't done that quite yet, therefore I'm not quite special. Where I live at least, kids are raised to think that the sun rises and sets because of them. But when they get out into the real world, no one but their parents are going to think that way. And they're gonna be like



and every one else is going to be like



and it will just be a huge disaster. Then its all up to everyone else's own opinion on that subject matter.

Anyway I'm sort of tired so... can't type anymore... at least for this... I don't know...

Integrity ♥️ Love ♥️ Unity
~~LunaChild
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Wed Aug 15, 2012 6:58 am

So I haven't, again, been here in a while. Why? My Grandfather passed back at the end of July, and I've been trying to help my family get through it. That and school is going to start soon and I need to focus on getting summer reading done. I didn't meet my goal. I've realized that writing is around 75% procrastination, 20% doubt in what you're writing is good, and 5% actually writing. So, yeah, its not going to get done all that simply. I can't just pull it all out of my ass at once. If you're looking to write a novel in one month, it isn't going to happen unless you don't leave your room except to use the restroom and get food/water. Maybe some absinth... or however you spell it. Bring on the Green Fairy!

As I mentioned, school is starting soon... next week actually. I don't know if I am fully ready or not, but either way I can't wait. Just to see my "friends" and to be social. I know, even when I'm social, I'm not social, but I'm social enough. Yeah... not much sense. Ugh! got to finish summer reading.

Integrity ♥ Love ♥ Unity
~~ LunaChild
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Sun Nov 04, 2012 6:55 am

Again, I haven't been on in a while. School started and with school comes Drama Club.

There were no seniors in the Drama Club this time around, which is sad but in a way it was good. No one felt belittled by them, and everyone was equal. Also there were a lot of younger kids from 7th and 8th grade... well mostly 8th, but whatever. I like them all fine. Actually we had our show the past couple of nights and today is the tear down.

I will admit this now, I like this one 8th grader a lot... like, like like kind of like. I don't know if it is wrong or not because he is currently 13 but will be 14 in December. I'm 15 going to be 16 in March. I dont' know what to do and I don't think he is interested but I am so... I'll just shut up now...
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by stargirlstrike on Sun Nov 04, 2012 12:06 pm

Welcome back again! Drama club sounds like a lot of fun. And maybe you should wait it out a bit with that guy so you can see more of if he likes you or not. As far as the age difference goes, I don't think a couple years is a big deal Smile
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Mon Dec 03, 2012 4:55 pm

I'm back in business. I was taking some time for myself to write. You know... I just needed to breathe for a while and get my shit together. I've written a bunch of songs that are now posted up in "Poems of a LunaChild" in the Poems place. All the people reading this should go give me some reviews to tell me if they are good or bad. The one called "Ode to self" was pretty much just a rant on how no one owns me anymore. I'm not afraid to just be myself, and no one from my past present or future will ever own me again.

Thank you so much Stargirl for the advice. Without Drama Club I don't get to see to much of him, but every time I do I get these flutters in my stomach. One time, I had to go get something from the Home Ec teacher and I went up to her desk, then turned around and there he was staring at me. He gave me one of those looks that was like "Why are you looking at me?" to cover up his own staring. It made me giggle all the way back to publications. As far as age goes, I don't believe it matters to me anymore. My mama can just deal with it, although I'll never stop respecting my mama.

Update:

Other than the songs, I've gotten further with writing. I've taken breaks from Kaleidos to write other things, but that is okay. I do believe I can take Kaleidos all the way, I just need to get a large spark of energy and meaning to make myself write. I need the idea to come back to me. The Adrenals are now just an added bonus to the whole operations. I hope it works out.

Christmas is coming, so I made a list of what I want. Pretty much just books, a few video games, some manga, CDs, and girly girl stuffs. Nothing big or anything. Most expensive would be an IPod, but not a touch. I don't like those, well i do but they are too expensive so what ever! I refuse to get a kindle/nook because I just... I love the touch and feel of a books pages as they turn, the scent of all books whether they be new or old. There is just something about having the acutal books that make me feel closer to the author and the characters within the pages. The words come to life and explode in an array of colors and magic that I never thought possible. Books are, so far, my one true love in the world! They don't lie to me, they simply tell a story for me to hear. A story that can change my whole day with just the flip of a page.

Integrity ♥ Love ♥ Unity
~~LunaChild (refreshed)
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by Krissy on Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:26 pm

i'd rather have a real book too.....Don't blame ya. Very Happy glad ur doing good

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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:06 am

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that feels that way about books, Krissy. Many people I know have nooks/kindles and they don't even really read on them! They mostly sit there and play with other apps they have. That kind of thing just addicts more people to stupid apps, no offense to any of my MoonChildren brothers and sisters that do play apps. I just don't see the point in them. Sure, I don't go out that much because I'm up in my room writing all the time. At least I'm doing something for my future that is a part of me. Apps, no matter how attached you become to them, are just some brain damaging addiction. My older sister gets excited every time she hatches a new dragon for crying out loud! It's a fucking game! When I get mad or happy about a game, that's exactly what she tells me, but then turns around and acts the same way I do... except with less swearing I think Razz

Okay, that will be my only rant on that... maybe. I'm not going to garuntee anything. Anyway, I'm at school so I can't make this post all pretty with colors and stuff. I can't really figure it out unless... wait... let me try something...

I typed in some codes around this text and presto! I did learn something when I was memorizing how this stuff worked. I don't really know the one for putting a line through text or quoting it, but mostly everything else is good. Font size isn't my specialty but I could figure it out in no time. This is not the stuff they teach you in computer app, I'll tell you that.

That's actually where I am right now, computer app. We have shortened class periods today, so she didn't assign us anything. She being my teacher. No names please Wink In my opinion, computer app is kind of boring. We do all the same things every day. Mostly involving Mircosoft Word... sorry I know how to use it. Probably not all the fancy stuff, but Mircosoft Word is something that most people learn when they first start needing to write essays. Now that we have computers, it is widely used, unless you use some other program. I don't know, I just use Microsoft. Easy-peasy lemon squeezy! I think that what she should teach us would be MLA format, but hey. I'm not the teacher here. If I were, I would probably just make the kids show me what they can do with Word then teach them what they don't know how to do... wait, that might take way to long. I'm sure everyone knows how to re-font something though. You'd have to be dim in the head not know how to do that simple task.

Man, how many insults can I spit out in one post? I'm going through one of those pedulum mood swings again. Can't help it if I am. Irritable today, open and hugging tomorrow, that's me!

I kind of want to eat, but I've noticed my hips getting bigger. I don't know... It's like, I love carbs and stuff, but I don't need to get big. Already not that attracitve, I don't need another reason not to be. Just... people...

Anyway, bye!

Integrity ♥️ Love ♥️ Unity
~~ LunaChild
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:42 pm

You know that feeling you can get? When you just feel so worthless? That's the way I feel quite often now. No. I'm not depressed, I just really, really don't like a lot of people. People just... they lie so much. You never know if they are a friend or foe. If you think they are a foe, they could end up turning around and becoming a friend. Same with friends.

Friend or foe?

Anyway, Just feel worthless. Like, I don't really have as much of a purpose. Of course I do get bursts where I feel like "Yeah I'm worth so much to this planet! I'm going to do great things!" Then I'll just think of something, anything, that has to do with people and it's like air diffusing from a ball or balloon. Like whether or not people really like me for me. Whether or not they are actually my friend or if they just hang out with me because of pity. I just never know.

Even on websites such as this. I have two where I talk to people. But it's like, if I'm gone for a while, I come back on after a time and no one gives a s**t! I just wonder so much if those people even remember me, or, if when I post somewhere, they wonder if I'm new and start welcoming me all over again. Sorry I don't have that much time during school and trying to get stuff done that I can't get on the friggen computer! Not my fault!

I just... I want... I want to actually feel loved. Not just people saying "Oh we love you!!! Kiss Kiss!" NO! I want people to like me first, then grow to love me for me. I don't want to just be someone who is surrounded by fake faces with fake names. I can't do it anymore. I just can't.

It isn't like it's that hard. If you don't like me, just say so. If you want me to go away, I will. I won't talk to you unless I'm totally required. I'll... I'll go away.

What sucks is that I care about those fake people. I learn who they are through their false advertising of being my friend. It's like looking through a window. The only part I can't see is their liking for me. I just can't seem to convince myself that people might actually be my friend. I just can't. Maybe that's why no one cares about me... because I can't believe it.

Integrity ♥ Love ♥ Unity
~~ Faith
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Wed May 15, 2013 11:35 am

I've started a new blog thing on blog spot! Here is the link: faithellen.blogspot.com
I hope some of you check it out. I might still update here a little bit, but I'm just trying something new. Maybe it'll work.
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by stargirlstrike on Wed May 15, 2013 1:40 pm

Nice blog Smile I'll check it out every once in a while. Good luck with it!
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Thu May 16, 2013 4:03 am

stargirlstrike wrote:Nice blog Smile I'll check it out every once in a while. Good luck with it!

Thank you so, so much! I'm glad to have some support Smile
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Thu Feb 27, 2014 4:22 pm

I can't believe myself. I say I'll commit to something, and then I unwittingly bail! I don't know how it happens or why... it just does. Hopefully I can start again, but how many more chances can I give myself? How many times can I forgive myself?
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by stargirlstrike on Fri Feb 28, 2014 1:02 pm

I'm not sure of the specifics of your situation, but it happens. Sometimes life gets in the way or sometimes it's just hard to start a new habit and it doesn't end up catching. Part of loving yourself is forgiving yourself <3
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Mon Mar 10, 2014 4:12 am

Yeah, I know I have to forgive myself... I'm just so tired of failing though. Like... I don't know. At least drama club is over for the time being because now I can work on what I feel I've been failing at.

And I'm now upset to say that I'm now ten pounds heavier than when I started the school year, give or take. I don't know where my metabolism went, but I'm now horribly embarrassed with myself. It isn't that being ten pounds heavier makes me ugly, nor would it make anyone else... it just makes me feel uncomfortable as to where that weight is which is all in my belly... yes my belly makes me look about first trimester pregnancy. If I were old enough and actually pregnant (like with a husband) I'd be thrilled. But because it is all fat and un-toned muscle gathering in that one place I don't like it. If it were spread through out my body evenly and I just got a little chubby all over and didn't look this way, then fine! Who cares? But no. It all had to gather in a place that will stick out. I hate it Sad I mean I will start working out but it's hard and I can hardly get myself up in the mornings as it is... how am I supposed to do this?

Any advice out there? Help!

In other news, I sort of have friends now. Like, real friends. At least I think they are real friends... not that my moon brothers and sisters aren't my friends but ones that I can physically hug and see and talk to. Hear their voices and watch their expression. Hopefully they are real. I really hope so...
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by stargirlstrike on Mon Mar 10, 2014 10:58 am

Since I started college, I'd gained about 40 pounds >_< I've only lost about 10 so far, but the reason I've lost that is because I've had to make a few lifestyle changes that were a pain at first but have helped so much. There's a website called eatmovesleep.org based on the book by the same title that gives a lot of little tips that can be incorporated every day. In the past, I'd tried just going on an insanely low-calorie diet and jumping into hardcore exercises every day... which didn't work. What's working for me now though is just the little changes that build up over time. Like, instead of always eating chips I now eat pistachios instead. Or instead of buying junk food at school, I pack fruits & veggies for snacks.

So glad to hear about your friends though! As awesome as it is to have friends to talk to online, sometimes that face-to-face really helps.
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Tue Apr 01, 2014 2:13 pm

stargirlstrike wrote:Since I started college, I'd gained about 40 pounds >_< I've only lost about 10 so far, but the reason I've lost that is because I've had to make a few lifestyle changes that were a pain at first but have helped so much. There's a website called eatmovesleep.org based on the book by the same title that gives a lot of little tips that can be incorporated every day. In the past, I'd tried just going on an insanely low-calorie diet and jumping into hardcore exercises every day... which didn't work. What's working for me now though is just the little changes that build up over time. Like, instead of always eating chips I now eat pistachios instead. Or instead of buying junk food at school, I pack fruits & veggies for snacks.

So glad to hear about your friends though! As awesome as it is to have friends to talk to online, sometimes that face-to-face really helps.

That doesn't sound too bad actually. I'll definitely check out the site. I totally get the jumping into it thing... hasn't seemed to work Sad
And yeah, friends are nice. I don't feel as lonely because I can't always talk to online friends... time zones >.<

So the reader is back! I read Divergent in two days... and man does it feel so so good! I forgot the feeling, the rush of reading a book like that. I feel so alive.
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by stargirlstrike on Fri May 02, 2014 4:10 pm

I can't wait for summer so I can start reading again. I love being so excited while reading a book that I can't stop reading it, that feeling of being right there with the characters. How did you like Divergent? I haven't gotten to read it yet.
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Thu May 08, 2014 4:13 am

stargirlstrike wrote:I can't wait for summer so I can start reading again. I love being so excited while reading a book that I can't stop reading it, that feeling of being right there with the characters. How did you like Divergent? I haven't gotten to read it yet.

I liked the first two books in the series, but the third angered me. And yeah, summer=reading

So... I broke up with my boyfriend. We were almost a year through the relationship but it was long distance. I know, I know, summer was coming soon but next school year might have just been the same. Also, we need time to find ourselves without each other. We can't always be worrying about what the other is doing or worry whether or not the other will approve of what we do. We just need to be free for a little while. And maybe we will end up together, maybe we wont. We wont know if we don't stay in touch somewhat. I hope he wants to be friends with me.
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by stargirlstrike on Thu May 08, 2014 11:36 am

It sounds like you really thought it through and did it for the best of both of you. It can be a tough time still though. I hope everything works out well!
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Re: Life of a LunaChild

Post by lunachild on Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:27 am

This kid and I are ridiculous...
Oh well... when the school year starts everything will be different.
I just have three months.
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